Home  >  Love Couch  >  Better Love

33 Honest Questions to Ask Before Marriage to Know If You’re a Good Match

There are some questions to ask before marriage that need to be posed. Without knowing the answers, how can you know if you’re on the right page?

questions to ask before marriage

You can never be able to tell for sure if someone is 100% perfect for you. You can only have faith that they are and see where the relationship and your life together takes you. But you should be really close to sure they’re the one you want to spend your life with. These questions to ask before marriage will definitely help you see if they’re good for you or not.

After all, it’s easy to assume you’re compatible but when it comes down to it, you might be far away from agreeing on important things. If you’ve already tied the knot, you might find yourself in troubling times. [Read: Marital traditions – Their not-so-sweet origins and our modern choices]

Societal expectations on marriage

While we’re far away from the times when you just had to get married otherwise you’d fall out of society, there is still an expectation to get married eventually. And that’s the reason some people do it.

After a certain age, people start questioning why someone’s not married; that pressure can often make people marry someone they shouldn’t.

Divorce follows closely after relationships like this. But you can easily avoid all this happening if you just ask a few simple questions before marriage. Most of the time, couples may not be able to answer them as confidently as they thought. [Read: Things people need to know before getting married]

Important questions to ask before marriage

If you’re thinking of tying the knot with your special someone, you might want to ask a few questions first. These will help you figure out if the person you’re going to spend your life with is the best one for you.

Some questions you need to ask yourself and others you need to ask your partner. Let’s start with you first. [Read: Best age to get married – 26 secrets, pros, cons, stats, and signs you’re ready]

1. Is this what I want?

Ask yourself this all the time, every day if need be. Is marriage really what you want? Will it make you happy?

Do not worry about other people’s expectations. Whether it is your partner’s, your parents’, or even society’s, the only expectations that you need to meet are yours.

Think long and hard before making this big commitment. If you are going into marriage with the thought that you can easily get out of it whenever you want, think again. The paperwork and lawyer’s fees are a bitch and not worth having to suffer through.

So do the smart thing and take some time beforehand to think about whether you really want this marriage. [Read: How to be true to yourself and start living your life on your terms]

2. Am I ready?

Another question to ask yourself is whether you are ready to tie the knot. Always remember that the younger you are, the riskier it is. Are you ready to be tied down to one person? Are you even close to being ready to build a life with this individual?

Being ready and prepared means everything. If you have even a shred of doubt in your mind, step back and put the whole marriage idea on hold for a second. Remember that it takes more than just love to make a relationship work.

3. Is marriage necessary?

When you’re asking yourself questions before marriage, ask yourself if marriage is even necessary. Are you fine with living an unmarried life with your partner?

When we look back at what marriage used to symbolize, it hasn’t got much to do with why we do it today.

In France for example, they have something called a Pacte Civil de Solidarité (PACS). PACS is a contractual form of civil union that offers fewer legal rights and responsibilities than marriage. Practiced by both same-sex and opposite-sex couples, you are no longer considered single once you have signed PACS.

Depending on where in the world you live, consider some of the other options besides conventional matrimony. If the French do it, why don’t you? [Read: What is commitment in a relationship and how to know if you have it]

4. Can I do this forever?

Everyone goes into marriage confident that it will last forever. But if you have doubts about being with one person for the rest of your life, you need to rethink this whole marriage idea. Do not cower behind separation or divorce when things get emotionally rough.

You have to have the strength to see your marriage through to the very end.

However, in all fairness, there are plenty of legitimate reasons to end a marriage, none of which are easy to deal with.

Just remember to stick at it for as long as you can without bringing harm to yourself emotionally or physically. For better or for worse, remember? [Read: How to keep love alive in a relationship and stay in love forever with your one]

5. Do I want to raise a family?

Many couples choose to get married because they are ready to start a family. Do you even want to have kids? If you are tying the knot under the pretext of wanting to start a family, then you need to stop yourself right there.

Think long and hard about whether you see kids in your future. Do not half-ass this decision because raising a family is a serious commitment and definitely not something to be taken lightly. [Read: How to know if both of you are ready to have a baby]

6. Why am I doing this?

Do it for the right reasons, not to satisfy a whim. Are you feeling pressured and doing it to please your partner? Whether it is getting married for that green card, or doing it because you want to feel more secure in your relationship, one question you should ask yourself before marriage is why you want to get married in the first place.

The institution of marriage is sacred and not something to be taken lightly just because you want to fulfill another goal. [Read: 58 best and worst reasons to get married and signs you’re not ready for it]

Now that you’ve asked yourself some tough questions, let’s take a look at questions you should ask your partner before marriage, or simply ponder together.

7. What type of home is ideal for us?

Often, couples talk a lot about their dream homes and what they’d love to live in, but they don’t actually talk about what’s ideal or realistic for them.

What type of home do you both want? Is it something big with a lot of extra space or something a little more compact and cheap so you can spend more money on adventures and travel?

With something like this, you have to discuss it before you make a life-long commitment to each other. [Read: Stay-at-home wife – 18 reasons why her life is so perfect and enviable]

8. What percentage of our income do we want to spend on housing per month?

Money is a huge deal. Many couples end their marriage because of issues with their finances. It’s important to understand ahead of time how much you’re willing to spend on housing.

With this question to ask before marriage, you’ll figure out if you both have similar ideas and if you’re really compatible financially and lifestyle-wise.

9. Who is responsible for lawn/yard care and who is responsible for indoors?

Have you ever discussed this? If you’re already living in a house together, you may have already figured this out but if not, you better start talking about it.

If both of you hate outdoor work, you might run into issues together with owning a house that has a big lawn and a lot of grass to cut. [Read: Practical things to do before moving in together]

It may not seem like a big deal now, but not planning these things out to suit everyone ahead of time can lead to a build-up of resentment, and, in worst-case scenarios, even a divorce.

10. What type of morals and values are most important to instill in our kids?

You already know you want to have good kids. Everyone does. But what are the main things you want to make sure your children grow to value? What morals will you work hard to instill in them?

If you both don’t have an agreement here, things could get really difficult when you eventually do have kids together. So make sure there’s a clear understanding and you agree before you marry them.

11. What type of savings/retirement plan do we want?

You have to talk about money. Money is a super important part of a marriage, even though none of us want to believe it. You have to plan for retirement and plan for it together.

What does each of you want when you retire?

What type of retirement are you looking to have and how can you both make your desires a reality? These have to match up to a certain degree. [Read: 20 lifestyle changes to make in your 20s for a better future]

12. What do our career goals look like in five years?

Do you both have solid plans for your careers? Now talk to each other about those things and see if they work well together. Obviously, you both want to encourage and support the other but you also have to make sure your goals are lined up.

If one of you wants to become CEO someday and the other is fine where they are, there will be problems. You might not be as right for each other as you think.

13. What do our family goals look like in five years?

Believe it or not, many people don’t often look at these two goals side by side. Do both of your career goals align with both of your goals for when you want to start a family? You can’t be a CEO in five years and expect to also start a family in two.

14. How’s the sex?

Be real about it, too. Are you both satisfied and happy with your sex life? If you’re having issues now, you need to get them taken care of or admit that you’re not sexually compatible and therefore, shouldn’t get married.

Sex plays a major role in a healthy relationship and if you can’t make that work, they’re not for you. [Read: 46 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom and leave you horny 24/7]

15. Do we have healthy communication?

Think about how well you communicate. Is it great? Do you have an easy time talking about things and ironing them out? If so, that’s great!

If not, you may want to talk about finding better ways to communicate or face the fact that you may not be right for each other.

16. How do we plan to keep the romance alive in the relationship down the road?

Contrary to what many believe, marriage isn’t the one thing that makes romance and sex fizzle out. However, starting a family does. The time constraints and the stress of a baby and children often put the parent’s romantic and sexual needs as a lesser priority.

But it’s still super important to maintain. You both have to figure out the best ways you can keep that level of intimacy alive. Talk about your plans and what both of you would want if things start to get stale.

It could save your relationship down the road or help you realize you could never make it last with that person. [Read: Naughty ways to keep the romance alive when you have kids]

17. What type of lifestyle do we want to have?

This is in regard to being fit and active along with what you’ll be eating and how healthy you want to be in life. You might have some things in common but if you want to have a very strict, healthy lifestyle but your partner would rather eat whatever they want, it’s going to cause problems.

You may argue that you know how they like to live their life but what are their goals with their lifestyle? Do they want to improve and become healthier as they age or do they not really care so much about if they’re getting the right nutrients? These things make a huge difference in a marriage.

18. Are you both ready to work really hard for love?

This may be one of the most important questions to ask before marriage. Love isn’t easy. Being in love with someone can be simple but maintaining that love and showing that appreciation day after day is not. It’s a lot of work.

You have to both be willing to put forth that effort for the rest of your life. If one of you is not ready, the entire marriage won’t work. [Read: 20 crucial things you need to do before getting married]

19. Do we have debt?

Do not start your married life in debt. If you have not already shared financial statuses with each other, now is the time to do so. Be transparent with your partner about your bank balance, savings plan, and debt. Sit down and calculate if it is the right time for you to get married.

It is always better to kickstart a life together by being debt-free, or at the very least, having a super solid financial plan in place.

Being financially responsible is one of the many skills needed to make a marriage work. If the two of you cannot come to a consensus even before you are married, how bleak do you think your future together is going to be? [Read: 17 brilliant yet simple ways to save money as a couple]

20. Can we afford it?

Planning and executing a wedding is not cheap. Unless you plan to elope, you have to set aside thousands of dollars for the ceremony. So, one question you should be asking before marriage is if you can even afford it. It’s not worth it to start your life together riddled with debt and owing favors to others.

If you cannot wait, an alternative is to sign the legal documents first and then plan a wedding party further down the road. [Read: How to elope with your lover and have your perfect fairy tale wedding]

21. What if we can’t have kids?

Many couples get married with the plan to have children one day. Discuss with your partner what the two of you are going to do if you cannot have children.

Fertility issues are on the rise and many newlyweds face problems conceiving. Many have tried for years to no avail even after getting tested and determining that both parties are fine.

Figure out a backup plan in case you have problems conceiving in the future. Find out if the two of you are open to adoption, surrogacy, in vitro fertilization, and other methods to conceive and start a family.

22. Where do we want to end up?

Determining where you want to put down roots is an important decision to make together. Whether you want to lead a nomadic life of traveling and assimilating into new cultures or stay put in one place, this is a very important question to ask before marriage.

Sit down and decide on the importance of building a permanent home together. Discuss your openness to move for work, health reasons, family, education, and so on. [Read: Life questions to help you visualize your future]

23. What about religious beliefs?

Before tying the knot, speak to your significant other about the importance of religion in the household. Does it matter that you have different religious and spiritual beliefs? How do you want to raise your children?

How big a role does religion have to play in your life together? You will be surprised at how many people dive headfirst into a marriage without figuring out important decisions like these.

24. Should we broaden or lessen our social life?

If you’re a social butterfly, while your spouse is a homebody, this may pose some problems in your marriage. You two need to come to some form of agreement on what sort of social life you want to have as a couple. [Read: How to be more social – 22 ways to genuinely connect with others]

Don’t skip this question to ask before marriage if you think that your partner’s opposing ideas to socializing could build up resentment in either of you in the future.

25. Can we have fun together for the rest of our lives?

Marriage isn’t all romance, rainbows, and unicorns. It takes hard work and, more often than not, successful marriages are based on strong friendships. You need to be sure that you can both have fun together for the rest of your lives.

If you don’t share the same interests, this could be a problem, so be sure to address this before proceeding. [Read: Relationship rules – 30 must-know tips to live your best love life]

26. How often should girls/boys nights happen?

Marriage should be about the two of you, but it’s foolish to believe that that’s all you need. You both need time off from each other to maintain relationships with those closest to you.

It is important to have your own friends, so discuss how often you each get time off for your friendships. If you don’t ask this question before marriage, arguments could ensue about one of you spending too much time with your friends and not enough time with your spouse.

27. What are your thoughts on infidelity?

This is a loaded question, and one that has to be carefully thought through before being brought up. Of course, no one goes into a marriage with the intention to cheat, but it is definitely worth a discussion to make sure you’re both on the same page about what counts as cheating.

Plus, it’s nice hearing your partner repeat multiple times how they will never do something like that to you. [Read: What is considered cheating? The painful types and ways to set boundaries]

28. How often should we go on vacation

Many couples assume that going on vacation is a given, but once you’re married and saddled with a host of bills, spending money on a holiday may be the last thing on your minds.

However, it is always important to take a break together, so figure out how often this will happen. [Read: 196 fun and deep relationship questions to test your couple compatibility]

29. Are you ready for forever with me?

As cheesy and cliché as this question may be, it is an important one to ask before marriage. You want to hear from your partner’s own mouth that they are ready to spend forever with you.

30. How well do we handle change and the unexpected?

This isn’t just a question to pose to your partner but one that you should ask as a collective. How do you deal with these things together, as a team? Do you handle change and unexpected situations well, or do you find yourself panicking and both heading off in different directions?

If you’re in this for the long haul, you both need to be on the same page and stick together.

31. How well do we handle disagreements together?

How do you fight? Do you scream at each other and say things you don’t mean, or are you able to communicate effectively?

Learning how to argue without hurting each other is important. Just because you’re with this person for life doesn’t mean you can say whatever you like to them when you’re angry, and vice versa. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting too often]

32. How much do you value time together, versus time apart?

Ask yourself this question but ask your partner too. Is one more important than the other? It’s likely that they’re both important but in different ways. The key is that it should be balanced and that you should never allow your priorities to veer too much in either direction.

[Read: Time apart in a relationship – 21 signs, reasons and how to bring it up]

33. Will we have separate bank accounts or share assets?

We’ve mentioned financial questions a couple of times but this one is maybe the most important question to ask before marriage. Some couples like to keep separate bank accounts so they have a little independence. That’s fine, but you both have to agree on it.

Similarly, some couples prefer to share everything. Again, you both have to agree. [Read: Sharing expenses in a relationship – the golden must-follow rules]

How to use these questions and why they’re so important

You might think you know each other, and you probably do, pretty well, but asking a few searching questions before marriage means that there will be no nasty surprises after all the signatures are signed and vows are said.

Once you get the answers to your questions, discuss them together and use them as a sounding board, not a reason to argue or try to be the ‘right one’ or the ‘wrong one.’ Remember, a huge part of marriage is about compromise.

[Read: Healthy relationship – 27 signs, qualities, and what it looks like in real life]

Getting married is a big deal and you have to treat it as such. Knowing the right questions to ask before marriage can prevent you from making a life-altering mistake. Make sure you’re going to be with the right person forever.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. And while you’re at it, check out MIRL, a cool new social networking app that connects experts and seekers!

Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...