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21 Secrets to Be More Sexual and Fall in Love with the Sexy Side of You

They say fake it till you make it, but you can’t fake confidence. If you’re struggling to be more sexual and body positive, these 21 tips might be helpful.

how to be more sexual

When you’re with a partner, whether it’s long-term or a one-night stand, there’s a lot of pressure to know how to be more sexual. Sexuality isn’t just about sex. It’s also about loving yourself—something often ignored.

It’s easy to say you support body positivity, but when it comes to your own body, it’s a battle that most of us can’t seem to win. [Read: The best ways to build your confidence and realize you’re worth it!]

How to be more sexual and feel great about your own body

Sexual confidence is more than just looking good in lingerie. It’s also how you express yourself. Don’t feel bad because you “don’t know how to be sexual.” We all have to start somewhere. It’s not something you’re just born with; it takes effort and determination to attain.

You’re the only one who can change this. It’s time to have better sex and feel more comfortable in your own skin.

1. Understand this is about you

Your partner may be the reason you want this change, or you may aspire to be like those pretty girls on social media, but at the end of the day, it should come down to what you want for yourself. Don’t do this for someone else.

No one can motivate you the way you can. You must be happy with who you are and not try to be someone you’re not. After all, happiness is the goal we’re striving for. [Read: 19 ways to take care of yourself as a woman]

2. Confidence is key

Confidence is the key to most of our internal issues and struggles. Do you respect and love yourself enough to let yourself go and be free?

Take five minutes in the morning and before you go to bed to look at your reflection in the mirror. Get completely naked and tell yourself you’re beautiful, because you are. You need to believe it before you try to convince others. [Read: 10 signs of low self-esteem and 5 ways to increase it]

3. Why aren’t you sexual?

There can be more than one reason why you’re not as sexual as you’d like. Maybe you have a low sex drive, or maybe you’re struggling with mental problems. Every single one of these factors plays an important role when it comes to your sexuality.

Educate yourself and see what you think may be the problem. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed. A quick visit to the doctor can be a huge help in increasing your sexual intensity. [Read: The best libido-boosting methods to increase sex drive in women]

4. Take it easy

You may feel like you’re Bella Hadid for a second and Shrek in the next. It’s normal. In fact, it takes time to build confidence and increase your sexual levels.

Just because someone’s process is faster than yours, it doesn’t mean you won’t get there. Everyone is different, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember that it’s human nature to feel insecure sometimes. Even supermodels like Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner have their bad days.

[Read: How to feel sexy and desirable all the time]

5. Spend more time with your partner

No matter how long you’ve been together, there’s always something new to learn about each other. The deeper you connect, the better the sex. So spend time with your partner. Get to know what they like and dislike, their turn-ons and turn-offs.

But if your partner doesn’t want to make an effort to improve your relationship, it’s time to find someone else who does.

[Read: 24 sexy signs your man thinks you’re hot and finds you very attractive]

6. Be honest with your partner

There’s no shame in admitting that you’re struggling to be sexual. Talk to your partner about your issues and what you need to work on. They may give you the motivation and the support you need to move forward. Their reassurance will also help you a lot.

If they truly care about you, they’ll help you along the way. If not, do not bother wasting your time and effort on them. They don’t deserve the new, better, and more confident version that you’re going to become.

7. Give and receive

Another reason why you may not feel as sexual is that you’re the one doing all the work and receiving nothing from your partner. It seems that your sex life is one-sided. Sure, you may be the only one who can perform oral sex, but let’s be honest, your partner can do it too if they try.

A relationship should go both ways in every aspect, especially sex. So talk to your partner and teach them about sharing in the bedroom. [Read: How to get a selfish lover to be more giving in bed]

8. Have sex conversations with your friends

Don’t be shy to seek advice from your friends. Sharing sexual experiences shouldn’t be taboo. Maybe you’ll learn something new from them and find out what you’ve been doing wrong so you can improve.

Also, being able to talk about sex openly will help you become a lot more confident and self-assured.

9. Kick stress to the curb

If you’re stressed, the toll is on your sex life. How can you fully give yourself at the moment if you’re thinking about what to cook for dinner or what you need to do for work tomorrow?

Try to have a clear mind every time you have sex and let yourself fully enjoy the moment. You need to shut out the whole world, because sex is your time to yourself and your partner. [Read: How to get in the mood for sex – 17 horny tricks to beat a dry spell]

10. Masturbate alone

You don’t need a partner to become more sexual. All you need to do is be comfortable and confident in your own skin. What’s a better way to learn about your own sexuality than masturbation?

When it comes to masturbation, practice makes perfect. Purchase some toys if needed. Explore as much as you can. In order to help your partner understand how to pleasure you, you must first be an expert of your own body. [Read: The sexy benefits to solo masturbation]

11. Wear whatever you want

You want to wear cute lingerie but you worry you won’t look as good as those models. Drop that idea and buy that hot lingerie immediately!

It doesn’t even have to be underwear. Just wear whatever you want to wear whether it’s a crop-top, an oversized t-shirt, or a summer dress. Wear whatever that makes you feel comfortable, sexy, and confident, like you’re strutting down a runway when you’re in public.

You are sexy. Own it.

[Read: How to be sexy as ever and own your own unique type of sexual attractiveness]

12. Stop comparing yourself to others

It’s harder to work on yourself than compare yourself to others. Have you ever seen a stranger in public who is exactly the type of girl you want to become and let it ruin your day? If the answer is yes, remember this: you don’t know what someone has gone through.

That girl who looks super hot and confident could have been you at one point. She could’ve struggled a lot to work on her sexual confidence. You’re not being fair to yourself if you compare your beginning to her destination.

Take inspiration from others and see them as your motivation, not your competition. [Read: How to create and develop self-concept to control your happiness]

13. Who cares what people think?

Are you afraid to wear a bold outfit because it’s ‘too revealing’ and people might judge you? Who cares what they think? If you think you look hot in it, then you’re hot. It’s that simple.

Don’t do or wear things for people’s approval. People usually don’t care about us as much as we think they do. But if someone talks bad about you, it comes from their own insecurity and jealousy, so you have nothing to worry about. Just do you.

And if your partner has a problem with the way you dress, then you should change your partner, not yourself!

[Read: How to dress sexy – 29 subtle & classy ways to make them lust for you]

14. Excercise

You don’t have to be supermodel skinny to be sexual, but you should have a healthy lifestyle. Keep your health in check by going to the gym and having an appropriate diet.

The more changes you’ll see in your body, the more confident you’ll get. A healthy and strong body will result in an excellent sex life. [Read: 28 tips to get motivated to exercise and feel sexier]

15. Mental health

Don’t just focus on making yourself look good on the outside and neglect the inside. Mental health also plays an important role in your sexuality. Anxiety and depression often make us feel bad about ourselves.

Your mental struggles do not define you, and healing takes time. Go to a therapist or change your lifestyle. Take up a hobby and get a job that you actually like. Once you’ve found inner peace, it’s easier to grow your confidence.

[Read: Why we need to breakdown the stigma of mental illness]

16. Beauty doesn’t have a size

Toxic media tends to portray a certain size as hot and when you go over or under that number, you’re not. It’s far from true. Beauty doesn’t have a size. If you think you’re sexy, don’t wait for anyone to disagree.

So just wear whatever you want and eat whatever you want. As long as you have a healthy lifestyle and take care of yourself, then you’re already doing a good job. [Read: The best ways to love your body, no matter its size]

17. Your body, your choice

Natural beauty can be quite a toxic mindset. If you love the face and body your parents gave you, then good for you. But if you don’t and want to change your appearance, good for you as well.

You’re the only one who gets to decide what to do with your body. Who cares if you’ve had plastic surgery? At the end of the day, you’re happy and confident, and comfortable in your own skin. That’s the only thing that matters.

18. Surround yourself with positive people

It’s very important that you have true supporters by your side on your journey to become more sexual. You don’t want friends and family members who talk down on you all the time. Say goodbye to those who keep commenting on your weight and the way you dress.

Surround yourself with positive people who will encourage and influence you. Also, you won’t be able to be body positive if your partner or friend is always talking negatively about themself. So if you realize that your partner or friend is also struggling with the same issues, talk to them and you two can learn and grow together.

19. Discover your style

The way you dress plays a huge part in your sexual confidence. If fashion isn’t your thing, it’s never too late to learn.

There are a lot of self-help books and social media content that will help you find your own style. You can come across many TikToks and Youtube videos about how to choose clothes that will flatter your body shape.

Don’t be afraid to experiment and learn what suits you and what doesn’t. Gradually, you’ll grow your own style and know exactly what to wear to be the hottest person in a room.

[Read: The clothes make the girl – 15 tips to get you looking your best]

20. Social media is fake

Every influencer’s photos on social media have gone through at least one app before they get posted. You might see an image of someone with a tiny waist and flawless poreless skin and wonder why you don’t look like that. It’s because you’re a real person and that’s an image.

Everyone can edit their pictures. You can, too, if it makes you feel good. But always remember that social media is fake, so don’t try to achieve the kind of beauty standards that even supermodels cannot follow.[Read: Dangers of social media – Why it makes you feel really insecure]

21. The right person

If you’ve done everything you can but your partner is still not satisfied, then maybe you’re not the problem. You may be the most beautiful woman on earth, but with the wrong person, you’ll never be enough. They’ll always find a flaw in you.

It’s important to remember this, because a lot of the times, our partner is the reason for our low self-esteem. So make sure you’re with the right person, and know your worth to walk away from someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

[Read: How to find the right person when you’ve given up hope]

Learning how to be more sexual isn’t something that happens overnight. It’ll be challenging, but with time, you’ll become more sexual and comfortable in your own skin.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...