Most people believe that once you’re in a serious relationship, you will never feel lonely again. How could you possibly feel alone when you’ve got someone on your side loving, supporting and motivating you?
Yet, many people often feel more secluded in serious relationships, as time and change can put pressure on your bond and lead you to feel distant from your partner.
People become lonely in relationships for many different reasons but most often, it has to do with feeling disconnected from their partner. Once a person becomes disconnected, the loneliness begins to seep into their lives, and cause them to feel upset and unloved.
[Read: 18 not-so-obvious critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
Why do you feel lonely in your relationship?
#1 It’s very common to feel lonely if you feel emotionally or physically ignored by your partner. If you don’t believe that your needs are being met, and that perhaps your partner doesn’t care anymore, it is extremely easy to feel alone in a relationship.
This can be related to feeling unloved and undervalued, and being insecure in the partnership. It can also creep in if you start to believe that your sexual needs aren’t being met. And this in turn, can cause loneliness and create an invisible barrier between partners. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by the one you love]
#2 Sometimes, we can also become lonely when we long for someone or something else. If you don’t really know what you want in a relationship, then you won’t be fully happy and fulfilled. You must pinpoint what it is you want and need from a relationship in order to fully embrace and engage with your significant other.
Do you have some of the same interests and morals? Can you agree on important things? If not, maybe you and your partner aren’t as fit for each other as you believed, and that is causing you to long for something different. [Read: The 3 stages to embrace and overcome loneliness]
#3 Loneliness also occurs when communication is not open and honest. You need to talk to your partner, and let them know how you’re feeling. Maybe your partner doesn’t realize you’re feeling unloved, or unsatisfied. Mind reading is not a common skill, and by stalling communication, you won’t help the situation.
#4 Relationships involve two individuals, and if one of those individuals is going through a difficult phase in their life, it may create some distance. If you feel disconnected from your partner because of this, you should strive to find how you could work together through this time. Be patient, and continue to be supportive of each other.
When one, or several of these things happen to your relationship, you can eat, sleep, and live with your partner but still feel unengaged and inactive in the relationship. While the feeling of loneliness can start off small, if it’s not dealt with soon, it can grow to a crushing level that can eventually end a relationship altogether. [Read: 18 relationship turn offs that will soon ruin your relationship]
What can you do to stop feeling lonely?
It is important to do a number of things when you’re starting to feel lonely in your relationship, and the following can help you start mending the disconnect you’re feeling.
#1 Talk to your partner. The absolute first thing you should do is talk to your partner about your feelings, and the concerns you have with your relationship. Tell them that you have been feeling lonely lately, and express the reasons that you think this may be.
If you don’t start by expressing your feelings to your partner, it will be difficult to find and address the root of the problem. Relationships that have open and consistent communication often have fewer issues. [Read: How to improve communication and get over trust issues in your relationship]
#2 Don’t isolate yourself. Loneliness can be a perpetual cycle as it leads to you further closing yourself off to the people around you, causing you to feel even lonelier. If you’re feeling alone in your relationship, resist the temptation to hibernate in yourself, and your secluded routine. If all you really want to do is curl up with a book or watch a movie, don’t. Get out of the house, and be around other people.
#3 Keep busy. If you’re feeling lonely and all you really want to do is nothing, make the effort to get busy. Sign yourself up for a new cooking class, or online course. Take on a new project at work, or volunteer at an organization in your city.
Do something other than spending time alone doing nothing. If you’re busy, it’s easier to forget that you were feeling lonely as other things occupy your mind. It’s also rewarding when you accomplish something new!
#4 Meet new people. Not only should you get out of the house and keep busy, you should also try to meet new people. New friendships can often stimulate inspiration and motivation in our lives. When we meet someone with a great skill or an interesting passion, it’s easier to become rejuvenated. Human relationships are an essential part of life, and if you can meet people that share your interests, it will do a lot of good to overcome your loneliness. [Read: The right way to make new friends when you can’t find any friends]
#5 Be nice to yourself. Just because you’re feeling lonely in your relationship and experiencing some challenges in your life, doesn’t mean you need to become hard on yourself. We all go through rough patches, and you need to remember to be kind to yourself, and offer words of encouragement instead of self-diminishing.
#6 Talk to someone. If you’re feeling lonely and you’re not sure what the next step is, you should start by talking to someone you trust. It will be difficult to move forward from the emotion and seclusion if you don’t first reach outside yourself. If you don’t feel like your partner is the one to talk to, then you could approach a close friend or family member. If that also doesn’t seem possible, then why not reach out to a professional?
Sharing your experience is often liberating as you discover that many people experience the same emotions. You can gain some advice from talking about your issues, and you’ll find it easier than dealing with it all by yourself. [Read: 12 real reasons why so many couples start drifting apart over time]
#7 Find out what the root problem is. In a relationship, loneliness is caused by something else that’s going on between you and your partner. The only true solution to loneliness is uprooting the main cause of the emotion. Once you do that, you can work towards cutting the cause off at the source, and hopefully leaving loneliness in the past.
Many of us feel lonely in relationships. It can be caused by a number of things, but generally it has to do with feeling disconnected from your partner and/or yourself. You should communicate your loneliness to the people you trust in your life, and talk it through with your partner. If you don’t address the true causes, you will continue to cycle through the emotion and feel as though you are always alone in the world.
[Read: 15 common reasons why you may be getting bored with your relationship]
Don’t feel ashamed or guilty if you feel lonely in your relationship. Address it, try to understand why you’re feeling it, and fix it using these ways. After all, suppressing it will never make loneliness go away!
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