When you rush into a relationship, you miss the best part – all that nervous excitement! A rushed relationship doesn’t start on the best foundation.
You’ve found someone you really connect with. You can’t stop thinking about them. You want to spend every single second together, and you’re sure that this is The One. Slow down. Seriously, chill out, or learn how to fix a rushed relationship before you’re past the first milestone.
Rushing into a full-blown relationship is not a good thing. Officially.
Sure, we get it. You want to solidify things. You want to put a label on it and get past the uncertain part of a new relationship and into established territory. Trust us, we understand.
Remember, there is a reason we should go through those weird yet still very wonderful early stages. We get to know one another and don’t lose ourselves in the midst of being part of a couple.
If you rush past all of this, you’re sure to end up stuck.
[Read: How fast is too fast in a relationship and timing it all perfectly]
Why is it so easy to rush into a relationship?
Practically speaking, it should be easy not to rush into a relationship. You know that rushing in without thinking or really knowing someone probably won’t work out and may lead to both of you being hurt.
But, that is the problem when romantic feelings are involved, logic and reason go out the window. [Read: 20 speedy signs your relationship is starting to move way too fast]
We move into relationships with our hearts or our hormones rather than our minds. Of course, passion and love have a strong place in relationships too, but throwing in a bit of logic can help.
The reason we overlook those things and end up rushing into a relationship without planning it out is that things feel good in the beginning. You haven’t fought or probably been through anything severe together so you are grasping those good feelings.
Wanting to keep those feelings going leads us to rush. We become official on social media, bring our new partner to family gatherings, and maybe even move in together or get engaged because you can only see things being as good as they are now.
We don’t want to anticipate bad times or be negative about our potential future so we have hope that things will stay good. We also fear the relationship ending if it isn’t growing.
[Read: The honeymoon phase and how long it takes for normal love to fade to nothing]
The key signs of a rushed relationship
If you’re wondering whether you and your new beau are rushing things a little, you probably already know the answer. But, consider these signs of rushing before drawing a firm conclusion.
1. Your gut feeling doesn’t lie
If you get that “rock bottom” feeling in your stomach, it feels like a mixture of nervousness and straight-up hesitation, then you might not be ready.
Of course, this is a reaction to change, so people who actively want to take the next step may get this too. When it resembles more dread than excitement, vocalize your wants and needs to your partner. [Read: How to slow down a relationship – 18 ways to do it without hurting your enthusiastic partner]
2. You plan and talk about the next step, but hesitate or put it off
If you spend your time having conversations starting with “when we,” but then never take the steps to achieve that goal, you’re taking your time for a reason.
People who want to take that next step find a way to make it happen, they’ll put in the time and effort to make it a reality. If you talk about it, and never do anything else, you might not be ready. [Read: 18 tips to fall in love slowly, like you’re in a fairy tale]
3. You maintain communication with exes
If you’re in a relationship, monogamous or not, and you’re talking to exes, then you’re not ready. To be committed to someone, you should hone in on that one person, leaving everyone else in the past. If you’re not monogamous, you’re not really committed—your attention is spread out.
If you talk to exes, then you’re either not over the breakups, or you’re keeping options open in case someone goes back on the market. Because there really is no way to be “just friends” with an ex. Some try, but eventually, something always ends up happening, intentionally or not. [Read: All the reasons why staying friends with your ex just doesn’t work]
4. Seeing others taking the next step doesn’t motivate you
Your friends could be moving in with their partners, getting married, having kids, or just making things official. If you’re standing on the sidelines not particularly jealous or motivated, then you’re not in a rush.
5. The love is there and you show it, but as a way to overcompensate
It could be that the love really is there, and that your partner means the world to you. You could even be the most affectionate partner of all time, but if you’ve been doing it more than usual, then you’re overcompensating.
You’re using all that sex, the cuddles, the small attentive behavior, and the back rubs, to make your partner feel loved and hopefully settle down about the next step. [Read: 15 mistakes women make when she wants a guy to commit]
6. You’ve been a little overprotective about your independence and alone time
Perhaps you’ve been asking for more time alone or with your friends. Maybe you’ve been using work as an excuse to stay home and think about things *or try not to*.
If this is the case, you’re being a little overprotective about your quality time alone or sense of self. You’re using it to avoid having the inevitable conversation that might push things in the direction that, frankly, you’re just not ready for. [Read: Are you smothered in the relationship? How to read the signs and fix it]
7. Whenever the subject gets brought up, you quickly find something to distract you
Hypothetically, if you’re planning on moving in together, and your partner brings over a pile of potential real estate agent numbers, places to look at, and a list of amenities they’d like to have at the new place, how would you feel?
If you’re not excited, but rather, quickly nod and fake happiness, only to retreat into the kitchen, or turn on the TV, then you’re really not trying to move in. The same goes for any step, like marriage or kids.
8. When people bring up the topic, you put on a fake smile
Surely, your friends already know, and so do your partner’s friends. The topic is inevitably going to be brought up. When it does, you force a smile or two.
If the grin of happiness isn’t genuinely going from ear to ear, there’s something very, very wrong. [Read: Commitment phobia – 15 signs you’re just not ready to commit]
9. You still have wandering eyes
When you’re in complete and utter love with someone, all other individuals seem to blend into the surroundings. Making them the equivalent of trees in your line of sight. You may notice if someone is wearing a vibrant color, or if they’re very unsightly.
Otherwise, even with attractive people, you either do not notice or just don’t care. If this isn’t you, and you’re actively letting your eyes wander, then you’re not ready to commit yourself to one person. [Read: Dating vs Real Relationship – 14 signs to really know your status]
10. You’ve been taking it easy, opting to stay in with your partner and do quiet things
When you go out, you show your dynamic to others, whether you realize it or not. You publicize your relationship. You do things together that bring you both joy or a sense of productivity.
If you’ve been hermitting with your partner, and it’s not because of tiredness, work, or stress, then you might be using it as an excuse to hide from the world and the inevitable choice you need to make. [Read: 18 undeniable signs you’ve found “the one” you can spend your life with]
How to fix a rushed relationship without falling apart
Learning how to fix a rushed relationship isn’t easy, we’re not going to lie. When you’ve rushed things, rewinding can be difficult. It’s far easier to speed things up!
You’ll probably hit the point where you begin to argue a lot, simply because you don’t actually know each other as well as you thought you did.
One *or both of you* will start to feel pushed and even suffocated. Basically, you need to put the brakes on for a while and let some time pass.
Now, this is a risk. When you do that, there is the chance of drifting apart. But if that happens, the relationship wasn’t meant to be in the first place.
If you reconnect after slowing things down, you’ll probably find that you learn some strong lessons from the experience. And your relationship will be stronger as a result.
If you want to know how to fix a rushed relationship and salvage things before they truly hit a roadblock, let’s explore a few potential options. [Read: How to take a relationship slow but not so slow that it ends]
1. Ask yourself why you rushed in the first place
The first thing you should do is a little soul searching. Really ask yourself why you felt the need to rush things. Was it you who rushed or was it your partner? If it was your partner, why did you go along with it?
There are many reasons why people feel the need to rush things. It’s normally due to either low self-confidence or because of a bad experience in the past and a need to get the new relationship on solid, established ground.
Both reasons aren’t particularly healthy. Before you can work on learning how to fixed a rushed relationship, identify your reasons and be totally honest with yourself in the process. [Read: How to stop making the same mistakes in relationships]
2. Talk things through
The problem with rushed relationships is that communication is normally not great. You haven’t taken the time to get to know each other and feel totally comfortable with talking about difficult topics, so it’s likely that this is something that fills you with dread. However, it’s something you have to do.
Be honest and admit that you feel like the relationship has been rushed, but that you want to try and salvage things over the longer term.
Regardless of who was the one doing the predominant rushing, be sure that you’re both on the same page and that neither of you feels like the other one is trying to get out of the relationship. That’s really not what is going on here.
The fact you’re trying to learn how to fix a rushed relationship says that you want it to work. The more you communicate honestly and openly, the greater chance you have of making things work. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship and experience a better relationship]
3. Consider whether you need to take a break from the relationship
Before you panic at the word ‘break,’ wait! Taking a break isn’t doesn’t always have to be an option. Even if it is, ‘break’ doesn’t mean ‘break up’.
A break means slowing things down, taking a step back, and simply allowing the relationship to flow naturally. There is no need to rush things and push things in a specific direction. If you connect, it will flow where you want it to anyway. [Read: Relationship break – 24 rules to taking a break and how to plan for it]
4. Spend some time doing things with friends and focusing on yourself
When you rush a relationship, the chances are that you neglect other areas of your life. This normally means you don’t spend as much time with your friends anymore.
You start dropping the hobbies that meant so much to you before, and you pour all of your attention onto your partner.
Now you want to learn how to fix a rushed relationship, it’s time to hit rewind on all of those things. Start spending more time with the people you have neglected. Spend some time focusing on yourself too.
Consider this an intervention! A wake-up call to put things right and start again with everything in the right place, on an even foundation.
A healthy relationship means having other things in your life apart from your partner but also placing them as a priority. It’s a balance. And it’s one that will be totally out of whack if you rush things.
5. Don’t confuse your partner
Again, this is about communication. Make sure that you’re clear and don’t send signals that are all over the place.
Let your partner know that they’re a priority to you, but you must take a step back to slow things down and salvage the relationship. Let them know you’re doing this because you care about them so much.
If you say that then continue being full on, you’re sending mixed signals. If you say that then totally ghost them, you’re sending mixed signals. Be consistent! [Read: Exactly how slow is too slow in a relationship – The must-know details]
6. Focus on your own healthy boundaries
Relationships need healthy boundaries. These boundaries ensure that you don’t lose yourself in the relationship, and you’re not just putting up with things that you’re not comfortable with. They also ensure that the relationship has space to grow, at the right time.
Take the time to think about what your boundaries are. Don’t be afraid to communicate them with your partner. However, do remember that your partner will also have their own boundaries that you should discuss and accept.
When a relationship is rushed, most boundaries are crossed. It doesn’t make for a long-lasting or healthy union. [Read: New relationship boundaries and 12 lines all new couples must draw]
7. See this as a learning curve
You’ve rushed things for a reason, or you’ve allowed yourself to be rushed. In that case, what can you learn from it?
Rather than seeing the situation as something bad and becoming convinced that your relationship is doomed, assess the situation for learning opportunities. Use it as a tool to help you develop in the future.
What you learn will either help to strengthen your relationship as it fixed itself, or you will put those lessons to good use in future relationships. Either way, it’s win win. [Read: How to love someone: Your easy guide to grow closer and love deeper]
8. Give yourself time to see how you feel
It’s a good idea to have a time frame in your mind that you can revisit. For instance, now you know how to fix a rushed relationship, you can put those elements into place. Perhaps in a month or two, you can look back on how much progress has been made or what has changed and assess how you feel about it.
Without doing this, it’s very easy for time to just pass by and you won’t be able to really learn from it or understand how your relationship has changed. [Read: Is your relationship moving too fast? Here’s how to pinpoint the right speed for you]
When you rush into a relationship, you risk its longevity
We’re sure you’ve heard of that couple that got married after three months together and has been happily married for 50 years. Sure, that’s wonderful, but how often does that really happen?
Relationships are magical and romantic but we also have to be realistic. If we assumed all high school couples would become high school sweethearts and that every first date led to a second, we would be pretty let down. [Read: All the reasons why most of us never end up with our high school romances]
Rushing into a relationship can feel like a fairy tale at first, but it can go downhill very quickly. Think about how many times you or a friend dated someone and it was great until the 3-6 month mark.
When you haven’t had to go through things together, had disagreements, or even shared your true feelings, things can seem easy. But rushing into a relationship based on purely good times is naive and likely disastrous.
No matter how long you’re together for, when you rush into a relationship, it can be risky. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples must go through in their timeline]
The milestones you shouldn’t rush
If you’re wondering how not to rush into a relationship, here are a few things you need to know. Of course, every relationship moves at its own pace, but some things in a relationship should be taken slower.
If you rush these things too soon, things can become overwhelming and cause a rift before things even get going. [Read: Instant relationships – How to slow down instead and avoid this]
1. Meeting the family
Sure, when you live at home, it can be hard not to meet your new boo’s family right away, but even so, rushing into family time can be a lot for a freshly budding romance. Usually meeting your partner’s family is a sign that you see things moving forward. If it’s too soon, it’s a clear sign of a rushed relationship.
You want your family to meet your partner because you want them to feel comfortable at family gatherings in the future.
But, if you rush into this before you are sure you want this, not only are you putting a lot of pressure on your new partner, but also on the relationship.
Families are great and all but they tend to be a bit nosy and having to answer questions you don’t know how to answer can make you feel uneasy. [Read: 10 relationship milestones and when they generally happen]
2. Staying overnight
Again, if your relationship started off with a one night stand more power to you, but staying over at your partner’s place consistently at the beginning can put unneeded strain on something so new.
It is one thing to fall asleep after sexy time or a boring movie. But staying over at their place or having them stay with you can be like a mini-move-in.
This can be nice for couples that are already grounded in their relationship, but rushing this part can toss annoyances in a bit too early when you’re wondering how not to rush into a relationship too early. [Read: The 4 month relationship mark – What should you expect when you hit this milestone]
3. Staying in
Everyone loves a good Netflix and chill night, but avoiding dates out in public right off that bat to be comfy on the couch can spoil what makes a new relationship so exciting.
Even if you are a lazy introvert, getting out just for dinner or a movie can keep your relationship exciting for longer. The sooner you start ordering in instead of going out, the sooner you stop putting in the effort and getting lazy with each other.
4. Saying “I love you”
The big “L” word is a doozy for relationships. It is like a precursor for a proposal. It means a lot and says you are serious about this person. So saying it without it being returned can end things or at least make them super awkward. [Read: When should you say ‘I love you’ for the first time]
Now you should box in how you feel, but letting the intoxication of a new relationship mask itself as love too early on can lead you to regret saying something later on which then makes things a lot more complicated.
No matter how much you think you like or even love someone early on, make sure you can see yourself in this for a while before saying it because you can’t take that back. [Read: How to deal with saying ‘I love you’ and not hearing it back]
5. Comfort
Now, you should always be comfortable with who you’re dating, but nerves are actually healthy early on. Getting butterflies, trying to hide a fart, or not eating garlic around them let’s you ease into it.
Breaking those boundaries too soon can diffuse the tension, the mystery, and the flirtation of an early courting. [Read: 5 powerful steps to break out of your comfort zone]
6. Moving in together
Although moving in together as a couple can seem practical for financial reasons, it can be detrimental for emotional and mental ones.
If you’re wondering how not to rush into a relationship, you need to keep in mind that rushing from a relationship into a live-in relationship can introduce you to a lot of someone very soon and it removes most of the privacy you have.
Not to mention, the fall out of this if things don’t work out. The complication of taking names off of leases and returning each other’s things can be torture when going through a breakup.
It can seem exciting and romantic to move in together but rushing that relationship into something so intense can cause things to burn very quickly. [Read: Wanna shack up with your partner? 18 things you MUST keep in mind]
7. Being your soulmate
Learning how not to rush into a relationship is not easy. Our first instinct is to hold onto what we like. So when a relationship starts off good, we want to stick with it. But, infatuation can fade very quickly.
You may commit to your partner and yourself that they are your soulmate but what that does is leave you with little choice. You commit yourself to this person and want to make it work no matter what, but some relationships are not meant to be.
Sometimes things are manipulative, dysfunctional, or you just bring out the worst in each other.
Claiming someone as your soulmate because of early affections can lock you into something and someone you may not truly want. [Read: 20 very real soulmate signs you’ve met the one who’s right for you]
While it’s tempting to want to rush into things and get over that confusing stage, embrace it for a while! Before you know it, the honeymoon period will be finished and you’ll be wishing you could revisit that initial passion and mystery.
[Read: How to fall in love slowly – 28 steps to create your own fairytale romance]
All is not lost! Putting on the brakes and learning how to fix a rushed relationship takes time. It also requires a conscious effort on both sides and a need to communicate honestly and openly. But it can definitely be done!
