Wondering if you’re sending out the wrong signals? You’re probably right; here are 10 things girls do that give out the wrong message.
There’s a study that shows guys are more likely to think that you’re into them, even if you’re not. Not surprisingly, it’s the other way around for girls. Psychologist Mon Bendixen wanted to test the theory of whether men are genetically programmed to misread the signs that women like them, or if they act this way due to society’s influence.
After testing both Norway, a country that’s high up *2nd* on the gender equality scale, and the U.S., which is a little way down *45th*, they found that the results were the same. Men from Norway were just as likely to assume that a woman liked them as men in the U.S.
It seems it’s not about location or society with this phenomenon; it’s simply a foregone conclusion. The basic gist of it all is this: no matter what you do, it’s possible that men will see your behavior as a sign that you like them more than you do.
Even if science theoretically validates it, there’s still the question of what makes them think you like them.
How do men determine whether you like them or not?
Men are very proud creatures. The only reason they are capable of approaching women is because it is understood, in the general scheme of things, that they are expected to do so.
But that’s just the beginning. With or without rejection, a man will not be satisfied with you agreeing to go out on a date. They will still look for signs that you’re leaning toward a second date or an invitation to bed.
Unfortunately, there will be times when they get this wrong. That’s because most of them take things at face value. They are known to make decisions quicker than women. This means that whatever you tell them is basically what they will adhere to. They might think twice about it, but they’d rather process the information in front of them than dissect the nuances of what you’ve said or done recently.
What they see, hear, and feel is exactly what they’ll work with. But what exactly are you doing that gives them the wrong impression?
Women are flirtatious by nature. You don’t notice it most of the time, but the primal essence is there. We were built to spread our pheromones, so we can find a suitable mate. It sounds a little too stone-agey, but it’s definitely true. The only saving grace is that we, as humans, have a choice of whether or not someone is worthy of sniffing out pheromones in close proximity.
What women do to make guys think they’re interested
Barring genetics and biology, men are susceptible to our wily personas for a number of reasons.
#1 Smiling. Let’s start with the most basic misconception. When a woman smiles at a man, it can be mistaken for flirting. Although it is true that smiling is one of the simplest forms of flirting, it is also one of the most polite gestures any human being can offer.
#2 Making the first move. When a woman makes the first move, it means she likes someone. Some men, however, think that their affection is amplified because of their boldness. The truth is that she still needs time to assess whether or not she likes him after she has gone out with him. [Read: Do men like it when women make the first move?]
#3 Swiping right. This is the online equivalent of the first move, but it is also a random decision that might be caused by boredom or a superficial appreciation for a man’s selfie. This can significantly boost a man’s ego and their perception that you like them for more than just their picture.
#4 Agreeing to go out with them. Yes, this is basically the most obvious green light that a girl likes a guy, but it stops there. She has to date him first. Some men see this as a sign that they’re already halfway in. But for most women, he’s only got a foot inside the door–if that.
#5 Playing hard to get. This is probably the craziest sign that men look for. The custom was sorely played out in the 1800’s, but even in the 21st century, we just can’t seem to let go of this notion. The end result is men thinking they have a chance when the girl is obviously not into them. [Read: 9 silly things women do to attract the worst guys]
#6 The way you dress. Relax. This is not about how provocative a person dresses. When a guy you just went out with notices that you made an effort to look good, he will immediately assume that you did it for him. This is especially true when your date has never seen you dress up. It’s a superficial factor, but it’s something they can easily understand.
#7 Touching. You could be a warm and friendly person who feels close to people when you connect physically, but for guys, it’s a signal that it’s okay to touch you back. When they believe that you’re okay with that, they assume it’s because you like them enough to allow it.
#8 Talking about sex. Sex is a very touchy and personal subject. No matter who you discus sex with, it is automatically assumed that if you feel open enough to discuss it, you’re displaying the “I like you” message loud and clear.
#9 Your tone of voice. Some women have low-pitched voices, which sound sexy most of the time. The downside is that many men assume that you sound sensual, as opposed to simply using your everyday voice. Men are more easily aroused than women, so it’s understandable that a sexy voice will make them think you’re into doing something more intimate than just dinner and coffee.
#10 How often you look at them. Even though you’re checking out the bartender, a guy who’s in your line of vision might think that you’re actually checking him out. Your line of sight shows a person what caught your attention. If they’re directly in front of you, they might think that you’re checking out their goods, even if you’re just staring off into space. [Read: The all-in woman’s guide to making eye contact with men]
I know this list sounds crazy, but we can’t help it if men were hardwired to think that way. They mean well, but assumptions like these can backfire. It paves the way for misunderstandings that lead to bad dates… like going in for a kiss when it’s not yet appropriate.
The worst part is expecting breakfast from a date and getting nothing but a handshake. It happens to all of us–not just men–but they are more susceptible, because they look at girls’ affections with rose-tinted glasses.
This can be bad for girls if a guy becomes too forward because of his assumptions. It can also be bad for guys because their egos can easily get hurt when they finally realize the truth. The best thing that both parties can do is be completely honest with each other. Let go of the mind games, and tell each other how you really feel.
Whether you’re just being friendly, or you are actively trying to flirt with a guy, keep in mind that there will be guys who assume that you’re more into them than you really are. It’s always best to make your intentions clear before they get the wrong message.
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Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...