I know it’s hard to deal with, but it must be dealt with. Being insecure, no matter the situation, isn’t good for you. It’s especially harmful in a relationship because you’ll never really be happy. That’s why you have to know how to stop being insecure in a relationship.
That is, if you want this love to last. No two people can survive happily together if there’s a ton of insecurity present. Sure, you can both have certain insecurities but if it’s major, you can’t make it work.
Insecurity is responsible for the large majority of issues in relationships
It really is. Have trust issues? That’s insecurity. Jealous? Insecurity. Clingy? Insecurity. Not feeling good about yourself or the relationship all has to do with insecurity even if you don’t realize it.
You could look like the most confident person ever but if you’re having the issues mentioned above, you’re actually insecure. When you can’t have faith in your partner and, deep down, you don’t think they want to be with you, the issues will never resolve themselves. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship]
How to stop being insecure in a relationship so you can finally have happiness
It’ll be hard. Insecurity issues aren’t ones that go away overnight. There isn’t a quick fix for this problem. That being said, if you make a real effort to help yourself, you’ll be so much happier in life and in your relationship. Here’s where you can start.
#1 Pinpoint where the insecurities lie. Most of us have certain areas that we’re insecure about. It could be that we don’t like how we look, our intelligence level, or that we’re not funny enough.
You really have to figure out where your insecurity comes from. Doing this can help you formulate a plan to gain your confidence in that specific area and that’s what’ll help you stop being so insecure in your relationship.
#2 Stop blaming your partner. This is something a lot of people do when they’re insecure. They’ll blame their partner for talking to that person or looking over at someone who’s attractive. It’s like you want it to be their fault that you feel insecure.
You can’t do this. The more you do this, the more you alienate your partner and that’s when resentment can form. Recognize your behavior for what it is and accept that it’s not their job to make you feel confident. That’s your job. [Read: 16 abusive relationships sign of a devious lover]
#3 Do some self-reflecting. You really have to think about your own actions and how you’re behaving in the relationship. Do you want it to last? Do you want your partner to leave you?
Because if you keep up with the insecurities and you don’t make an effort to stop them, that could happen. Since insecurities cause a whole host of other intimacy issues, your relationship could fail because of it.
#4 Talk about it with your significant other. You have to be able to talk about these things with your significant other. Open up and express that you don’t like certain things about yourself or you feel like they’re going to leave you for whatever reason.
It’s not their job to make you feel confident, but it is their job to help you feel better. They want you to be happy and if you commit to working on things, they will too.
#5 Get help from friends. Your friends might not know you’re the insecure type. Sometimes we hold those things back in an attempt to seem put together. But you can’t do that. Open up to them and they’ll definitely help you.
Friends basically live to make us feel better about ourselves. They can even offer some insight that you wouldn’t have realized before that could make all the difference. [Read: The 8 kinds of friends everyone needs in their life]
#6 Remember that they chose you. Out of everyone your partner could have, they chose you. They want you in their life and they’re not just going to up and leave. You have to remember this or you’ll continue to drive yourself nuts with insecurity.
#7 Remember that everyone has flaws. When you’re thinking about the things you don’t like about yourself, remember that every single person has flaws. Your partner even has some but do you ever want to leave them? Probably not.
Trying to be perfect all the time will only make your situation worse. Because humans are not perfect. We’re full of flaws and we make mistakes. Plus, something you don’t like about yourself might be your significant other’s favorite thing about you.
#8 Hit the gym. This doesn’t’ have anything to do with what your body looks like. Sure, it’ll probably do your body some good on the outside, but this is about how you feel on the inside. When you’re active and getting your blood pumping, you’re also fueling yourself with endorphins that make you feel good.
And you’re also getting stronger. There’s just something about being strong and capable that’ll help you self-esteem immensely. [Read: 12 amazing benefits of exercise]
#9 Start eating better. Just like with working out, this is about feeling good. The more junk and toxic foods you eat, the more you’ll feel exactly like that. Eating right and meeting your nutrition standards is a fantastic way to feel amazing and it could impact your confidence in a huge way.
#10 Work on being a better person. Do you know what you should be worrying about instead of your partner leaving you? How good of a person you are. You should always be trying to improve and do better and be better.
When you’re actively being a good person, it’ll make you feel good. And not only that, but your partner will want to be with someone who is always trying to be something better.
#11 Stop comparing yourself. This is the worst thing you can do for your insecurity. If you keep comparing yourself to other people, you’ll never feel happy because you’ll never BE someone else.
It’s better to focus on your own goals and tailor your vision of who you are to what you’re capable of. Don’t let someone else make you feel less than you are. [Read: 5 easy ways to stop comparing yourself to your partner’s ex]
#12 Get help from a professional. We can’t always pinpoint the real issues on our own. Sometimes we need someone with skill and experience to show us what it is. So go talk to a therapist. They can help uncover some of those things you’re having issues with and formulate a plan you can actually put into effect.
[Read: 15 steps to stop being insecure and transform your life]
Figuring out how to stop being insecure in a relationship takes a lot of self-reflecting and time. You need to constantly make an effort to better yourself and love who you are.
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