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29 Secret Ways to Subtly Flirt & Make Them Desire You Subconsciously

Learning how to subtly flirting is an art. It takes practice and skills to succeed, so how do we do it effortlessly? Read these tips and find out!

how to subtly flirt with a man or woman

If you want to learn how to subtly flirt with someone, you need to remember that the most significant difference between a natural subtle flirt and someone who has no game is the fear of rejection. It’s not easy to work up the courage to put yourself out there and be vulnerable to someone, only to get told that they don’t feel the same way.

Everyone has their own approach when it comes to flirting, but if you can’t get over your fear of rejection and don’t want to risk it, the solution for you is subtle flirting. This is the best way to get your affection across without seeming desperate or clingy.

Simple right?

Not really. But we’ll get there.

[Read: 15 flirting clues to instantly know if someone is flirting with you]

Why over-flirting sometimes is a bad idea

Flirting isn’t dating. What you know about this person is barely just the tip of an iceberg. Think of subtle flirting as an investment, and you don’t want to put all your money and resources into it at an early stage. Here’s why:

1. It’s a huge turn-off

It’s like taking medicine. If you exceed the usual dose, there will be adverse effects. The more obvious you are, the more the other person is going to be put off. It’s one thing to be brazen; it’s another to act desperate.

You can go up and tell someone you find them really attractive, but do not ever grab them and try to have your way with them. [Read: How to meet someone without appearing desperate]

2. Some people like a good challenge

Taylor Swift once said, “Boys only want love if it’s torture.” And it’s true. Some people don’t want to have things the easy way. Where’s the fun in that?

You don’t have to ‘torture’ them literally or play hard to get and accidentally make them think you hate them. *we’ve all learned a lesson from Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, have we not?*

If you want to learn to subtly flirt with someone, just make sure that you don’t give 100% too soon, too fast. [Read: Playing hard to get – The mistakes people make and how to avoid overdoing it]

3. It might come off as insincere

If you flirt too hard and too much, the person you like may assume that it’s just who you are as a person and that you do this with everyone else. This may or may not be true, but it’ll definitely ruin your shot.

4. You might get your feelings hurt

Imagine going out of your way to get someone’s attention, only for them to tell everyone about how desperate you are or for them to think they’re out of your league. Yikes.

Yes, who cares what people think? This is so true. You don’t have to worry about what they or their friends or anyone think or say about you. However, it’s easier said than done.

We can’t just pretend that our hearts are made of stone and immune to negative words. So there’s no point risking so much only for a short-lived connection.

Subtle flirting and the different moves women and men can use

Now, before we get to discussing the best subtle flirting moves you can use, you need to remember that men and women don’t really flirt the same way.

To help you attract someone and make them look at you in a more-than-just-friends kind of way, we’ve shared specific suggestions and subtle moves that women and men *scroll below* can use to the best effect. Read on, just use these subtle moves and watch the magic happen!

The best subtle flirting moves for women

Men and women have different ways of picking up on clues. For that reason, certain moves won’t work for both. These are the best subtle flirting techniques that’ll make a guy want you. [Read: The 30 best subtle, obvious and really naughty flirting tips for girls]

1. Expose your neck

This may sound weird, but it’s science. Men get aroused and pay more attention to women whose necks and décolletage are showing. It’s part of their instincts.

By pushing your hair to one side, it can help the guy notice you and pay more attention to your flirting.

2. Tilt your head when talking to him

While talking, tilt your head to the side. This signifies that you’re interested in what they have to say and will send a usually subconscious message to their brain that says as much. And since people always like those who pay attention more than others, they’ll find that they’re drawn to you.

3. Smile more

Smiling is a universal symbol. It makes you look more relaxed and upbeat. The more you smile around someone when flirting, the more they’ll feel at ease in your company. This subtle flirting move helps them associate you with a feel-good vibe and makes them like you more. [Read: 6 baby steps to smile more and change your life]

4. Talk lower

According to science, the lower a woman’s voice, the more a man finds her attractive. High-pitched, squeaky voices tend to be irritating and off-putting.

Plus, when you talk lower, he’ll have to lean in closer to hear and that proximity will only do good for you. [Read: 17 tricks to have a sultry voice and seduce anyone with your words]

5. Lean into him

It’s all about getting closer. When you can get close and are comfortable, it creates a bond. He’ll start to feel better about being around you even without noticing.

So lean in to talk and see how close you can really get. It’s subtle, but it works.

6. Bite your bottom lip

This is a pretty standard subtle flirting move that most men pick up on relatively quickly. But the thing is, it still works really well and it easy enough for you to do without too much effort. [Read: The scientific explanations behind why lip biting drives a man crazy]

7. Look up at him

Again, science. The way men perceive women can activate certain parts of their brain that get them to notice and like women more. Tilting your head down and looking up at a man is one of those things.

When you peer up at him, it gives you a softer and more attractive appearance and makes him feel more in control. But little does he know, you’re the one taking the lead. [Read: The science behind flirting and how it really works]

8. Laugh at his jokes

Guys want to be funny. That’s something most people pick up on and if you laugh at their jokes, they’ll automatically feel more drawn to you.

This is largely because you’ll make him feel good about himself. So even if something isn’t ridiculously funny, laugh anyway. [Read: How to make a guy fall for you with the smallest amount of effort]

9. Gentle touches

If you want to subtly flirt with a guy, touch his hand or hold his arm when you laugh. Offer to fix his collar or his hair. Tell him there’s something on his cheek *even if there’s not* and touch his face. You can also try the oldest trick in the book: compare hand sizes.

This is just enough to give him a signal that you’re into him without you doing too much. [Read: How to flirt by touch & use subtle body language to seduce anyone]

10. Eye contact

Confidence is attractive, and what’s a better way to show confidence than to make eye contact? It also gives him the impression that you’re a great listener and pay attention to everything he’s saying.

Don’t make him feel like he has the upper hand or that you’re shy and insecure by avoiding eye contact. [Read: Eye f*cking – How to master the secrets of intense flirty eye contact]

11. Compliments

Men like compliments, too, but they rarely receive them, not like women, who get told they are beautiful every single day. If you want to subtly flirt with a guy, you can compliment his hair or his outfit or his choice of drinks. If he’s telling you about an accomplishment at his job, compliment him as well.

You don’t have to praise him for every thing he does or says; that’d be weird. Just give one or two small but genuine compliments to bring a smile to his face. [Read: 30 special compliments for guys to make them blush & make their day]

12. Ask about his hobbies/passions

Men love talking about themselves, like their favorite movie, favorite book, favorite vacation, what they did last weekend, their job, etc. So when he’s telling you about something that he’s obviously passionate about, don’t act like you’re bored *even if you are*, and ask him questions about them to show that you respect and value what he likes.

But if all he does is talk about himself and doesn’t ask anything about you, it’s time for you to change your target.

13. Match his energy

This is very important. Every guy is different from another. One might like to talk and tell jokes. Another prefers listening and discussing deeper subjects. Try to match his energy and give him what he gives you. Not too much but not too little, either.

The best subtle flirting moves for men to attract women

Now that we’re done with the ladies, it’s your turn, gentlemen.

Subtle flirting is generally easier for women simply because they can pick up on flirting moves much easier than most men. For that reason, you have to be even more careful not to go overboard. Here are some moves that’ll get her to like you more.

1. Lean down to talk

It’s about closing the gap and getting closer. Women are a bit more wary with guys who try too hard to get touchy-feely, but leaning down to talk is a fantastic way to get closer while making sure she still feels comfortable. [Read: How to flirt with women and seduce her the friendly way]

2. Turn your body toward her

Make her your center of attention. Any way you can make a girl feel special and unique to you is a perfect way to subtly flirt. This also makes her realize that you actually want to talk to her and aren’t just being nice.

3. Smile

Women tend to feel a little uneasy around new men, for obvious, yet unfortunate, reasons. Smiling helps reduce those feelings and makes her feel a lot more comfortable around you. Plus, it makes you more attractive.

4. Make eye contact

Don’t stare at her chest. Make eye contact and let her know you respect her enough to do so. This is a pretty powerful, but subtle flirting move that’s not only appreciated, but can often tell you just what she’s feeling. The more she holds your eye contact, the better.

5. Talk quieter

If you’re shouting at every sentence, she’ll think you’re rude and aggressive. Surprise, surprise, women like men who show their softer sides, too.

Don’t do this to the extent that she has to say, “What?” every five seconds, but just enough that it makes her lean in closer to hear. You’ll appear gentler, the girl will feel more at ease and you’ll be subtly flirting with her without her even realizing it. [Read: 35 dirty things to say to a girl to leave her wet with desire]

6. Compliment something other than her looks

Beautiful women obviously like to be reminded that they’re beautiful, but that means they hear it often. Talk to her a little bit and compliment her other qualities.

You can also compliment her looks, though. Just make sure not to make it seem like it’s all that matters about her, or that you’re probably lying just to get laid. [Read: 20 funny compliments you can use to flatter and make them laugh]

7. Be a tease

This isn’t necessarily in a provocative way. Find something cute and a little quirky about her and tease her for it. Girls know that a guy who teases her likes her, and it’s a fun way to break the ice and create lusty tension.

However, if you want to know how to subtly flirt with a girl, do not take the teasing too far and make it offensive. There are certain subjects that you cannot joke about, like a woman’s weight, appearance, or hobbies, etc. There’s a fine line between being funny and being an a-hole. [Read: 22 flirty ways to tease a girl and make her think of you fondly]

8. Laugh at her jokes

Women want to be funny, too. Don’t make her think you’re one of those guys who think women cannot tell good jokes.

Let her know that you like her personality by laughing at her jokes. It’ll make her feel appreciated and like you even more. This is more subtle than touching her, and yet, just as effective as well.

9. Ask about her hobbies/passions

This may come as a surprise to some men, but it’s not always about you. Women have hobbies and passions, too. They want men who can view them as more than just their looks.

Ask her about what she likes and show her that you’re interested in getting to know her as a person. That will definitely win you brownie points.

10. Don’t brag about yourself

Talk about yourself, yes. Just don’t brag. People who are good at something don’t have to blow their trumpet about how good they are. Be subtle when you flaunt your victories and great qualities, she’ll take notice.

11. Gentle touches

This is an obvious yet subtle sign to show a girl you’re into her and subtly flirt with her at the same time. You may hold her hand when you compliment her nails, rings, or bracelet. “There’s something in your hair,” is a classic line to use so you can touch her hair. Keep it simple and always be respectful. [Read: How to touch a girl, turn her on subtly and make her want more]

12. Match her energy

Pay attention to her body language and her words. Some women like it when men are more forward, and some women like to go slow.

If she’s the type of girl who likes jokes, be playful. If she prefers deeper conversations, do that. Every woman is different, so observe and adjust your energy to match hers.

Understanding how to subtly flirt is more effective simply because they’ll feel drawn to you without knowing why. It will make them think they truly do like you and open the door for you to make your moves.

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...