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How to Ask for a Second Date and Not Fumble or Appear Too Eager

You went on a first date and are really wondering what to do now. So, here are the signs that you should pursue it further, and how to ask for a second date. 

How to Ask for a Second Date

Good news! Now that you have been out once, you need to know that figuring out how to ask for a second date is usually much easier than asking for a first date. You should be able to gauge the other person’s vibe after spending some time together.

If you feel like the first get-together went well, you have a good chance of a yes when you ask for a second date.

With fewer nerves and a bit more confidence, figuring out how to ask for a second date is less about fear and more about how to go about it.

[Read: 18 happy signs your date really likes you on your first date]

Should you ask for a second date?

Don’t worry about asking the person until the first one is over. You might think you like this person enough before you even meet, but try to focus on the date that is happening now, not what’s potentially to come.

If you don’t worry about whether or not you will see this person again, the first one will be better and more relaxed.

And who knows? By the end of the first one, you may not want to see them again after all. Before considering how you’ll ask for a second one, decide if you really want to see this person again.

Just because you had fun hanging out with this person and everything was fine, and there were no red flags doesn’t mean you owe them a second date or need to give it a chance. If you aren’t feeling it, you don’t need to ask for another date just to be polite. [Read: How to turn down a second date request – A non-awkward guide]

Asking for a second date and then taking it back is much more awkward than simply not asking for one. So, before you try to artfully word the perfect second date ask out, decide if you really want a second date. 

Even if you’re unsure, you don’t need to rush it. You can end it with “I’ll call you or text you…” and go from there. You don’t need to say anything official at the end after first meeting them if you want to think about it for a bit longer.

There is no need to overthink asking someone out for a second date. Even if you do want a second date, it is a lot easier than you might think. [Read: How to not be boring – The art of keeping your dates exciting]

The strongest signs that you should ask for a second date

Now that you have been out once with this person, you might be wondering if there are enough good qualities about the person to go on a second date.

Sometimes we know for sure one way or another, but other times we’re kind of on the fence about it. So, here are some signs that you should ask for a second one.

1. You kissed

Everyone has their own opinion of whether or not you should kiss on a first date. Some think it’s too early, and others are perfectly fine with it *and more*. So, if you’re wondering if you should ask for a second date, the kiss is a big green flag.

Now, if the kiss was just a peck on the cheek or on the lips, then that’s not the kind of kiss we’re talking about. But if it was a real, romantic, passionate kiss that lasted a while, then that is a good sign that your date wants to see you again. [Read: Kissing on a first date – is it a yes or a no?]

2. The conversation flowed easily

We have all been there, right? When the conversation is difficult and it’s just like pulling teeth to figure out what to talk about. Obviously, that’s not a sign of a good first date.

But if your conversation was easy, and you never ran out of things to talk about, that is a good indication that you should ask for a second date.

You see, when you date someone, you want to be able to have great conversations with them. So, go ahead and try it another time to see if you can continue the good banter. [Read: How to know if a first date went well – 22 signs to know the truth]

3. You laughed and had fun

Maybe your conversation flowed, but if it was too serious, then maybe that’s something you want to consider. True, some people are more serious and others are might light-hearted. But if you didn’t have “fun” with this person, then that’s not good.

However, if you smiled a lot, laughed, told funny stories, and just enjoyed the moment, then you should pursue it further. It’s time to ask for a second date.

4. You have a lot in common

No one is identical, but in order to have a good relationship, you have to have things in common. So, if you are a long-distance runner, and your date hates running even one block, then you won’t be very compatible.

But if you seemed to share a lot of the same interests, then that is great! You should give it another try.

However, maybe you didn’t really get into conversations about your interests enough to assess whether or not you are compatible. In that case, you should definitely go on a second date and ask those important questions. [Read: 14 signs you’re unintentionally ruining your first dates often]

5. The first date lasted a long time

Some people think that a first date should be quick – like getting coffee or lunch. But there is no rule for where to go or how long a first date lasts. It just depends on the people involved.

So, maybe you intended to have a quick date, but it turned into several hours. That’s a great sign. If one or both of you didn’t want to continue the first one, then you would have found a way to get out of it earlier. In this case, try the second one. [Read: How long should a first date last? The exact timing for a good first date]

6. You lost track of time on the date

Let’s say your date did last long, usually, that means you lost track of time. As they say, “time always flies when you’re having fun.” So, if you found that you hardly ever looked at your watch to see what time it was, then that is a great sign.

However, if you did check the time and you couldn’t believe it was “only” 8:00, then that means that the time was dragging when you were with that person. That’s not good, so maybe you should skip the second date in this scenario.

7. Communication keeps flowing after the first date 

After your first date, there should be some continuation of positive communication between the two of you. Maybe one or both of you texted immediately after the date to say thank you and that you had a great time.

Then, after that, the communication should keep flowing. If they take hours and hours to reply or only say one or two words, then they probably aren’t that interested. But if they text back right away and with enthusiasm, then that is a sign they want to go out on a second date too. [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date]

How to ask for a second date

Asking for a second date isn’t just about the question itself. When figuring out how to ask for a second date, it starts with the first date and goes from there.

You don’t just want to ask for a second date, you hope for an actual second date. So, you’ll want to do the best you can to ensure that.

1. Be confident

One of the best ways to ensure a second date is by having a great first date. Go in with confidence and no expectations. Of course, you hope it goes well, but stay open to any outcome.

Your main goal for a first date should be to have a good time and see what happens. Worrying too much about how you seem or look or your word choice can look like you’re unsure about yourself and your date. [Read: How to text after a first date and make them fall even harder for you]

2. Be positive

Yes, we all have bitterness about something. Whether it be student loans, healthcare, or the environment, try not to let your love to hate take over your first date.

It can feel good to trash talk the president, your boss, or your ex but it only comes off as negative to a first date.

Even if the date is going well, if you focus on negative topics right off the bat, it could sour your date’s feelings and lead them to turn down your offer for a second date.

3. Be realistic

Don’t assume they want a second one or that you do. Don’t assume that just because the date is going well for you that they definitely want to see you again. Remain realistic in your intentions.

Also, be sure, to tell the truth. There is nothing more annoying on a first date than the other person emphasizing their life. If you have a roommate or live at home, be upfront. If you are in between jobs, don’t call yourself an entrepreneur. [Read: 20 must-know things to perfect your first date conversation]

Not only can most people smell a lie from a mile away, but lying even a little about yourself will not help you win a second date.

4. Meet in the middle

A first date comes with a lot of nerves. It can be difficult to put yourself out there and if you’re feeling that, they are probably too. Try to meet halfway.

If you live far from each other, offer to meet in between or even come to them if they don’t like driving. If they don’t feel comfortable meeting at a bar, offer a coffee shop or a walk in the park, or even a mall.

You want them to be comfortable and they will appreciate your compromise. [Read: 22 second date tips and rules to build the perfect romance]

5. Listen

Being too overwhelmed with nerves or how to ask them out for a second date can pull your attention away from the first date. Don’t let your mind get preoccupied with what you’re saying, focus on listening.

Truly listen to what they have to say. This will help you figure out if you really feel a connection and if so, it can guide you into the second date.

If you are too focused on worrying, you could miss your date sharing how they’re sober or that they hate roller coasters and end up mistakenly asking them for a second date to a club or amusement park.

6. Mention second date ideas

During the date, tiptoe around the idea of seeing each other again and see how they react. You don’t need to straight-up ask them out, but by mentioning potential ideas you can probably figure out if they are into it or not.

For example, mention this new restaurant you’ve been dying to try or an arcade opening next week. If they seem into it, then asking them for a second date should be easy as pie. [Read: 21 perfect texts to send after a first date no matter how it went]

7. Be clear with your wording

Many people have had enough first dates end with “we should do this again sometime…” for a lifetime. This open-ended goodbye is infuriatingly subtle and mysterious. It has led to second dates, ghostings, and more.

Instead of leaving things so open-ended, if you want a second date, make it clear. You can do it via text if you really want but in-person is always best. Let them know you had a great time and want to know if they want to see you again.

Don’t just tell them you’d like to see them again, but make it clear you are asking them as well. This will clear up any potential misunderstandings. [Read: Strong feelings after the first date? How to read the right signs]

8. Set a date

Try not to take too long to set a solid plan for a second date. Leaving it up in the air can lead to canceled plans because it seems like neither person is taking the initiative.

If you want to know how to ask for a second date, the best way is to actually plan it. If you don’t know your schedule, make it clear you will text them when you get home to set the day and time. [Read: How to play it cool and confirm a date without sounding desperate]

Pick a place, time, and day and see if it works for them within 24 hours of asking them out, so it is clear that you are excited about it.

[Read: How to keep a girl interested after the first date and not be pushy]

Learning how to ask for a second date isn’t that hard as long as you nail the first date and make your intentions clear. But if you’re still nervous, just use these tips and you’ll see that confirming a second date is a breeze.

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...