Can guys and girls be “just” friends? His real girlfriend probably doesn’t think so. This is how to handle being his platonic girlfriend with grace.
The world we live in is a crazy one. It’s full of people who don’t believe that girls and guys can be just friends without anything intimate going on behind the scenes. Not only is this annoying for platonic friends everywhere, but we also have to deal with the fact that our friend’s significant other may not like it. And as a platonic girlfriend, this is something you have to deal with all the time.
When your friend gets a boyfriend or girlfriend and has to balance their life with you and this new person, it can get kind of tense when their significant other isn’t fond of your friendship. But it doesn’t really make sense, since you knew each other first.
Jealousy is an ugly emotion
Jealousy exists in pretty much every single relationship that exists. Some people may not act on their jealousy – which is the best way to handle it – but others can make their displeasures known, and it can cause rifts of mistrust within the relationship.
It’s such a powerful emotion that it can cause people to do ridiculous things. They can blow up and scream in public, accuse you of cheating, and even try to make you jealous, too. When there are two people of the opposite gender in a platonic friendship, it can cause jealousy if one of them is in a relationship.
How to handle being his platonic girlfriend
I am a girl who has a lot of guy friends, and they also have intimate girlfriends. So I know a thing or two about how to handle their girlfriend’s jealousy and sour emotions toward you. It’s not always easy, but it is doable.
If you have a lot – or even just one – guy friend who has a girlfriend who isn’t really fond of your friendship with him, there are different ways to handle it. This is how you can maintain your friendship and deal with his girlfriend. [Read: How to have a perfectly platonic relationship]
#1 Have him talk to her. Tell him to be upfront about his friendship with you. If she accidentally finds out later, she’ll see red flags and potentially want to end things. Tell him to emphasize that you are just his platonic girlfriend.
Have him talk to her about the details of your friendship so she isn’t caught off guard when she meets you for the first time. And make sure he actually does this and doesn’t just say he does!
#2 Become friends with her. This is probably the best way to get her to feel better about the relationship. If you become friends with her, just like you’re friends with him, she’ll feel much better about it. Just be careful not to become the mediator when they fight.
#3 Remember that it’s natural for her to not be a fan of the friendship. It’s hard to think of things from her perspective sometimes, but you have to remember that it’s natural. Being wary of another female in his life is how girls are as human beings, and you can’t expect her to be okay with it right away. [Read: Platonic love and its revealing secrets!]
#4 Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if roles were reversed and you had never had a platonic friendship before? If your boyfriend had a platonic girlfriend, you’d probably be a little jealous and insecure about the relationship, too. Just think about that when you hear that she had a little fit.
#5 Hang out with them together. Don’t just limit your friendship with your friend to just spending time with him alone. This will make his girlfriend really annoyed and wary. Invite her to tag along on your hangouts and spend time with them together. This will calm her down, and she’ll feel better about the relationship.
#6 Have a talk with her yourself. If you ever get the opportunity to talk to her just one-on-one, do it. Take the opportunity to tell her how excited you are for him and their new relationship.
#7 Never cross the line. You know exactly what line I’m talking about. You may have had sleepovers when he was single where nothing happened at all, and nothing ever will, but you can’t do that when he has a girlfriend.
You can never cross the line of disrespecting her or their relationship. And also don’t be too touchy-feely or make him feel guilty in any way.
#8 Always make her feel included in the friendship. Don’t just be friends with him and ignore the fact that he has someone else in his life. Text her separately from him and invite her to hang out with you guys – make her feel like she’s a part of the friendship. This can dissuade any reservations she might have about you.
#9 Understand that she has the majority of his attention now. You might actually get jealous of her simply because she’s taking up a lot of his time and attention and you two might not be that close anymore.
#10 Be mindful of the stories you bring up. We all know you have dirt on him – dirt that could potentially ruin his relationship if you talk about it. Like the fact that he hooked up with a random girl the week before they got together because he didn’t think she was into him in that way.
You have to watch what you say and how much you share about him just in case he hasn’t had a chance to tell her those things yet. And talking about all the things you know about him that she doesn’t will only make her more jealous.
#11 Never try to out-do her. Girls can be really competitive – especially with a guy around. Your job is to NOT try to out-do her. Let her always look better in his eyes if you want to keep things on an even keel with her.
#12 Build your trust with HER. The issues may not even stem from her not trusting her boyfriend. Chances are, she just doesn’t trust you – and why would she? She doesn’t know you or what your intentions are.
You have to build trust with her before you can expect to handle your platonic friendship. She has to know that you will never try anything with her man if she’s ever going to feel comfortable with the friendship. [Read: Signs your friends are jealous of your relationship]
#13 Learn to let him go a little. This is the hardest part of being a platonic girlfriend. You have to learn to let him go. He is no longer going to be as big of a part of your life.
More than likely, you’ll see less and less of him as his relationship grows. If you really want to handle being his platonic girlfriend when he has a real one, you have to accept the fact that the friendship may slow down a bit. [Read: The dating girl code all girls need to know]
Being the platonic girlfriend is never easy because someone else will always come before you, and that person probably doesn’t like you. In order to handle it, you’ll need to keep these tips in mind.
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...