No matter your “type,” you may be the reason you keep falling for the wrong men. Ditch the bad boy stereotype and find a man who treats you right!
We all know that the outside counts, but what many women fail to realize is that the inside does, too. Sure, physical attributes are what draw us to each other in the first place, but it won’t take you too long to realize that his curly locks and killer abs aren’t all he’s made of.
It’s very possible that you may have put yourself right in the middle of a crappy relationship by forgetting to pay attention to internal things like his personality, inner flaws, morals, and values. If you’ve instead placed all your focus on his external glories, this could be the very reason the two of you just don’t seem to mesh no matter what you do.
If you find that this is a common theme in many of your past relationships, you may think that you’re simply always attracted to men who treat you poorly. But have you ever considered the fact that maybe you’re the one who’s not looking for and choosing the right qualities? [Read: Why I went after a bad boy and why YOU shouldn’t]
Love does what it wants, right?
Don’t say that love is making you stay. We all know that love is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. Is money making you stay? Well, grow a pair and stand on your own two feet. Stop belittling your abilities and be an independent woman. Kids making you stay? Well, it’s the 21st century, and there’s such a thing as “conscious uncoupling” *AKA divorce*. There are no excuses when it comes to staying with a man who treats you poorly.
Reasons why you consistently choose the wrong guy
We’re not saying that minor relationship problems can’t be fixed, but if you’re falling for the same kind of man over and over again and getting burned every time, you are going to remain part of a very unhealthy cycle. [Read: A compelling case against dating a bad boy]
#1 Alpha male syndrome. One reason why you may be attracted to men who treat you poorly is because you suffer from alpha male syndrome. This basically means that you want your man to be manly, no matter how much of a brute he is. The thing you have to know about alpha males is that they are usually strong-willed, stubborn, and, more often than not, successful.
Now, I don’t mean to stereotype here, but a majority of them tend to be intimidated and threatened by women who are on par with them. Hence, if you’re also strong-willed, stubborn, and successful, there’s a chance he won’t like it, consciously or otherwise. Why do you think fabulously wealthy men seem to only want trophy wives? More often than not, they want to be the ones who bring home the bacon and can’t stand it when a woman can hold her own. [Read: What is a trophy wife and why do all men desire one?]
Once again, let me be clear here: not all alpha males are jerks. If you’re lucky enough to have found a good one, good for you! But then again, if you did, you wouldn’t be reading this article, right?
#2 Too many good men in your life. As ridiculous as it sounds, you may consistently fall for the bad boy because there are too many good men in your life. The fact that you’re surrounded by good men—be it your brothers, cousins, friends, or the dudes in your “friend zone”—may have unconsciously caused you to be jaded. It may just be your personality that’s pushing you to seek out something extraordinary.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to break free of convention and carve out something totally different for yourself, but can you leave those kinds of aspirations for your career instead of your love life? [Read: 23 must-know relationship tips for women]
When it comes to finding a mate, there’s nothing wrong with settling for the conventional good guy and saying no to your “type.” Next time, take a look around, and you’ll discover that there may be a whole other “type” waiting for you to notice them.
#3 Daddy issues. Daddy issues could also be what’s causing you to fall for men who treat you poorly. They say that a girl’s father is her first exposure to the wide world of men, and if he’s a great role model, chances are his daughter will fall in love with a great guy. If he’s terrible, there’s a chance that she will inherently be drawn to men who exhibit his terrible traits. So look back on your relationship with your father and try to figure out whether he displayed good or bad traits. If it’s the latter, you could have your answer. [Read: 15 traits of a girl with daddy issues you should know about]
#4 Bad is all you know. You may be falling for the same guy multiple times because this “type” is all you know. We tend to stick with the familiar in all aspects of life, and it’s no different when it comes to relationships. When you’re familiar with a certain type of man, you’re under the impression that that’s all there is and that there aren’t any mysteries or surprises in store. You probably think that you’ve “got it” and can handle anything that comes your way because you’ve “been there, done that.” [Read: 22 big early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
Inexperience is a bad thing when it comes to finding a mate, but hey, after all those times that you’ve fallen for the bad boys, you should be experienced enough to know that they’re bad for you, right? Buck up and learn your lesson if you don’t want it to happen again.
#5 You think you can change him. Ladies, you have to stop believing that you can ever change a man. In all fairness, I have to admit that people can change, but keep in mind that they don’t change much. If he’s a jerk, there’s a high chance he will remain a jerk. No amount of babying, threatening to leave, amazing cooking, doting on him, or anything else that you do will change that.
#6 You don’t have great self-esteem. You may be drawn to men who treat you poorly because you lack self-esteem. Women of all shapes, ages, and colors are drawn to men with confidence—and guess what? Most of the jerks out there have plenty of confidence. They think they’re all that and, more often than not, will belittle you to lift themselves up even higher. [Read: 10 signs of low self-esteem and 5 ways to increase it]
Girl, you have to realize that you are a powerful being who doesn’t need to take shit from any man, no matter how hot and sexy he is. Once you have the courage to build up your own self-esteem and confidence, you will find that attracting a man who isn’t a prick isn’t that hard to do. Start by changing the way you look on the outside. Work out, eat right, get your nails done, and do whatever else you need to do to feel pretty and amazing. Once you start looking good on the outside, the inside will follow suit.
Being attracted to someone is a very hard thing to explain—there’s no rhyme or reason when it comes to falling in love. That said, you have to be smart enough to know when it’s time to pack up and leave. Remember that you won’t be the first, nor the last, woman to leave a man who treats her poorly.
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Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...