Figuring out how to get over being dumped is never easy. It may take you weeks, months, or even years to fully recover from all the pain and heartbreak.
Saying that a breakup is painful can be an understatement. Aside from the overwhelming pain, there’s the confusion from all the unanswered questions in your head. So, learning how to get over being dumped becomes vital.
Breakups are a drag especially if you got the short end of the stick by being dumped. But like any other setback in life, it is merely a temporary phase. The quicker you realize the only way to cope with the pain is by moving on and getting over the breakup, the faster you move forward with your life. Easier said than done, isn’t it? Here are some tips to help you along the way.
#1 Sort out, and “feel” your feelings. Just like people grieve when they lose a loved one, a person who is dumped needs to feel and own those negative emotions. The break-up is still fresh. There’s no shame in feeling bad.
#2 Release those pent-up emotions. It may sound cliché, but do whatever heartbroken people do. Get hammered, cut your hair, cry yourself to sleep, write a 2000-word blog post about the break-up, eat ice cream while watching romantic comedies, or open up to your best friend.
#3 Cease communication with your ex until emotionally and mentally sober. The next step is damage control. Stay away from the source of your pain, especially if the break-up is still recent.
Do you still have lingering feelings? You won’t be able to discuss anything in a rational manner or make sound decisions if you meet or communicate with your ex. So delete their number and remove them from social media for the time being.
#4 Absolutely NO sex with your ex. Sex with the ex is possibly the stupidest mistake after being dumped. Being in such a vulnerable state confuses your feelings. It makes you jump into impulsive decisions that you may regret later on. So even if the temptation is strong, strictly follow tip three. [Read: Sex with your ex – When it’s okay and when you need to steer clear]
#5 Stay off any social media platform that reminds you of getting dumped. We all know social media is a cruel place especially to emotionally vulnerable people. In addition to this, it oozes with photos, posts, and memories of the time spent with your ex. Do yourself a favor and log off for the meantime to prevent you from stalking your ex and revisiting old photos.
#6 Don’t rush, take your time. Moving on has no deadline. The time it takes varies per person. It may take you weeks, months, or years even, so don’t be in a rush to forget, rather let time heal your wounds. Moving on at your own pace helps you sort out your thoughts and feelings better, so no hurries. [Read: How long does it actually take to get over someone?]
#7 Sort out your thoughts: accept the facts. Now that you managed to set your feelings straight, move on by rationally accepting several facts about the breakup. The first order of business, accept the fact that your old relationship is gone and move forward with your life. There is a moment of clarity after a breakup where you finally let go of those “what ifs” of trying to win the relationship back and instead start taking your own life back.
#8 Let go of your resentment. If you truly want to know how to get over being dumped, start by accepting that the relationship had some good memories too. After rejection, people are naturally prone to hating and resenting their ex for the pain they caused them. However, carrying such emotional baggage is unhealthy and prevents you from fully moving forward.
Getting dumped tends to narrow down your vision on the painful moments without realizing that the happy moments far outweigh them. Remember your ex is also human with their own reasons. You don’t need to forgive or be friends with your ex immediately. The mature and healthy thing to do is to accept that you fell out of love and that you still have the capability to start fresh.
#9 Go out somewhere. Nothing else better clears your head and heals your hurts than a good adventure. Be it a road trip, hiking up a mountain, or backpacking in different countries, traveling is a good way to overwrite negative feelings with fresh experiences. [Read: 15 reasons why you should travel at least once a year]
#10 Distract yourself: revisit old plans and ambitions. Being in a relationship forces us to set some personal plans and ambitions aside to give time and attention to our partner. Now that you’re single, revisit and set those old plans into motion. Being productive is a good way to distract you from the breakup. Not only does it get your mind off unpleasant memories, it helps you get things done in your life.
#11 Discover new hobbies and passions. Starting new hobbies after being dumped gives you a fresh perspective and allows you to meet new people along the way. You break off from your old routine and make room for new experiences.
#12 Remember that it’s fine and awesome being single. Getting dumped always leaves the obvious question about whether you’ll entertain another relationship again. Depending on whether you’re ready, remember it’s fine to find happiness without a significant other.
Accepting this fact allows you to emotionally mature and become independent. Happiness and fulfillment aren’t only in a relationship. Being single has a lot of perks too. [Read: Why being single can be a lot of fun too]
#13 Look towards and live for the future. The final step in moving on is knowing that relationships fail sometimes. The only way is to lick your wounds, stand up, and keep moving forward. It is a fact of life only learned the hard and painful way.
Remember that even though you got dumped, you always have a fresh start. Gain strength from the lessons you learned from your old relationship.
There is no need to rush through the process of learning how to get over being dumped. The most important thing is realizing the only way to go is forward. Don’t lapse into the circumstances that brought you into that kind of pain.
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Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul aka Morty is a keyboard-pounding cubicle-dweller based in Manila where he occasionally moonlights as a writer for anyone in need of his mediocre word-strin...