Girls *and boys*, needing a man in your life is like needing a new pair of shoes. You can live without them. Say it proud–I don’t need a man!
Say it with me: I don’t need a man. Let’s start with a little refresher. There is a mix-up with the words “need” and “want” and knowing the difference between these two words goes a long way. Sometimes, women think they “need” a man for a couple of reasons.
One reason being having somebody to love. The second reason is to have someone to do things with.
But you see, these are things you do not exclusively have to do with a man. To set things in perspective, you love your friends or your pets. You can run errands with them, travel with them, and what not.
I think it is obvious what I am getting at, but let me spell it out anyway. The word “need” means requiring something because it is essential or very important, rather than just desirable. A staple example: food. On the other hand, the word “want” is having the desire to possess or do something. An example: spicy tuna pasta.
Reasons why you don’t need a man
Crave spicy tuna pasta all you want, but if you do not get it, you’ll survive. Perhaps you’ll get a little cranky or frustrated, but you’ll get over it eventually. Either eat something else or save it for later.
But you will not die from wanting it because you do not necessarily have to have it.
Same goes with wanting men. As I have said, you do not need one. You just probably want one, and that’s okay, too. What is important to know *yes, it has been said a thousand times* is that you do not need a man.
#1 You maintain yourself. One of the perks of having a man, a lover, or a boyfriend is receiving gifts on Valentine’s, your birthday, and on Christmas—or getting treated to dinner and a movie on date night. Of course, you do not want to be tagged as a material girl but, admit it, gifts every now and then are awesome.
But remember this, you are a strong independent woman who has a lot going for her. You work hard so you get paid and buy things. It does not matter if it takes you two to three paychecks to get that little black dress you fell in love with at first sight. [Read: Single women: The tour de force taking over the world]
It wouldn’t even matter if it takes you more paychecks. But once you get it, having paid for it with your hard-earned money, the gratification that comes with the shopping bag is going to be worth every bead of sweat dropped from that pretty little forehead of yours.
You may not have glorified it yet because you thought it was pretty normal. You know, buying things for yourself, getting your hair and nails done, paying your rent and bills.
But if you stop and actually think about it, every time you swipe that card to pay for things you both need and want, that in itself is a victory because it means you maintain yourself without having anyone else do it for you. Again, you are a strong independent woman and you got this. [Read: Single girls rule: 20 secrets only singles know to be true]
– Pampering yourself is rewarding. – Financial independence builds character. – Realizing you’re strong enough is an extremely effective confidence booster–and it’s super attractive to guys. *Which you don’t need*
#2 You are strong. We all know, and it is a biblical truth that men and women are physically different; these men are made to carry heavier things. And that may be true back then, but things have changed a lot now. [Read: How to be a strong, independent woman that men love]
More and more women get paid to do jobs that only men were hired to do in the past due to a physical impossibility for women to actually accomplish the job.
But with the modern times, and couples actually agreeing both will have to work and earn for the entire family, the discrepancy between female and male jobs have declined, if not totally gone away. And I am not just talking about employment.
More and more women are now engaged in physical activities that involve a lot of strength and adrenaline. We’ve got female Olympians with gold medals to regular women lifting weights at the gym.
Women no longer need men to carry their bags for them. In fact, it is abhorrent to see men carrying little designer bags. I mean, come on, really? Working on their core and strength have been a trend for quite a while now, and women seem to be enjoying it. It means this is not a chore, it is a hobby women treat as something fun to do. [Read: Low self-worth – 5 steps to see yourself in a better light]
– No matter what, you are physically capable of taking care of yourself. – You have the capacity to do anything a man can, except pee using a penis. – Your strength lies in your ability to believe in yourself. Focus on your strengths, physical or otherwise, and you’re golden.
#3 You have friends. Yes, everybody is busy doing their own thing, and it is not likely for you to just randomly call a friend to go grocery shopping on a Sunday afternoon.
Of course, once in a while we can call a friend and ask them to watch a movie with us, or go to the gym with us, or have a cup of coffee with us. Friends make time, perhaps not always, but friends do. And I think that is more than enough.
Sure, having a boyfriend or dating a man may mean having someone you can constantly hang out with and do fun things with. But truth is, not everyone is lucky enough to find a guy they share the same interests with and not everyone has met a guy who they think they can live with. Many women are actually still single and, believe it or not, actually okay with it, some even prefer not to have one. [Read: A confession – I want to be single again!]
– There are other people who can provide you with unconditional love. – Your friends and family are just as fun when it comes to social activities. – Men don’t need to be yours. They can be just friends.
Here’s a little something I got from my therapist. Two people aren’t meant to complete each other. Needing someone is not an inevitability. Two people are meant to become one. Rather than find a man, make sure you’re whole enough to finally share your life with one.
If it happens that you don’t get to meet the one who fits with your goals and dreams, don’t worry. They’re your goals and dreams. You can achieve them on your own and it’s going to be one hell of an awesome ride. [Read: Being single: 30 happy, inspiring quotes for singles]
Whether you are the type to want a boyfriend or not, if you are currently single—that’s okay. You do not need a man. You could want one, make an extra effort to have one, and you would probably have one—one of these days. But for now, don’t feel sad about it. Enjoy singlehood and its perks. You are a free strong independent woman whose life does not depend on someone else.