Manipulative Men: How to Understand the Method to their Madness

Manipulative Men

Have you ever been with a guy who makes up feel down and down feel up? Some manipulative men have an uncanny ability to make you question everything.

Manipulative men are abundant. I am not saying women can’t be manipulative, but we get a worse rap when it comes to our ability to lead men on, be cunning, and controlling. The truth is both sexes have the ability to manipulate their partners.

Manipulative men leave you questioning just about everything about yourself. They have a way to do things and make it your fault. In fact, just about everything is your fault. Don’t fall for it! There is a method to their madness, and it isn’t you. They do what they do best, mixing it all up, until you don’t know which way is up.

9 signs of manipulative men

If you are with a guy who you can’t do enough for, but says you do nothing, insists you control him, but you rarely even see him. Or he tries to convince you of something you know isn’t true, then you are with a man who manipulates you for his own benefit. For your own good, it is time to find a way out.

#1 When you confront him, he ducks and weaves. When you confront manipulative men, they duck and weave. No matter what the subject, they won’t address it.

They answer your questions with questions. They skirt the issue and bring up something completely irrelevant that you did months ago or simply say mean things to shut you down, so you end up looking like the crazy one.

Never getting to the crux of things, you can’t ever call them out because they dodge everything. They are rubber, and you are glue. What bounces off of them sticks to you, always. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]

#2 Nothing, and I mean nothing, is ever his fault. Manipulative men are experts at explaining why they are never at fault. In the end, no matter what they did to hurt you, take something from you, or cheat on you, it was ultimately your fault.

They turn everything around so they come out smelling like roses. You are the rose with thorns. All their actions are perpetrated by the bad behaviors of someone other than themselves. But their actions are rarely justifiable. [Read: 7 signs you’re trapped in a troubled relationship]

#3 Manipulative men make you feel bad for even suggesting that they do anything intentionally. If you say anything about what they did to hurt you , they twist the story around to make it look like a total accident.

Whatever negative consequence came from their behavior couldn’t possibly have been anticipated according to their recount. The problem is you know in your heart what they did was totally intentional with an ulterior motive.

With manipulative men, there is ALWAYS an ulterior motive.

#4 You know in the back of your head that you are right but dare not say. Manipulative men train their victims very well. They make sure the reprisal for holding them responsible for their actions is so harsh that you learn not to say anything.

What you find is you wake one day letting yourself be stepped all over, never saying a word, because you fear saying what you feel. Manipulative men establish that keeping your mouth shut is the only way to find peace in your relationship. [Read: 15 signs of a verbally abusive relationship and ways to set yourself free]

#5 He uses tactics to keep you in line. They find out what your vulnerabilities are right off the bat. If you tend to be a pleaser, they make sure you know you can’t please them. If you feel insecure about people liking you, they let you know that no one does and all that you can rely on is them.

If you fear being alone or without love, then they will withhold love if you don’t do what they want, when they want. A smart breed, they figure out what makes you tick and then use it like your kryptonite. They know what works and don’t care how much it hurts you. If it gets them what they want, they have no shame.

#6 Your self-esteem bottomed out since you met. If you used to walk tall and think yourself worthy of love and goodness, but now beg someone to love you and think that no one else will have you, sorry, kiddo, you are with a manipulative man.

The way manipulative men work is to strip you of your self-esteem so that you are too insecure or self-assured to be on your own or to know what you want anymore. They emotionally beat the hell out of you in ways you can’t even see coming. One day you wake up and don’t recognize yourself in the mirror. [Read: Silent treatment abuse: How to take a stand and get back in control]

#7 All of the people who love you hate him. If you have one friend who thinks that he isn’t such a great guy, you can discount it. But, if your bestie, your mom, your other friends, and basically everyone in your life doesn’t care for your boyfriend, you probably have a manipulative guy.

You know why? The manipulation only works on you because you love him. When your friends hear about the things he says to you, or your mom sees how he squashes your spirit, they hate him. Even if you can’t see what he does, the other people in your life do. It makes them not like him with reason. [Read: 15 subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend you can’t see]

#8 You have completely different memories and recounts of events. If you remember things differently than he does, then you might be with a manipulative man. When he talks about what you did in the past, or what type of person you are and your impression is opposite, then he probably tries to alter the past to keep you in line.

Remember, just because someone says something enough times, it doesn’t make it real. His altering the past only makes your future miserable. [Read: 10 unassuming signs you are dating a jerk]

#9 You always chase the high of approval. Manipulative men have a way of making you feel like your entire world revolves around making them happy. They typically act happy-go-lucky when you meet them, or you bring out a smile that makes you feel like you are something special.

Once they have you under their thumb, they make you jump through hoops to see it to gain their approval. The constant need to be liked by them or to do something to please them makes you a nervous twit. You suddenly aren’t acting like yourself at all. [Read: 21 big signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]

Manipulative men all work in the same way. They strip you of what you know is the truth so that what you are left with is an empty shell that they mold, use, and abuse.

If you are with someone who manipulates you, that isn’t love. In fact, I dare say it is the opposite. From my experience, you can’t change people. You can only change your own behavior.

[Read: Why do women stay in abusive relationships?]

If you disallow a manipulative man from getting the best of you, then you have the best person you can be left. Instead of the hollow shell manipulative men turn women into.

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Julie Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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