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Are You a Sapiophile? 13 Traits that Make Someone a Lover of Wit

Turned on by their intelligence? If you’re turned on by a date with their nose in Shakespeare or Galileo, you are a sapiophile.


Would you prefer a date with Elon Musk over Ryan Gosling? Do you find her ability to deconstruct Sartre’s works sexier than the most revealing dress in her wardrobe? Or are you more likely to find your future spouse in a book convention than at a bar? If this is the flavor of your romance, then you most likely are a sapiophile.

What makes one a sapiophile?

Sapiophiles or more commonly, sapiosexuals, are people who find intelligence sexy and attractive above all else. Oh, they like physical beauty too. However, they place more weight on the quality of brains in choosing a romantic partner.

While attraction to intelligence has been here a long time, the term sapiosexuality and sapiophilia have seen a bout of popularity in online dating profiles. But do people really know what it means? What really makes for a certified sapiophile?

#1 You are most likely an intelligent person yourself. Chemistry class taught us the phrase “like dissolves like” for substances. In the same way, sapiophiles tend to attract their own kind. The minds of intelligent people work in a much more complex level than the average person.

That’s why their preferences and manner of socializing is a bit complicated for anyone below their intelligence level. Simply put: less smart people bore them. That is why they crave the company of someone with a comparable intellectual level. [Read: How to become an intellectual: Fake it ’til you make it]

#2 You crave intelligent conversation like how an average person craves sex. Not that sapiophiles don’t want sex. It’s just that intellectual and deep conversations excite them the same way sex does. Sapiophiles likely spend dates having long discussions about science, politics, art, or literature.

Gossip and showbiz inanities have no place in post-dinner talk and foreplay is probably a debate over a current political issue.

#3 You want someone who holds their own in a conversation. Be it your family members, that overbearing friend, or the other friend with outlandish political views, the sapiophile wants someone who converses with different types of people with different views and still manages to convey their own views without fear or prejudice. [Read: 12 meaningful topics that ignite an intellectual conversation]

#4 You look for a smart sense of humor. While it’s true that a sense of humor can be at your advantage when finding a romantic partner, sapiophiles prefer a deeper sense of humor. This humor involves witty remarks, wordplay, and clever repartees. It would be hard to make a sapiophile laugh if you only stick juvenile dick jokes. [Read: Dry sense of humor – 20 signs you’re mastered the dry funny bone]

#5 Blatant ignorance easily turns you off. There will be times when a beefy, overconfident guy or a superficial, airheaded girl comes your way and flirts with you. And no matter how physically attractive and trendy they get, you always have that primordial impulse to run for the hills rather than spend time with them.

#6 Wrong grammar rubs you in a bad way. Once in a while, you get message inviting you for a date of some sort. Sapiophiles immediately have their “grammar filter” on in screening those people noble enough to defy the 140-character limit.

They still manage to string up proper words punctuated with the Oxford comma from those shorthand, unintelligible slang that the person might as well be speaking in ancient Sumerian.

#7 You’re more interested in what’s in their bookshelf than in their wardrobe. Sapiophiles love themselves a wide reader. However, it doesn’t end there. The average sapiophile has a scrutinizing eye for the titles you read.

Are you for those cheaply-concocted vampire literature, or for some hardcore non-fiction that university professors wouldn’t even care to open? Because to a sapiophile, books are good topics for a deep conversation. [Read: Why is inner beauty more important than outer beauty?]

#8 You are familiar with the “Thinking Man/Woman’s Crumpet.” For you, the embodiment of perfection is a person as smart as they are beautiful and talented. The “thinking man/woman’s crumpet” is such a person, and you will be familiar with the names listed under this category: Brian Cox, Benedict Cumberbatch, Colin Firth, and Bill Nighy for the ladies. Nigella Lawson, Gillian Anderson, and Carol Vorderman for the guys.

#9 You prefer people with taste. Sapiophiles prefer people who developed their own taste of fashion, music, and ideas rather than adhering to trends.

They are aware that like the Jedi mind trick, trends only affect the weak-minded. Sapiophiles know that cultivating a personal taste requires experiencing different aspects of culture first hand, complemented by curiosity.

#10 You’re attracted to people of substance rather than people who want popularity. Sapiophiles wouldn’t care much about the likes and followers people starve for social media. They want people who talk about things that matter.

In fact, they choose someone with unpopular yet realistic views rather than someone who says yes just to get the crowd to like them. [Read: What are twin souls? 16 signs to know if you found yours]

#11 Your dates will be intellectually engaging. Your ideal date will be somewhere in this list: independent film festivals, art galleries, spoken word poetry events, museums, old book libraries, planetariums, and even historical sites. Sure, you can go for a coffee or to a pub as long as it’s the place where Hemingway wrote “A Farewell to Arms.”

#12 The gifts you give and prefer to get are very nerdy. Forget the gadgets, clothes, and cutesy trinkets. Nothing delights you more than to be given a rare first edition of a book you searched for your whole life. Maybe the same pen used by Neil Gaiman, or a pendant forged from meteorite. [Read: Sapiosexual types and their clearly defined fantasies]

#13 You also value emotional intelligence as well as raw intelligence. Knowing facts is one thing, but having emotional restraint and the capacity to introspect one’s feelings will be the cherry on top of the object of your desire. Sapiophiles look for emotional intelligence in a potential partner. Or the ability to discern feelings and emotions appropriately.

[Read: Attracted to intelligence? 10 clues you might be sapiosexual]

Sapiophiles are the ones who look beyond the typical aspects that normal people tend to look for in a partner. Sure, beauty is good, as is a fat bank account, but for them, intelligence, common sense, and the innate curiosity in a person makes them an instant keeper.

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Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul aka Morty is a keyboard-pounding cubicle-dweller based in Manila where he occasionally moonlights as a writer for anyone in need of his mediocre word-strin...
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