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Why It Takes Having His Kid to Know He’s Bad for You

Why It Takes Having His Kid to Know He's Bad for You

Sometimes, it takes a kid for women to ultimately learn that the father of their child isn’t the prince charming she once thought he was.

When daydreaming about motherhood, not only do most of us tend to think about all the different ways we’ll be incredible mothers, but also we fall even more in love with the idea that the father of our child will also be our soul mate, a man we’re truly, madly, deeply in love with.

Isn’t the whole point of dating to find out who all the losers a.k.a. ex-boyfriends are, and eventually to find out who the winner a.k.a. your soul mate is? What’s the point of dating, breaking up, and doing it all over again, if you can’t eventually find true love?

For some girls to actually experience what true love is really like, they first have to experience the complete opposite to understand completely. It may, after all, take a bad man for a woman to be thankful for a good one.

Why the truth comes out when a baby is in the picture

At first, you may be celebrating the fact that you’ve finally created life together. But when the responsibility of having a child sets in, you may realize that the guy you’re with isn’t good for you, after all.

#1 Naive. If a girl has been with a guy whom all her friends and family members can’t stand, it’s probably because he’s rude, controlling, manipulative, and they know he’s bad news. For example, during “good” moments of the relationship, he probably is the type of guy who talks a lot of nonsense, especially about wanting to have a baby together. And naively, some girls actually believe the loser, when he says that he’ll be a better man.

So, only until after she gets pregnant, does she realize that her friends and family were totally right. I don’t know why it takes having a baby for some girls to realize the baby-daddy sucks, but it does. Some girls just can’t see the light until their own light bulb goes off.

#2 Insecurity. There are many reasons as to why someone is insecure. Often, this stems from the fact that they’ve been cheated on in the past or they’ve been treated badly by their exes. Although it might sound crazy, some girls really believe that if they get pregnant, the guy will magically care more about them, and never do anything ever again to hurt them. Now that they have a precious little life coming into the world to think about, there is no way he could possibly cheat.

Wrong. If a guy cheats on you, he will probably cheat on you again, pregnant or not. Girls that literally believe that if they have a baby, then it will be as if he never cheated on them, and their relationship will all be rainbows and butterflies and a happy little family. But these girls are way, way wrong, and only until after they have the baby, and they catch their man cheating on them again, do they learn just how terrible he is. [Read: 9 ways to stop being so needy and insecure]

#3 Fear. I don’t mean fear as in being so afraid of your man that you have his child. This means fear as in when girls start to freak out, thinking their eggs are about to run out. The fear of not being able to have a baby gets them racing the clock to find someone to have a baby with.

Some girls actually have babies with guys that suck, because they would rather have a baby as soon as possible, instead of waiting to have one with someone they truly love. And it’s all because they are afraid of not being fertile, and running out of time, and not being a “sexy, cute, young mom.” Ridiculous it may seem, but it is ridiculously true.

#4 Money matters. He’s rich and perfectly capable of providing for a woman, even when she gets pregnant with his child. The problem with this is that money shouldn’t be the only thing that matters when it comes to having a relationship and raising a child.

Society has seen enough of kids who get money and gifts from their absent dad to realize that money isn’t the only prerequisite to being a good parent. Sadly, some women believe that when money’s on the table, it’s akin to being a responsible father. [Read: 5 signs of an emotionally unavailable man]

#5 Sees kindness, ignores meanness. Some girls really believe their guy is a good, kind-hearted person who just happens to say mean things and treat them poorly sometimes. So they stay in the relationship, telling themselves that he’s not as mean as others might think. Only until after they have a baby, do they realize that not everyone is as nice as they once thought.

They realize they don’t like their newborn hearing daddy cuss all the time, or yell at her over a broken TV remote, or all the other hostile situations that she’s been allowing herself to accept. Though some women eventually see that their kid is better off being raised in a single-parent household without their deadbeat father, some women feel the need to stick around long enough to hope that he’ll eventually change.

#6 Broken-home scenario. Some girls just cannot imagine raising a child without both parents, and therefore, stay in the relationship, because they think a bad relationship is better than no relationship for their child. Only when the baby is born, and the relationship doesn’t get any better, do these girls actually look at the big picture.

They realize that maybe having the father around isn’t a good thing, and that he’s actually everything but a positive influence, and that raising the child as a single parent will be the best thing she can possibly do for her child. And usually it is. [Read: 20 reasons for divorce that couples often overlook]

#7 The shotgun. Believe it or not, there are some women out there who try their hardest to get themselves pregnant, just so the guy they want will stay with them. Sure, he may be a great guy at first, but the responsibility of taking care of a squalling infant can change people, and sometimes not for the better.

When a man isn’t ready to be a father, he can act out and eventually turn bitter. He may have had hopes and dreams, but the responsibility of having a kid has crushed them all. This is when the woman finally realizes that the great guy she was dating has turned into a bitter shell of a man who hates the fatherly responsibilities she thrust upon him.

[Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]

Having a child is a huge responsibility for both parents involved. But sometimes women feel the need to have a child immediately, and sometimes for the wrong reasons. Before you start thinking up of ways to get yourself knocked up by your guy, think it over thoroughly. He might change, or you might see a side of him that you never thought you’d see.

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Charley Reid
Charley Reid
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One thought on “Why It Takes Having His Kid to Know He’s Bad for You”

  1. Eleni says:

    As a mum of two beautiful boys I can tell you that we make quite the mistakes when it comes to men, ladies. I don’t say that I regret marrying him or anything. After all he gave me two wonderful children. All I say is that never in my wildest dreams could I guess that he would turn out to be an alcoholic who comes late at night and doesn’t even see his boys. The moment he raised his hand on me I knew the type of guy I’ve married. Looking back now, I think it was mostly the fear that I will remain childless and unmarried. Oh how mistaken I was.

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