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19 Secrets to Initiate a First Kiss & Make Them Want to Keep Kissing You

If you want to know how to initiate a first kiss, it’s not that difficult. However, you need to get it right so things go your way. Here’s how to do it.

how to initiate a first kiss

Going in for that first kiss is always nerve-wracking. Even if you know you like them and they’re into you, it’s still scary. You never know what to do or how to initiate a first kiss in a way that’ll really impress them and make them want more.

Until now, that is.

Although we can’t help you get rid of those butterflies before leaning in and pressing your lips to theirs, we can help dissipate some of that fear and anxiety. All you need is to know how to initiate a first kiss in the right way so they’ll want more and also leave with a great impression.

First kisses are always going to be a little weird

And that’s okay! Kissing is a very intimate thing and everyone has their own style. You might kiss in a different way than your significant other at first.

You’ll have to take some time to adjust to one another’s lips before it starts getting really good. And that adjustment period can be a little awkward if you’re not prepared.

You could think you’re a bad kisser or even that they are. The main thing to remember here is that no matter what, the first kiss will have some weird elements you just have to work through before you can get to the good stuff.

[Read: How to kiss a girl for the first time and not screw up]

Should the first kiss always be planned? 

You have probably been waiting for the perfect time to initiate the first kiss with someone you like. But how do you know when you are ready? Is there such thing as the “right time?” Should you plan it or should it be spontaneous and spur-of-the-moment? 

Ultimately, you get to choose when you feel it is right. If you want to try to plan it, then do it. If you want to wait until the moment feels right, then do that. It’s up to you. 

But here are a few things to consider.

[Read: My embarrassing first kiss – My first kiss went a little like this!]

1. Usually happens within the first three dates

This guideline is usually for people who meet on dating apps or don’t know each other before the first date.

Everyone has their own comfort level with kissing on the first date *or subsequent dates*.

For some, if there’s chemistry on the first date, then they want to kiss. Others want to wait for three or more dates to kiss. But on average, it usually happens somewhere between dates 1-3.

2. Do it when the moment feels right

You don’t have to wait until the end of a date to kiss someone. Sure, that’s typically when it happens. But if the moment feels right before that, then go with your gut.

It could be in the car, or it could even be in a crowded bar. Whenever you think the moment is right, then you should pucker up and do it.

In other words, if it feels right, then do it. If it doesn’t feel right, then wait.

3. Make sure you’re in a quiet, private place

It doesn’t always have to be in a quiet, private place, but that’s ideal. Sure, some people kiss on a crowded dance floor at a club, but it’s probably best to wait until the two of you are alone and you can focus solely on each other and the first kiss. [Read: Simple peck or steamy makeout? What you can learn from a first kiss]

What should you say or do before you go in for a first kiss? 

You also might be wondering if there is anything specific that you should say or do before you initiate your first kiss? Well, here are some important things to consider.

1. Watch their body language

Part of knowing when the time is right to have your first kiss is by watching your partner’s body language.

If they are not receptive to a kiss, their body language will be closed, and they will avoid getting close to you or touching you.

On the other hand, if they are flirty and have open body language, that is a signal that they want to kiss just as much as you do.

2. Test the waters

If you’re not sure if your partner wants to kiss you yet, you can do a little testing of the waters to see their response.

You could give them a peck on the cheek, or you could touch them in a romantic way. Then, look for their reaction.

If they are receptive, you will know it. If not, you will know that too. [Read: The major first kiss red flags that lead to a toxic relationship]

3. To ask or not to ask? 

Some people like to ask the person if they can kiss them or not. And some people like being asked. However, there is another group of people who don’t like being asked.

Neither asking nor not asking is better. Asking beforehand shows that you respect the person’s wishes. However, some people perceive asking as a lack of confidence. So, do whatever works for you.

How to initiate a first kiss they’ll never forget

Although it can be a little scary and difficult to get that first kiss right, it is possible. Let us help you navigate your way to a kiss they’ll be talking about forever.

Don’t forget that everyone is different and might like unique ways of kissing. Get to know them thoroughly and ensure they definitely want to kiss you before laying one on them!

1. Just relax

If you’re all nervous and uptight, they’ll notice. And not only will they be a little put off by this, but they could also think they’re doing something wrong. You don’t want that.

Just relax a bit before initiating the first kiss. They’re already there on a date or being emotionally intimate with you. That means they like you and probably want you to kiss them already. Take a deep breath and keep your cool. [Read: How to kiss a guy well – 21 secrets to arouse him with your very first kiss]

2. Make sure you know them well

You can’t really lean in to kiss someone you just met. There has to be a stronger connection than that.

You also want to make sure you know them well so you’re aware of what they’re into and if they’re even comfortable enough with you to initiate the first kiss.

3. Work on building a solid emotional connection

If you really want to understand how to initiate the first kiss and make a great impression, you have to work on building an emotional connection first. A kiss without this is simply a kiss. It won’t mean as much.

But if you take the time to connect with them on a deeper level, it’ll hold a lot more meaning. They’ll love the kiss simply because it’s from you this way.

4. Have a great date beforehand

Don’t think you can go in for a kiss if the date was awful. They’ll probably want to avoid you if it was a disaster. But if it’s a fantastic date, they’ll definitely want you to lean in and make the kiss happen. [Read: What to do to have a perfect first date]

5. Flirt a lot

Another thing to remember before you initiate a first kiss is flirting. Flirting is a fantastic lead-up to a kiss and also signals to that person that you’re going to kiss them.

As much as we think spontaneous kisses are romantic, they’re not. People want to at least know it’s coming. Flirting will do that for you. [Read: 25 secrets to seduce someone before you kiss them for the first time]

6. Increase the intimacy before going in

Don’t just go from joking straight for the kiss. There should be a moment or two where you take on a more serious tone and increase the intimacy between the two of you.

Basically, close the gap and let the mood shift to a more romantic one first.

7. Read the signals correctly

You can’t get this wrong. If you do, the kiss will be awful. You really want to make sure they’re giving you all the signs they actually want to be kissed.

If they’re avoiding looking at you or turning their body so they’re facing away from you, they don’t want a kiss. However, if they’re moving in closer and looking at your lips a lot, go ahead and kiss them! [Read: 18 signs your date really likes you and wants a kiss]

8. Look at their lips on and off

You can do this too! If you want to make sure they know you’re going in for the kiss, this is a must. Not only does it increase the intimacy, but if they don’t want a kiss, they’ll simply move away or look away from you.

9. Move slowly

Don’t do anything abruptly. All the romantic comedies show this forceful “passionate” kiss but really, you can’t do that in real life.

If they’re not expecting it and it catches them completely by surprise, it might not be wanted. They’ll be upset if you don’t offer them a chance to get out of it.

10. Be gentle with the kiss

When you initiate a first kiss, don’t smash your teeth or face against theirs! The best first kisses are slow and gentle. Move your face toward theirs and just let your lips touch softly before pulling away.

[Read: 37 subtle secrets to be a very good kisser and make them want to eat you!]

11. Keep it simple

Don’t do tongue. Not on the very first kiss. That’s an awful move and will be way too much. They’ll basically think you just want to get things heated up ASAP and that’s not what you want.

Simple is best when it comes to this.

12. Pull away slowly and look them in the eyes

After the kiss, pull away very slowly and keep your eyes locked on theirs. This is not only extremely sexy but very sweet and romantic all at the same time. It’ll leave them with a very positive impression of that first kiss. [Read: How to know if a kiss meant something real – 16 signs they love what you just did]

13. Let them come back for more

Now that you know how to initiate a first kiss and have done your job, it’s their turn. Let them do the next one. They might even dive back in before you have a chance to pull away completely.

This is obviously a great sign. Allowing them to initiate the next one also allows you to gauge their interest and see how much they truly liked your kiss.

What do you say immediately after kissing someone? 

Now that you had your first kiss, what happens next? Do you just look awkwardly into their eyes and try to figure out what to do? [Read: The perfect kiss – 22 tips to make it oh-so-amazing!]

The most important thing to remember is that you should make your kissing partner feel good and comfortable after the kiss.

You could say something like, “Wow! You’re a great kisser!” or “That was amazing” or “I’ve wanted to do that all night.”

All of those things let the person know that you liked the kiss and probably want to do it again. It also compliments them – and everyone always likes getting compliments!

On the other hand, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel like it. You could simply look into their eyes and stroke their hair. And then maybe even go in for a second kiss if it feels right at the moment. [Read: First kiss tips – 15 secrets to make the first smooch sexy and irresistible]

How long should a first kiss last and why?

Everyone has their own comfort level for different types of first kisses and how long they last. Generally speaking, if you’re not sure what type it should be or how long it should last, then it’s best to err on the side of caution.

Some people think – tongue or no tongue? Well, if you’re erring on the side of caution, then it’s best to go with no tongue. In this case, the kiss should probably be shorter – like a few seconds. Kissing with no tongue is less sexual than one with tongue. [Read: 20 secrets to kiss with tongue and make them crave for more]

If you really feel like the sexual chemistry is off the charts between the two of you, then it might be alright to use your tongue on the first kiss. That is usually how people kiss anyway – beyond the first kiss.

If that is the case, then the kiss can last as long as you both want it to. So, just go with your gut at the moment and do what you think is right.

[Read: How to make out – 22 secrets to leave your date moaning in your arms in no time]

If you really want to know how to initiate a kiss that’ll make them remember it and you for a very long time, this is how. Keep it simple, gentle, and intimate in order to leave them with a lasting impression.

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Carol Morgan LP
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...