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How to Tell if a Guy is Gay: 13 Subtle Signs to Hone Your Gaydar

how to tell if a guy is gay

As women, we all think our gaydar is on point, but what if it’s not? Here’s how to tell if a guy is gay before you hit on him.

There were many times I was so certain a guy I liked was straight. Maybe it was more of an ego thing. Then when I found out he was gay, I was shocked. But then my friends would ask me after, didn’t you see the signs? Here’s how to tell if a guy is gay before making the same mistake twice.

When you like a guy, it’s funny how easily you ignore the signs right in front of your face.

How to tell if a guy is gay

It’s time to refocus your attention and look at what’s in front of you. If he’s a closet gay, well, it’s not going to end well for you because it will end. These are the 13 signs to look for when trying to figure out if the guy you like is gay.

#1 You feel it. Listen, if you’re already on here trying to figure out if the guy you like is gay, then you already have a feeling. Listen to your gut. It may not be always right, but more likely than not, it is.

So, if you’re iffy and already analyzing what he does, take your own advice and don’t lose sleep over it because you’ve already figured it out. On to the next guy! [Read: Dating feminine men – Is it a boom or bust?]

#2 He doesn’t want to sleep with you. Don’t take this personally. I know this really hurts, but it’s really not you. It’s actually him.

I hung out with a guy I liked for a year, and he never wanted to sleep with me. Of course, I thought that I did something wrong or I’m not attractive enough, but that wasn’t the case. He was just gay.

What am I supposed to do about that? Nothing, he wasn’t even remotely interested in my gender. So, before you go standing in front of a mirror, judging yourself, remember, it’s really not you.

#3 He checks out other men. This is a big one in knowing how to tell if a guy is gay. If he’s pointing out men to you, that’s pretty unusual. Unless some guy really stands out in the crowd, most men won’t notice other men. Heterosexual men usually stay focused on women. It makes sense.

So, if he’s commenting on men walking by him, it’s because he’s not looking at the females. So, take note of that because it’s a pretty good sign. [Read: Everything women need to know about dating a bisexual man]

#4 How he talks about women. If he’s talking about women, it still doesn’t mean he’s straight. You should look at the way he talks about women. Usually, heterosexual men are more sexual with their commentary about women. They’ll talk about her body, her face, etc. But if your man talks about how nice her coat and boots look together. I would raise an eyebrow on that.

#5 He prefers anal sex. Does he like it when you wear a strap-on? Heterosexual men engage in this activity as well. However, is this the only way your guy will have sex with you? That’s another issue. If he’s only engaging in sex if you perform anal sex, question if he’s interested in women.

Heterosexual men like anal sex, but they also like missionary and other positions which require you to face each other. If the only thing he likes is looking at you from behind, well, he has his mind on other things. [Read: What is pegging? All the backdoor facts to get you started]

#6 He’s secretive about his friends. Haven’t met many of his guy friends? Maybe that’s because if you met them, you’d be suspicious. If he doesn’t bring his friends around or if you’ve never met any of his friends, I would question why.

#7 He watches gay porn. If the guy you like is subscribed to a gay porn site, that’s not because there’s an abundance of women on there. If he’s watching gay porn, it means he’s attracted to men.

#8 He flirts with guys. Still confused and wondering how to tell if a guy is gay? Take a look at how he behaves around other men. Do you catch him winking at other men? Or making flirtatious comments?

Why do people flirt? You flirt with guys that you’re sexually attracted to in hopes of getting their sexual attention. So, for him, it’s not any different. He’s flirting to arouse the other person, and the other person just happens to be a man. [Read: Sexually fluid – What does this even mean in the dating world?]

#9 He’s very touchy with other men. If he’s sitting on the couch with another guy and caressing his arm, perhaps leave the room and let them have some alone time. You’re interfering.

Men are usually not overly physical with other men unless they’re hugging each other hello or goodbye. So, if his hands are all over another man, come on, you know what’s up.

#10 Wants to bring another guy into the bedroom. Most guys want to have a threesome, it’s basically every man’s dream. Now, usually, they want one with two women. But it’s not unusual to have a threesome with two men.

However, if he’s always nudging you for a threesome with two men, that’s odd. Try bringing up a threesome with two women and see how he reacts. Not so turned on? Yeah, that’s because he’s not into women. [Read: The devil’s three-way: 10 ways to master the devil’s threesome]

#11 His internet history is foggy. Have you ended up on his internet history? Is it always cleared? That’s unusual, wouldn’t you say? Because as far as I remember, I only clear my web browsing history when I don’t want people to see what I’ve been looking at. So, if there are some weird sites he’s been on or if his history is completely blank, well, then I would be curious about that.

#12 He avoids gay people. Heterosexual men don’t care about gay guys, they’re comfortable with their sexuality. If someone is gay, that’s not a big deal. However, heterosexual men who are secretly gay, usually dislike gay people.

Why? Because he himself is gay, he’s just hiding it. So, if you find the guy you like strongly disliking gay people and avoiding them at all costs, then you should take another look at him. [Read: The perks and unperks of coming out of the closet]

#13 He has iffy sex toys. Listen, if you’re with him, and you use sex toys together then that’s not a big deal. However, when you first met him, did he have any toys that were more for gay sex? Like dildos? This one can be tricky because man toys are not necessarily used strictly for straight or gay sex.

Women are usually the ones who bring their own dildos, so it’s odd if he has one already. Yeah, if he has his own dildo, I would question that.

[Read: 20 almost-sure signs your boyfriend is gay]

People have many reasons for hiding their sexuality, which is fine. However, try to not get caught up in their personal issues. If you look out for these signs on how to tell if a guy is gay, you can avoid getting involved with a guy who isn’t into you.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...
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