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20 Signs You’re Not Attracted to Your Partner & How to Spark It Up Again

Are you feeling that you’re not attracted to your partner as much as before? Attraction fades over time, but there are ways to reignite that spark. 

not attracted to partner

As relationships continue, the attraction at some point will fade. For some, the attraction will last years and years before fading, and for others, it’ll be sooner than expected. If you’re feeling like you’re not attracted to your partner like before, don’t worry. There are things you can do to make everything feel new again.

Of course, we would all like our relationships to feel like the very first time we met our partner. Where we feel butterflies and can’t keep our hands off each other. This is a high level of attraction, and it’s what makes us want to continue seeing the person.

However, life just doesn’t work that way. What you need to do is be aware of how you’re feeling and make steps to sort a problem out when it arises. [Read: The signs you’re experiencing lust and not love]

The subtle signs you’re not attracted to your partner like before

You may be asking yourself why? Well, as you grow as a person and an individual, your relationship keeps going strong. This is because you’re learning and experiencing new things together.

But in this case, there could also be a loss of attraction – when you simply don’t feel that connection as you once did.

No one said love was easy, and there’s certainly no equation to it. But what you do need to understand is if you’re feeling a loss of attraction. That way, you’ll know the next step you need to take. Love is a battlefield. [Read: 20 relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]

1. Everything about them annoys you

Before, you loved the way they’d slurp when eating soup or the way they hugged you, but now, everything they do bothers you. You can’t handle the way they look at you, how they speak or dress, for you, you can’t take it anymore.

But is this just a mask for something deeper? Does this mean it’s over or are you able to move past this? [Read: The strong reasons why love dies in a relationship]

2. You think about other people

There could be someone at work that you find attractive or your partner’s friend. When you think about them, you feel butterflies, you can’t stop thinking about them. At this moment, your partner isn’t someone you’re really interested in.

Maybe they bore you or certain characteristics irritate you or maybe you’ve grown apart. But the key thing here is that your libido is functioning normal, it’s just that you’re not attracted to your partner as much. [Read: What it means when you think of someone other than your partner]

3. You don’t want to have sex with them

You don’t mind having sex. In fact, you enjoy having sex, but sex with them is no longer a desire for you. When something lacks in the relationship, people have less of a desire for sex with their partner.

In other cases, sex simply became boring. However, this doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to them. It could be that you have a loss of libido caused by stress or depression.

4. You don’t think of them during sex

When having sex, your mind is in a totally different place. You think about other people, what you need to buy at the store, should you go to the gym, thoughts that certainly don’t need to be in the bedroom. Clearly, sex has become routine.

Now, if you’re not attracted to your partner right now, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re no longer attracted to them and find them repulsive; it could just mean that you need to light a spark in the bedroom and rekindle things again. [Read: How to make sex more interesting when it has become boring]

5. You don’t know why you found them attractive to begin with

When you go back to when you first met them, you can’t remember why you found them attractive in the first place. In your head, you can’t seem to pinpoint what it was about them that made you give them a double take.

But this is where you start figuring out why you’re no longer attracted to them. You have to start somewhere, right? This takes some digging in your memory bank if you’re to overcome being not attracted to your partner anymore.

6. You feel disconnected from them

Literally, any word that comes out of their mouth is stupid for you, even if they agree with your point. If you had it your way, you’d rather they didn’t speak at all. This is an important sign that you’re in an emotional state caused by a lack of attraction.

You push them away and disconnect from their thoughts and opinions. [Read: 28 sad signs that reveal if your relationship is coming to an end]

7. You don’t miss them when they’re not around

In the beginning, if they went to work for the day, you would be constantly thinking about them, missing every moment they were away. But now, you could be gone for weeks and not even think about them too much.

If you don’t miss them when you’re apart, this could mean that you’re no longer attracted to them.

8. You want to spend more time apart

Usually, couples want to spend more time together, but for you, you’d prefer if you had more space. And as time passes, the amount of space you have between each other increases and increases.

This isn’t a sign of someone who’s not attracted to their partner per se, this is a sign of someone who’s looking to become single. [Read: 15 tips to fix a broken relationship and make it last]

9. Your future doesn’t include them

In the beginning, you only thought of your future with them in mind. Everything that went on in your head had them right beside you. But now, you make plans without them knowing and regardless of if they want to join or not.

Basically, you’re already moving on from the relationship, you just haven’t made the final step.

10. You stop sharing with them

You may have called them daily, telling them about your day and the things that happened. However, now, you’re not eager to share information with them. In fact, you turn to other people when it comes to getting opinions on things.

They’re no longer the first person you turn to, instead, they’re the last person on your list. Sharing is what creates intimacy and by cutting that, you disconnect yourself from them. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably didn’t notice]

11. You don’t care when they go out

They’re going out to the club with their friends and when you were all goo-goo eyed for them, you would be freaking out at home, texting them a thousand times throughout the night. But now, they could go to a strip club and you wouldn’t blink an eye.

In fact, you just don’t care what they do when they go out. [Read: The signs it’s time to break up, even if it is hard]

12. You don’t find them funny

You may have fallen for their humor, but they’re no longer making you smile or laugh. This is a huge sign that you’re not attracted to your partner anymore. The spark is gone.

Let’s be honest, if they can’t make you laugh, well then why be in the relationship? A sense of humor is a huge characteristic people desire in their partners, and it’s probably why you liked this person in the first place. [Read: 17 easy ways to rekindle the relationship and bring back the spark]

The best ways to rekindle the attraction once more

No matter the reason for the rut that you may be in, there are definitely solutions. Sometimes, you have to be the one to take initiative and overcome it when you’re not attracted to your partner like before.

Pooling all our experience, we have come up with nine surefire ways to get the attraction back into your relationship so you can begin enjoying each other again! [Read: 10 different sex positions to spice it up and add a bang in bed]

1. Take the time to miss each other

When you are always together and you see each other often, you become numb to the way they look and the things they do. Basically, you’re too used to them being around to find any attraction in it.

You both need to take time to miss each other. The old saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” is absolutely true and you need to put it into practice. Spend some time apart. Go spend a couple of nights with a friend and just enjoy yourself.

Not only will your partner miss you when you’re gone, but you’ll come back relaxed and happy – another attractive trait. [Read: Does absence make the heart really grow fonder or wander?]

2. Start dating each other again

This may sound silly as you’re dating already, but hear us out. Do you remember the kinds of dates you went on in the beginning of the relationship? The ones where you couldn’t wait to get home and rip their clothes off and have your way with them?

Those are the kinds of dates we’re talking about! Don’t just get dinner at the drive through. Sitting in a car for ten minutes is not going to get any sparks going. Go on actual dates so you can feel like it’s the start of your relationship again.

Nothing will get the fire started like remembering how you felt in the beginning. [Read: The top 50 dates ideas to wow and amaze your partner all over again]

3. Put some effort into your appearance

We know this may sound vain, but seriously! And if you’re not attracted to your partner and vice versa, it’s likely that since you guys have been together for a long time, you have probably grown lax in trying to look nice for each other.

You ladies are probably not putting on makeup as often, and you guys are probably not shaving so much either.

As bad as it may sound, your physical appearance is a huge part of why they wanted to be with you in the first place, and vice versa. And although they may think you look great without all of that stuff, there’s no denying that your significant other would go wild just to see you dolled up and looking hot. [Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to bring the spark back in love]

4. Reduce the stress in your life

Stress can play a key role in people losing attraction for each other. If you’re too stressed out in your everyday life, it can be really hard to turn it off when you get home and try to enjoy the company of your special someone.

Exercising regularly and doing stress-relieving exercises at home is a great way to keep stress at bay. Not only will exercising get you into shape and make your partner see you in a new light, but it will make you feel better about yourself and you’ll feel way sexier and more confident!

5. Do some recreational activities together

Couples thrive on shared experiences. It’s time for you both to let loose and have a good time. It’s a great way for the two of you to find a common hobby and work together.

Join a local sand volleyball team during the summer months, or take up bowling and join a league. Seeing your partner excel at something is sure to make you find them attractive again. And even if you both suck at it, at least you suck together and can bond over the experience. [Read: 10 fun sex games to play with your boyfriend in bed]

6. Try something new together

Whether it be a new activity, food, restaurant, or even a sex position, trying new things with each other is another method to reconnect in a way that you haven’t in a long time.

Whenever you try something new, you are creating a compelling memory with that other person. Seeing your significant other being adventurous is extremely sexy.

7. Do something special just for them

Cook their favorite dinner and serve it by candle light, get them tickets to see their favorite band, give them a weekend vacation with their friends paid for by you – do anything that will show them that you still want them to be happy and that you care.

Now, you don’t have to spend a fortune. Little things that are completely free – like making a special dinner at home – are really easy ways for you to reignite that spark. [Read: 67 of the sweetest romantic gestures for everyday life]

8. Look back at old memories

Do you have a photo album of all the old pictures you have together? Maybe even some from your first date? First Halloween as a couple? Looking back at old images can help you to reconnect again, especially if you don’t feel attracted to your partner anymore.

Doing this will bring back memories of those days and the things that happened during them. You’ll start to remember why you fell for them and found them so hot in the first place. [Read: 21 real reasons why couples drift apart over time]

Realize that sparks flicker, or even blow out, and it’s okay

Accepting the fact that maybe you guys are just in a rut is the first step to really getting the attraction back. Every couple goes through these tough times and most make it out unscathed.

Just because you are fighting to get the attraction back doesn’t mean it’s lost forever and it doesn’t mean that you don’t belong together. It simply means that the business that is life has gotten in the way and it’s up to you to find out what made you want to get in their pants in the first place.

[Read: 18 naughty ways to make time for sex in a busy schedule

Sometimes you’re not sure what you’re feeling, and you can’t really pinpoint what it means. But if you’re not attracted to your partner like before, it’s time to take action.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...