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What to Do When You’re Feeling Unsure About Your Relationship

Sometimes, a relationship just seems perfect that you’re filled with doubts. So if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, here are some answers.

feeling unsure about your relationship

You know, we tend to think getting into a relationship is the hard part, but it’s not. If you really want a partner, you’ll find one with time. The hard part is actually finding someone you truly connect with, someone you can actually be with on a deeper level. So, if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, take heed.

A relationship is quite possibly the most magical and beautiful thing you’re ever going to experience. But how can you be really sure that you’re in the right one? After all, it’s easy to date someone, but the challenge lies in knowing if what you have is real or just a figment of your imagination.

It’s easy to stand next to someone and hold their hand, but is this really someone you care about or just someone that you’re using to fill the void?

This is a tricky question to ask yourself, but, deep down, you already know the answer. What’s going to be hard is admitting to yourself that this person isn’t the one for you. Ouch. [Read: How to choose the right path when you’re unhappy in a relationship]

How do you know you’re sure?

If you’re trying to tell if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, there are several ways to know for sure. First, you need to know who you are and what you want first. How else are you going to be able to tell it’s real or not if you have no clue what you really want in the first place.

Also, if you have a particular need or standard, you need to communicate this to them. How will you be sure if you haven’t told them what you want? Your partner isn’t a mind reader, so better to tell them early on. But most importantly than any of this, you need to listen to both your heart and gut instinct.

If a relationship feels right and real, you’ll be able to tell this. There are no red flags or any indicators that are telling you to run from them. Also, you’re with them for all the right reasons and not just because you’re bored, lonely, or something along those lines. You’ll be sure because it’s real. [Read: 19 clear signs you are ready for a serious relationship]

What to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship

It’s not easy to indicate the signs if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship. After all, how can you distinguish the line between irrational fears and rational ones? Don’t worry; we’ve got you. In this feature, we’ll show you how you can know your relationship is the real deal.

1. Stop and listen to your gut

You knew for a while now that they weren’t suitable for you. Deep down, we all know when someone isn’t right for us. But we get distracted, push the thoughts aside, and keep moving forward. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but you’re not moving forward honestly.

If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, your gut instinct is a significant indicator. If you’re not feeling 100% right, then your gut is trying to tell you something. You’re not being crazy, but something might be off. [Read: Understanding the differences between casual love and real love]

2. Focus on your moods

You know yourself the best, so you know how your mood works and typically why and when you’re feeling happy, angry, or sad. Since you’ve been in this relationship, have you felt happy? Sad? Moody? If so, why? It could be outside reasons as to why you’re feeling this way rather than the person themselves.

So before you do something as impulsive as ending a relationship because of these moods, take a pause first. Your relationship might not even be the cause of your change in moods. [Read: 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]

3. Understand that you’re going to have bad days

Now, understand that you’re going to feel negative feelings on occasion when you’re around your partner. You’ll feel upset, disappointed, and uncomfortable. This is just normal. These feelings don’t necessarily mean that you need to end the relationship, as they could be pointing out insecurities or intimacy issues you have.

Every relationship has moments of miscommunication and conflict, but that’s no reason to end it abruptly. Nobody would achieve a long-term relationship or even marriage if it was!

4. Be self-aware when around your partner

No, you don’t need to cut the cord just yet. Before you do anything drastic, wait. The next time you’re with your partner, try to be more self-aware. How do you feel when you’re around your partner? Do they bring out the best side of you, or does your negative half seem to shine when they’re around? Are you bringing anything into their life?

You know when something feels good and when something feels bad. Now, you just need to figure out why. Self-awareness can do massive things if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship.

It’s easier said than done, but it’s why you need to know yourself entirely if you want to be sure of your relationship. [Read: Should we break up? 17 signs you’re past the point of no return already]

5. What do you want?

Ah yes, the million-dollar question: what do you want? It’s not so easy to answer, right? But it’s a valid question. What do you want from the relationship, and what do you want from your partner? If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, you need to ask yourself this critical question first.

They’re not mind readers, so don’t expect them to know what you want from them. Your uncertainty could simply be because you’re not expressing your needs in a way that they understand.

If you’re keeping quiet, well, how can they help you? Express, communicate, say what you what and only then can you know if you’re sure or not. [Read: Get to know who you really are with these 8 questions]

6. Are your needs being met?

A common issue of uncertainty is when our needs aren’t being met. When we mean needs, we mean our basic needs, not something essential to our emotional state. This could be affection, appreciation, security, communication, etc. When these needs aren’t being met, we doubt ourselves and the relationship.

You should never have to bed for the bare minimum in a relationship. The minute you do, maybe you’re not supposed to be in that relationship after all, and you were right to be doubtful.

Write down the things you need and cross out the needs you’re receiving. Eventually, you’ll be left with either a short or long list of needs that aren’t being met. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]

7. Talk to your partner

No one wants to have this conversation. It’s not something that’s fun to talk about, but it’s crucial. You both need to sit down and talk about your uncertainty with the relationship. They may be feeling uncertain as well. Now, this doesn’t mean you’ll break up, but you’ll be able to spot the holes in the relationship and try to work on them.

Uncertainty doesn’t mean you should walk away immediately, but at least talk about it with them. They might be able to assure your doubts and the things you doubt could even be discussed and fixed. So communicate, even if it seems uncomfortable. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship: 16 steps to a better love]

8. No fighting

There’s really no need to argue about this. It’s not their fault that you’re feeling unsure about the relationship, especially if you haven’t communicated your feelings to them before. When you talk to your partner, sit them down and talk about your feelings. Use “I” statements and avoid pointing the finger at them.

Remember, you’re trying to solve the problem, not create another one. You should never accuse or attack them if they don’t even know your needs in the first place. So rather than going into a fight, talk it out first. [Read: Fighting in a relationship – How to do it right]

9. Don’t drag this along

Of course, it’s going to take time for you to think about your needs, how you’re feeling, etc. However, you shouldn’t take months to do this. If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, you need to figure out why and then either a) try to fix it or b) end it.

There’s no point dragging your partner along with you for months and months while you’re mustering up the courage to talk to them. Just do it.

Trust us when we say that the longer you prolong this, the worse it’s going to feel. And a relationship should make you happy, not miserable! So fix it ASAP. [Read: How to break up with someone no matter the situation]

10. Break up with them

This is quite probably the hardest thing to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship. You don’t have to try to repair it or even communicate with your partner if you don’t want to. If you’re feeling unsure about the relationship and that they’re not the right person for you, then break up with them.

But do it relatively soon and politely because, well, you’re an adult. If you don’t want someone, let them go as soon as possible. Let’s cut the games.

Don’t attempt to act like sh*t, so they break up with you instead of the other way around. They deserve honesty, so be real with them, even for the last time. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]

11. Don’t let your relationship hold you back

Your goals and aspirations may have been there before you met your partner. As great as it is to be in a relationship, it doesn’t come without giving up, making compromises, and giving up things. It’s not unusual for your personal goals to be put on hold so that your relationship can grow.

You might be resenting your partner because you’re giving up on your own goals. You may have been afraid to talk about your personal goals outside of your relationship with your partner because you didn’t know how they would react.

It’s possible that they’ll surprise you with how supportive they are of you reaching your goals, even if it involves taking time away from your relationship. Talk to them, and you won’t know unless you ask about it.

What may go wrong is talking about something that is eating away at your conscience and making your relationship less joyful. If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, talk about it first with your partner. [Read: Are you unwittingly holding your partner back from success?]

12. Are you living for the good times?

In this case, you’re right to be questioning your relationship if you say things like, “but when it’s good, it’s really good.” There is a good reason why those alarm bells in your head are going off. It’s time to listen to them. There will always be good and terrible times in a relationship, but you shouldn’t live just for the good times.

It doesn’t matter how good you feel when things are going well. If they don’t outweigh the bad times, this relationship won’t be able to stay strong long-term. The relationship will eventually become unhealthy and exhausting for both of you.

There’s a reason you’re not sure, and it’s because you know this isn’t good for you. Your partner should always make you feel good. So, find the courage to put your happiness first and break up with this person. [Read: How to have a good relationship that gets better with each day]

13. Are you waiting for them to change?

If you’re in a relationship, you have to be willing to accept your partner as they are.  Do you think that you can grow together as a couple? People don’t change very often. When someone is attempting to make you happy, it’s hard not to fall back into old habits.

Waiting for it to happen isn’t fair to either of you, which will lead to feeling unsure about your relationship. To find a relationship where both of you can be accepted without having to change into someone else that you’re not is a great idea. [Read: 13 small changes that greatly improve your relationship]

14. Spice up your sex life

A successful and healthy relationship relies heavily on a couple’s sexy chemistry. Is everything in the bedroom broken? If so, it’s probably broken somewhere else in the house as well. Maintaining a healthy sex life is essential, no matter how busy life gets.

Only the two of you are capable of having sex. Reaffirming your feelings of love and trust for each other is an integral part of the journey. If you’re feeling stale in the bedroom, take the initiative and bring in some new ideas.

If you’re willing to take risks, you’ll find a treasure of ideas. Try to restart the flame, and don’t give up just yet. Take charge of the situation. [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 sexy ways]

15. Imagine your future life

Last but not least, do you picture your partner a year, two years, or five years from now in your life? It’s doubtful this relationship will work out for you in the long term if your response is no. Whatever your future holds, it doesn’t matter if you don’t have an exact picture of what it will look like.

This step aims to assess whether you want your partner in your life at these moments in the future. Then you already know you don’t want them to go, despite your worries. You might have a few things to work on if you answered yes, but you want to keep your relationship going.

[Read: 12 life questions to help you visualize your future]

So, what to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship?

It’s not an easy feeling when you have doubts about your relationship. Even as it’s perfectly normal to have doubts, it’s essential that you do something about this right way. This is so you’ll be able to know if you’re in the right relationship or not.

Now that you know what you need to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, it’s time to do something about it. Are you going to stay, or will you let them go? 

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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