Everyone has high hopes for romance and wants to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. But what if your relationship feels like friendship?
Feeling like your partner is your best friend is healthy for your relationship. But when your relationship feels like friendship only, and no longer feels romantic, you may want to make some changes.
Let’s talk about why your relationship feels like friendship so you can get to the bottom of the issue, before we look for the best ways to naughty and dirty up your relationship and make it scream sexy in no time!
[Read: 20 honest reasons and signs why you’re bored with your relationship]
Why your relationship feels like friendship
Once that honeymoon phase is gone and the excitement or passion takes a back seat, your relationship can feel like pure friendship. The mystery and intrigue you once had become comfort and security.
There is nothing wrong with that, but keeping that spark alive takes a little more work than just hanging out together.
So, you might be wondering why your relationship feels like a friendship all of a sudden.
How did you get here? What went wrong? Here are some of the biggest factors that probably led to where you are right now.
1. Neglect
As time goes by, many people start taking their partners for granted. When this happens, they neglect them.
They never do the little things – or the big things – that they used to do when the relationship was new. So, one or both of you have probably neglected the other person and the partnership as a whole. [Read: How to recognize the signs of emotional neglect in a relationship and fix it ASAP]
2. Conflict
Every couple will have their disagreements. But maybe you have had too many or you just don’t know how to handle them properly.
You might even resort to avoiding each other because you don’t want to start a fight or ignore the problems just to keep the peace. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting way too much]
3. Lack of conversation
In order to not feel like just friends and emotionally connect with your lover, you have to talk to each other. You don’t necessarily have to talk about the origins of the universe or other deep topics, but you should be talking to each other on a regular basis about things more interesting than the weather.
4. Selfishness
While everyone can be selfish from time to time, when one or both of you is chronically selfish, this can damage a romantic relationship. This can cause you to withdraw in an attempt to get away from this behavior. [Read: Are you selfish in a relationship? 19 subtle signs you’ve become a real user]
5. Distractions
If you’re wondering why your relationship feels like friendship all of a sudden, perhaps you’re married and/or have children now. That really changes your life in a big way.
Suddenly, the focus of your relationship goes from each other to the children. But there are many other distractions that can take your focus away from the relationship too.
6. Depression
Being depressed is a very common occurrence, unfortunately. So, it very well could be that one of you might be depressed.
Depression can lead you to not care much about life anymore, including your romantic relationship.
7. Addictions
If someone has gotten into drugs, drinking, smoking, video games, shopping, gambling, or any other kind of addiction, that will definitely make someone pay less attention to making their relationship happy. So, addictions can be a huge reason two people drift apart, and love can stagnate into friendship.
8. Lack of emotional intimacy
When you have physical intimacy, that leads to more emotional intimacy. And when you hold hands, cuddle, and talk to each other about your feelings, that will keep you bonded.
But if you are doing none of that, then your relationship would start to feel like friendship, and you two will probably feel more like roommates. [Read: How to emotionally connect with someone – 14 steps to feel way closer in no time]
9. Different sex drives
Let’s face it – sex is a big part of a romantic relationship. Without it, all you really have is a friendship.
So, maybe you have mismatched sex drives with your partner. This lack of physical intimacy will definitely make your relationship feel like a friendship.
10. Lack of commitment
Maybe one of you is just really bad at staying committed. This doesn’t have to mean cheating, but there does need to be a mental and emotional commitment to your partner.
So, maybe one or both of you has one foot out the door because they never really fully committed to the relationship. [Read: 19 ways to pull back in a relationship when you’re giving too much]
11. Working too much
Work is a huge part of most people’s lives. But some people can take it too far and become workaholics. When that happens, they ignore the upkeep in their relationship.
Even if working too much isn’t by choice, it can still cause two people to become distant from each other and turn passionate love into mutual friendship. [Read: Dating a workaholic – 20 signs and tips to maintain a happy relationship]
12. Apathy
When someone reaches a point of apathy – not caring – then the relationship can probably never be repaired.
When one or both people are apathetic, then it can lead to stagnation or resentment. For a relationship to thrive, you need to want it to work and put in the effort to make that happen. [Read: The signs of indifference in a relationship that predict a very real drift]
How to change things up when your relationship feels like friendship
You’re not platonic, so you need to actively make sure your relationship has the intimacy required of a lasting and loving couple. [Read: Being complacent in a relationship – How to read the signs and fix it]
At some point, in nearly every relationship, a couple comes to a point where the romance halts and the friendship takes over. But in order to regain that relationship feel, amp things up in some departments and slow things down in others.
1. Stop nagging
Nagging can make your relationship feel more like friendship. Nagging can take over all communication.
Think back to when you first started dating. When you wanted your partner to do something you would ask politely and not let it get to you. Just because you are comfortable doesn’t mean you have to let go of the consideration. [Read: How to stop nagging each other and let go of the partner pestering]
2. Avoid being roommates
This does not mean you shouldn’t live together, you just shouldn’t let your roommate relationship overtake your romantic one.
When it comes to bills, rent, and chores, try to separate them. Take an hour or so a week to discuss these things so it doesn’t interrupt your time as a couple.
Finance talk and fighting about who cleans the toilet does not say the spark is alive. [Read: How to spice up your sex life is 30 super sexy ways]
3. Make romantic time
At the beginning of a relationship, there is a lot of effort made when it comes to romance. Flowers are bought, candles are lit, and champagne is chilled. But once things get comfy, that tends to go out the window.
In order to bring back the relationship vibes and stop feeling like friends in a relationship, make the effort again. Take time to go on dates and get dressed up. Light candles with dinner and play music. These things are so simple, yet they truly make all the difference.
4. Vent to others friends
Too much venting can launch your relationship into a friendship. Yes, your partner is there to listen, but sometimes too much complaining can bring things down.
Instead, reach out to your other friends for venting, that’s what they are there for. By subtracting the complaining from the equation you’re leaving more time for other happy, couple conversations. [Read: 10 sexy conversation starters to get you both horny]
5. Be physical
Friendship easily takes over once the intimacy stops, and the relationship can start to feel like friendship. Everything from sex to kissing and even just rubbing a shoulder as you walk past makes all the difference. A simple touch can ignite a spark you thought was lost.
So make that reach. Instead of a kiss on the cheek before going off to work, have a real embrace. When sharing your stories from the week, rub each other’s shoulders.
Small acts of touch remind you of the attraction you once were absorbed by. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
6. PDA
Yes, we all slightly judge those couples who are heavily making out and eating each other’s faces in public spaces, but why are they doing that? Because they simply cannot keep their hands off each other. The passion there cannot be missed!
Whether you kiss while out to dinner, put your arm around each other on the train, or just hold hands while shopping, these things release a message not just to the public, but also to one another that you want to be that close always. [Read: What is PDA in a relationship? The full guide to every aspect of it]
7. Send cute texts
Flirting via text may very well be how your relationship began. And even if it reminds you of young high school love, that is good. The intensity in those young relationships is powerful.
So whether you just send an “I’m thinking of you” text throughout the day or add a cute message to something like “Don’t forget to pick up the milk,” that can help remind your partner of the fire still burning. [Read: 20 sexy ways to flirt with your girlfriend and make her feel desired]
8. Spice things up
If your relationship feels like friendship now, try new things in the bedroom, go on adventurous dates, and be spontaneous. Overcoming something new together bonds you. It reminds you how much you have invested in your partner.
And celebrating your success by baking a new meal together, going mountain climbing, or trying a new position in bed will bring you closer together.
9. Make everyday things more exciting
If your relationship feels like friendship, you probably do a lot of dull everyday things around one another. You get ready for work, make dinner, take a shower. So instead of going about those acts normally, make them more interesting.
Hop in the shower together and listen to music while cooking dinner together. Dull tasks don’t have to be dull. [Read: 20 ways to spice up a relationship and go from bland to ka-pow]
10. Keep the mystery alive
You can keep being comfy and farting in front of one another, but keep the mystery alive in other ways. Instead of just stripping down and putting your PJs on at night, make it a sexy striptease. Or plan a secret date.
Even text your partner at work telling them you have a surprise for them. Being coy and mysterious about something gives your partner and you something to look forward to. [Read: 30 super-sexy ways to spice up your sex life tonight!]
11. Double date
You may think going out with friends would make you feel more like friends. But if you go on double dates with other couples, you’ll be more likely to reconnect. Seeing other couples holding hands or kissing reminds you of what you may be lacking.
It can help to start a conversation. And when you’re around other people, you tend to mirror mannerisms. So, if the couple you’re out with is cuddling in the booth, you are more likely to follow their lead. [Read: The best double dating ideas and why it’s good to go on one]
12. Notice the little things
When things get comfortable in a relationship, people get taken for granted. So start noticing the little things again – for example, when he opens the door for you or she picks up your favorite sushi for dinner.
These are not give-ins or things that come with any relationship. These are kind acts that show your partner went out of their way for you.
13. Flirt
Flirting is not just for strangers. You can flirt with your partner when you call them midday. You can flirt when you’re making dinner plans or even heading to the in-laws for brunch.
Use your charm, your sense of humor, and your attraction to get those giddy feelings going again. Just try to avoid too much sarcasm as that can come off as passive-aggressive and very friendzone-like. [Read: How to flirt with your boyfriend – 20 ways to keep it sexy and sweet]
14. Cuddle
Has date night turned into watching Netflix on the sofa? That’s fine. But instead of sitting on opposite sides of the sofa eating popcorn, get closer. Cuddling, leaning on one another, and even stroking your partner’s arm can reignite intimacy in a new way.
A simple touch can make all the difference! [Read: 17 ways to rekindle romance and spark up your love life]
15. Try counseling
If you just don’t know where to start or how to make one of these moves, counseling may be your best bet. Starting a conversation and getting your partner to agree to it can be difficult, especially because you may not be fighting at all.
When your relationship feels like friendship, your partner may not even realize something is wrong because you get along, just not in a romantic way. Try to tell your partner you love them, but something is missing and you want to find the romance. They should understand and at least give it a try.
What happens if none of this works? Well, maybe you are better as friends. Some relationships just aren’t meant to be. [Read: Mutual breakup – Why they happen and how to recognize the signs]
Of course, not all couples have crazy hot chemistry and a burning passion, but some sort of attraction and romance should be alive.
[Read: 30 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]
If your relationship feels like friendship, try everything you can to reignite the flame. But if that doesn’t work, friendship may be the best way to keep this person in your life.
