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How to Choose Between Two Guys When You’re Torn and Can’t Decide

Like all first world problems, knowing how to choose between two guys might seem like the problem of a spoiled brat. But it is a super hard decision.

how to choose between two guys

If anyone tells you that you can’t be romantically in love with two people at the same time, they aren’t telling you the truth. There are times in life when you fall for two people at once. That isn’t to say that you love them the same, but you do love them equally just in different ways. So, if you ask how to choose between two guys, you are not alone in your predicament.

Scientists to psychologists and everyone in between have attempted to figure out why and how people fall in love to no avail. We fall in love with people for different reasons. Whether you believe there is just one person for you or that you have many loves throughout your life, there is nothing worse than finding yourself in love with two people at once.

How to choose between two guys

If your heart is unsure who to choose, then maybe it is time for your head to figure it out. When the heart takes a back seat, things become much clearer. But it isn’t always easy. To discover not just what your heart wants, but what all of you wants, try to do the following things.

#1 Take lust out of the equation. I know, right? What is love and life without sexual attraction and lust? If you truly love two people, then you have an attraction to them both. The difference between lasting love and lust, which is a phase, is one makes your heart go pitter patter and the other makes you feel comfortable, safe, and warm.

It is hard to turn off the part of ourselves that WANTS someone and choose the stable, steady best friend that you trust. But, lust eventually runs its course. Trust me, it does. And, when that goes, and you are older and perhaps less attractive, which of the two is going to be most attractive inside and out? [Read: 10 signs you’re feeling lust and not love]

#2 Which guy is more your “friend.” I know when you talk about love, friendship might not take center place on your list of musts, but it should. If you want the type of staying power that it requires to be a couple past the fairytale phase, choose the one that you feel most comfortable with.

Sure, it feels less romantic and exciting, but the one you want to call when you are in trouble is the one that you want to have by your side forever.

#3 Choose the one more like you. Yes, there is no doubt that opposites attract. But, what you see decades later is that those opposites that were so attracted to each other, butt heads more than they get along.

If you want to know how to choose between two guys, it involves finding the one most like you. That means wants what you want, thinks like you think, and has the same goals and aspirations in life that you do.

It might be attractive to be with the one that feels the opposite of your personality and lights the fire in your heart. Eventually, those differences cause conflict and don’t make for a harmonious relationship. [Read: Do opposites attract or do they push each other away?]

#4 Choose the one with the better family. I hate to say it, but when you date or marry a guy, you date or marry their family. If you feel more at home being with one guy’s family than the other, just consider spending a lifetime feeling uncomfortable, criticized, or just not welcomed at your spouse’s home for eternity.

The dating period is not just when the two of you are on your best behavior, their family is too. If you don’t feel at home and in the mix with his family now, you aren’t ever going to. Choose the guy who comes with the least amount of baggage and the one that you see yourself spending holidays and family time with.

#5 Choose the more positive one. When shit goes bad in life, and if it hasn’t yet, trust me, it will, choose the guy that you communicate with more and the one the most positive. Life is not a bed of roses. If you choose the wrong partner to go through life with, it can be a bed of thorns.

You want a positive force by your side who looks on the bright side and finds the silver lining, not the one who brings you down and squashes your hopes and dreams. Sure, they might both be middle of the road, but choose the one that makes you feel good in good times and bad. [Read: Surround yourself with positive people in your life]

#6 Choose the one who knows the crazy and loves you anyway. There is a comfortability in a relationship that most people avoid. It isn’t like when you leave the bathroom door open type of comfortability. That is just wrong.

The type of comfortability when you tell someone the truth, and they don’t judge you or think badly of you. If you can’t be completely honest and ask for help when you need it most, then a lifetime of living with someone you can’t be you with, is going to be a much bumpier ride.

#7 Listen to the internal voice. We all have the inside voice that tells us things. Sometimes it tells us things we might not want to hear or acknowledge. There is probably a little voice in your head telling you what is right, but losing one of the guys you love is a scary thing.

If you push away the voice out of fear choosing the wrong one, don’t. That little voice will come back to haunt you if you don’t heed its warning. [Read: How to let go of your fear of being alone and find peace]

#8 Choose the one who makes you the best you. It is super nice when people tell us what we want to hear, but that isn’t always what’s best for us. If you want to know how to choose between two guys, find the one who challenges you the most and brings out the best in you.

It can be easy to pick the one who shelters you, makes you feel awesome about you, and does things for you, but that eventually gets old. Find someone who pushes you to be the best person you can possibly be, so that you always feel good and independent about who you are.

Love is a mysterious thing, and even if you love them both, you love them in different ways. To figure out which type of love is enduring, lasting, and forever, take a good look around, challenge yourself to ask the hard questions and be prepared to hurt someone.

[Read: 20 questions to help you choose between two guys]

You can’t keep them both stringing along, so you must learn how to choose between two guys and stop hurting yourself and them. It’s time to just give your heart to one person.

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Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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