Maybe you think you have it all figured out, but you don’t have a clue. It’s time to realize you’re in the crowd of insecure women and grow up.
We all experience insecurity about something. Regardless, if you’re a woman, man, child—insecurity brews inside of us. Now, before I even touch upon how insecurities damage relationships, you need to realize how damaging it is for yourself. Many people who encounter insecure women have a tendency to label them as crazy or insane—which isn’t the case.
Insecure women are simply insecure. When someone triggers their insecurity they panic. I once had a panic attack on a date when I realized that maybe the guy didn’t like me as much as I thought. I literally stood up from the table, mumbled something and left. I freaked out.
Insecure women aren’t all crazy
So, if you look to have a meaningful relationship, overcome your insecurities. It won’t be easy, I know that. However, if you don’t work on this, it always comes between you and your partner. So, it’s time for you to let go and ditch the insecure women group you’ve sat in this whole time.
#1 Go way back in time. Your insecurities didn’t all of a sudden pop up. No, no, no. Start going back into your memory, way back. Usually, our insecurities develop over a period of time. Maybe it has something to do with your parents or your first big love. What is important is for you to spend some time thinking about when this insecurity of yours really started. [Read: How to leave your past and live your future]
#2 Acknowledge your insecure behavior. Own up to it. You’re insecure. Say it out loud, I am insecure. It’s not a bad thing, you know. Everyone is insecure. Now that you acknowledge it, you start to figure out what happened and how you’ll change that insecurity into something positive. It’s time to unchain yourself from your negative thoughts. [Read: 20 reasons why you might be insecure]
#3 Do things on your own. You need to be your own person. I know couple’s yoga is all cute and whatever, but you need to do activities on your own or with your friends.
Suffocating your partner by always being around them isn’t going to help you bond or bring you closer. See how I used the word suffocating? Exactly. Don’t choke them.
#4 More importantly, do things you like. Now that I told you to do things on your own, understand that you shouldn’t be doing it just because someone told you to. Genuinely choose activities that interest you and that you want to invest your time in. Enjoy the time you spend apart—it’s your time!
#5 You’re so vain. Listen, it’s not all about you. But, really, it’s not. If your partner wants to stay home and watch a movie, this doesn’t mean they cheat on you. If your partner doesn’t want to go out with your friends, they’re not planning on breaking up with you.
#6 Those negative thoughts? Ditch them. We all have negative thoughts, this is completely normal. Though, do you constantly wonder why this person wants to be with you, if they cheat on you, or if you’re even good enough for them? See, these negative thoughts stem from your insecurities. So, when you doubt yourself, cut that thought and say to yourself that you are worth it. No more, insecure women!
#7 Leave your past relationship in the past. You may have been cheated on and I know, it’s a horrible feeling when someone betrays you. However, who says your new partner is anything like your last one? The problem starts when you bring your baggage into the new relationship. You haven’t even given them a chance. In reality, you set them up to fail.
#8 Communicate your feelings. You need to talk to your partner. Trust me, they probably already know you’re insecure, so, it won’t come as a shock to them. But you need to talk to them about your insecurities. How else will they be able to help you overcome them if you’re not open to them about it? Talk. I know it’s uncomfortable, but it’s the only way you two will be on the same page. [Read: 14 steps for true emotional connection]
#9 Do not be dependent on your partner. This is a huge problem and what really breeds extra insecurity. Of course, you want someone to kiss, cuddle, hug, and love. However, if you depend on your partner to provide you with all the positive feelings, well, you’re going to be disappointed.
Can they give you love? Yes. But… and I know you’ve heard this before, you need to love yourself first. That way, their love for you is the cherry on top of the cake.
#10 Be self-aware. It’s really important that you become self-aware about your mental and emotional state. Maybe you see your partner talking to someone of the opposite sex and all of a sudden, you feel your body temperature rising and your hands sweat. This isn’t because you’re happy, this is your body reacting to jealousy. Practice becoming aware of how your body reacts to negative thoughts and feelings.
#11 Breathe. When you see yourself becoming jealous or angry, do one thing: breathe. The best part of becoming self-aware is when you notice your body’s reaction before the negative thoughts appear. You’ll be able to catch yourself before it happens and control your mind and emotions through breathing. I know it sounds a little hippie but it really works. [Read: 14 easy mantras to transform your life]
#12 Trust your partner. If you don’t trust your partner your relationship will not work. It’s as simple as that. I really cannot sugarcoat this for you. Without trust, you have nothing. This is why it’s so important to work on your self-esteem and insecurities because if you constantly doubt them, how can your relationship function in a healthy manner? So, you need to give them your trust.
#13 Do not confuse reality with imagination. Listen, in some cases, you’ll be right. Your partner may actually be cheating on you but this is because it’s reality. It’s not something you develop in your imagination because they didn’t text you in the last fifteen minutes. Do not mix up reality with your imagination, it takes you down an endless road where you snoop in their email and check their call log history. Don’t do it.
#14 Don’t think of the perfect relationship. I hear this a lot with women and men, they say, it’s not 100%. What does that even mean? What is a 100% relationship? Every relationship is different because the people involved are different. If you’re looking for the relationship you have created in your mind, understand that doesn’t exist. This fuels insecurity because you’re constantly looking for flaws. [Read: Learn to be present and find your zone of calm]
#15 It takes time. This isn’t going to vanish overnight. Consistently give yourself positive praise and process your insecurities. So, if you really want to do this, know that this is a long-term process. However, while you work through your insecurities, you’ll notice how different your relationships with your partner, family, and friends will be.