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How to Ask Someone If They Like You Without Embarrassing Yourself

The feeling of liking someone, but not knowing if it’s mutual, can drive you crazy. So, here’s how to ask someone if they like you – in the best of ways.

how to ask someone if they like you

There are two reasons why you learn how to ask someone if they like you. The first is because you like them and the second is because you think they like you.

But both of these reasons leave you open to quite a bit of embarrassment.

If you are wrong and they don’t like you, you can look foolish.

And if you asked because you like them and they don’t reciprocate those feelings, you feel rejected.

How do you find out without that embarrassment?

[Read: How to talk to your crush – The secrets to make them fall for you]

Why you should ask someone if they like you

Even with these minor risks, it is always better to know than to sit around and wonder. When you want to know if someone likes you, it is easy to overthink it. You tend to overanalyze their actions and words.

Sure, you could ask their friends and read into everything they do, but the only way to truly know is by asking. So unless you want to spend the rest of the week, the year, or your life asking yourself “what if” you should ask someone if they like you.

You may even think, well, if they like me they would tell me, but are you telling them? You cannot always depend on them to take action. If you want to know if they like you, you need to take action.

[Read: How to flirt over text and intrigue someone with just your words]

Reasons you might fear asking someone if they like you

It’s human to be fearful of a lot of things. So, if you are scared to ask someone if they like you, don’t worry. It’s normal, and most people feel that way.

But what is fear? Generally speaking, fear is a term that implies that a person has anxiety that results in losing courage in a particular situation. In addition, fear of the unknown – or the feeling of dread – adds to this intense, uncomfortable feeling.

This leads to the reluctance to act on something. And in this case, it’s asking someone if they like you. The thought of the face-to-face interaction could bring a sense of terror for many people. [Read: How to be friends with someone you love without losing your mind]

But here’s a different and better way to look at fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. Get it? FEAR *false evidence appearing real*. In other words, sometimes what we fear isn’t really all that bad. It could just all be in your imagination. Usually, we fear what COULD happen more than what actually does happen.

Here are some things that people are fearful of when they contemplate asking someone if they like them.

1. Rejection

No one likes rejection. It never feels good, does it? But guess what? We have ALL been rejected at some point in our lives. Even the most beautiful, handsome, rich, smart person with the best personality has been rejected before.

Sure, some people may get rejected more than others. But it’s comforting to keep in mind that you are not alone, even if you get rejected.

In fact, the more you get rejected, the better will become at bouncing back from it. Rejection is a learning process.

Another way to look at rejection is to be thankful for it. Wait. What? How could someone be THANKFUL to be rejected?

Well, it’s pretty easy. If someone rejects you, that just means they are “not your person.” And thus, it gives you the opportunity to go find the right one for you! Be grateful for it. [Read: How to beat the awful fear of rejection and face your fears]

2. Lowered self-esteem

When we are fearful of being rejected, it usually affects our self-esteem. Most people don’t have very good self-esteem to begin with, so the thought of having another blow to their ego is just too much for some people to handle.

But again, rejection doesn’t mean that you aren’t an awesome person!

There are people who have been rejected from jobs they were a perfect candidate for. Why? Who knows? But the reason is probably just because it wasn’t a good match. [Read: Does he care about me? 20 honest signs that prove he really does]

So, don’t take rejection personally if it happens. Re-frame it and think “Well, that’s not the outcome I wanted. But someday I will look back and be thankful that it turned out this way. I don’t know why right now, but I will.” This will help your self-esteem stay afloat if things don’t go your way after you ask someone if they like you.

3. Embarrassment

When people get rejected, one of the most common emotions they experience is embarrassment. But what exactly is embarrassment? It’s the feeling of being self-conscious, shameful, or awkward. None of them are great feelings, right?

But embarrassment can be controlled with your thoughts. Just because someone may not like you the way you want them to, that doesn’t mean there is anything to be embarrassed or shameful about. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

So, it’s important to stand in your power. So what if you get rejected? You have to, in your own mind, prepare for the fact that this could happen. But even more importantly, you have to prepare to be mentally and emotionally okay with that. [Read: How to be fearless – 18 ways to set aside fear and live like a champion]

4. Loss of friendship

If the person you want to ask if they like you is a friend, then it’s not unreasonable to fear losing the friendship. Or at the very least, fear the changes that might come if you tell them how you feel.

Sure, it could be awkward. But only if you and the other person make it awkward! And even if it does become that way, just communicate about it.

Say, “Okay, I know that me liking you has made things weird between us. But really, I’m fine with it. I just wanted to see how you felt. Now that I know that you don’t feel the same way, let’s just forget about it!”

Assure the person that you aren’t going to hold a grudge or feel strange.

Ironically, when you do that, they might like you even more! It will show you are really confident and convey the message of “Hey, I like myself! And if you don’t, no biggie. It’s your loss! I’ll find someone who does like me!” [Read: How to impress your crush – 25 tips to steal their heart effortlessly]

5. Public humiliation

If the person you like is part of your friend group, then there is the risk of having everyone know what happens if the person you like doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.

So, now you are dealing with not only rejection from the person you like, but also the “embarrassment” of other people knowing.

But here’s the deal. Most people think that others are always looking at them, laughing, and judging. But that’s not the truth!

Most people are too busy judging themselves and being self-conscious that they don’t really think that much about your situation. [Read: How to get to know your crush ASAP before you fall too hard for them]

So, don’t fear how others will look at you if you get rejected *not that you will*. It’s none of their business, and it has absolutely no reflection on your self-worth whatsoever.

How to ask someone if they like you

Now that you have realized you have to ask someone if they like you in order to truly know their feelings towards you, it is time to learn how to ask someone if they like you and overcome any fears that you may have by doing so.

You don’t want to seem too eager, but you also don’t want to seem full of yourself. So how do you ask someone if they like you?

[Read: 15 foolproof ways to tell if someone likes you without asking them]

1. Be direct

This is the best advice of all of them. If you want to know how to ask someone if they like you, just be upfront about it. Next time you’re with them, ask them straight up.

There is no point in beating around the bush. Being forward about it shows you are confident and that you are bold. You have no problem going for what you want. It can be out of the blue and feel a little shocking, but it works. True, it doesn’t sound romantic but ripping off the metaphoric BandAid nice and fast gives you the answer now.

No more wondering for you. [Read: How to talk to your crush and make them fall for you before you confess your feelings]

2. Share how you feel

Yes, sharing how you feel is a vulnerable thing to do, but in this case, it may just be necessary. Some people find it ridiculously hard to admit their feelings, especially before knowing how the other person feels. If this person is that scared, you may have to spill your guts first.

By doing this, not only are you showing them that you are willing to be vulnerable, but also that they can trust you and should feel more confident in sharing their feelings. [Read: 15 obvious signs of flirting between a guy and a girl]

3. Let them know your intentions

Some people may not react well to you asking if they like you because they don’t know what the result will be. Does this mean you will go on a date? Does it mean you’re a couple?

Preface your big ask by letting them know you have no expectations and just want to know the truth. Or, if you do want a relationship or to take things slow, just let them know so they focus on sharing how they truly feel rather than worrying about what is to come. [Read: Is it a date or are you both just hanging out?]

4. Tell them what made you question them

Whether you like this person or not, when you are figuring out how to ask someone if they like you, consider including your observations. Let them know that certain behaviors led you to believe they may like you.

This way, no matter their answer, they can clear things up. This can help you read signs moving forward or let them know what led you to this. [Read: 20 unmistakable signs your friend is crushing on you]

5. Ask them out

Without coming right out and asking them if they like you, you can lead into it. Ask them out for drinks or dinner. Once you are alone in a more private and romantic setting, everyone’s intention may just come out naturally.

If they accept your request, that already gives you a good idea of how they feel, some people just need that little extra nudge to let it out. 

6. Be confident

Shake off those worries. Of course, it feels like a ton of pressure is sitting on your shoulders, and you will be mortified if they say that they don’t like you. But, it really won’t be so bad. The worst that could happen is that you feel silly for a moment or so, and then you can move on.

What is worse? A moment of embarrassment or weeks, months, or years of not knowing? Nothing awful is going to happen, so just take a deep breath and ask them. [Read: How to be confident – 28 life hacks to transform your life forever]

7. Listen

Once you ask them if they like you, let them answer. Try not to word vomit all over them. Let them collect their thoughts and share how they are feeling and their explanation.

Actually, hear them. Try not to assume, fill in their sentences, or jump to conclusions.

They may say they like you, but don’t shut off your listening right then. They may say they aren’t ready to start dating or that they need more time. And the same goes for the alternative. They may say they don’t like you but are open to a date in order to learn more about you.

Let them talk and be sure to truly hear them. [Read: How to know if your friend likes you more than they’re letting on]

8. Text

If all else fails or you are just too freaking nervous to ask them if they like you face to face, texting is always an option. Now, it is not the most romantic. It also leaves a lot up to the imagination.

Without body language and facial expressions and just reading each other’s energy, things get warped and misunderstood.

Asking someone if they like you over text should really be a last resort. It sounds easier because you have the space of technology to hide your fear or embarrassment, but it leaves too many things unanswered. [Read: How to ask someone out over text and get that satisfying yes]

9. Remain calm

Try not to let yourself get worked up. Yes, this is a vulnerable moment for you and can potentially change things, but just relax. No matter how you ask or what their response is, this is only one moment in time. It does not define you or your life.

You can celebrate or break down later if need be, but while you are talking with this person, just try to remain calm. Focus on your mission of asking them. Leave the answering up to them and move forward. [Read: How to handle rejection without making a fool out of yourself]

10. Thank them for their honesty

This is a big one. Your reaction to asking someone if they like you can make or break things. If you get defensive and weird because they say they don’t like you that way, then you can embarrass yourself.

Owning your feelings and just being polite is your best bet here.

You don’t want to ruin a friendship or behave in such a way that your entire friend group hears about it and thinks you’re being an ass.

Just let them know you appreciate them being respectful and again, move forward whichever way works best for you both.

[Read: How to tell if someone likes you without asking them]

Figuring out how to ask someone if they like you sounds scary. It is a risk for sure. But you can go into it calm, cool, and collected as long as you follow these steps.

Check these next:

Want to ask them out on a date casually? Here’s how to tell someone you like them – 18 of the most risk-free ways

Do they like you back as well? Here are 15 things you have to ASAP if your crush likes you back

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...