Narcissism is commonly used as a negative character trait – a way to imply that someone is full of themselves or not considerate of others. Unfortunately, true narcissism is much more than that!
People with narcissistic personality disorder can be very harmful in relationships and can severely damage the self-worth of their partners.
And if you’re dating someone who’s a narcissist, at first, you may be awed by their self-confidence and their aura of grandeur and awesomeness. But as the relationship progresses, you’ll soon realize that the more perfect they claim to be, the more they start to shame you. And the only way you can please this person or get into their good books is by shaming yourself and feeling worse about yourself. Now really, can that ever be healthy for you?!
10 obvious signs you’re dating a self obsessed narcissist
Here are 10 signs that could possibly mean you’re dating a narcissist. If your answer is ‘yes’ to more than a few of them, you may need to reconsider whether or not your relationship is truly healthy for you to be in!
#1 His favorite conversation topic is… himself
This is one of the most obvious clues that your partner might be a narcissist – do you find that every conversation you have eventually circles back to your partner, even if it was originally about your day? Narcissists are not interested in talking about other people – so while they may ask about your day, or your feelings, it is likely just so that you will ask about theirs afterwards! [Read: 10 signs to recognize selfish people and 5 steps to stop them from hurting you]
#2 She wants to be recognized as special and expects special treatment
Narcissists believe that they are better than most people that they know. Not only do they believe that they are special, they want others to know it too. This may result in her acting as though she deserves special treatment – expensive gifts, a monopoly on your time, or opportunities that she has not earned.
#3 He is always the victim
One of the most harmful behaviors of a narcissist is their belief that they are always the victim in any situation. This is harmful in a relationship because you are constantly being drawn into their dramatized lifestyle, believing that they are truly being constantly belittled or harmed by others.
He likely does this because he enjoys the attention that he receives from you when you try to comfort him and reassure him that he is in the right. This is a form of manipulation that can be hard to recognize, but can be very exhausting for you as you try to keep your partner happy. [Read: 16 attention whore signs to watch out for in your partner]
#4 She is full of envy
While narcissists are certain that they are special, they are also incredibly envious of anyone that they believe has something that they deserve as well. Your girlfriend’s jealousy may extend to someone’s job, their possessions, their friendships, or compliments that they have received.
This jealousy can result in her trying to achieve these things for herself, or may just lead to numerous bitter conversations where she tries to convince you that she is more deserving of those things than the person she is jealous of.
#5 He is unable to empathize with you
He may expect nothing but empathy from you, but don’t expect to get it back! Narcissists are not interested in the feelings of others – if you are hoping for a conversation about your own problems with responses from someone who cares about your feelings, you may need to look somewhere else. This imbalance can be very harmful in a relationship, as you will never feel like you are receiving the support that you want and need from your relationship.
#6 She is arrogant
Arrogance is a very unbecoming trait – if your partner is a narcissist, you may often find her making assumptions about the superior treatment she should receive. This can be very embarrassing in many social situations, as her actions demonstrate that she believes herself to be better than other people nearby. Her arrogance may also be glaringly obvious in conversations, where she refuses to believe that she could possibly be incorrect or that others have better ideas than her.
#7 He takes advantage of others
Because narcissists do not show empathy for other people, they often find it very easy to take advantage of others around them. This may be through emotional manipulation, the use of deception to mislead their opinions, or the use of blatant lies. [Read: 12 signs your lover is manipulating you subtly]
Often, this will be done so that the narcissist can have emotional support from those they are misleading, but in other situations, the purpose may be more sinister. Someone who is willing to disadvantage others to put themselves ahead is not someone that you will ever have a healthy relationship with!
#8 She has had trouble maintaining other relationships
An easy-to-see red flag for narcissism is the lack of other lasting relationships in your significant other’s life. If she doesn’t have any long-lasting close friendships, is not close to anyone in her family, and has a long list of ex-boyfriends, you might want to take a step back and examine whether or not she is capable of having any healthy, loving relationships. Chances are that if she is a narcissist, she has been unable to form and maintain these bonds with other people – after all, everyone has a breaking point. [Read: 16 clear signs you’re settling in a relationship that’s leaving you unhappy]
#9 He reacts to feedback with hostility
Self-perception is incredibly important to a narcissist, and they will hold on to their inflated beliefs about their abilities and qualities with an iron grip. If you attempt to question these beliefs about a narcissist, they will react defensively and with hostility because their self-delusion cannot handle the loss of these inflated beliefs.
#10 She is dramatic and overemotional
This is another important trait to recognize – if your partner is a narcissist, she will likely overreact to situations. This is generally so that she can get as much attention as possible out of every text, fight, or unfortunate situation she is in. This can be a difficult trait to have in a significant other as it prevents you from knowing when she is really in an upsetting situation and when it is just another overreaction to get attention.
How do you get away from a narcissistic lover?
If you have recognized your significant other in these 10 signs, there are a couple of steps that you need to take to protect yourself when you attempt to leave the relationship. [Read: The complete guide to breaking up with someone you love]
Step #1 Firstly, make sure that you are confident about your decision – your partner is going to try all of their manipulative tactics to keep you in the relationship, so you will need to be able to stick to your convictions without giving in.
Step #2 Next, you need to prepare yourself for the retaliation that will eventually come – once a narcissist realizes that you will not be coming back, they will use your breakup as a new source for drama.
Step #3 You may find it helpful to fill some of your friends and family in about the breakup and your reasoning behind it ahead of time so you can be sure that no lies will spread to those close to you. [Read: How your self respect affects you and the way you perceive your relationship]
Step #4 Keep the breakup as clean as possible – the narcissist is going to want to fight dirty, but don’t give them any satisfaction to do so. You do not want them to have any more negative things to say about you than they already do, or enable them to drag out the breakup for a long period of time. [Read: The 20 types of lovers that exist in the world]
Step #5 Finally, once you have made it out of the relationship, take some time to take care of yourself! You may need to have some therapy or spend a lot of time with friends who will build you up and take care of you.
Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel badly about yourself, manipulates you, and who doesn’t have compassion for your feelings is mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting – take care of yourself over the next couple of weeks and let yourself heal.
[Read: 16 clear signs you’re in a narcissistic relationship]
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is one of the worst kinds of love you can ever experience. So if you find your partner indulging in any of these 10 signs, confront them about it so they can change *fat chance*, or walk away before you break from within!
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