Being the other woman in an affair can be demeaning and painful. But is the other woman the real home wrecker? Or are there others to blame too?
Click here to read the introduction and the real story on having an affair with a married man.
Without really realizing, I was actually the home wrecker and the other woman in an affair.
I didn’t want to be there, but you can see how I was drawn into a web of deceit and passion each time, in the introduction.
But was I the one to be blamed?
You know my story, you be the judge.
Home wrecker – The tag
When you’re in love with a married man, it doesn’t really matter if he seduced you into a relationship or whether you tricked him into having an affair. It’s all the same.
And you are the home wrecker. The bitchy other woman in an affair that’s twisted and painful.
But quite frankly, no one will care about you.
You may be having an affair with a married man, and things may be cruising along perfectly. But have you ever imagined what could happen if you ever got caught? Are you ready to face the humiliation of dating a married man?
Having an affair is easy, carrying the home wrecker tag for life isn’t.
What happens when you get caught?
Someone once said “All good things don’t really have to end, but when it does, it has to end in a bad way.”
Bless that person who said that, though he’s not particularly right. When you’re having an affair with a married man, no matter what, it definitely has to end when you’re the other woman.
The married man knows what he wants out of the relationship he shares with you, even if you’ve lost it somewhere along the way. You are nothing but a Japanese sex toy for him. I’m sorry, but that’s true.
He will not leave his wife, his kids, and his mum! And he wouldn’t want to leave you. And the worst part of it all is that, five years later, you’d feel like rubbish because you may have been able to live happily with another young man who could have loved you back in the first place. And that’s when you feel terribly lost and alone. [Read: Do you feel lost in life?]
If that’s not bad enough, there will come a time when both of you get caught.
Remember, even sneaky little rats do get caught, however nimble and nocturnal they are. It may be his wife, or one of his closer family friends. That’s when the bomb explodes. And sorry about this, but whether you like it or not, there will be no fingers pointing at him, every one of them will gleam like daggers in your direction.
Why not? You are the “home wrecker”, aren’t you? Why would a happily married man with kids want to walk out on his family?
You are the scandalous other woman and you do this to all men, you ruin their lives. It must have been you who tricked and deceived him into it. Everyone would say the same thing. And so would your married lover.
The story of the other woman in an affair
Let’s face it, gossip is hot stuff, even if at the expense of someone else. So when the word gets out on the streets, tongues will wag and heads will loll!
The home wrecker is the bitchy seductress [Read: Bitchy women]. Why couldn’t the girl tighten the buckles in her belt and chase the married man away? Like she didn’t know he was married! Yep, it’s all about you, the girl. Surprisingly, the guy stays out of the picture. You’re the evil one. His kids hate you, his wife chases you with a butcher’s knife and your common friends give you a wide berth. This is the worst phase of your life. [Read: How to deal with hate]
Trust me, this phase will eventually cross paths with reality, however secretive or careful both of you are. And the happy moments you’ve had over the years with the married man will be overshadowed by the pain and the humiliation you would have to put up with.
What about the brave ‘emotional and sensitive’ wreck of a man who was having an affair with the home wrecker? He’s super fine. He’s shagged your body and brains out for so long, and he’s happy about it. His wife welcomes him back after he apologizes and blames the whole issue on you, the scheming seductress, and they live happily ever after. This little issue may even prove lucky for that man, because it would show him how important his family actually is for him. You? Well, you are left in the dirt and the rain. The word is out. And yes, everyone hates the home wrecker.
The alternate ending – The moral of the story
If you are ever tempted to hook up with a married guy, shut your mind and walk away. If you’re already in one, it’s definitely time for you to walk away. When it comes to the seduction of a married man, there are no alternate endings.
The ending’s already been written and waiting for you with an ear-to-ear sadistic grin. You will be the loser and there is nothing you can do about it. The best test if you’re already involved [Read: Is he serious about you?]. Tell him you want him to break up with his wife and that you won’t have sex with him or even meet him until he does that. Avoid him for a week. See if he’s going to walk out on his wife. Of course, he isn’t going to!
Read between the fine lines, dearie, you’ve just been punk’d! And guess what, it’s not funny at all. [Read: How to overcome regret]
I know it’s never easy to walk out, especially when you’re so in love, but you’ll only be pushing the inevitable by shrugging it away. I was in the same lonely land of “home wrecker” one too many times. I was the other woman in an affair, and it did take me time to learn and accept that there was no future.
The walk out of this fairy tale will be painful, and the lure of a committed man will be exciting, and there will be a happy end at the end of the story. The only problem is that you will not be there in the last few pages of the book.
You’d be burnt just before the end, as one of the evil characters in the book, even if you’re an angel that you already are.
Mistakes happen, and we fall into traps of seduction all the time. But what sets a clever girl apart from the dumb and spurned ones is the thin line that differentiates the search for true love, and the gamble on an unattainable one with a ring in the finger. Be wise, and step out of the forbidden seduction of the married man. For your own good. [Read: How to find love]
These four features on having an affair with a married man may make you wonder if it’s really worth it. But I’ve been there, and there’s nothing worse than being called a home wrecker by his wife and kids. Well, other than being the other woman in an affair.
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Okay what a bunch of bull you are a home wrecker because you are a narcissist!. I have had many opportunities to be with married men but because I am caring, and selfless I deny these people because it is wrong. You didn’t deny because you care more about yourself then others. Get some help! If your a home wrecker you may be in the least a narcissist if not a psychopath all together. Here is the definition-Psychopathy is a term which referees to a personality disorder characterized by the inability to form human attachment and an abnormal lack of empathy, masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal.
I am a homewrecker too. I keep getting involved with people in relationships and married men.
what if he says he wants to have a child with me and that he will work on us being together.help please. i am a single parent of a 13 yr old girl.thanks.
Thank you for these articles. I am very confused right now, have been in seeing a married man for a year..now it is getting a bit intense, and i needed advice. Now i know i need to bite the bullet and get clear, however difficult it may be.
Unless you’re a celebrity. I mean, Alicia Keys got the man, didn’t she. And now she’s the wife.
God thank you. I just got caught. My first time in any sort of cheating relationship and now I’m more alone than I have been in a long time.
It hurts. A lot. The man in our relationship still talks to me, still tells me he loves me, is still my best friend, but because I was close to him and his wife and their family I’ve just lost everyone I care about.
I get the hate mail, the dirty looks, the screaming voicemails while he gets ignored while his woman and him work it out. Doesn’t matter for a moment that he started it, because while he’ll gladly tell them it was him they will never listen.
I’m always going to live with this regret, but nothing can change what happened.
In my mind, there’s nothing wrong with being with a married man (okay, maybe there is, but hear me out). The crux of the matter is, do you have the right mentality for it? Say you’re a woman who wants all the intimacy and passion and “feel good” of a long term relationship, but you don’t want commitment, for whatever reason. A married man fills that bill. Having multiple partners is too cold and leaves you feeling worse in the end. Having a friend with benefits gives you all the passion, but none of the intimacy. Note: I said “intimacy”, not love. Why? Because you can’t go falling genuinely in love with a married man. That’s where most women screw up. But to have the right personality to live with it, you have to genuinely not want commitment or lasting love. That might sound confusing, but for some women, it’s just not on the menu. So I present my rules for dating a married man:
CAUTION: Unless you are as level-headed as me, results may vary.
1. Don’t fall genuinely in love with him. Enjoy the intimacy, the passion, the attention, whatever drives you, but falling in love with him is just another way to set yourself up for a world of hurt.
2. It will end. Accept it. Don’t even suggest it. He’s not going to do it. In fact, he might think less of you for even asking him to do it. This is not a fairy-tale romance, this is a temporary companionship that will end at its appointed time and place. If you ever feel like this is something you can’t accept, get out and look for a man who is single, because…
3. He will not leave his wife and kids. If he does, he’s not worth your time, and if you want him to, you’re obviously in the wrong relationship. Again, get out and find someone who is single.
4. Do NOT get in cahoots with his family and friends, and have no coworkers in common. You want to have absolutely no ties with this man outside the bedroom. If you already have family and/or friends or even a workplace in common, rethink this whole debacle. As archaic as it may seem, you, the woman, will be blamed for this whole thing if it lasts long enough for you to be caught, and then to avoid the fallout you’re guaranteed to receive, you’ll have to move away, change your name, shave your head, gain 200 pounds… Too much hassle in my mind.
5. Do not expect him to put you above his wife and kids. Ever. I don’t care what the reason is. You’re the other woman. Accept your place. If you want someone who is devoted to you before anyone else, get your own husband. His wife is HIS WIFE, his kids are HIS KIDS, and by all rights, they come first. If he’s putting you first before either, there is something wrong with this picture. Get out, move on.
6. For the love of Gouda, do not to anything to jeopardize his marriage. This includes letting his wife find out about your affair by any means. Whether you “accidentally” let his wife catch you, or tell it to her straight. This is a very bad move. You will not come out on top.
7. If you do get caught, walk away with your head held high. Don’t apologize, don’t try to keep the relationship going after the fact, don’t beg and plead, nothing. It’s over. Just walk away, end all contact, and move on with your life. You may not want to, but this isn’t about you anymore. That poor bastard has a marriage to save, he doesn’t need you around to muck things up even more.
8. Go through any possible lengths to make certain his wife has as little access to information on you as possible. If you have the money, get a disposable track phone and only give him that number. His wife will likely go through his phone to get to you. And don’t send anything intimate over email or txt, or you will get caught much sooner than later. And no pictures, whatsoever. Nothing good can come of that.
Okay, that’s all I can think of for now. And by the way, these aren’t based on personal experience so much as common sense. And I’m not saying I approve of having an affair, but neither am I saying I disapprove. Honestly, I don’t really care. Each person has to do what’s right or wrong for them. I just offer guidelines. Just how schools offer guidance on safe sex. Sure, teenagers shouldn’t be doing it, but a lot of them probably will, so just in case, here are all the dos and don’ts so you don’t get stupid and slapped with something you will live to regret and can’t take back.
Samantha James, i will like to have a private conversation with you on this. I’m male and currently in this. contact me on: olivebrown1@ymail.com. Lets chat or exchange email.