If you’re wondering, why are affairs so hard to end? You are not in the minority. Honestly, having an affair isn’t that hard. You can meet just about anyone, anywhere, and if you know what you want, an affair can easily happen. Whether it’s with a co-worker, fellow student, or even your neighbor.
The easy part is meeting someone you’re sexually attracted to. The hard part comes after you’ve started an affair. If your affair is emotionally and sexually intense, it’s easy to get lost in the relationship.
But we all know affairs can’t last long. Maybe a couple of weeks, months, even a few years. However, at some point, a decision needs to be made.
[Read: The 10 signs your affair is turning into love whether you want it or not]
Why are affairs so hard to end? 12 answers to understand an affair fog
Do you leave your partner for your lover? Or do you end the affair?
For many of us, the answer seems obvious, but it’s different when you’re in an affair. You’re not necessarily thinking clearly, especially when you’ve spread yourself thin between your family and your side lover. Things get complicated very quickly, which is one reason why you shouldn’t even get yourself in this situation.
Now, if you are having an affair, you need to make a choice. If you choose to end your affair, that’s fine. But now, you’re probably having a hard time actually ending the relationship. [Read: An affair fog and how to know if your lover is under another’s spell]
It’s not always easy saying goodbye.
#1 Your affair is filling a void. You wouldn’t be cheating on your partner if your relationship was a bed of roses. Something is clearly going on inside of you and in your relationship for you to make this move.
You’re benefiting from your affair, whether it’s sexually or emotionally. Though there are tons of different reasons why people have affairs, many of them are caused by a void they’re feeling in their life. And instead of looking within, they look to fill the void with someone else. [Read: How to end an affair and get over it completely]
#2 You believe they’re your soulmate. It’s understandable why you would think your lover is your soulmate. Everything about the affair is exciting and thrilling. There’s this intense connection and chemistry, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Okay, that may be true, but don’t forget the nature of your relationship isn’t normal; instead, everything is secretive, which blurs reality and makes everything a lot more heart-racing.
#3 You’re scared to go back to reality. Maybe your partner doesn’t have regular sex with you, or you’re feeling suffocated with responsibility… I get it. So, your affair was your way out of reality, something to take your mind off of home.
Of course, it’s going to be hard to give it up; that’s what has been helping you get through life. But you and I both know having an affair isn’t the right way to do it. [Read: How to forgive yourself for cheating and stop beating yourself up]
#4 Any bond is hard to break. If you’re wondering why are affairs so hard to end, you need to remember that you’ve created an emotional and sexual bond with this person; it’s not an easy thing to break. We underestimate the power of human connection, but this is a perfect example of just how strong a bond can be. Ending a relationship that makes you feel good isn’t what we’re wired to do.
#5 Your affair makes you feel good. Oh, those pesky hormones; they screw everything up. Here’s the thing, your affair makes you feel good. The oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine that shoots through your body when you’re with your lover make you feel like you’re on top of the world. Feeling high isn’t something we want to give up easily.
#6 You feel guilty about ending the relationship. You don’t want to end the relationship, and you’re riddled with guilt, knowing that it’ll hurt your lover. It makes complete sense. You’re not the only one involved in the relationship. There’s you, your lover, and your actual partner.
You decided to stay with your partner, but ending this relationship will hurt the other person, and you know it. But we both know your lover will be better off if you end the relationship. [Read: How to handle the pain of loving someone you can’t have]
#7 You’re scared your lover will retaliate. Some people are genuinely frightened to break up the affair from fear of being caught. Maybe you promised your lover that you’d leave your partner and run away with them. Well, breaking things off doesn’t fit with your promise, does it? Also, some people will lash out once they realize they’ve been lied to.
#8 You’re running from your internal issues. You have some internal issues that have gone unresolved. We all have issues that we should work through, but instead of working through them, you decided to run from them by having an affair. It’s a good distraction, but once your affair ends, your problems will be there waiting for you with open arms. They never disappear. [Read: 15 things you always need to remember if you’re married and flirting]
#9 Your lover is a part of your life. We all know cheating is bad, so I’m not going to lecture you about it. You know the difference between right and wrong. The thing is your lover has become a crucial part of your life, and you can’t imagine your life without them.
#10 Because it’s a break-up. Just because you’re having an affair with them doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings for them. On the contrary, you do. So, ending an affair is the same as breaking up with your partner. Your lover is your partner. You go out with them, have deep conversations, and are intimate with them. How could ending the relationship be easy?
#11 You don’t know if you’re making the right decision. I get this a lot from people who write to me, asking for help. They struggle to end their affair and question whether or not they’re making the right choice. Listen, any choice you make isn’t going to be an easy one. Someone will get hurt. So, choose the option that will make you happy in the end. [Read: Here’s what you need to know if you’re in a relationship but like someone else]
#12 Don’t take action without seeking the third perspective. I’m telling you all of this now, but if you really want to know what’s going on inside of you, talk to a therapist. They’ll help you understand why you even entered the affair in the first place.
Do you even want to be married to your partner? Or is this just a temporary escape from reality? Don’t make any sudden moves before self-reflection.
[Read: How to know if relationship therapy will help your relationship]
Why are affairs so hard to end? Aside from the fact you’re cheating on your partner, you can’t cut an emotional relationship off without getting burned.
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