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Why Men Feel Emasculated – The 3 Big Reasons

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Are guys growing up less manly than they used to? Find out the real reason behind why so many men feel emasculated around women all the time! By Keith Brown

why do men feel emasculated

Women feel insecure about their appearance.

Men feel insecure about their masculinity.

And neither gender really understands why the other gender makes such a big deal of it!

But if you’re wondering why a man feels emasculated around you, or what you’ve been doing to emasculate him, well, this is something you need to know.

Why do men feel so emasculated?

A man’s ego is one of his biggest assets.

It’s what makes him feel like a man.

And if he ever feels like his ego is getting bruised or battered, whatever the reason may be, he starts to feel less like the man he thinks he should be.

And that’s when he starts to feel emasculated.

[Read: 20 secret things about guys that your guy would really want you to know!]

Emasculation is the loss of masculinity and power.

And when a man loses the one thing that defines him, his masculinity, he’d either withdraw into a shell, or he’ll get rebellious and do anything it takes to get that masculinity back.

It’s not always a woman’s fault when a man feels emasculated

Before we go any further here, you need to understand this. It’s not your fault your man feels emasculated. Most men wrongly blame women when they feel emasculated. And some women believe they should be subservient to their man or they’d emasculate their man. But that’s just not true.

A man feels emasculated because he chooses to feel emasculated. It’s all in his head.

Some guys feel emasculated when they hold their girl’s purse while shopping, while a few other guys feel their manhood shrinking each time they wear an apron. And some other guys feel emasculated when their girlfriend or wife earns more than them. And all of this is subjective and personal. But the bottom line here is that you could do anything you want, but a man would feel emasculated only if he chooses to feel inferior about himself. [Read: How self respect affects you and your relationships]

Should a girl dumb herself down to avoid emasculating her man?

Being better than your man should never make him feel emasculated. If you’re better than your man at something, he should respect that ability of yours. After all, his inability to match up to your capability is no excuse for him to feel emasculated.

If your man sees you as an equal and respects you, he should learn to accept that you’ll always be better than him in some *if not all* things. [Read: Why a girl should never dumb herself down to impress a guy]

Dumbing yourself down or downplaying your own achievements just to make your man feel more manly may work for a while, but it’s not the answer. The man who feels good about himself only when his woman behaves like his slave isn’t suffering from emasculation. He’s suffering from low self esteem and probably has controlling tendencies.

And he’s the kind of guy you definitely need to stay away from! [Read: 21 subtle yet shocking signs of an emotionally abusive partner]

The real issue – Men emasculate themselves all the time!

The real reason why guys feel emasculated is because of themselves and the world they live in. All guys have high expectations from themselves because society and television coerces them into believing that real men should behave a particular way.

A man who whines about his shitty day feels less like a man because society tells him real men don’t whine or appear helpless, especially in front of their girlfriend or wife. A real man broods in a dark corner and looks cool doing it!

Real men are supposed to have all the answers. Real men are always winners. Society and television portrays real men in a manner that’s almost unmatched by mortal men. When a man cries, everyone thinks he’s a sissy *even if they feel bad for him at that moment*. [Read: 15 reasons why nice guys always finish last all the time]

The constant pressure on a guy from all around him to behave more like a real man emasculates him all the time.

James Bond. You won’t ever catch him slouching in a dingy bar with a glass of beer in his hand, dirty and unshaven, talking about how terrible his day was. And men believe that. Men believe real men don’t have weaknesses or pitfalls. Men believe they can’t appear weak or have flaws because that would only make them less of a man.

Don Draper, the coolest mad man in New York, is another real man. He barely has conversations that last more than a few seconds, and still has a social life. He drinks and smokes like he’s immune to bad health. And every time he opens his mouth, he just knows the right thing to say at the right time. And your boyfriend or husband, well, he can’t think of those perfect lines even if he spends a while plotting over the right thing to say.

Iron Man. Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist. Your guy may smile as Iron Man utters each word on the big screen. But every word in that quote makes your guy’s testicles subconsciously shrink just a little bit more. Because he can never be Tony Stark, the real man, the way a man should be.

We’re surrounded by fictitious men that everyone loves and admires. And that clearly means something, that those fictional characters are actually the real men, while the men we see and interact with in real life are all inferior mortal men. Well, at least, that’s how men feel. [Read: 30 facts about guys that can help you read your guy’s mind]

Women like real men too!

If these fictitious men emasculate men, it gets worse for guys. Even women like these kinds of powerful men! And each time a guy hears his girlfriend talk about a powerful man or how awesome a movie character is, a guy can’t help but subconsciously assume he’s not good enough.

A guy’s idea of a real man

Men want to feel like they’re in control. All guys admire men who speak sharply, who yell at others and seem totally in control of the situation all the time. And every time a guy can’t be that perfect vision of the man in his head, he feels emasculated. And the worst part is that most guys believe they can’t do anything about it! [Read: How a guy can become a better guy by using a role model]

Men, women and our insecurities

Women feel insecure about their appearance and men feel insecure about their masculinity. Perhaps, it’s not either sex but society, television and hearsay that emasculates men and makes women feel insecure about their own selves.

And of course, it’s a lot easier to point fingers at someone close than point out to the television screen. Maybe the best way to deal with insecurities and emasculation is by working together and becoming better individuals together, instead of arguing with each other or stopping each other from admiring the opposite sex. [Read: How to get rid of your man’s wandering eye]

What makes a man feel more like a man?

There are just three main qualities that make a man feel manlier and less emasculated. As long as a guy gets or feels one or all three of these qualities, he’d immediately feel more like the man he dreams of becoming.

#1 Sexual attention. Virility is a big sign of manliness.

#2 Strength. Displaying his strength and masculinity always gives a man a high.

#3 Power. Ever heard of a rich and powerful guy feeling emasculated? [Read: Why do men cheat? – 3 big reasons and 27 more!]

Every man wants to feel like a real man. And he goes about pursuing something in the hope of feeling more manly and real. But at the end of the road, almost always, it comes down to just these three qualities that arouse the inner real man in him.

So if a man gets to have more sex, feels stronger, and feels rich and powerful, he’d feel more like a man. And that’s all there is to masculinity.

How to make your man feel less emasculated

If your man feels emasculated, all you need to do is help him achieve these three qualities.

#1 Sexual attention. Enjoy an active sex life and try something new in bed every few months, just when something in bed starts to get boring. As long as both of you get creative in bed and he’s able to bring you to orgasm, he’d feel manlier and more proud of his little buddy. And a good sex life definitely means a better relationship! [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas to make sex a lot naughtier and sexier!]

#2 Strength. Ask him for his help around the house, especially if it’s something that involves a display of strength like fixing something or opening a tight jar. Work out together and try to look attractive for each other.

Give him a chance to feel like a man by behaving like a lady when both of you head out on a date. It’ll subconsciously bring out the chivalrous male in him, which will make him feel more like a man. [Read: 10 effortless tips to be a lady and awe her man and everyone else]

#3 Power.  Power is the opposite of helplessness. And a man will feel emasculated only when he feels helpless, like he has no control or say in the relationship, or in his life. Women are more self reliant and self sufficient today than ever before. For the first time, many men don’t have any control over their lives, their relationship or even the food they eat!

Split responsibilities in the relationship, and motivate each other to achieve milestones and goals in life. The ambitions could be small and insignificant to be begin with, but over time, each achievement would instill more confidence in your man’s life. And that would help him feel a sense of control and power in his life. [Read: 20 signs the control freak in you is emasculating your man!]

Help your man but don’t downplay yourself for him

A guy may feel just a wee bit emasculated now and then for different reasons, be it a powerful woman or a really powerful alpha male. But all said and done, there’s a thin line between feeling occasionally emasculated and overly emasculated because of an insecure personality. [Read: Why dating an insecure guy could be the biggest dating mistake you make!]

A guy who feels emasculated all the time would feel like a failure no matter what you do. And he’ll always blame you for his insecurities and his failures, even if you help him in every step along the way.

After all, you can help him become a better man by helping him remember his own achievements and by motivating him to be a better man. But you can’t change his attitude unless he decides to change it.

[Read: How to stop selfish and insecure people from hurting you]

The world is unfair to a man and his emasculation woes, just as it is unfair to a woman and her insecurities about appearances. But a real man doesn’t shrivel in his shorts when he faces the threat of emasculation. He grows a pair and rises above it!


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Have your say!
  • Jacob
    May 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    I could never publicly accept that I feel emasculated. But I really do feel the pressure at times. And like the author says, its not because of women that I feel emasculated. More often, it’s because of the kind of guys I see on TV. The characters are always rich, they have loads of women fawning over them, and they’re powerful!

    Who wouldn’t want to be that guy? But truth is, most of us can’t be that guy. You may call this emasculation, but this kind of pressure is what leads to quarterlife crises and midlife crisis. A man’s wife can make him feel just as bad too. but more than women, its society that emasculates men more.

  • Vir Verus
    May 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    Again, here it is. “A man’s ego is one of his biggest assets.” “And when a man loses the one thing that defines him, his masculinity…” “Because he can never be Tony Stark, the real man, the way a man should be.” What kind of idiotic men are you referencing here? If a man runs off his ego and masculinity, he is a failure of a man. If a man feels smaller when watching a fictional character, he is no man, but a child. Any real man is driven mainly by honour, courtesy, and faith.
    Masculinity is important, but it should not come from wealth. Ego is important, but it should not depend on being a “playboy”. A true man’s ego and manliness are from feats great and small, stemming from his virtues and strengths.
    Ego is Latin for “I”. If a man defines his “I”, his own self, by his wealth and power alone, he is a fool, and does not have true manliness.
    What you see as men are boys, and what you see as fairy tales from a time long past are men. Sadly, it would seem are commodity of men is running short, at least according to this site. Of course, it would seem many true men are now overlooked.

  • Adrian
    November 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m sorry, but this is inaccurate. Us guys like to watch cool guys on TV, but I sure don’t feel inferior to them when they act cool, besides most of these so-called heroes and cool guys existed in the 20th century and wouldn’t stand a chance in 2013. Sadly, I find it’s the women who believe that this is how a guy should be and they will never find him amongst ordinary guys, so they take it out on us and say that there is not one good real man left on earth. Secretly, they all wish we were like these guys, but then get disappointed when they wake up to reality. Ladies, do you want to know why men cheat? Because after 30 years of trying to be the man that everyone wants him to be (by his his wife, parents, business partners, friends, etc.) they finally find a girl that accepts them for who they are and gives them the only two things they’ve always wanted for 30 years – love and acceptance. It’s simple to understand – men have an “emotional bank balance” – some things add to it and some take away. The more that is taken away, the more the man seeks to refill it. The fact is, ladies you will never know what it’s like to be a man, you ladies are so lucky. When you are a guy, everything in your life matters, and everything has a price. For us, it would be great to be all the things your fantasies want, but 90% of the time we have bigger fish to fry. You guys have never experienced a true man’s world from a man’s perspective. All we ask is some understanding. Do you really want to know what it’s like? A man’s world is like this – around every corner there are other men who do not want to work but want the easy way in life – and they are willing to take what is yours without remorse, and that includes taking you away from us, ladies. The honest, hardworking man is constantly conned out of his money, is made to look uncool and a bit of a dork, all in order to unsettle and usurp. And I’m sorry, but maybe I might be wrong, but all I’ve ever seen is ladies adding fuel to the fire. Ladies like the attention that these other men give them and it’s almost like you get pleasure out of seeing your man suffer. What you don’t realise is that most of these so-called cool men have had everything handed to them in their lives, that is why they had all the time to practice their “charming skills”. So, go ahead, go for one of those guys, but don’t complain when after 5 years or so he kicks you to the kerb, because he’s found someone new. What needs to be realised is that these guys don’t respect women, or love them, and never will, and only see you as expendable objects. You wanted the truth. You wanted to know what it’s like being a man.

  • John
    December 2, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have to agree with Adrian, to a point. I was brought up to believe “manliness” was a belief in self, and holding true to your own integrity. Sometimes, it feels like “emasculation” isn’t so much choosing to feel bad about yourself, or feeling inferior to other, more “manly” men. It’s learning over time that true, “enlightened” manliness doesn’t seem to work. Too many women I’ve met – even staunch “pro-woman” women – pay lip service to wanting or needing compassionate understanding, but easily respond to brute force and emotional cruelty. They see these things as signs of power; whatever “universal” insecurities women have respond when those insecurities are reinforced, not fought against. Too many women I know hate themselves, and relish in their men hating them, too. Emasculation, in this case, isn’t so much feeling powerless, it’s having to rewrite the “manliness software” in your head. When being mean and distant results in a more responsive partner, and inquiring about their day, or making a point to be helpful or complimentary results in being ignored, or taken for granted, what choice are we, as men, supposed to make?

  • lynn oliver
    December 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    I think it more complex than just you and him or you and her. I feel the information age is creating many wonderful outcomes for women due to treatment received from infancy onward. The belief girls should be protected creates much kind, stable, verbal interaction along with much mental/emotional/social support from parents, peers, teachers, and others. This is creating lower average stress (enabling better learning/motivation); lower muscle tension for ease of writing/motivations; much social vocabulary with lower stress essential for reading and communication with teachers/others, and much positive social interaction along with protection to make errors and still be okay. This is creating big changes in the workplace today in the information age. Such support creates many fine information age skills that translates into money, power, status, and more money.
    The guys on the other hand are still raised to be soldiers. They are given increased aggression from one year to make them tough. They are not given kind, stable, verbal interaction and other mental/emotional/social supports for fear of coddling. This creates social/emotional distance; higher average stress; lower social vocabulary; lags in mental/emotional/social/verbal skills; and more distance and distrust of others. Also, they are given love/honor only on condition of some achievement. Those boys not achieving are given more ridicule to make them try harder. This is signaling many boys to achieve tid bits of honor from video games and sports, etc. This differential treatment is now creating Males who cannot earn a living and support even themselves much less others.
    The horrible genetics model, which leaves out these important social mistreatment, is now presenting Males as less intelligent or not working hard enough (again the stick of ridicule). This false feeling is being fed to Males, usually by women in school, the workplace, stores, restaurants, hospitals; and many other places, including the media today. So now, husbands and boyfriends are not collecting many many micro and even more outright abuses from society today. The wives and girl friends (who may also be feeling this same superiority today) may now be taking the blame, not just for some miss-statement but for all the sum total of collective bites their husbands and friends are receiving in the society the media. I feel unless we remove the genetics model and also begin treating Male children more correctly, society and relationships will suffer much more so in the future

  • lynn oliver
    December 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    I should have said ” So now, husbands and boyfriends are “now” collecting many many micro and even more outright abuses from society today.

  • TedWest
    February 3, 2014 | Permalink |

    I think women feel insecure about their feminity too, just look at how pink and dainty this website is. change it to blue with rugid font and see how much traffic you lose. then post an article called “Why do women feel so efemulated”…answer because women can never be as feminine as Pepper Potts… so much so that they had to efemulate her in the 3rd movie just to keep the big manly feminists from getting an their ego bruised by showing a feminine standard no real life woman could ever live up to……

  • Slizl
    February 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    Men become emascualted (at least I did) from not wanting to fight anymore with their SO. My wife and I used to fight like cats and dogs and she would never admit fault or apologize for anything. I realized that fighting was just a losing battle so I basically refused to fight anymore. That slowly but surely turned me into a punching bag. I turned into a victim. Anyway, we got divorced and I will never not be the man in a realationship again.

  • Mary
    March 23, 2014 | Permalink |

    I like that it points out in the “Power” section that many men are losing power in their relationships etc since women gained it and that people should distinguish and share roles in their relationship. I am by no means a feminist, neither do I believe in dumbing myself down to make other people feel good about themselves at my expense.

    But it is important to note, that women who assume all roles in the relationship leave nothing for their SO. Roles should be defined, but one should not have more importance than the other. Women should appreciate and respect when men are acting in a respectful and masculine way when he helps her etc, instead of taking him for granted or assuming that he thinks you can’t open a door for yourself. It is a sign of respect that he opens the door. Let’s stop criticising and start appreciating the positive behaviour we see in our SO so that we can all learn from each other what we expect from each other.

    This is body language communication as well as healthy verbal communication in relationships. All forms of communication are necessary to maintain and help a healthy relationship grow stronger. Encourage, praise, be grateful, gently remind, and when criticism is due, be respectful, understanding and set down what alternative behavior you would prefer to see and do not presume that the negative behavior you disliked was done on purpose. A little bit of understanding but sticking to standards goes a long way :)

  • Gar
    September 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    “It’s not your fault your man feels emasculated” – What if a wife tells her husband she’s been lying their whole relationship and that he’s actually rubbish in bed? Is that not her fault for just not saying so from day 1? Spending all that time saying he’s the best just to tell the truth years later… and when he now feels emasculated, it’s now his fault for believing her?

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