Ghosting is, without a doubt, the scourge of modern dating. This cruel dumping technique is pretty easy to figure out. One minute you are dating someone, the next they vanish, ignoring all calls and texts. It is like they just died. Well it may seem that this ghoster is dead but rest assured, they’re alive and well, so its time to do some ghostbusting. [Read: What is ghosting exactly?]
The thing is they’re trying to let you down “easy,” but this stings a lot more than just being straight up and honest. In other words, they’re too scared to be honest with you, so they ghost you instead, which is cowardly at best. [Read: What does it mean when someone is ignoring you on purpose?]
Ghostbusting are tips and techniques to get the person who has ghosted you to respond. It is a delicate balance between being interesting and coming off as desperate. Read on for our ghostbusting tips and tricks!
The good thing is that people are fed up with being ghosted, and they want to call their ghosters out. However, sometimes ghostbusting is a lot better in theory then it ends up being in practice.
The reality of the situation is this: if someone has ghosted you, they have rejected you. You may want to know why and feel that you are owed an explanation. This can lead to extreme reactions if you feel that you have been wronged. But freaking out is only going to convince the ghoster that they did the right thing.
It’s time to introduce you to some ghostbusting strategies for when you must deal with a ghoster. That way, you make them reply to you and let them know that you’re not into playing games.
Rejection hurts. And with ghosting, the rejection is compounded by bewilderment. You have no idea why the object of your affection stopped talking to you– did they find someone else? Did you do something wrong? Did they get hit by a bus?
This rejection and bewilderment can make you want to lash out in pain. You may be tempted to call them a hundred times until they pick up, or send them a string of nasty text messages. If you learn nothing else from this article, learn this– freaking out will not help you if you have been ghosted. It will only make the situation worse.
So before you send that text, take a long, deep breath. The reality is that if someone ghosted you, they have rejected you and that is that. Freaking out at a ghoster is only going to give them more power over you and make you feel worse than you already do. [Read: Why do guys ghost? 15 reasons why guys turn into cowardly pricks]
Chances are good that the person you went on a date with didn’t get hit by a bus. It is more likely they are ghosting you because they don’t like you as much as you like them, and they are too cowardly to tell you they aren’t interested.
You know, deep, deep down, when someone is trying to avoid you. You can feel it when you read their one-word texts or see the “seen” on their message.
In some cases, they may have forgotten to reply, etc, but have you ever really forgotten to text back someone you really liked? In most cases whatever you’re feeling is right. If you thought in your head, are they ghosting me? Then the answer is yes. [Read: How to listen to your gut and inner voice]
If you insist on texting first, keep it light. and don’t attempt to guilt them into talking to you. If they’re ghosting you, the odds are that they’ll reply to a light and open message rather than one filled with anger. The key to ghostbusting is being calm, indifferent and honest.
Ask them if they would like to hang out again, and calmly state that if they’re not interested it’s fine. By leaving the door open like that, you give them an opening to tell you they aren’t interested. If the ghoster has any guts at all, they’ll take it.
People live their lives. Though everyone thinks people are glued to their phones, not everyone is addicted to texting. Some people can go a day or two without their phones, and they’re fine. This also means they’re not going to be texting you often.
If your knee-jerk reaction to them not texting you back is anger and assumptions of ghosting, you almost guarantee you won’t get a text back. So, before assuming that they’re ghosting you, see what’s going on. Do they work a job where they can’t have their phone on them? Are they just not into texting? [Read: 39 Flirty signs to tell if a girl is into you & interested in dating you]
Listen, they’re ghosting you. So, sending them text after text only makes you look like you’re desperate. There is also the possibility that they are just away from their phone, in which case coming back to a wall of text messages is likely to freak them out.
The best course of action for ghostbusting is to not text them at all, especially if they are not reaching out to you. Remember– a person who wants to talk to you will, and a ghoster will ghost you whether you send them one text or a thousand. [Read: Double texting and second text rules – 6 ways to play it cool]
This may be a no-brainer, but someone ghosting you via text is not an invitation to hit them up on social media. Ghostbusting is not the same thing as stalking. If your reaction to an unreplied text message is to send a barrage of facebook messages, you will come across as seriously crazy.
If you feel like they’re ghosting you, the most likely reason is they’re uninterested in you. This could be due to the fact that you’re too available, which can create a power dynamic in which you are not valuable to them.
Playing hard to get it more than just refraining from double texting. Remember that you are valuable, no matter what this ghoster thinks. If they don’t want to talk to you then maybe you don’t want to talk to them either. [Read: How to make playing hard to get work for you]
People like talking to people that make them laugh. I mean, why do we watch comedies? We want to laugh and have a good time. Send a meme, send a GIF, make a joke about something on social media. Whatever it is that you do, send something that’ll start a light and funny conversation.
So, you got rejected. This person is definitely ghosting you and you feel that you are owed an explanation. You decide to write out a long winded “why are you ghosting me” text and hit send.
Big mistake. If this person is truly ghosting you, they don’t really care about you. You are wasting your breath telling this ghoster how you feel.
They know that bailing on you with no explanation would hurt you. They just don’t care. Sending them an emotional essay about your feelings or that you feel ignored won’t make a difference. [Read: 17 signs you’re “benched” and being strung along right now]
In a perfect world, you could call out someone who ghosted you and expect a full explanation and apology.
Unfortunately, we do not live in that perfect world. If someone is refusing to answer you, avoiding you, and otherwise ghosting you, then the relationship is done. Is it rude? Yes. But sometimes we need to just accept that someone has disappointed us and move on.
Trying to get an explanation is unlikely to make you feel better anyway. Would it really hurt less if they told you the exact reason they weren’t interested in you? [Read: How to tell someone you don’t like them: 13 methods of rejection]
Since the world of texting means that you don’t have to see the persons face, it’s easy to fire off angry texts in the heat of the moment. But this is guaranteed that you will feel stupid later, and you will probably still be ghosted.
Ghostbusting isn’t about getting angry. If you’re not happy with how they reply or the lack of reply, then just be open and honest with them. There’s no need to be angry or passive-aggressive.
So, you’ve finally gotten a text back from the ghoster. You likely want to talk to them forever, but you’ll need to end the conversation first. Listen to the plan first before you freak out, it’ll all make sense.
For them, they’re used to you continuing the conversation after it died twenty texts ago. Instead, cut the conversation first. That way, you show them that you’re not too available, and secondly, you’re controlling the conversation now. [Read: 15 sneaky ways to make a man chase you and fall real hard]
The world is full of rejection. Jobs, dating, whatever– all of it comes with the idea that you may fail. And so what? Rejection is a very normal, healthy part of dating. Anyone who is not experiencing rejection is not really trying.
So hold your head up high. Don’t let one ghoster impact your self esteem, especially because you have no idea why they stopped talking to you in the first place. Confidence is attractive, and soon you will find someone you don’t have to ghostbust.
If someone is busy at work and can’t answer, that’s one thing. But if they’re actively ignoring your texts day-after-day, it’s clear that they don’t care. And that’s not going to change no matter what you say.
Why they aren’t interested in talking to you isn’t as important as the fact that they rudely bailed on you without so much as a “no thanks.” You deserve better treatment than that. [Read: The unassuming signs you’re dating a jerk]
So you tried all of the ghostbusting techniques and got nothing. It’s time to just admit they aren’t interested. There is no shame in this– in fact, graciously accepting their silence and moving on just shows the ghoster how cowardly they really are.
Desperation and loneliness can make people do crazy things. Especially if you thought that the person liked you. This sudden change of course can shatter your self esteem and make you feel like you did something wrong, leaving you begging for a second chance. [Read: Give him a second chance? How to know if he’s sorry & won’t hurt you]
Don’t do it. No one ever fell in love with someone because they begged them too. That’s just not how connection works. Save your dignity and write it out in your journal instead.
Do any of the “don’ts” on this list look familiar to you? If you have botched ghostbusting in the past, don’t let it get you down. Dating is just like anything else in life– it takes practice to master it.
So if you’ve sent a ghoster an angry wall of text, don’t despair. Get up, dust yourself off, delete their number and try again. Learning from your mistakes is the only way you can grow as a person.
[Read: Got ghosted? All the signs and ways to deal with it]
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