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18 Signs to know if He’s Overprotective and Dominating

overprotective and dominating boyfriend

Is your boyfriend’s love for you turning him into a dominating and overprotective lover? Use these signs to recognize the traits before it’s too late.

An overprotective boyfriend may be deeply in love with you, and he may even care a lot about you.

But is that any excuse for him to hold your strings, dominate you and control your life?

There’s a very thin line between being overprotective-and-caring and being overprotective-and-dominating.

But almost always, overprotective and dominating behavior goes hand in hand.

If a man is overprotective, there is a very big chance that he’d also be very dominating and controlling.

He may not realize it himself.

[Read: The really big problems of dating an insecure guy]

And of course, he may not always confront you to your face!

Instead, he may have better ways to manipulate you and make you feel guilty about everything you do, until you break from the inside and start to believe that he’s right and you’re wrong… all the time!

Want to know the difference between a protective and loving boyfriend, and an overprotective and dominating boyfriend?

Read these 25 signs and qualities that make a perfect boyfriend to know more.

The dominating and possessive boyfriend/husband

Not all boyfriends or husbands try to dominate their partner intentionally. It may start off with meek pleas and childish accusations. But at some point in time, as you constantly give in because of your love for your partner, it may turn into a fight for control.

Sometimes, a dominating partner may try to use force to control you. But when a dominating guy realizes that you’re constantly resisting his control over you, he may back off for a while, only to sneakily arm-twist you just when you least expect it! [Read: 15 shockingly subtle tactics controlling guys use on their girl]

After all, a possessive and dominating guy doesn’t always have to use force to dominate you and make you believe he’s only doing something to protect you.

All he has to do is find the right circumstances to say something that’ll make you doubt yourself! [Read: 17 sure signs that prove your boyfriend has a jealous streak in him]

18 sure signs to know if a guy is overprotective and dominating

Not all possessive guys would try to dominate you to your face. Instead, they’d try to get to know things about you by snooping behind your back. And when they find the right occasion to hurt you or hit you in a soft spot, they behave like the nicest guys in the world and try to convince you about how they’re right, and how the whole world is against you!

You may never see the signs for several months, until you feel isolated and weak, and totally reliant on your man. And then, someday *too late*, you may just start to realize that the world isn’t all bad, and it’s just your man who was turning you against everyone else because he wanted to dominate you and have you all for himself! [Read: 16 signs of a devious abusive boyfriend and 4 ways to stop him and regain control of your life]

Read these 18 signs of a possessive and subtly dominating guy, and ask yourself if you see any of these signs in your own relationship. And once you realize how you’re being tricked into isolation and submission by your *sweet and charming* boyfriend, start pushing him back and reclaim the control over your life before you lose it all to his whims and games.

#1 He’s snoopy. He eavesdrops on your conversations with your friends, when you’re talking over the phone, texting, or reading your emails. Sometimes, you may even catch him scanning your phone’s call logs. And at other times, he may confront you with your phone bill and ask you to explain why you’ve been calling a particular friend so much!

#2 Everyone likes you. Each time you speak to a guy or laugh at his joke, your boyfriend accuses you of flirting with the guy or encouraging him to flirt with you.

He constantly tells you that every guy you talk to has a crush on you or is being nice to you only because that guy finds you attractive. And when some guy tries to hit on you out the blue or tries to ask you out, your boyfriend says “I told you so!” like it was your fault. [Read: 12 subtle ways your lover may be manipulating you right now!]

#3 Your own life. Your guy hates it when you want to do something by yourself. He behaves like he has a moral obligation to oversee everything you do *for your safety, of course*. And he’s always happiest when your life revolves around him and his life.

#4 He’s one step ahead. When you just start dating, he behaves like he’s your boyfriend already. And when he becomes your boyfriend, he tries to behave like your husband! He’s always one step ahead in the commitment game, especially when he sees that you have a lot of guy friends.

#5 Beck and call. You always have to be available for him, even if you’re out with friends or want to spend a day by yourself. Even if you’re having dinner with friends or in the middle of a serious conversation, he expects you to answer his call and speak to him for as long as he wants, or he just gets upset or gives you the silent treatment!

#6 Jealousy. He’s insanely jealous, no matter how much you prove your love for him. He constantly tells you that you treat him badly, or tells you that he doesn’t believe you love him as much as he loves you. [Read: 10 ways to make a jealous boyfriend not-so-jealous in no time!]

#7 He scares you. The more you agree with him, or avoid people just to make him feel more secure or loved in the relationship, the more happier he feels. You may not have realized this yet, but the more awkward and uncomfortable you feel around others, the more comfortable and happy he feels about the relationship.

#8 Big talk. Your guy hates it when you speak highly about someone else. He starts to dislike any person who seems to be high on your list of nice people, and he constantly tries to pick flaws in people you admire just to convince you that they aren’t all that great.

#9 Opposing views. A dominating boyfriend wouldn’t like it if you oppose his views or want to do something that’s against his wishes. Instead of just accepting the difference in opinion, he would force you into believing that he’s right and you’re wrong. [Read: 22 big early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]

#10 The helping hand. He expects you to come running to him each time you have an issue, irrespective of whether he can help you or not. He wants you to think of him as the only point of help for everything, and he gets irritated if you take help from someone else or do something on your own. By doing this, he’s subconsciously trying to make you dependent on him, so he can mould you into the perfect image of the girlfriend he’s built in his head.

#11 He confuses you. His behavior is hard to read, and you’re always left confused. On one hand, he seems like the nicest and most caring guy you can find. And on the other hand, he seems like he has control and anger issues. And you convince yourself that his controlling behavior is a small part of him that’s worth overlooking. After all, he does love you a lot! [Read: 14 ways to stop getting manipulated by your man]

#12 Suspicious behavior. He’s convinced that he has reason to doubt your fidelity. He constantly believes he’s caught you cheating, even if you’re just having a friendly conversation with a guy friend or a coworker.

#13 Emotionally weak. Your guy gets sad or angry very easily, whenever you go against his wishes or talk to any other guy. And over time, just to please him, you avoid talking to other guys or avoid doing anything that may even remotely offend him. But what you may not realize is that he’s getting exactly what he wants, total control over your life and the way you live it.

#14 He watches you. When the both of you are out together, he constantly watches the way you interact with others *other guys*. And after almost every social gathering, he always seems to have a few things to say, especially about how much attention you were giving some other guy. [Read: 21 big signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]

#15 It’s your fault. He blames you each time some guy shows any interest in you. He hates it when you make new friends of the opposite sex, and tells you that you’re leading guys on just to have fun behind his back.

#16 The guilt trip. He makes you feel guilty when you choose to spend time with someone else, other than him. He may not accuse you of anything, but the way he talks to you when you meet him later would make you feel like a bad partner who’s ignoring her man. [Read: 10 signs to recognize a selfish person and 5 ways to stop them from hurting you]

#17 Bad mouthing. He speaks ill of everyone who’s close to you. And he doesn’t waste any opportunity to show a family member or close friend in bad light. He may do this subconsciously to isolate you from anyone who could give you support. After all, he wants to be the only important and special person in your life.

#18 Possessive. He behaves like both of you possess each other. He loves saying that you belong to him. And the more you try to get your own space in the relationship, the harder and more desperately he tries to cling to you or intrude into your personal space. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re so easily taken for granted by everyone!]

A protective boyfriend isn’t bad at all. But when his protective side goes into overdrive and he starts displaying most of these 18 signs of an overprotective and dominating boyfriend, then this is something you need to give a serious thought about.

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Chester Bloom
Chester Bloom
A practical thinker, Chester Bloom is a writer who loves a good conversation, a long walk in the park and great company....
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DISCUSSION

14 thoughts on “18 Signs to know if He’s Overprotective and Dominating”

  1. Sean Lee says:

    Hi, I would like to introduce myself. I’m an Asian guy, and just read this. I disagree with almost all of what the author is saying. These are rather normal love emotions but somehow turned negative. That’s what is wrong with this article: too negative, and just points out the macho, alpha-male type tendencies. If anything, these could be male traits that actually turn girls on, lol

  2. Sean Lee says:

    I put some more thought into this, and feel I have the actual answer to why guys would start showing these kind of “dominating” traits. I’m almost completely certain that I’m right:

    These are signs of how a man gets when he genuinely loves a woman who does not genuinely love him back. The fact that a woman would consider a boyfriend “dominant” already means she doesn’t love him.

  3. Train Dragon says:

    No Sean. Love is not a finely tuned jealousy. If you start acting like this then you’re being controlling and obsessive. The fact that you’re already excusing this kind of behaviour by saying the woman “does not genuinely love him back” is slippery territory. This isn’t about her; it’s about you being obsessive, needy and insecure.

    And for the record, I am also Asian. And a man.

  4. Matt Valentine says:

    All of you guys are completely wrong! All of what the auther is saying is true. Most guys do have a problem with a independent woman, I personally love an independent woman. When a man goes to the extent of making a woman completely isolated from her peers and family that’s emoemotional confinement!

  5. Train Dragon says:

    I don’t really see how I’m wrong because you’ve just gone and agreed with me. Also at no point did I disagree with the author.

    You’re right that some guys (or most?) have a problem with independent women and my view is that this is wrong. I could go on about patriarchal social constructs and feminist theory as the cause of this, but that would take far too long. In a nutshell these men with this “problem” use their supposed “love” as justification to subjugate women within their relationships because they are threatened by a woman’s independence. Some of these men may not even be aware of what they are doing because they are so governed by their emotions (obsessiveness; possessiveness; insecurity) as a result of how they were socialised. Some are fully aware and are manipulative.

  6. Cameron says:

    this is so true :(… literally i was surprised and shock how this article points out 100% accuracy that is with me (i’m the overprotective one) i can’t help it. I realized that I am overprotective, and i am fully aware of that, but have no power on controlling it :(. I love her to death and I want her to be living a happy life. But now i’m the one ended up destroying her life and taking control over her… 🙁

  7. Brock says:

    I was with a girl 10 years (she was Asian by the way-no I’m not lol 🙂 married her, but am not with her anymore, and I have a new relationship now with a latin girl, and I think every relationship is different as far as how the guy acts to the girl, because I was never very suspicious of my wife because over time she gave me no reason to be, so whatever she did was fine because I knew she wasn’t out doing anything wrong. I trusted her, bottom line (thats why I married her!) With my new girlfriend though, she did alot of sneaky stuff behind my back while we were dating and not in a relationship yet that I found out about later and than more bs after we decided to be in a relationship. Shes also alot younger than me, unlike my wife who was older. WIth my girlfriend I questioned her loyalty and integrity in general before I found anything out, so I keep a pretty tight leash on her. Guys dont act that way until you see a girl start doing sneaky stuff. Theres no reason for girls to talk to ex boyfriends that they still have feelings about, or any of that bs. Girls are sneaky little beeotches and just as bad, if not worse, than men. At the same time though, the guy should be committed to the girl if he is going to expect her loyalty. Its only fair. Its kind of sad that we cant be more fair and honest in relationships. Just gotta work on making yourself the person you would want to be with so when you find them, you recognize each other. For me, I blame myself for problems in relationships too much when the girl deserves more of the blame.

  8. Katie says:

    Ok my point of view about all of this…. There is no right or wrong way to be with someone unless your life is at stake, I do not mind a possessive and protective boyfriend …jealousy on the other hand I despise….. I Dont want a guy to not show he is concerned with losing me…. I love for a guy to show he loves me and wants me to his self (minus my family). I do not need a man to act like a brother and just really not care what I’m doing or whom I’m doing it with….

    The bottom line is this… what’s considered a successful union is when two people are happy together and respect each other while remaining together for the rest of their lives– no one can tell me that there aren’t couples who are very protective and possessive of each other till death dont exist ….so therefore the bottom line is….there is someone for everyone …if you meet someone who doesn’t like you being the way you are within reason (physical or verbal violence is never ok) then move on….I wish people would stop trying to shove everyone into their box of what they deem “the perfect relationship” no such relationship exist … instead search for the person who is perfect for You they do exist!

  9. Johnny says:

    I’m going to be completely honest. It’s articles like this that try to change a man for what he really is. Society try’s to depict what the perfect relationship should be while forgetting the most important thing, EVERYONE’S DIFFERENT , and that does not mean different in a bad way.
    Being overprotective and over possessive of your girlfriend or boyfriend is not a bad thing but it’s a sign that you care deeply for them. I’m saying this because I came out my last relationship with my ex gf telling me that i was too overprotective and too much for her to handle. I thought about it, I thought about where I could have possibly went wrong?
    I cared about this girl, I was not insecure, I know that for a fact because the thought if her cheating or being unfaithful never crossed my mind. Then I convinced myself that I was going to stop being the way I was. I was going to chill and be less overprotective of anybody else in the future. That was single handily cowardly for me to do. For a minute, I let society change me and that was the moment I lost my individuality. My true sense of self was gone, I was what society told me was okay to be. Till I met my current gf, this alpha-male trait is just how some people express their love, it’s apart of their nature. How do you tell a lion to not be overprotective of his pack? You can’t, that’s nature. I haven’t ever been happier with anyone, my gfs take on it? She says she knows I’m overprotective because that’s the way I show I care about her immensely . She is the same way about me . She’s my perfect match and made me realize that the moment you let society change you is the moment you lose that part of yourself that makes you, YOU. In no way am I saying its not okay to not be overprotective. The main point is that everyone’s different and there is no right or wrong, but an article like this is misleading and aggravates me because it does not acknowledge a persons individuality . As long as your yourself, you’ll be fine . If not you’ll never find someone that truly makes you happy and you’ll have no spine, no backbone to be able to stand up for yourself , your true self. If I can find the perfect girl that understands me, then I’m sure everyone can find that person that accepts you for how you are and loves you for that reason. If she says your too much, then that’s the person that’s not right for you. Simply out , move on. If she wants to leave let her because your perfect gf/wife IS OUT THERE, just don’t change yourself for what people thing you should be . Only you truly know What you are. Only you know your true sense of self.

  10. diana says:

    well, i have a boyfriend who always sees wrong in everything i do or comment especially when it involves women, he once fought with me for greeting a guy whom he knows very well that he was in my life even before he(bf) came in to my life. now when i do the same to him he always says i have demons and insult me in a way that i sometimes feel m not the right woman for him. he’d smile, chat and even hug women in front of me and when i comment to that he’d snap and act aggressively towards me. in other words he is not trying to understand my point of why i become or react the way i do. yesterday i came to his place and to my surprise i found him with a gril that he once told me that they arent on talking terms anymore, and when i asked him to put himself into my position he said i have demond and that he will never be bullied into something he isnt. i mean how will you react seeing you lover with someone whom he has told you several times that she isnt a good person? that the girl once flirted with him then all of a sudden they are friends coming out from some sort of a corner without your knowledge of them being friends again? he knows how i feel about what he does and he keeps doing it over and over again and when i say something im possessed with demons. i love him but i think the only way i can save myself from all these heartaches is for me to get out of the relationship cos i think m not strong enough for these kind of behaviour

  11. Kasun Jayasuriya says:

    This just ruined my relationship. Just because you have your own point of view on this, you don’t really have to show it off to the world. These are normal emotions which guys tend to have when they really care about their girl and their relationship. Maybe you are too westernized to see things in this way, but that does not mean everyone is like that. Cheers.

  12. TheTruth says:

    This article is bullshit. Does it ever occur to anybody that many women, especially younger ones, are scandalous as fuck? I recognize there are decent women out there. However, most of the females today seem to act more like girls than women. It appears that, at many times, they don’t even know what the hell they want. The man is expected to show they care but only when she thinks they should. If you’re protective, you’re somehow wrong. If you are the opposite, you’re wrong again. You need to concede to them at times but also you’re supposed to know when they want you to be assertive. I played these bullshit games with females for years. If your girlfriend is suddenly friends with some new guy, it’s pretty fucking obvious that at least one of the two have some sort of intent. Let’s stop acting as if guys who suddenly appear from nowhere, are only around because they truly wanna be friends with your woman..But, don’t get mad cos then you’re being an overprotective asshole. Also, you cant NOT care, cos then you’re not ‘giving her what she needs.’ Some of these bitches today aren’t worth shit. They want the perfect man but seemingly contribute very little themselves. I no longer associate with bitches who play stupid games. The woman I am blessed to know is one that puts them to shame. The relationship isn’t full of stupid games, she knows her place. I don’t say that to be an ass but I let her know that this is how I am. I’m protective, I make the decisions, etc. We are able to treat each other respectfully and equally, but when I feel the need, I get assertive with her and it turns her on. I’m caring to her but I also tell her what I want from her. I will even choose what she wears when I want. Weird? maybe. But it works.This is someone who WAS a hardcore feminist before meeting me. Hah. It’s possible to treat women ( who deserve it), very respectfully while reminding them how you will not be their ‘yes man.’ The problem with many of these girls we see nowdays is stemming from those ‘hopeful’ guys who go around worshipping these chicks as if they’re rare. Trust me, most aren’t anything special. I find it odd that so many men today seem to just give in with whatever the female wants then wonders why they get bored and leave them, cheat on them, etc. Put the bitch in her place and she will respect you. If not, then find the next one. Show some backbone guys. Seriously, it’s getting fucking pathetic.

  13. Julia says:

    Look, I understand that when a man is protecting his girl it means that he truly loves her, but I kind of don’t get it. Really, I mean like the other day I was talking to my male best friend who I know since elementary school and my boyfriend just came between us and started arguing with him. Like, hello, but it doesn’t mean that if someone’s a man I will immediately sleep with him. Don’t panic! But he didn’t listen and then we had a huge row and then he told me that I wasn’t invited to his friend’s party because he didn’t want his mates to see me. I’m sorry, why? I have a nose missing or I am a witch and I don’t know? Seriously, get rid of those guys, because you will surely lose your nerves like I did.

  14. Tina says:

    He probably thinks that your male friend is trying to get into your pants. Try communicating with your boyfriend, it will help your relationship grow stronger.

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