Are you being used in the relationship for sex or money? Find out if your one true love’s a user who’ll stick around only as long as you can give!
It’s a fact of life that you will inevitably run into people who will use you to give them things they can’t otherwise get.
It can be VIP treatment at the hottest clubs, blue chip connections in the business world or just someone to cry on when the going gets tough.
The problem with this breed of folk is that they can be so insidiously subtle.
You never know they’re using you until you’ve exhausted all you can give. You know what’s worse than knowing a user? Dating a user!
These users may often use you for sex or money or both.
Sometimes they’ll count on you for other things like favors, social status and whatever gets their ego going.
But the most common types of relationship users are those who take advantage of your body or your wallet.
Here’s how you can tell if that’s who you’re dating.
5 signs you’re being used for sex in your relationship
Don’t mistake hot passionate sex for hot passionate love. Sometimes, as much as it seems like love is all you can see, it could just be a haze of lust in your lover’s eyes!
#1 A user wants to hang with you at strange hours. Okay, so maybe the person you’re dating or having a fling with works odd hours or happens to be a night owl. But you’ll get to wonder what you can possibly do together at 2am on a weeknight. You can’t catch a movie, all the nice restaurants would be closed and the only friends you can hang out with are those who are already wasted.
Unless you spend these late night dates talking, bonding or just cuddling at home, you’ll probably end up getting down and dirty. What’s more alarming is that even though you know this person is awake and active in the daytime, you never seem to hear from them unless they want a daytime quickie. [Read: 15 types of toxic relationships you HAVE to watch out!]
#2 A user only wants to hang out at home or in a hotel. Invite your boyfriend/girlfriend to the movies and the answer is no. How about a dinner date? Still no. How about some coffee after work? Maybe, but will you be crashing at your place afterwards?
#3 A user has inconsistent contact. In the last pointer, we mentioned that your dates consistently end in some nookie, or the next best thing. This is probably the most consistency you’ll get from this person aside from the line “let’s play it by ear.”
Everything else, whether it’s phone calls, text messages or even invitations to hang out will be sporadic at best. One week you’ll be all wrapped up in each other, and the next, there’s not even a Facebook message in sight. But just when the user starts to feel you slipping away, he or she will reach out again and try to get back in your good graces… or your pants.
#4 The user’s friends don’t even get to know you. The first time you meet your partner’s friends, it can be rather awkward. But if they can’t even recall your name or you only get to talk to them for ten minutes tops, this should get your alarm bells ringing.
#5 Post-coital bliss becomes post-coital dismiss. One of the most telling signs that you’re being used in the relationship for sex is when you’ve just finished a hot lovemaking session, and your lover is already asking you to close the door on your way out. There doesn’t seem to be any room for cuddling or talking as they practically kick you out afterwards!
Sometimes, it’s not this blatant, but it’s in the same vein. Your partner could be using lines like, “I have an early meeting tomorrow. Let’s just hang out soon, okay?” or “I think it’s better if you just sleep at your place. Shall I call you a cab?” Whatever excuse they come up with, users in relationships will get you out when they want you out.
6 signs you’re being used for money in your relationship
When you started dating this person, has your bank account been on a downward slope? See these signs to know if the one you like pays more attention to your bank balance more than your love?
#1 The user pays for the first dates, and then expects you to pay for the next 30. Apparently, this is a sly technique that users like to use in order to guilt-trip you into paying for future dates. They’ll blatantly show how generous they are and how much they’re spending on you so you’ll do the same for them.
#2 The user always has a sob story that only money can solve. Your new squeeze’s grandmother/sister/uncle/second cousin twice removed, borrowed some money from them to pay for dental surgery and that’s why they’re broke. And the next week, you notice that they need money for an electrician, for a doctor’s appointment, for an ultrasound, to replace a faulty appliance, to take the dog to the vet, and a series of expenditures that they had never prepared for!
This can turn into a pattern when the user will always ask you for money, and the story behind it would be so heartbreaking that you’d just relent. But the worst part is that when you ask about the surgery or any of the other things you helped with financially, the user doesn’t seem to know what you’re talking about, or they always have a good story to change the topic to something else. [Read: 12 subtle signs you’re easily being manipulated by your lover]
#3 Your arguments start and end with money. The user gives a fit when you refuse to pay for something. There doesn’t seem to be anything that would placate them aside from that thing they want you to pay for. In time, you’ll start to notice that the quick fix for your arguments is expensive jewelry, gadgets or a down payment for a car. Yikes!
You’ve probably tried more personalized and heartfelt ways of showing your love like love letters, office surprises or breakfast in bed. But it seems like the happiness of your significant other is directly proportional to the dent they leave on your bank account.
#4 The user is too proud of your possessions. Meeting your significant other’s friends is always a plus in our book. But you may notice that instead of being proud of your achievements and your qualities, the user highlights the fact that you have a fancy car, you live in the affluent part of town or you make six digits monthly! [Read: 10 clear signs that the girl you like is just using you]
#5 The user has expensive taste. There’s nothing wrong with expensive taste. Some people are just used to that sort of thing. But it will start to get alarming when your dates are always in five-star hotels, fine dining restaurants and trips to exotic locations.
When you try to suggest a cozy little hole-in-the-wall with great homemade brews, your date raises an eyebrow and insists on going to the most expensive restaurants in the city. [Read: 15 expensive signs of a high maintenance woman]
#6 The user isn’t motivated to earn money. Maybe you dated your significant other for their sophistication and brains. But despite a diploma from a good college and the chops to succeed in their field, your partner doesn’t have the drive to work and earn their own money.
It seems like you’re feeding, clothing and housing someone who just wants to bask in your riches. On one hand, it may feel good that your partner needs you. But on the other hand, the dependence on your paycheck may be more than you can bear!
It definitely feels good to be needed. But when you’re needed only for what your body and your money can do, then it may be a sign that you’re dating the wrong person.