Learning how to get the power back in a relationship isn’t something that happens overnight. It takes a lot of time and patience. You also need to understand that maybe power isn’t everything. Sometimes you need to pick your battles, my love.
A good example of a time when it may be necessary to take back the power in a relationship is when your partner uses it to their advantage. If you partner believes they have power and control over you, it may be time to walk away.
However, if you aren’t ready to do so, you may just need to learn how to get the power back in a relationship, and I’m here to help you do just that.
A lot of us like to assume that we wear the pants in the relationship, which basically means that you are in control. But are you really? And more on that, is it really that great to be in control? Aren’t relationships supposed to be about compromise and an equal partnership? No? Oh. Ok. Well, I suppose you’re right. Sometimes it is important that we get the power back in the relationship–every now and again. [Read: How to be in power together and be that power couple your friends are jealous of]
How to get the power back in a relationship
Like I said, I’m personally not one for “taking back the power,” but hey, I’m good at being in charge and being bossy. I should be able to give you some advice here, right?
#1 Consider why power is important to you. Yeah, before we start on this journey, let us do some soul searching, shall we? Why do you even care? Like I said earlier, power isn’t everything.
However, there are specific circumstances when you want to stay in a relationship and make it work, but you need to have more control over the relationship. That’s what you need to determine next. [Read: You should never, ever tolerate this in a relationship]
#2 Should I stay or should I go? While you’re already soul searching, consider this: Is it worth staying in this relationship, or is it time to walk away? I’ve been in a handful of relationships that were genuinely toxic and unhealthy. My partner believed that he needed to control me. I know you don’t actually know me, but let me tell you–I’m not easily controlled, nor am I meant to be controlled.
Seriously though, it is important that you really take your time to consider whether or not this relationship is even worth the work to take back the power. Or should walk away now while you still have your sanity? [Read: 7 secret signs that reveal a shitty relationship]
#3 *The real step 1*. Okay, so now that we’ve established that you want to do this thing, it’s time to actually get into the nitty gritty of it. Time to make a plan and understand how to get the power back in a relationship.
First things first, stand the heck up for yourself. If you are hoping to take back the power in your relationship, it’s a safe bet that your partner is misusing their power to their advantage and to your disadvantage. Perhaps they have begun to mistreat you or make you feel like a shell of a human being.
It is time to stand up for yourself. Warning: It’s going to freak them out. You need to understand that they aren’t expecting you to suddenly develop a backbone and take charge, yet here you are. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re always being taken for granted by others]
#4 Be kind. Listen, you can easily take back the power in your relationship while still remaining a decent human being. No need to throw shade or make your partner feel inferior to you just because you are climbing that power ladder straight to the top. Kill them with kindness, as they say. After all, if you are in an active romantic relationship with this person, you do want to show them love and kindness. Oh, and power too.
#5 Confidence is key. Stand taller than you ever have before and watch as they quiver. Honestly, it’s possible that they’ve been waiting and praying for this day to come. Perhaps they hate having the power in your relationship. They’ve been waiting for the day that you stand up and take it. It’s a lot of work being in power, so maybe they are ready to pass off the torch to you. The metaphorical power torch, that is.
Stay confident and believe in yourself, because that is when power will truly switch hands. Power loves confidence.
#6 Don’t take no for an answer. Okay, maybe that sounded terrible–but hear me out. One time when my boyfriend and I started dating, he sent me a text while I was out with my dad that said “Movies tonight, me and you, 8:00.” That was it. Something so simple, but it totally intrigued me. He was so demanding and powerful about it.
There’s no way you can say no to something like that, especially when they are a genuinely kind person. So, make sure you pair #4 with #6, always and forever. [Read: Here’s how to build your confidence and change your life for the good]
#7 Don’t shy away from the important things. Maybe it’s just my boyfriend, but he will shy away from important conversations because he doesn’t want to have that weird conversation at that moment in time. Don’t do this. Face your issues head on.
If you haven’t had the marriage or children talk, make that happen. Don’t wait for it to happen to you. Bring it up on your own and show confidence. Your partner is going to love that you did this and may not even notice the power shifting. [Read: 10 awkward but powerful conversations you need to have with your partner]
#8 Tell them how you feel, when you feel it. This sort of ties into the confidence factor, because you will need to get your feelings across in a mature and smooth manner. Crying on the floor in the fetal position is not how to do this.
Make sure they know how you are feeling. Then, own it.
#9 Don’t let them push you around. Figuratively, of course! If they try to force you to do something, make sure you stand your ground. You don’t have to do anything. In relationships, we make compromises. We go to the soccer game that we know nothing about, and our partners go to concerts where they don’t know the artist/band. That’s fine.
Don’t allow them to force you to do things that you don’t want to do. Also, there is a huge difference between asking you to do something and telling you that you are doing something. Pay attention to that difference and stand your ground. [Read: Subtle changes in your partner that are red flags]
#10 Demand the respect you deserve. You are a freaking diamond. You deserve all of the respect in the world, but, unfortunately, we just don’t dish it out as often as we should. You need to demand that respect from your partner.
Whether you are in control or not, you deserve to be respected. You are a human being, after all. Your opinions are valid. What you have to say matters a great deal.
[Read: How to learn to respect and believe in yourself]
Now that you know how to get the power back in a relationship, you will be able to make an informed decision on whether your relationship is worth sticking around for.
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