It’s scary to think you are not attracted to your husband, but knowing for sure is important. Here are 20 signs to help you know for sure.
Everyone knows that attraction plays a big part in any relationship, and is usually the initial reason we end up starting a new one with someone.
Attraction doesn’t have to be purely physical. In fact, for many people, emotional attraction is just as – if not more – important. There are a huge number of factors that can make any one person attractive.
For example, someone making you laugh, being clever, sharing hobbies and interests, and being kind and compassionate are all things that might make you feel attracted to someone. And these things will be more or less important for different people.
The things that make us not attracted to someone are also interesting to think about. Being stubborn, hot-headed, unkind, selfish, lazy, unambitious – the list of things we don’t look for in a potential mate is just as long. [Read: 18 relationship turn offs that can ruin romance for good]
Everyone has their flaws, their strengths and weaknesses, and finding someone who ticks all your boxes is a big challenge. It’s also important to remember that our tastes and desires change over time, so while you might be attracted to wild bad boys in your early twenties, you may well find that who you are attracted to a decade later is someone kind, stable, and loyal.
Signs you’re not attracted to your husband
Realizing that you are not attracted to your husband now can feel like a massive problem, and something that you are unable to fix. However, before you throw in the towel, it is first important to recognize the signs that you’re not attracted to your husband, and then figure out what you can do about it.
Let’s take a look.
#1 You think he has let himself go. If you find yourself less physically attracted to your partner because he has put on weight or doesn’t take time or care with his appearance anymore, you could find yourself feeling a little resentful. If can feel insulting if your partner stops making an effort, so this can be a sign that you are not attracted to your husband. [Read: 14 clear signs the two of you are too comfortable with each other]
#2 You get irritated more easily by the things he says and does. Find your blood boiling at the smallest things? He tries to make a joke, and you can’t help but think ‘what an idiot?’ If you are starting to find him much more irritating than usual, you are distancing yourself from him, and focusing more on the negatives.
#3 You care less about making an effort around him. If you no longer care whether he finds you attractive anymore, this is a sure-fire sign you’re not attracted to your husband, and that your relationship could be in a bit of hot water. Trying to look your best and caring about your appearance is a way of showing your partner that you care about them. If neither of you bother anymore, it may be that you don’t feel as close as you used to.
#4 You’ve stopped nagging him. If you’ve given up on nagging him and instead just quietly seethe about how lazy/messy/bad with money he is, it shows you are no longer putting your all into the relationship – you are giving up on it because the attraction is no longer there. [Read: 19 unfortunate signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore]
#5 The romance is gone. Did you used to go on dates, do cute things together, and have a cuddle on the sofa every night? Now do you watch TV separated at either end in silence? If the romance is dead, it shows you aren’t making time for one another anymore.
#6 You don’t have sex anymore. Everyone’s sex life dwindles from time to time, but if sex is the last thing on your mind, that spark just simply isn’t there anymore.
#7 Things that you used to find cute now annoy you. That little snort when he laughs and his gentle snoring? The things you used to find adorable now totally rub you the wrong way!
#8 You don’t make time for one another. Do you feel like ships passing in the night? If you feel as though you are living separate lives, it could be that something has gone amiss – no matter how busy you are. [Read: 12 subtle signs of a loveless, unhappy marriage]
#9 You think about divorce. Does divorce cross your mind regularly? If so, your feelings about your husband and relationship have changed, and it’s make or break time. And it’s a huge sign you’re not attracted to your husband.
#10 You look elsewhere. Do you find yourself regularly fantasizing, flirting, or eyeing up other men? You are clearly looking for something you aren’t getting at home.
If one, some, or all of these signs sound like you, then don’t despair! If you are willing to fight for your marriage, and your partner is too, there may be some things you can do about it.
Rekindle the romance and save your relationship
If you really do want to make your relationship work, it’s time you take the reins and reignite the spark. It may take a while and effort, but it’ll all pay off over time.
#11 Tell him. Often, men just need a good kick up the backside to start actually making changes! It’s quite possible your husband won’t know you are feeling this way or how serious it is.
#12 Learn to let things go. It can be hard, but sometimes you just have to try and not sweat the small stuff. Think about some of the little things that bug you, and how much nicer your life would be if you didn’t get so wound up about them. Do it for yourself as well as your marriage!
#13 Do some soul searching. It may be that your dissatisfaction with your husband is a projection about the way you feel about your own life. Make sure you aren’t simply putting all the blame onto him, when actually it’s you who needs to make a change – it usually takes two to tango, after all.
#14 Go on dates. Try to bring some romance back into your relationship by setting and sticking to a weekly date night. Making time for one another and learning how to communicate, flirt, and have fun could reignite the spark you thought you lost. [Read: Rekindle your relationship – 17 ways to sparkle in love]
#15 Make promises to one another. Always communicate with your partner and try to be better for them. Make promises to one another – real, tangible, clear promises on what actions you will take to improve your relationship and make sure you stick to them.
#16 Take up a new hobby together. Finding a new passion that you can both do together, talk about, and enjoy can make you feel reconnected once more.
#18 Do something reckless together. Do something you wouldn’t normally do and throw caution to the wind. Whether that’s booking a sky dive or pulling a sicky and getting drunk on a Monday afternoon, feeling that adrenaline can remind you how much fun you can have together.
#20 Give it time. Mending things in a relationship takes time. Don’t expect just because you’ve taken initial steps to improve that things will go back to being amazing right away. There will be slip-ups, so sometimes you’ll feel like you are taking two steps forward and one back. But if you both put the effort in and give each other some leeway, then that’s the best you can do!