Home  >  Flirting Flings  >  Dating Game

Does Playing Coy Actually Work? How to Do It & Be Effective AF

When it comes to snagging you that someone special, playing coy can be your best method. But how do you do it so it actually works? Here’s how.

playing coy

Learning how to get what you want, and especially who you want, is difficult. You have many different strategies at your disposal, but perhaps the most successful is playing coy.

The thing about being coy is that you have to do it in a very specific way in order for it to work. Otherwise, you’ll just end up making someone feel shut out. It’s like you’re giving them the cold shoulder and they’ll just move on.

If you get it right, however, playing coy can be a great route forward.

With just the right amount of shyness presented in the right way, you can be really intriguing to someone. They’ll want to know more and it’ll create an interest in you based on nothing other than your body language, basically.

No need to speak, no need to come up with a clever introduction, and no need to be witty. Bonus! [Read: 15 effortlessly sexy role playing ideas for the shy]

What does it mean to play coy?

Before you learn how to play coy, you really need to understand what it is. Playing coy isn’t just about being a genuinely shy person. It’s a projection of shyness, that makes people want to get to know you better.

However, if you do it wrong, you can appear stand-offish and even rude. There’s a very fine line that needs to be walked carefully in order to make coyness work for you.

When a girl behaves shyly, and just a bit demure, it’s usually called playing coy.

Coy behavior is when you can speak out, but choose not to be very forthcoming or open about your feelings. When a guy talks to you, he’s just not sure whether you like him or not. [Read: How to look cute – 25 ways to behave coyly and melt any guy’s heart in seconds]

This isn’t because you’re closed off, but because you give him mixed signals and he can’t help but believe you like him sometimes, and at other times, he’s just not sure. This is all because you appear just a bit too reserved or aloof.

Playing coy is an art, and a fine balance between acting interested, and behaving like you’re uninterested.

From that description you’re probably wondering how on earth this is ever going to work. Surely it just comes over as being rude and unapproachable? That’s why you need to get it right. Playing coy can totally backfire, but it can also get you exactly what and who you want.

[Read: How to attract men – The irresistibly powerful *shy* secrets no one ever talks about]

Being yourself is vital, but a few other traits can help too

Before we get into how to play coy, we want to mention one thing. You shouldn’t pretend to be someone else when trying to get someone you like. But you can use certain elements and play up your qualities.

There’s nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward in an attempt to attract someone. We do it in job interviews all the time!

Often, we don’t make fair first impressions. Many people see someone, and just decide right there and then whether they like them or not. Maybe they say hello or maybe they just judge from body language from afar.

The point is, being coy can help attract someone instantly so they can get a chance to know the real you. [Read: How to be yourself in 14 steps to love being you]

Playing coy – How to do it and have the right effect

Once again, this isn’t the easiest method to nail down, but it can be extremely powerful and irresistible if done right.

The key is learning the balance and putting these tips to use often so you can perfect the skill. Practice makes perfect!

1. Practice your coy expression in the mirror

There’s nothing wrong with getting in front of a mirror and practicing your expressions. Some people don’t realize what they look like during certain moments, and getting in front of a mirror is just one way to figure it out.

You can alternate going from your normal expressions to a more shy, coy one – as if you just saw someone you think is really attractive.

This can help make the switch feel and look more genuine in person. It can also help you to identify when your coy expression may need a little work! [Read: Bedroom eyes – How to master the art of seductive eyes while looking at a guy]

2. Flit your eyes to them more often

People who are coy don’t make a point to stare. That’s bold and aggressive. Instead, you should flit your eyes to them and wait until they see you.

Do this often so they can repeatedly catch you looking at them and then turning away out of shyness. [Read: Easy eye contact flirting moves that’ll make you look coy and sexy]

3. Let them catch you staring and look away, and down

After you’ve been looking at them over and over again for a while, go ahead and let them catch you. Then, as they do, look away and down, as if you’re embarrassed they caught you.

This method shows them you’re interested while also hinting at coyness. You can also maintain a smile as you look away, too.

4. Look back to them after they caught you staring

Now that you’ve got their attention, you have to do something with it. Instead of just avoiding eye contact and making it seem like you’re not interested, look again.

Not only does this solidify that you’re interested, but it might even prompt them to come over, all while maintaining an air of coyness.

5. Quickly look down and smile to yourself

Not only is this move flirty and coy, it’s also sexy. If they come over, look up and then down right away and smile.

It’s like you can’t make eye contact because you’re shy. This is both adorable and they’ll feel the need to win your trust – which means they’ll pay more attention and work harder.

6. Keep a small smile on your face as you talk

Pretend like you know an intimate secret about them. This will help you keep a very interesting smile on your face that they’ll want to know more about.

They’ll keep digging and digging until they figure out what has you smiling so much. The kicker? They’ll never find out. [Read: How to talk to a guy – 34 sweet talking tips to make him fall hard]

7. Remember to keep looking down often

Those who are coy tend to introspect. That means you’ll have to appear as though you’re thinking intently and that can be achieved by looking down often.

Whenever they ask a question about you, look down before answering. It’ll also make you seem as though you’re hiding something and that’ll make them want to know even more about you. [Read: How to be a seductress without being obvious]

8. Bite your lip

This is coy, sexy, and very playful. It’s best to do this only in small doses as it can easily be overdone and lose its appeal. If they ask you a question or give you a nice compliment, bite your lip.

You can even bite your lip and look down, as if you’re trying to shield a smile or something else. Just make sure not to do this for too long and not answer the question. You’re playing coy, not stupid. [Read: The scientific explanation why you look so sexy when you bite your lip]

9. Giggle at their jokes

Giggling is cute and it’s much less obvious than an all-out laugh. When they make jokes and try to get you to laugh, just giggle quietly.

You can even keep a smile and pretend like you’re trying not to laugh. This presents them with a challenge they can’t refuse.

10. Don’t be forthcoming with information

They key to playing coy is to be mysterious. That’s easily achievable if you keep some information to yourself. You have to pretend like the stuff they want to know is privileged information.

Obviously, you have to open up a little bit. You can’t just avoid or dodge every question. If you do, they’ll think something is wrong with you and won’t be interested. Give some and then hold back on others. It’ll make them want to get all the answers.

11. Speak softly

Once again, playing coy is all about being subtle and mysterious. You can’t go around blabbing and being loud-mouthed and expect to have the same results. Instead, focus on speaking softly.

Make them lean in to get a better listen. That doesn’t mean you should whisper however, make sure they can hear you – just. [Read: 30 subtle, obvious and really sexy flirting tips for girls]

12. Gradually open up

You can’t stay coy and shy forever. There’s a point when you have to be a bit more open or they’ll just see you as someone who’s not interested.

So gradually open up. The more they dig, the more you let them in. But if they keep asking question after question, feel free to dodge a few here and there so they make more of an effort. If it’s a challenge, they’ll want to work harder. [Read: How to be sexier: 15 ways to unleash the sex goddess hiding within]

The things to avoid when playing coy

Now you know how to play coy, you need to know what to avoid at all costs. As we’ve already established, playing coy is effective, but only when done the right way. If you want to be successful in your effects, avoid these common pitfalls.

1. Know the difference between playing coy and hard to get

There are major differences between playing hard to get and being coy. Someone who plays hard to get is deliberately avoiding someone and their efforts. They assume this will make the person want them more.

It often backfires, but it does sometimes work. When you’re playing coy, you need to hit the right line between aloofness and shyness.

You’re showing the person that you want to get to know them, but there’s something holding you back. They’ll see that as a challenge and want to break down those walls. [Read: How to play hard to get with a guy]

2. Be mindful of the resting bitch face

Come on, we all do it sometimes and we don’t even realize it. This is where checking your expression in the mirror will help you out.

Playing coy doesn’t mean looking totally unapproachable and downright scary. If you’re showing the resting bitch face to the person you’re trying to date, they’re quickly going to run in the opposite direction! [Read: 13 charming ways to be way more approachable to guys]

3. Please don’t overdo the giggles

Earlier we mentioned that part of playing coy is giggling. Yes, that’s true, but if you overdo the giggles, it’s going to be nothing short of annoying.

Make sure that you giggle only a little, and only when necessary or if something is genuinely funny. You don’t want to annoy them, you want to attract them!

4. Don’t be too passive

Whilst holding back some information, make sure that you’re not passive. By that we mean that you don’t appear totally uninterested and as though you don’t want to tell them anything.

You need to give them something, but not everything. When you’re passive, you don’t really give them anything. Make sure that you’re not veering too far in the other direction. [Read: 14 ways to show a guy you like him & still be a tease]

5. Make sure you at least make some eye contact!

Some people assume they’re playing coy when all they’re really doing is avoiding eye contact like the plague. That’s just going to make you look odd.

Firstly, when someone avoids eye contact, it makes them look like they’re hiding something or they can’t be trusted. It can also cause the other person to assume you’re just not interested, full stop.

The key with playing coy is to make some eye contact, but only just enough to make them think you’re interested.

6. Don’t whisper

When you’re talking, make sure they can hear what you say. Yes, you need to speak quietly and shyly, but they need to be able to hear you and not have to lean in and strain to figure out the message you’re trying to get across. You need to be audible!

Learning how to play coy effectively could help you to find love with the one who has caught your eye. It can also be very useful in generally getting what you want in life too!

[Read: 15 ways to flirt with your crush and make them fall hard]

If you want to attract someone, playing coy is a great way to do it – but only if you know how to do it right. These tips will help you feign shyness to land a hottie who can then get to know you better.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. And while you’re at it, check out MIRL, a cool new social networking app that connects experts and seekers!

Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...