You’ve been with him for a long time, but you’re still unsure if he’s truly the one. Are you wasting your time, or do you have a real future together?
Love songs, chick flicks, and chick lit are filled with lies. Figuring out if you’re with the right person is not as easy as they say. Life isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel and the reality of the situation is, no matter how much you love the man you are with, you have to consider other factors when deciding if you have a future together.
So, how do you know if you truly love the man you’re with? How do you know for sure that you have a real future with him? How do you know that, 10 years down the road, things are not going to fall apart and you’re not going to be saddled raising three kids alone?
How do you know if forever is for you?
Speak to anyone in a long-term relationship, and they will tell you that staying committed to someone is hard and that it is not always rainbows and unicorns. It is more about compromise, sacrifice, patience, and understanding. Despite all of that, they will also tell you that all the risk and hardships that come with it are worth it.
If you are stuck and have no idea if you’re with the right man, here are 17 signs to help move things along.
#1 You’ve discussed the future. One of the simplest ways to tell if you have a future with your man is if your dreams and goals are in line with his. You’ve discussed the possibility of marriage, having kids, buying a home, living abroad, and so on. Once you have these details down pat and you’re not butting heads, you can realistically say that you have a real future with him. [Read: 14 undeniable signs he wants to spend his life with you]
#2 You live together and love it. I’m a firm believer in living together before taking the next step. How can you tell if you can spend forever with your partner without living under the same roof first? If you already live together and things are flowing smoothly, it improves your chances of having a real future with him.
#3 It’s easy to communicate. You know that you really love a man when you can share everything with him. From your fears to your aspirations, he should be the one you lean on and pour your heart out to. You should also make sure that you don’t fight all the time, because if you do, it will be hard to spend forever together.
#4 You don’t feel the itch. You can be sure that you have a real future with him if cheating or even the possibility of being tempted by someone else hasn’t crossed your mind. You don’t feel the itch, because no other man measures up to him. That’s a sign that you’re meant to be. I can’t promise you that things will stay this way forever, but it’s definitely a good start.
#5 You feel secure with him. I’m not just talking about financial stability. I’m talking about the whole package. If you feel safe, protected, and secure with him, there’s a great chance that your relationship will go the distance. This is assuming that you’re offering him the same, of course.
#6 You’re mildly obsessed. You’re concerned about his wellbeing, his safety, and you want to spend as much time with him as you can. Some may look at this as being mildly obsessed, but honestly, there’s nothing wrong with caring about the one you’re with.
#7 He treasures you. You’re a queen and deserve to be treated like one, but keep in mind that this has nothing to do with being showered with materialistic things. Forget about the bling bling, fancy rides, and champagne showers, because in the long run, those are not important. Besides, you can always buy them yourself. If your man respects you and showers you with all the love in the world, he’s definitely a keeper and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t love him with all your heart.
#8 You come first. Being in a relationship means that you should always come first. He values your opinions and takes your presence in his life seriously. However, you have to give him the time and space to just be a boy and not throw a bitch fit if he wants to hang out with his buddies or zone out with his Xbox.
#9 He pushes you to improve. A sign that he’s a keeper is if he pushes you to do what you love, supports your career, only wants to see you happy, and in the best mental and physical shape possible. For example, dump him if he pushes you to get bigger boobs or a new nose, but keep him if he pushes you to exercise and eat healthy.
#10 There’s always support. You don’t have to worry about being teased or looked down on if something negative happens, because he will always be on your side. There’s just something about receiving unconditional support that’ll let you know that you have a future together.
#11 You can tell he’s trying. He makes an effort to make you happy. He makes an effort to leave the toilet seat down. He makes the effort to pick up after himself. He makes an effort to leave work on time so that you can have date night. These little things matter and even if they’re few and far between, you should appreciate the fact that he tries.
#12 He can read you like a book. Another sign that you have a real future together is when he knows you so well, there’s no need for you to say a word; he already knows how you feel. From doing all he can to help you get through a bad day, to simply asking you what’s wrong, these are clear-cut signs that he loves you.
#13 His friends and family adore you. I’m sure that there’s the odd person here and there who would rather see you gone, but if you generally get along with his friends and family, there’s a good chance that you have a real shot together. Keep in mind that he has known them for far longer than he has known you, and no matter what, they will always be a part of his life. It is definitely smart to be on their good side.
#14 He’s proud of you. Everyone loves having their own personal cheerleader and how great is it that yours is the man you love? He isn’t afraid to toot your horn and is obviously very proud of your accomplishments. He loves showing you off and, as embarrassing as it can be, you secretly love it.
#15 He doesn’t hurt you. He would never hurt you physically or mentally, and you should be thankful for that fact. There are many women all over the world who have to deal with abuse and if you found a man who is gentle and kind, you definitely have a real future together.
#16 The sex is great. If the sex is as good as it was the first time you did it, then you’re in the clear. Don’t forget that this is the man whom you will be banging for the rest of your life, so it is best that the sex is enjoyable.
#17 Home is where the heart is. You don’t care if you live in a shack. You don’t care if you end up somewhere foreign, with no one other than him to speak to. You don’t care that he can’t buy you the house of your dreams. You don’t care about any of those things because he’s your home and, as the saying goes, home is where the heart is.
At the end of the day, no list can tell you how you truly feel about the man you’re with. You have to dig deep and find out for yourself if you can stand being with him for the rest of your life. It may take you longer than expected to figure it out, but don’t worry; it is always best to think things like these through before making a decision. As long as you trust your heart, your mind will figure out what to do next.
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Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...