He’s sexy, smart, and funny. But… he’s married. There are many things to know before sleeping with a married man if you don’t want to get hurt.
Many people don’t run when they find out the “wonderful” man they’ve just met is married. There is a doubt in the back of their mind over what to do. If you choose to press ahead, there are several things to know before sleeping with a married man.
When you meet a great guy, you probably can’t believe your luck. You’ve finally met one who is not only funny, good looking, sexy, and charming, plus he showers you with attention at the same time. It’s no wonder you’re walking on air and wondering where your good luck is coming from.
Then comes the sucker punch—you find out he’s married.
Now, whether he tells you he’s married himself or you find out, and then he confesses, tread carefully. I would personally tell you to run away *very fast*. No good comes of being the “bit on the side,” and you have no idea what his family situation is. What if he has children? That makes the situation even worse.
#1 The whole experience will change your perception of trust. If someone you meet who you believe to be wonderful can cheat on their spouse, doesn’t that mean that anyone can? Does that mean your judgement of people is a little off? No, it means that anyone can cheat if they choose to. This revelation can be life-altering.
It will change the way you trust. In some cases, it may mean that you have a slight doubt about everyone you meet from that point onward.
There is nothing romantic or innocent about this type of relationship, if you can even call it that. It is happening behind the back of their spouse, who is probably at home completely unaware that their husband is out with someone else, doing anything they like.
Put yourself in the position of their spouse. How heartbroken would you be when you found out?
Okay, I get it. You’re not the one who’s cheating, they are, but you’re playing a knowing part. Doesn’t that make you guilty too? Of course, if you have no clue they’re married, that’s different, but the fact you’re reading about things to know before sleeping with a married man says that you have total awareness of the situation.
What you should ask yourself is whether you want to be haunted by the experience for the rest of your days and have your sense of trust completely shattered in the process.
#2 He probably won’t leave his partner. He might tell you he will leave his partner for you. Or he might tell you that he’s separated but still living together. He might tell you that it’s all but over. The trouble is, for the most part, this isn’t going to go your way.
Most married men who have affairs either stay with their partner, get found out and their partner leaves them *in that case, do you want their sloppy seconds*, or they lead a double life for a long time. In addition, if they did leave their partner for you, would you ever trust them completely bearing in mind how your partnership began?
#3 You will live with the guilt every day. Can you handle feeling guilty about your dalliance? You might think you can. But it will find you, believe me. Even though you don’t have a partner and you’re not cheating on anyone, you’re still knowingly part of a betrayal that could completely crush someone’s life.
Guilt can manifest in many different ways. As I mentioned earlier, the most common way is a lack of trust in men from that point on. The likelihood is that your “relationship” will end. You’ll be left to move on from the whole situation. The next man you meet will probably bear the brunt of your trust issues and the guilt developing within you. [Read: How to overcomes insecurity issues and reclaim power over your life]
#4 If you develop strong feelings, you will get hurt. Whether he leaves his partner or not, sleeping with a married man means you run the risk of developing feelings with the potential to pull you apart.
Often, sex leads to emotions. Not many people can manage to separate the two. In that case, you’ll be left chasing a man who doesn’t want to be completely caught. Someone cheating on their partner and that you can never completely trust yourself.
It’s a recipe for pain.
#5 You will be blamed if their partner finds out. There is a certain amount of inequality when it comes to being found out. One of the most important things to know before sleeping with a married man is that if you are caught out, yes, he will be blamed and will bear the brunt of it all. But you will be tarred with a brush that will be hard to handle. [Confession: I had an affair with a married man and this is what happened to me]
His partner will tell their friends, they will point fingers and call you names. Believe me, it’s not unusual for messages to pop into your inbox from people you’ve never met before. Ive seen it happen with my own eyes. It’s not pleasant.
The bottom line, even though you’re not cheating on anyone yourself, sleeping with this guy and knowing he’s married, you say you’re okay with it.
#6 The excuses he tells you about his partner won’t always be true. He might tell you that his partner doesn’t understand him. He might tell you that it’s all but over. And his partner is horrible to him most of the time. He might tell you that his partner is cheating on him.
How do you know all of this is true? You don’t. If a guy is happy to cheat on his partner, you cannot trust the words he is telling you either. As hard as it is to say and hear, you are no more special than his partner. So if he can lie to them, he can lie to you too.
Some guys legitimize their actions by blaming their partner for the way they’ve been treated. Often, it’s just an excuse. Even if their partner is as bad as they tell you, is cheating on them the way to handle it? [Read: The painful realities of being the other woman]
#7 You will always be the “one on the side.” You deserve way better than to be the “one on the side,” but that is what you will always be! One of the things to know before sleeping with a married man is that you will probably be labeled with many names that you don’t deserve or don’t want. You have zero control over it.