True story, my worst date was with a guy I met on an online dating site. Though take note, this has nothing to do against online dating sites as I also met my now fiancé on one. Within the first 20 minutes, the guy ordered red wine, oysters, let me know he recently dated a stripper because he liked ‘helping’ people (he was a doctor), that I reminded him of Natalie Portman in the movie ‘Garden State’, and then excused himself to the bathroom for a good 30 minutes.
I know he meant the whole Garden State comment as a dig, but I took it as a huge compliment because it just so happens to be one of my all time favorite movies! Seriously. I wanted to tell him he reminded me of the “Craigslist Killer,” but I bit my tongue.
Have you ever been on a bad date like this? Don’t you wish there was an eject button that could instantly transport you to anywhere outside of a ten-mile radius from the person you’re with?
How to get out of an awful date
If you can relate to my bad date, or ever find yourself on a date that you want to end right away, try these 8 exit strategies to get out of there!
#1 Planned emergency phone call. This one is pretty well known when it comes to going on a date with someone new. Make sure to let a friend know that if you text her your “secret code,” it means she is supposed to call your phone ASAP, begging for you to come to her right away, because there has been an emergency.
This one also never fails. I mean, your best friend was in your life way before your date was, and you could never leave your BFF stranded during an emergency, so your date has to understand how dire of a situation this is! Hopefully, he’ll also get the hint you’re not into him because of how universally known this tactic is. And if he doesn’t, well, that’s a “stage-5 clinger” situation, and well, we’ll just save that discussion for another day.
#2 Be disgusting. Depending on your personality type, you’ll either find this tip amazing or completely unimaginable. It will also depend on how miserable you are on your date. There is probably nothing more disgusting to a guy than a girl talking about anything to do with it currently being that time of the month for you, talking about having a heavy period, or anything to do with having to use the restroom.
If you really want to turn your date off, talk about how you have to basically change your tampon every 20 minutes, or how you accidentally crapped your pants when you farted, or make up something else so vile that whenever he looks at you now, he’ll only be able to see the image you’ve created in his mind. You know, the image of you basically replacing Melissa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids.” [Read: 14 signs you’re ruining your first date]
Using this strategy will end your bad date real quick. If you don’t care that he forever remembers you as the “crap girl” or “bloody tampon girl,” and if you aren’t worried that he tells his friends about you, then this is a great technique.
#3 Use work because it works. If you are currently employed in any kind of work, this one is a great, easy, and much less grotesque way to get yourself out of a miserable date. Maybe he wants to order another glass of wine, or maybe he’s eating his food really, really, really slow. These moments are great for you to throw in the old “I hate to have to do this, but I just got an email from my boss telling me to be in the office an hour earlier than normal” or “I have to go. Just got an email that the deadline for this project is tonight at midnight!”
#4 Be a ghost. This is when you disappear and don’t come back. You should say something along the lines of how you have to use the restroom, or you have to make a really important phone call. Then you get up, walk away, and remove yourself from the table, and from his sight. Then you should wait about 5 minutes, and leave. Make sure you have a friend on standby waiting to pick you up outside.
Now, this part is very important: you must eventually be sure to let him know you’ve left, roughly at around the 30 minute mark! Seriously. You do not want him to actually start worrying about your safety, and get the cops involved and file a missing person’s report. [Read: 12 rules of being a classy dater]
#5 Have another date lined up. There’s nothing wrong with having a backup. People have backup phones, backup purses, backup drives, backup plans, so by all means, have a backup date! To make it even easier on you, tell your secondary option that you will text him at around 8pm to meet you at whatever restaurant you know you’ll be at. By doing this, you’re already assuming you’ll need an exit strategy. But if you are enjoying your first date, then you’ll still need text your second option at 8pm, letting him know that you need to reschedule.
What better way to get out of an awful date, than having another date show up and crash the party? I’m pretty sure that your first date will get the hint you are just not interested, and when he asks, you’ll just tell your second date “Oh, he’s just a friend I ran into while waiting for you to get here, so we grabbed a drink real fast!” He’ll never think twice. [Read: 12 signs you’re on a date with someone who’s taken]
#6 Make the menu your best friend. If you use this strategy, come hungry and thirsty. Actually, you don’t really have to be hungry or thirsty, just make sure he thinks you are. Become a food critic, someone who wants to literally try everything on the menu.
Order the filet, chips and salsa, the cheese balls, the Cobb and beet salad, the duck, the tuna sandwich, and whatever else your little heart desires. Chew with your mouth open, chug your drink and you’ll make him wonder if you’ve got a bottomless pit for a stomach. He’ll probably ditch you before you ask for the dessert menu.
#7 Be a storyteller. If you are looking to get out of a bad date, this is another great strategy. Become the ultimate storyteller. Talk about all your ex boyfriends, all of your friends’ ex boyfriends, and don’t even bother really taking a breath. In fact, it works even better if you don’t really let him continue to say much of anything.
You can even make stories up. After all, you will never see this guy again anyway! Tell him about how your ex boyfriend and you still have sex, even if you don’t, and about how you’re actually going to go hang out with another guy you’re talking to once you leave there, even if you aren’t, and how you’ve been arrested for stalking one of your exes who got a restraining order on you (never happened). [Read: What you really need to do to have a good date]
#8 Facetime your mom and dad. What better way to scare a guy off than introducing him to your parents too soon? And by too soon, I mean literally on your current, cringe-worthy date. Start by saying something like “OMG! Let’s call my mom and dad, they would love to meet you!” and before he can say anything, pick up your phone, and get mom and dad up on that video chat.
Obviously your mom and dad will know you’re having an awful time. You don’t have to talk long, but talk long enough that it has an awkward silence or two. And if you are feeling really bold, set your phone up against the wall at the table where you guys can all eat together! How cool! Don’t you just love technology? He’ll be so confused and weirded out, and he’ll want to run away from you just as much as you want to run away from him.
[Read: The good, the bad and the ugly way to end a date]
So the next time you’re looking to escape a bad date, and you’d actually rather hear sound of nails on a chalkboard, use any of these 8 strategies for a quick exit back to your sanity!
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