He’s hot, he’s smart, he’s single… And your friend likes him too. What’s a girl to do when one of your friends is into the same guy as you?
Most times, you and your friend may share the same interests, which is common because that is what brings people together. You may like the same food, clothing, music, hobbies, and so forth. With that in mind, there is the possibility that you share the same taste in guys, and that can be a bit of an issue.
Are you sure she has a crush on him?
Ah, the issue of certainty. It can sometimes be hard to know if your friend truly does have a crush on the guy you like, particularly if your friend hasn’t explicitly mentioned it to anyone.
The trick here is to establish if your friend truly does like your crush or if she’s just interested in him as a friend.
One way to know if she likes the guy you like is by taking note of how often she mentions him in conversation. If she manages to squeeze him into the conversation with the tiniest prompt, she probably has a crush on him.
Another more surefire way to know if she likes him is if she tries to get a little flirty with him. This includes trying her best to sit beside him, following him around, or outright flirtatiously touching him. [Read: 15 obvious signs of flirting between a guy and a girl]
Once you confirm that your friend does like the guy you’re into, then it’s time for stage two of the operation…
What to do when your friend has a crush on your crush
By stage two of the operation, I’m not talking about outright snatching him away from your friend. Let’s go about this the mature, non-catty way.
1. Decide if one of you can go after the guy
True friends will be able to discuss if one or the other should go after the guy. If you know the guy is a perfect fit for your friend, then why not let her go after him.
If you genuinely support her going after him, then let her know that you are absolutely okay with it. But if your friend wants you to go after him and she offers her support, then go from there. After all, it’s a crush, not a marriage!
Sometimes, friends are comfortable with being open about this kind of situation. You will be able to easily support your friend as she goes after what she wants when the friendship is real.
Deciding who can go after the guy will alleviate the issue immediately, so that you both can move on to better things. Plus, both of you can feel good knowing that at least one of you got a great guy. [Read: 12 rules of dating etiquette for the modern woman]
2. Discuss the reasons why you are into him
Maybe both of you have specific reasons as to why you are into him in the first place. With your friend, you can discuss the reasons why you like him, and then decide from there what you want to do about the situation.
When you talk about why you’re both into the guy, you may both realize which of you has a better reason for wanting to be with him.
For example, you may only have a crush on him because you like his abs, whereas your friend likes him because he’s into the same obscure movies, books, and music she is. From that alone, you can both see which of you has better odds of actually clicking with the guy in question.
3. Decide which is more important: the guy or your friendship
True friends know exactly how to compromise. When you know that the value of your friendship is more important than a shared crush, then you will not let this minor issue come between you two. You won’t allow jealousy to build up and cause problems within your friendship.
On the other hand, if your friend starts bringing you down to discourage you from stealing away her crush, then that alone is proof that your “friend” values her selfish desires more than your friendship. Is it really worth it to have that kind of friend?
4. Do not compete for the guy
This is a no-no! Do not try to compete for the guy with your friend. No friendship needs those kinds of problems.
This can lead to unwanted arguments, resentment, jealousy and a host of other things. Competing over the guy will also make both of you look desperate. Desperation is never in style.
No guy is worth that much trouble. Just imagine splitting up your group of friends, all because of one guy who may not even like either of you back.
5. Let his actions speak
Guys are usually upfront about who they like and where they would like to see things go with someone. If he is giving your friend all of his time and attention, then give her the clear.
There’s no point in trying to one up your friend when it’s clear that the guy has already chosen whom he likes.
Whatever you do, don’t let the bitterness seep into your friendship. If his decision hurts you, then steer clear of them for a while, until you get your feelings in check. Don’t be two-faced by putting up a front of happiness while backstabbing your friend.
On the other hand, if the guy chooses you, don’t rub it in by being all sweet and mushy when your friend is around.
Reach out to your friend, and tell her that you hope your friendship can still continue despite this little blip. If she’s a true friend, she will understand *in her own time*, and she’ll learn to be genuinely happy for you. [Read: 7 common mixed signals from guys and how to understand them]
6. Move on to a different guy
This we say to both you and your friend. Keep in mind that there are other guys out there whom you don’t need to compete for. You can both decide that there’s just too much awkwardness resting on liking the same guy, so you can both just forget about him and move on to some other guy.
If liking the same guy is just too much to deal with, then do what you can to move on from it. No need to dwell on whether or not either of you would have won the guy.
You can both walk away from the situation knowing that you chose your friendship instead.
Whatever the outcome may be, you can both delight in the fact that you’re such good friends that you end up being into the same guy, and yet you still opt to choose your friendship over some guy. [Read: 6 ultimate reasons to never date a friend’s ex]
When your friend is into a guy you like, it’s tempting to start competing for his affections. But when you consider your friendship in comparison to a flimsy crush, it’s easier to just let the guy go and laugh about your shared taste in men.
