When it comes to the introvert-extrovert dichotomy, many people seem to think that being introverts have it rough in the dating scene.
It’s quite common to assume that the extroverts get all the awesome dates thanks to their ability to communicate really well.
But this is simply not true!
Unbeknownst to many, introverts are great listeners who also have tons of stuff to contribute to the conversation.
They’re introspective, sensitive and actually pretty cool people to hang out with.
And unlike extroverts, they’d prefer to have a handful of deep, meaningful friendships than a couple of hundred acquaintances.
If you’re an introvert, you may know what it’s like to want some company and not get it.
It can be hard for you to approach people and form a deep enough bond with them to ask them out on a date.
But just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean it’s impossible for you to go out on a date unless someone asks you out.
So for all the introverts out there, here’s the down-low on dating for you!
Tips on finding a date
If you were an extrovert, this section would contain just one thing – Get out there and socialize! But since that’s clearly not your style, try these tips for finding a date that you can genuinely form a connection with.
[Read: Do guys like shy girls and find them attractive?]
[Read: Do girls like shy guys who don’t make a bold move?]
#1 Go online. Going online takes the edge off the pressures of socializing in person. You can think of what you say before sending your messages. Also, it’s a great way for you to meet people based on their interests, where they hang out and what they like to do.
#2 Take a class, volunteer, join a group. These are great ways to find new potential friends. You’re in a place with a group of different people whom you have common interests with, and chances are, there’s someone there you may take a liking to.
Also, since social interaction is encouraged in a class, perhaps someone would approach you or be your study-buddy, your partner, or your genuine friend. [Read: 30 unique tips to make new friends when you can’t find any friends]
#3 Ask your friends for recommendations. Though sometimes your friends may not have your ideal date in mind, many of them have genuinely good intentions. Who knows, you may think you’ve been set up with someone who’s not your type, but he or she ends up sharing your interest in fantasy RPGs, indie music or bird watching!
#4 Give nights out a shot. It’s probably not your style, but allow yourself to get dragged out of the comfort of your home to get out there and meet someone. Who knows, you might end up striking up a conversation with someone who was worth getting all dressed up for. [Read: 13 charming ways to be more approachable without saying a word]
#5 Try to watch how you present yourself. Crossed arms, downcast eyes and fidgety fingers may be your default look, but try to ease out of it every once in a while. Practicing smiling, straightening your back and looking a little more inviting and welcoming. It could transform you from being a wallflower to a charmer. [Read: 10 simple moves to be more graceful, charming and elegant instantly!]
#6 Find a date who takes the limelight the whole time. You may think that your ideal date would be someone who can make up for you being tongue-tied quite often. But in reality, it’s best to find someone who appreciates your silence, but still gives you cues that he or she interested in what you have to say.
#7 Practice short conversations with people you’ve just met. Now, this may come as a real challenge. But a short hello or good morning can help you build up enough confidence. If they conversation goes any further, it’s a great way to practice interacting with people you’ve just met. [Read: 15 easy conversation starters for introverts that work all the time!]
Where to go during your date
Once you’re past the conversation stage, here are a few great tips for date locations that are ideal for introverts.
#1 A music café with acoustic music. The music gives you something to talk about, while the relaxed atmosphere lets you get to know your date a little more as well. This is a great place to have your first date, particularly if you both love music.
#2 A coffee shop. Coffee shops provide for a nice, quiet space to have a conversation. However, it’s best to save this venue when you’ve gotten to know each other a little better and have more things to talk about. A place to talk with nothing to talk about may just open you up to a lot of awkward silences. [Read: 20 tips to perfect your first date conversation]
#3 A museum or art gallery. Another nice first date venue are cultural spots where you can discuss all sorts of things. There’s not a lot of pressure to talk when you’re in museums or art galleries, but you’re still free to discuss the displays.
#4 A movie. Movies are a pretty standard date place. It gives you a chance to be silent for a while with your date, but also provides you with something that you can chat about afterwards.
What to do while you’re hanging out
Feel like curling your toes in awkwardness because you’re hanging out together, and you don’t feel like you have anything productive or informative to add to the conversation? Just use these tips.
#1 Don’t pretend to be an extrovert. In this case, you can’t fake it till you make it. Not only will the act exhaust you, but your date may find your act contrived. Instead, if you feel shy, admit to it.
Tell your date that you’re an introvert, and that you tend to see and feel things differently from those who are more of an extrovert. It’s by no means a character flaw, but instead, it’s a highly underestimated quirk.
#2 Watch your body language and appearance. Again, body language matters a lot, especially on a date. Try your best to smile and look towards your date. You don’t have to look him or her straight in the eye all the time, but facing their general direction when you’re talking would really help.
And as for your appearance, wear clothes and shoes suitable for the occasion and gussy up a bit. Your date would definitely appreciate the gesture. [Read: 10 easy ways to get anyone to like you immediately]
#3 Take it easy on the first date. A trip to the movies, followed by a music bar and then drinks may be a little too much for you to take in on the first date, especially if you haven’t been on a date in a while.
Instead, try to plan only one event to get to know each other and save the rest for another day. Nothing spoils a great date than prolonging it for too long until one of you is sick of the other!
#4 Listen and internalize. If you’re with someone who has never dated an introvert, he or she may be surprised at how well you can pick up little nuances in your conversation and use it as fodder for more discussions.
Empathy is another one of your strong suits, so you can also use this to make your date feel comfortable during your date.
#5 Ask questions to keep the conversation flowing. Listening is another one of an introvert’s strongest points. Use it to your advantage by picking up what your date says and ask questions about them.
Also, if you ask a hypothetical question, it allows you to learn more about your date, and it can also be asked back to you for a more thorough dialogue. [Read: 40 first date questions to create interesting conversations]
#6 Don’t be afraid to voice out what you’re feeling. If your date asks you to go someplace loud or crowded, tell him or her that it’s not really your thing. Explain that you won’t be comfortable, and try to suggest another place you’d prefer.
If you go along and feel really awkward, your date might start to think that you simply don’t like them and they may feel dejected.
#7 Drinking is okay, getting too drunk is not. The nectar of the gods may be the best social lubricant for most, and it does come with some good points. A few glasses of wine or a couple of beers may help you feel more congenial.
But take care of how much you’ve been drinking. Lowered inhibitions come with a risk, and when lowered too much, it may move you too forward to the point of being totally smashed.
#8 Get some alone time when you get home. When you’ve been out for a couple of hours, you may feel overwhelmed and start to miss your alone time. Go ahead, refresh your introversion meter and save your social stamina for the next date.
Whatever the outcome of your search for a date or your actual date may be, give yourself a pat on the back for venturing out and giving it a shot.
Introversion isn’t a flaw or a deficit that you should hide. Instead, learn to revel in it and use your insight and listening skills to your advantage.
[Read: The complete guide to keeping a happy conversation going with the opposite sex]
Besides, as an introvert, there are some moments when you feel like going out and meeting up with people.
And during those moments, remember this dating advice for introverts, and the 19 tips and tricks, as they can be the very things that help you find someone to really connect with. Good luck!
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