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How to Date a Guy When You’re Shy and New to the World of Dating

how to date a guy

If you’re new to the dating scene, you probably wonder how to date a guy and how it works. Sure, you’ve watched romcoms, but is that really how dating is?

As a chronic dater, I sure know how to date a guy. Whether I want to know or not is another story, but, the point is, I know. The dating scene is its own world. There’s this unspoken rulebook of how a date should play out, what you need to do, what you have to talk about, etc.

Do you need to follow that? Of course not, but I’m letting you know, it exists. In my own dating strategy, I don’t follow the “secret code.” I just go with the flow and do what feels right.

How to date a guy – 13 tips to guide you through

But, I get it, if you’re new to the dating world, it’s comforting to know what to do and how the date should go. After a couple dates, you’ll get the hang of things and dating won’t seem so unknown to you.

Unless you go on a date with a guy who you really like, you’ll be a nervous mess and there’s nothing to help you with that. You just fumble your way through that date. But for the others, use these tips as a guide. Once you’ve been on a couple dates, it’ll be like walking to the grocery store. [Read: 16 first date tips for girls to dazzle your date]

#1 Only go on the date if you really want to. Many women go on dates with guys because they feel obligated. Listen, you don’t have to go on a date with him if you don’t actually want to. If you peel yourself off the couch to get ready, this date may be a waste of time for you.

Also, you don’t need to string this guy along. If you don’t really like him then tell him no, let him live his life. [Read: How to say no to people and feel awesome instead]

#2 Don’t let the nerves overtake you. When you’re on the date, you may be super nervous. So, in those moments we load up on the alcohol and get ourselves into a slushy mess. I’m not saying this because you shouldn’t get drunk, you can if you want to. But, I think the first date is where you want to be in control. If you’re wasted, you’re not in control. [Read: What to talk about when you’re drunk with your date]

#3 Don’t feel like you need to talk to him every day. Some men really enjoy texting all day, every day, while other men aren’t into it. So just because he didn’t write you for the entire day doesn’t mean he’s not interested. He may simply write you when he’s off work or once in the morning, but that’s evidence enough that he thought of you.

If you constantly message him, he may feel smothered which is something that quickly kills the chemistry.

#4 Do pay. Who doesn’t like it when people pay for everything? I know, this can sometimes be a hard one for me as well. I can’t say I hate it when a guy pays for me. But, at some point, stop pretending to take out your wallet and actually pay. This just shows your level of respect for the person. You know they can pay for you, but you show them you appreciate them. [Read: Why going dutch on a date can be the best thing at times]

#5 Ask questions. When it comes to knowing how to date a guy, you should remember that dating is all about getting to know someone. So, don’t just sit there nodding and laughing at everything he says, you should investigate. Ask questions, of course, don’t make it like a job interview, but, don’t be shy in trying to get to know him. You’ll be able to get to know him more while he talks about himself.

#6 Don’t be scared to show your independence. When dating a guy, sure, they look for a girlfriend but they’re not looking for someone to take care of. So, don’t be afraid to show him you have your own life. They don’t want to be with someone who gives up everything for them, in their mind, this shows a stage five clinger. Take it slow, and show him you appreciate space. [Read: How to be a strong independent woman that men love]

#7 Don’t make him plan all the dates. I know you want the guy to plan every date and make them exciting and filled with spontaneity. I get it, but, come on, he probably stresses out thinking of what to do with you next. So, take some initiative and plan the next day. You’ll soon see how hard it is to choose something interesting to do!

#8 Don’t feel the pressure to have sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the second date or your tenth date. Listen, if you don’t want to have sex just yet, you don’t have to. Now with the whole Tinder culture seeping into the dating scene, it’s normal for people to have sex on the first date. This isn’t a bad thing, but you shouldn’t do it because you feel you should. [Read: 10 reasons a guy just wants you for the hookup]

#9 Ask him what he’s looking for. You need to be on the same playing field as him. So, it’s important to know what he’s looking for. Ask him, don’t be shy. This is about you and your emotions, so you need to know what’s going on. After a couple months, depending on what he initially told you he’s looking for, it’s important to tune back in and see where you both stand.

#10 At the end of the date, give them an indicator. I’m not saying you jump on him to show him you’re interested, but you should give him an indicator of whether or not you want to see him again.

So, if you do tell him you had a great time and would love to see him again. Give him a kiss on the cheek or lips as well. If you’re not interested, there’s nothing wrong with a simple hug and saying you had a nice time. He’ll get the hint.

#12 After some time, you’ll need to have the talk. After a couple months, it’s important to sit down with him and talk about where this is going. I know, it’s awkward, but you need to have this conversation.

Maybe he’s still not interested in something serious, but you are. Your needs are then not being met. So, you make a choice whether to continue with this relationship or not. [Read: The DTR talk – How many dates should you wait before making it official?]

#13 Don’t pressure him for a commitment. You may think after you have the talk, you need to give him an ultimatum. He either commits or you break up. You don’t have to do that. Honestly, when given an ultimatum, it usually doesn’t go in your favor. Men are scared of commitment. In some cases, you should ease up and give them time. Now, if nothing changes after a while then end it.

[Read: 15 dating tips for women that’ll transform your love life]

Now that you know how to date a guy, what are you waiting for? Relax, take a deep breath, and enjoy the date. Use some of these tips to help your date run smoothly.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...
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