You know, we tend to think getting into a relationship is the hard part, but it’s not. If you really want a partner, you’ll find one with time. The hard part is actually finding someone you truly connect with, someone you can actually be with on a deeper level. So, if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, take heed.
It’s easy to stand next to someone and hold their hand, but is this really someone you care about or just someone that you need to fill the void? This is a hard question to ask yourself, but, deep down, you already know the answer. What’s going to be hard is admitting to yourself that this person isn’t the one for you. [Read: How to choose the right path when you’re unhappy in a relationship]
What to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship
I’ve dated some guys just because I wanted to be with someone. Did I genuinely like them? Not much, but I was really trying to find way to connect with them. Of course, it never worked out. Why? Because I knew that they weren’t really for me, regardless of how smart, funny, or sexy they were.
I was completely uncertain about the relationship, and it took me a while to accept the truth. But once I did, I freed myself to realize that I don’t have to date someone for the sake of not being alone. It’s not easy but it’s necessary.
#1 Stop and listen to your gut. You knew for a while now that they aren’t right for you. Deep down, we all know when someone isn’t right for us. But we get distracted, push the thoughts aside, and keep moving forward. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but you’re not moving forward in an honest way.
Stop and think about it. What is your gut telling you? If you’re not feeling 100% right, then your gut is trying to tell you something. [Read: Understanding the differences between casual love and real love]
#2 Focus on your moods. You know yourself the best, so you know how your mood works and typically why and when you’re feeling happy, angry, or sad. Since you’ve been in this relationship, have you felt happy? Sad? Moody? If so, why? It could be outside reasons as to why you’re feeling this way rather than the person themselves. This is something you’ll need to think about. But listen, you already know the answer. [Read: 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]
#3 Understand that you’re going to have bad days. Now, understand that you’re going to feel negative feelings on occasion when you’re around your partner. You’ll feel upset, disappointed, and uncomfortable. This is just normal. These feelings don’t necessarily mean that you need to end the relationship as they could be pointing out insecurities or intimacy issues you have.
#4 Be self-aware when around your partner. No, you don’t need to cut the cord just yet. Before you do anything drastic, wait. The next time you’re with your partner, try to be more self-aware.
How do you feel when you’re around your partner? Do they bring out the best side of you or does your negative half seem to shine when they’re around? Are you bringing anything into their life? You know when something feels good and when something feels bad, now, you just need to figure out why. [Read: Should we break up? 17 signs you’re past the point of no return already]
#5 What do you want? Ah yes, the million dollar question: what do you want? It’s not so easy to answer, right? But it’s a valid question. What do you want from the relationship, and what do you want from your partner?
They’re not mind readers so don’t expect them to know what you want from them. Your uncertainty could simply be because you’re not expressing your needs in a way that they understand. If you’re keeping quiet, well, how can they help you?
#6 Are your needs being met? A common issue of uncertainty is when our needs aren’t being met. When I mean needs, I mean our basic needs, not something essential to our emotional state. This could be affection, appreciation, security, communication, etc. When these needs aren’t being met, we doubt ourselves and the relationship.
Write down the things you need and cross out the needs that you’re receiving. Eventually, you’ll be left with either a short or long list of needs that aren’t being met. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]
#7 Talk to your partner. No one wants to have this conversation. It’s not something that’s fun to talk about, but it’s crucial. You both need to sit down and talk about your uncertainty with the relationship. They may be feeling uncertain as well. Now, this doesn’t mean you’ll break up, but you’ll be able to spot the holes in the relationship and try to work on them.
#8 No fighting. There’s really no need to argue about this. It’s not their fault that you’re feeling unsure about the relationship especially if you haven’t communicated your feelings to them before. When you talk to your partner, sit them down and talk about your feelings. Use “I” statements and stay away from pointing the finger at them. Remember, you’re trying to solve the problem, not create another one.
#9 Don’t drag this along. Of course, it’s going to take time for you to think about your needs, how you’re feeling, etc. However, you shouldn’t take months to do this. If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, you need to figure out why, and then either a) try to fix it, or b) end it. There’s no point dragging your partner along with you for months and months while you’re mustering up the courage to talk to them. Just do it. [Read: How to break up with someone no matter the situation]
#10 Break up with them. You don’t have to try to repair it or even communicate with your partner if you don’t want to. If you’re feeling unsure about the relationship and that they’re not the right person for you, then break up with them. But do it relatively soon and in a polite way because, well, you’re an adult. If you don’t want someone, let them go as soon as possible. Let’s cut the games.
[Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]
Now that you know what you need to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, it’s time to do something about it.
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