The Coward’s Guide to Making Your Partner Break Up with You

Want to get out of a relationship, but can’t bring yourself to make the “breakup talk?” Here’s how you can get your partner to do it for you.

make your partner break up with you

For those of you have a non-confrontational personality, breaking up with someone can be really, really stressful. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, true, but you don’t want to stay with them anymore, either. In cases like this, you’ll need to take some drastic measures: convince your partner to break up with you.

Getting your partner to leave you will take a bit of strategy. You need to do some things that will definitely lead to a breakup. Doing anything halfheartedly will only cause your partner to be annoyed with you without leaving you, and you’ll be equally irritated because your efforts didn’t have the intended effect. So how should you go about your devious little plan?

How to make your partner leave you

Getting dumped isn’t fun, but for some, it’s better than being the one to do the dumping. If you’ve decided that you’d rather be dumped by a partner you no longer want anyway, here are some tips:

#1 Pick up a really annoying habit. Some habits are simply too annoying to deal with. Others are downright deplorable. Find out which particular habit will irk your partner, and continuously do that when you’re together. Pick a habit that will be completely intolerable to them to make the breakup happen sooner.

For instance, you can start smoking, you can quit showering or you can start dressing really weird. Leave no explanation for your behavior. When your partner confronts you about it, just say something along the lines of “This is who I am. If you don’t like it, beat it.” [Read: 13 annoying boyfriend traits and 10 big annoying girlfriend habits]

#2 Make your dates really weird. If you insist on making your partner go cow milking every time it is your turn to pick the date, he or she may start to lose some of that passion. The less romantic your date, the better. Boring is also good too. If you have to go to the movies, insist on seeing the most boring movie possible.

Though it may make your partner think you’re just going through a phase, he or she may start associating boring activities with you. And in an attempt to start living a more exciting life, your partner will suddenly just disappear on you.

#3 Alter your tone of voice. There’s always going to be that one tone of voice that your partner can’t stand. It could be your “you forgot to do the dishes” voice or your “I’m too lazy to even think about doing anything” voice. Whatever that voice is, use it as often as you can around your partner.

Even if you’re saying something completely common, use your shrill or monotonous or condescending or sarcastic voice. In time, you’ll get a few miscommunication issues, and hopefully a breakup to top it off!

#4 Give attention to a lot of other people. This is effective because it’s sure to upset your partner. After all, who wants to stay with someone who is constantly flirting with other people? Flirting around can really show your partner that you are not that into them, without directly breaking his or her heart the way cheating would. [Read: 30 subtle flirting tips for women]

#5 Practice bad hygiene. While this option may be more extreme, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. A few weeks of you not wearing deodorant may be enough to push your partner right out the door.
Society has certain standards for hygiene, and refusing to meet them can really be a deal breaker. Helpful tip though, put on some deodorant before going in to work. You may just want to save the “au natural” for your partner at home… Unless you want to break up with your job too.

#6 Insist that your partner do things he or she doesn’t like. The crucial part about this is that you need to guilt trip your partner, if they don’t want to do it. For instance, if you know that your partner hates going clubbing, insist on it every chance you get. When your partner disagrees, get all defensive and tell your partner that he or she never agrees to go with you to anything.

After a couple of horrible bar hopping experiences, your partner is sure to pack up and leave you to do the things he or she can’t stand.

#7 Be extremely needy. Ask where your partner is every 15 minutes. Command them to stay on the phone with you for hours, despite not really talking about anything. Make your partner get you gifts, then when he or she does, complain that it’s not the one you want.

No one wants a clingy partner. So when you keep making demands that your partner can’t meet, he or she will wake up one day and realize that enough is enough. [Read: 13 signs of a clingy girlfriend]

#8 “Mosby” them. In “How I Met Your Mother,” Ted Mosby accidentally drives a girl away by telling her that he loves her too early into the relationship. From there on out, in the show, driving away someone by saying the premature “I love you,” is referred to as “Mosbying.”

While this may seem ridiculous, “Mosby-ing” someone can actually drive them away. The benefit of “Mosby-ing” your partner is that it puts the ball in their court. However, doing this may have the intended effect of making your partner leave you, but it may backfire on you by making your partner want you even more. It’s your call. [Read: 10 reasons saying “I love you” too soon will ruin everything]

#9 Cheat on them. Cheating on your partner is definitely one of the least ethical ways that you can get him or her to break up with you. However, if you really feel that you need to be out of the relationship, and you can’t figure out how to do it in any other way, then you can use cheating as a last resort. [Read: 27 excuses men give when they cheat]

If you’re a lily livered coward who simply can’t muster up the guts to break up with someone, getting them to do it for you can be a sneaky, yet convenient way to go about the whole affair. When all else fails, these 9 tips are sure to make you single in no time!

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