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Are You Dating a Married Man?

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At times, without really wanting to, we may end up having a relationship with married men. So are you dating a married man? Read this experience to understand how it feels to date a married man, and how your life can change when you enter this dark world.

Click here to read the experience of having an affair with a married man from the beginning.

Dating a Married Man

Of all the relationships you can get into as a girl, dating a married man is one of the worst kinds.

When you enter into a relationship with married men, inevitably you step into a world that can reveal a lot of joy, and yet, tear all the happiness away instantly.

And this cycle of happiness and pain repeats itself until you can’t take it anymore. But why do women fall into this trap in the first place?

Dating a married man

Indulging in a relationship with married men is confusing, but almost all the experiences that come with it feel the same.

And it always starts with the same feelings of confusion, hesitation and attraction. And women, by nature are completely helpless in such circumstances.

Getting into a relationship with married men

We love helping people we like out of troubling situations. And admit it, you’d love a man who’s a mess, if he likes you.

When a married man fancies you, you’re elated. But when he looks towards you for emotional support and love, the same things his own wife, apparently, doesn’t provide him, you end up falling in love, more with his emotional affairs rather than anything else.

That one conversation in the office cubicle takes you all the way to the coffee shop, the snack bar, the restaurant, and the movie hall. Both of you end up talking about it over the phone, and at some point of time, there’s a total block of his family turmoil.

All you start talking about is the good times both of you share every day. And then, one fine day, just before hanging up he says, “Sweetheart, if only I wasn’t married, I would be so in love with you. And frankly, I already am…” Pop goes the weasel.

The beginning of the end

The real dark story unveils here. The little innocent doe in you (in most cases) braves itself up and walks curiously ahead. You’re flattered to know he loves you, no man who’s so sweet has ever told you something like that. You realize you love him too. But then, what’s the ending of the story?

He’s a married man, and you know you don’t want to fall, but he’s such an emotional wreck, and the most striking part of it all is, he’s totally in love with you. Apparently!

Now, you warm up to him to shower him with happiness, and the next thing you know, you’re snogging him in hallways of movie theaters and bouncing off walls in your apartment, all in the purpose of making him a happier man! [Read: Cheating in a relationship] And unknown to you, you’re preparing yourself for the inevitable. You’re entering into a relationship with a married man! And before you know it, you’re way past knee deep, you’re almost choking with the bottled affections you have for this man.

Beyond this point, there’s no looking back. You don’t care about his family or his wife. You just want this man. All for yourself. You’re dating a married man, and you want him all for yourself.

The wife and the other woman

The worst part of all this is that you’d never really want to be in this place, but somehow, you find yourself here. Lost, angry, annoyed and on the dark side. All of a sudden, you’re not just another nice girl. You’re the “other woman” who’s dating a married man. [Read: Feel lost in life]

You’re marked from the rest of the world. You are a home wrecker. But it doesn’t matter to you, because you know this man loves you, and wants you more than he wants his own wife. That’s what you’d believe anyways.

He constantly reminds you that he loves you a lot more than he loves his wife, but he’s just not able to walk out, what with his kids, wife, and even his mom involved in the scene. He’d love you physically, but his emotions still stay with his real family. This can piss off just about anyone, especially when they’re so madly in love, but the promise of better things to come in the ‘near’ future and the sex is just too good of a promise to spurn the advances of a married man.

The realization – Being used by a married man

When I was involved with a married man, I felt terribly used. I hated myself for doing what I was doing, and yet, I couldn’t help myself. I was helplessly in love. That’s what happens to any woman who’s involved with a married man, because when you’re the “other woman” there are no weekends together, no family parties, no meeting friends, nothing.

You are just a mysterious part of a married man’s life that surfaces when he packs his bag and tells his wife he’s travelling to another city. It’s insulting, especially when he says you mean so much to him, but that’s the life you have to accept.

And it’s never a pretty sight. And every time you ask him to walk out of his relationship, it would just lead to frustrated tears. There is no way he’s ready to do that, even if your closet love goes on for a few years. It’s the same feeling every morning. You wake up feeling cheated, used and totally and miserably helpless. It’s a disgusting feeling to live with, trust me.

Dating a married man is painful and demeaning. And at times, it can take years for you to accept the love of a genuine man you meet later in life. But all this is just the tip of the iceberg of problems when you have a relationship with married men. Click here to know how all this can make you a home wrecker and the other woman.


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Have your say!
  • Jenny Diaz
    November 9, 2011 | Permalink |

    I am one of those women. And it does get harder and harder each day. I can’t but help to get this guilt to go away. But yet I love him so much to let him go. I have never asked him to leave his wife. But I sure wish he would. I know one one day it will end. That will be one of the most sadest days for me:(

  • S B
    December 17, 2011 | Permalink |

    I’m also one of those women. Sometimes I even cry during the sex because I know it’s not forever. His wife knows about me and just wants him to end it with me,but she will never leave him. And he will never leave her because of their kids, they are business partners and because of their religion. Really sucks

  • SH
    December 26, 2011 | Permalink |

    Does this count even if the guy is not married but is with a woman who he has kids with? I’m just curious because there is this guy I’ve been talking to on and off for 5 months and for those 5 months he’s been asking me to go out with him but I always say no. I am attracted to him but because he has a girlfriend I’ve always been able to tell him no but for some reason the other day when he asked me again I couldn’t say no but I couldn’t say yes either and now I’m just in this confused state of not knowing what to do. My friends and family tell me to run and say I would be a horrible person if I dated him but I feel like it’s easier said then done, especially since I do know him and I didn’t just meet him randomly. I’ve even tried hanging out with other guys and talking to them to try and distract myself hoping that I can spark something with them but I end up thinking of him and trying to decide if I risk it and say yes or if I play it safe and say no.

  • Patty
    December 30, 2011 | Permalink |

    Ok. I’ve been seeing a maried man now for 2 months. The meeting was very chance and we can’t stop thinking about each other day in and day out. We haven’t had sex. I don’t plan on having sex with him until he leaves his wife and moves in with me. We have talked about everything we’re going to do in the future like travel to Europe, etc., etc.

    I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but our attraction (connection) is so strong. Neither one of us has ever felt this way before but I think I had an ephiphany today! The truth is that we can’t move forward in our relationship unless and until he moves out. He knows we will not sleep together until then. I have told him that I would not be able to see him at all if I didn’t believe he would leave soon and be with me. But now I feel our relationship is at an impasse.

    I don’t like the fact that he’s not available to me on the weekends and holidays. I can’t meet his family. I can’t meet his friends and the truth is that I’ll be the ‘home wrecker’ if we are seeing each other when he leaves his wife. Do I want to live with all that? The ‘epiphany’ I had sometime today….says….NO. What I should do (again) is tell him that we can’t see each other until he gets his stuff settled out. In the meantime, I’ve got this guy at church that wants to spend time with me and I’m not really available emotionally (free emotionally) to anybody, and sometimes not even to myself! What’s all that about??

    I think I need to see it and believe it for what it is. I am too good to be second and I told him I don’t do second. I think I’ll give him some space (which I’ve tried to do in the past but we can’t stay away from each other) and see what he’s made of.

    Any positive feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks!

  • Sabrina
    March 31, 2012 | Permalink |

    I was dating to a British guy, and expat in sg he actually work at starhub company as vice president, he is married to an Indian woman. At first month he keep telling me he single, but of course I doubted because he never bring me to his place, he was so controlling to the point that pisses me off. So one time I told asked him what do he wants to me aside from what we have at that moment, and there he confessed that he was married to an Indian woman who recently gave birth to their first child, my doubts had been solved! But he went and so we continued seeing each, we went to KL to one of his condo unit there, it was very new, so feels like we two were decorating the place,. I was so innocent, and he confused me a lot, so one time on our 3rd month, I decided not to contact him to think for myself, and what was happening to him, why is he so jealous and almost want me to move as he like. It was so hard for me to understand his action. So the 2 days not responding his message I thought I might get be a better thinking, I know I my heart I started to love him and accept his ways,. But along that days he met up my acquiantance friends asking about me, I did not know what they said to him he was very angry. And one of them told me to tell him the story she made up for me. To my innocent I followed what she said, I did not know that they have planned to get his attention to their friend who could get his interest- petite type. So things was so different when I traveled back home he dated one of my acquiantance friend. February 2010 we met up in KL, he was still the same, checking my phones, my contacts. He even sent messages to some of my friends to check if they are my boyfriends. I was curious also, so in the morning he was taking shower, I check his phone there was one miscall and 1 message received, I did not open. After breakfast we went to shop tables and decors for his new condo unit, I asked him if I could also see his phone, at first he was reluctant but I said, you had my phone all the time you want it., read my message and even sending messages to some of my friends. So he gave it to me for all he know his call logs are empty as well as his outbox and inbox,. I was disappointed. I told him I saw a miscall and a message while he was at the shower but I respected him and did not open his phone. He was shocked and started to. Make up stories saying that woman is and old girlfriend from Indonesia who worked as a housemaid whom he was helping financially because the father died last year and all. For all I know it was my friend and some acquaintance told me about him and that woman. I was so disappointed and hurt, I quit and so he is now with my ” friend” and he is sending to school in KL and keep her in his condo, the woman was so happy and I was so sad until now I still can’t forgive him and I really hate them both. I hope the two of them have a bad bad karma on their way. He fooled me., and his wife his kids.

  • kaymo
    April 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    I hav been wth my MM for almost a year now. We hav neva had ups nd downs,neva fought or wronged eachada in anyway. The thing is it hurts dat he cnt wake next to me in the morning and dat wateve we hav cnt grow. He loves me that I know nd I dnt doubt it! He spends more time with me than he does with his wife,cols me everynight nd often sleeps ova he wud do everythng to b wth me… Wht hurts is dat he has kids, a lovely gal nd a handsum 2year old son. I dnt wnt this to end but I’m thnkn of my future too, I want to hav a family nd it cnt b wth him but i weneva I picture my future he is always in it…dis guy makes me happy,he said it was fine if I went out wth sum1. I dd go out wth a guy but ended it bcos I cud not love de guy nd felt it was not fair on him. One reason was my MM said my name while he was having sex wth his wife nd dat also happened to me wth de ada guy I went out with.

  • buhle
    August 6, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am dating a married man and he means so much to me and we’ve build so much and I can never imagine my life without him, his wife just recovered my emails and she sent me an email asking what is happening between me and the husband. I really don’t want lo lose this man. Need help to deal with this.

  • Sarah
    August 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am dating a married man.. even worse.. im involved with my brother in law.
    I say ‘even worse’ because thats what people think. I’m not in it for an eternal relationship and I dont want him to leave my sister. he isn’t either. my sister is doped up for 2 years now, with no sexual interest. we both know why we are in it, and we both know this will not end up in a long thing. as soon as I get a relationship (or something close to it) or sis is ok again, its all over. with good understanding, being the ‘other woman’ isn’t an emotional rollercoaster and can be entertaining if you don’t make ot much of it

  • Dudu
    August 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    Im also in a MM situation!! Honestly, it has started to hurt so bad, fact that i cant call him anytime i want to, cant be with him whenever i feel like being with him. Of course we never talk about his wife, we do talk about the kids, also have a daughter, and they are crazy about each other (not her biological father). Its really draining me out!! I just love him so much it hurts! and everytime I think of the future, i see him, his two daughters and my daughter. He’s been telling me about a baby lately, wants us to make a baby.And i refused, stated the facts, that he seemed to ignore. I just don’t know how to get out of this situation, don’t even know if I wanna get out. All i know is that I am madly in love with him and he contributes a lot in my happiness. Please tell me how to go about doing this? how do I stop loving him? I’m in a state where i see no any other men but him. Complete insanity!

  • Allie
    September 2, 2012 | Permalink |

    Here’s my story.

    I fell for my co worker but he was in a 5 year relationship with his girlfriend. He fell in love me and he left his girlfriend soon after he found out I felt the same as he did. I left for school across the country so we tried the long distance thing but it eventually fell through and his over obsessed ex stole him back and eventually got him to marry her all while I was away. I came back after I finished up school and I got my old job back. I knew that meant working with him but I figured it’s been so long and we were both over it. One look and I knew I wasn’t over him and I could see he wasn’t either. It can’t be like before because he’s married now but he told me he regrets marrying her and he loves me more than life itself. I know he is sincere because he’s a kind, caring person and the memories kill me but I know I’ll feel horrible if I did anything with him. There’s no way I can get another job because I live in a small town and the economy and I need this job to pay off school loans and bills. I’m just so confused and sad and yet happy just to be able to see his smile every day Monday through Friday.

  • Dazed and Confused
    September 4, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m now heavily involved with a married man, who, when I met him 7 years ago, was separated from his wife and there was an instant attraction there on his part. I did find him mildly attractive and over time as we were working in the same industry, we became closer as we had to be in contact with each other on an almost daily basis. We also attended many of the same industry functions and we never acted on the attraction that became stronger and stronger as time went on. We flirted quite a bit, but there was nothing more than that. I ended up getting engaged and it was close to the wedding that he told me I shouldn’t be marrying my future husband. He was back at home at that stage and I ignored him, but have carried that comment with me for years. It wasn’t until after I was married that the attraction became so strong that we ended up meeting for a drink and he kissed me. And I kissed him back. Time went on, and we met up occasionally still through industry functions and it was hard to fight that feeling. It wasn’t until a mutual friend that we were out with one night, asked what was going on between us. She had noticed something for a while but couldn’t put her finger on it. It was then (now over 2 years ago) that he told me in her presence that he loved me. I admitted I felt something similar and then literally ran away. He tells me even today that my actions hurt him even then and he never wants me to run away from him again. He has two children, both in high school and is married, of course but claims that his feelings for his wife and the marriage are non existent. His marriage isn’t terrible, he tells me they don’t argue (this is something completely attractive to me as my ex-husband was always up for an argument and this is something that crushed our marriage) and the marriage is ok and he’s staying around until his eldest child finishes highschool which is over 12 months away. In theory, it’s nice to have a timeframe, but thinking logically, it MAY not happen. He declares that his feelings for me haven’t changed, they’ve only got stronger. I do believe him, but it hurts knowing that I’m in his back pocket and make myself available at his convenience. He has also said that he wants us to be an exclusive relationship – outside of his marriage. I found myself thinking a couple of weeks ago that this was sweet, but now, I don’t think I’m prepared to wait around for him even though I truly love him dearly. We steal every spare moment we can to be together. I know it’s an awful thing to be doing, but how often do you find someone who after you are sitting on a park bench for an hour, holding hands, talking, sharing the odd kiss and then you drive off home…flashes his car lights at you to pull over, winds down the window and calls out “I love you”? Not often. He’s pretty special but I’m so silly to be waiting around.

  • Sonia
    September 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m with a married for almost 6 years! We have two kids together I met him at my work when I first started working there we met and then we start hanging out like going to lunch, movies and dinners he was so charming nice and very out going guy then we start liking each other we got so comfortable around each other he ended up liking me a lot he told me he never had this feelings before with a women like me. Months goes by I got a phone 4 months later after we date his wife” calls me out of no where with a blocked number and said are you having sex with my husband I just pause right there! And just hang up on her . I was devastated, angry, frustrated and crying when I found out that he was married and never told me which make sense cause sometimes when he’s gone he never calls me for about two to three weeks he never calls always says he was busy with work but now he was with his other family and wife at the time his wife was pregant with twins” girls I felt so used I was hurt I never wanted to see him after that. 5 months after he kept calling showing up to my place begging me to take him back I couldn’t face him I was heart broken;( crying everyday in my room long but short til now I hate myself for being this women and I don’t know how to deal with it sometimes I just cry and wish it never happen I was so dumb and stupid to fall for him;( I regret if all but I loved my kids! Dating a married man was the biggest mistakes

  • Ronnie
    September 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have dating a man for the past 8 months, he is a web designer and often gets contracts all over the world, so very rarily does he spend alot of time at his actual home in Memphis, TN. I recently discovered that he is married ( he was showing me something on his phone, while a text from his wife came through) When I first asked if he was married he said no, when I inquired why she has the same last name as him he finally admitted he was married but was seperated and seeking a divorce, I asked if his wife was aware of this divorce and, of course she wasn’t. The thing is, he had me quit my job of ten years, move to NY with him in a beautiful home and has given me all the accommodations I need to start my own business, which has been my dream. He says that once the holidays are over he will officially ask his wife for a divorce, but I’m having a hard time believing anything he says at this point. My question is should I stick it out to get what I want from him and move on, just like he used me, or should I hold onto my morality and run away as fast as I can?

  • edith
    October 5, 2012 | Permalink |

    Am in love with a marriage man its 2 months now.since we started.he told me his wife travel shes is in another country,an last month he told me the wife is back but its alie .she has not came back.an he told me we should stop the relastionship.i love him an am scared to lose him.
    i dont what to do

  • Gina
    October 11, 2012 | Permalink |

    Ive been seeing a married man for the past 6 months. He also happens to be my employer. I agree with all the reasons given why it sucks but at the same time I’ve been divorced twice and am not confident in my relationship abilities. I too like the “permanent part time” status for now because I don’t know if I want anything else at the moment.

  • Lilo
    October 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    Knew I was in love the first night we met. Allowed all the indulgence to happen and felt so perfect. Told him then I was in love. Told him to run. Only time I have seen him in 5 weeks. Doesn’t have time or energy and I don’t blame him. He runs the home, the wife has boyfriend, and job and is gone. But he loves her….I feel an urge to continue despite my best intuition, some belief that he will provide for me in the future and father my children. I love him, but know that love would be best to leave him alone….but he calls me when he can for 15 min. here when the kids are distracted. Our interests are similar and our intellectual conversations so grandoise that I am pleased. But I want him here with me and have a very hard time sharing him. I need a night, weekend, a touch, but understand that is too much. i am working to let go, but weary because of my happiness. Logic, analytics, and reason have partially left, and hope, dreams, and tingling have taken over. I forgive him, myself, and the wife who called me yelling the first night, when a stranger from home town let her know. He means more to me than her, so i continued. and he fell under my spell. Now I wonder if any of it was worth it, but I kNOW I love him. Is love enough???

  • shish2
    October 25, 2012 | Permalink |

    I v been thea..if u haven’t slept wit him don’t evn consider it.. walk away while u still can.. if ur sure ur inlav wit him ur in trouble .. start Makin friends wit the probable fact tht ur relationship wil end..and it wud b easier t get over if u ended it..besides in my case I sometimes chose to think tht I was duin it fo his son..nt wife..thoh really al along it was fo mi.. try n find someone not committed..thn u can show him off t ur mom .. rem ur nt alone..its the circle of life

  • Patricia
    November 1, 2012 | Permalink |

    @ Ronnie

    Run away as fast as you can, the younger me woud say use him for what you can get, but you have already done that and you don’t need him anymore. Some people think this is wrong I personally don’t he is married so he should have to pay to play plain & simple. Use him for what you need and move on, hopefully with your heart in tact.

  • pink
    November 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    I did same, was with married man for 7 years. I donot know until now how stupid, naive i was… he told me all lies. He does not love his wife blah blah.. he is separated etc.. years gone by( 6 years).

    Finally i found he loves his wife more than anything. He is with me only for sex.. I was stupid and went to have a kid with him then i found out the truth that he has no love for me. When i was pregnant, he was sending his wife all love messages and did not want to break his marriage where on other hand myself and my kid were left alone with nothing…. It took me 7 years and ruined my whole life. Now i am single struggling mom with no help from anyone ….

    I would advise everyone to stay away from married man, they always love their wives and will never leave them for you. So its good idea to wait until they are divorced.. DONOT get TRAPPED

  • ana
    November 21, 2012 | Permalink |

    Hi I’ve dated one of my married coworkers for 6mths,it was great at first then it blew up and it turn out bad,but I was tired of the lies and I ask God for forgiveness and I moed forward and I didn’t look back.my heart was broken,but id rather leave and time heal me,than to waste time staying.now im trying to get through to my aunt she has been dating a married guy for about 14 years,now that’s some sh!t right there,14 yrs what a waste,but you can’t tell her nothing,she gets upset,but when she call crying that she hasn’t heard from him in a week.she doesn’t want to hear the truth.put im done.thanks guys have a great turkey day everyone.xoxo

  • November 22, 2012 | Permalink |

    Well, I am a married woman, who has been cheated on my my husband. He had a 2 month fling with a woman he met. A customer, hes in contruction. The thing is, infidelity is A HORRIBLE THING. It destroys families. And speaks a lot about people’s morals and values. People say oh.. It wasn’t intentional.. It was an accident .. It didn’t mean ANYTHING, but u don’t accidentally, fall into bed with someone who isn’t ur wife or husband. If ppl RESPECTED THERE SELVES MORE, and respected EACHOTHER more.. We could really have a better world. A lot of times there are children involved, and I think people should try and respect others .

  • November 22, 2012 | Permalink |

    And another thing, men never respect the woman they are sleeping around with. They never leave there wives for a side deal. It just ain’t happening. There are some women that are wife material, and some women that are mistress material., if u ever truly want to be a wife, there are certain qualities that A MAN LOOKS FOR . If u would sleep with them, and there married, then want would make u not sleep with the next man that’s married? He can’t trust u, he doesn’t see the qualities that u MAY REALLY HAVE . Cause u just feeding an ego. Ur not sharing a home, sharing responsiblities, he’s not INVESTING IN U. Ur selling urself short.

  • Reese
    November 23, 2012 | Permalink |

    One thing I cannot help but take note of and mention. The women admitting to sleeping with another woman’s husband share a commonality: they are quasi-literate. I wonder whether that is common. Do married men prey on women with little to no educaiton, in particular? I find it pathetic to read grown, I am assuming, women writing gushy adolescent blurbs like “i just love him two (should be: too) much to let him go…”. Blah, blah, blah. Grow up. Think with your head, and not with what is between your legs, girls. A married man cheats because he can. There are stupid women that are desperate enough for male attention that they will allow another woman’s man to use their bodies, play with their minds, and break their hearts. A former boyfriend tried to run this bs game on me. Each and every time he (intentionally) runs into me when I am out and about, I greet him with the same words, before he can even finish his b.s. sentence pretending to give a damn about me. I say (and you should all try this): “Oh, hello. How’s your wife?!?” Works like a charm. The (snake-like) grin immediately departs from his stupid face, and he gets a look of resentment bordering on dislike. Just the way I want him to regard me, because I am *not* his personal vagina, some little slut. I am willing to bet that, the higher a woman’s educaitonal attainment, the more control she feels in her relationships, regardless of who she has them with: mm or sm. I might have an affair with a mm, but I will be in the driver’s seat, not him. My goal will *not* be to get him to leave his wife, because, let’s face it, what woman in her right mind would want a cheater for a man?!? I would use him for money, sex, and career advancement (networking opportunities). Period. Women who cheat with somebody else’s husband and are hoping it will turn into love?!? You give cheating a bad name!

  • confused
    December 6, 2012 | Permalink |

    I ddont know if anyone will read this but I really need advice. I’m in a long distance relationship (my boyfriend who I love and plan to marry lives in Spain) we have been together for a year but I haven’t seen him in 5 months. I have been faithful but last week the most attractive and interesting man i have ever met in my life confessed that he wants to sleep with me. However I know he is married and has kids with this woman. I am moving to Spain to be with my boyfriend in January so would a quick sexual fling before I leave be the worst thing ever? I feel like if I don’t I will always regret not doing it, but at the same time do not want bad karma because im a good person!

  • Samantha
    December 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    To Confused:
    Planning to marry someone you have only known for really 5 months is concerning and may play into why you are curiously entertaining thoughts of pursuing another relationship. I strongly urge you to consider what is lacking in your current relationship that you would feel the need to look elsewhere? I also strongly urge you to NOT proceed with sleeping with this other man, despite, how much you feel drawn to him. If you want to pursue this relationship, you should not end your current relationship. You should not enter into marriage with a foundation of lies and receipt. The marriage will be doomed to fail. Maybe you need to take some time to date the man who is returning from Spain and really get to know him and make sure he is the right man for you to commit to for the rest of your life.

  • Samantha
    December 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    To Confused:
    Planning to marry someone you have only known for really 5 months is concerning and may play into why you are curiously entertaining thoughts of pursuing another relationship. I strongly urge you to consider what is lacking in your current relationship that you would feel the need to look elsewhere? I also strongly urge you to NOT proceed with sleeping with this other man, despite, how much you feel drawn to him. If you want to pursue this relationship, you should end your current relationship. You should not enter into marriage with a foundation of lies and receipt. The marriage will be doomed to fail. Maybe you need to take some time to date the man who is returning from Spain and really get to know him and make sure he is the right man for you to commit to for the rest of your life.

  • nana
    December 28, 2012 | Permalink |

    i have been dating a married man for almost a year now.. we started off as friends, and then i found myself falling for him, then still oblivious that he was married.. but after we both realised our feelings for each other, he came clean.. and tho we both knew the right thing to do was to end the relationship there and then, we couldn’t =( and here’s the thing, he and his wife actually have an email agreement about separating once their 2 year daughter is slightly older and doesn’t need to depend on her parents as much.. and contrary to most women dating married men, i’ve met his friends who know me as the girlfriend and he’s actually met my parents too. so
    what does this mean? can i trust that he’s serious about me and our relationship? should i wait it out then?

  • Diamond
    December 29, 2012 | Permalink |

    To Reese:
    I agree with you – absolutely. You are right on point about this bullshit about being used by a cheating married man. If you must cheat, be on the driver’s seat for crying out loud! Cheating is sinful, it is horrible; it is ungodly. VERY WRONG.
    But, that was quite an ending u gave your write-up: “… giving cheating a bad name”! Chuckles.

  • MPW
    January 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    I just want to share my story. I was involved in an affair about 14 years ago with a married coworker. We connected as soon as we met and became friends. I was only about 23 at the time and he was 12 years older. Right from the beginning he told me that his wife did not have much of a sex drive and always had excuses, but he still loved her. They were also raising their two children together. We tried to hold back, but it ended up happening anyway, and lasted close to 2 years. I stopped it and attempted to have a real relationship for myself. I also figured that I was young, made some mistakes along the way, and that I could get over it and move on. During my two short relationships and the one I have been in now for ten years, we always remained friends. I had even turned him down five years ago when he wanted to get involved again. It’s not that I didn’t want to, but I was trying to do what was right. But it was too late. I was still in love with him. I even made myself go through stages where I didn’t see him and didn’t talk to him because I was “busy”, but it didn’t help. We have now been involved again for the last 3 months. He’s in counselling with with his wife (her request). He still has bouts of guilt over it, but he also has a lot of confusion now. I will be honest – I have always hoped that their marriage would fall apart on it’s own terms, and I still do. I just can’t do anything about it and I don’t try to persuade him to leave. It has to happen on its own. I don’t recommend anyone to get involved with a married man. It’s the hardest type of life once you fall in love. And for any outsiders who think it’s easy to just walk away, it’s not and no one will ever understand unless they go through it. I’ve tried all the advice over the years and even went to counselling myself. But the more distance I created, the more my heart yearned for him. I do have one question for any of you who have had long-term involvement. Have any of you told the wife, even if just out of frustration?

  • Red
    January 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am actually going crazy about this MM situation that I am into right now I had to open my mac to search for blogs on this topic that led me here. My partner, yeah, a married man, was my classmate in graduate school about 6-7 years ago. I knew back then that he had some physical attraction with me as he often volunteers to take me home after our class. And he successfully did for a couple of times and in those occasions he told me that he is already married and that I should not send him text messages or even call him. I respected that of course because I was never attracted to him actually!

    Mending a broken heart

    We both stopped schooling did not see each other for almost 4 years until early last year when I had the break up with my 2-year boyfriend. I was still madly in love with my ex during our first meetings and I never really thought of entering into any serious relationship with him. It was too late before I realized that I was already hooked in this crazy love with him. The out-of town trips and escapades made us closer and I appreciated his presence, as he has never left me during the lowest low points of my life. He was so sweet and kind to me. The way he kisses me, embraces me and lets his fingers run through my hair proves that. He keeps on saying that he loves me so much, much more than he loves his wife. He said that even before we met each other he is already having difficulties in dealing with his wife but he cannot do anything but support her because of their two kids. He said that he couldn’t take it if his wife will take their kids away from him. This is basically the reason why we were always extra careful.

    No weekends, holidays and all special days with him

    I cannot text or call him during weekends and I have to wait for him to call me first when his wife is not around. We cannot be together on special occasions like Christmas even on his birthday and of course on special holidays. No pictures of us together and no dealings with friends who know sour status. But at least he introduced me to his subordinates, as he is a manager in an engineering company. But still, this did not give me the peace of mind and security that I always wanted. I cannot talk to him, to my man, whenever I need someone to talk to. I cannot introduce him to my family and similarly, he cannot, or shall I say of course not, and introduce me to his.

    The wife, the kids, and the other woman

    For the past few weeks since before the year ended, although I love him so much, I am already thinking of getting out of this relationship with him. I truly hate that feeling of thinking and asking myself whether he is having sex with his wife? Initially I was too afraid to ask him about this but I finally had that courage and although I was expecting an answer of “NO”, which is unbelievable as it is inevitable, it hurts so bad to hear “YES, about once to twice in two weeks!” His response brought me to silence. Silence that made me think deeper and reflect on my current situation. Our countless making-love sessions were just so good I was never really satisfied like that before. I can feel how passionate he is to me each time we become one. But is this enough for me to justify staying with him? The wife, the kids, oh yes! A hundred of times the thought of me being a home wrecker already crossed my mind. I even read his wife’s messages to him. And most of the time his wife would call him, I can hear her angry voice from the phone, and I am witness to why he would make up stories and lie to her just to hide what we were doing. Yes we did have great conversations about the future, of what we are going to do, that he also wanted to have a child with me to keep us together for years. That we are going out of the country for us to be together for good. There was no moment when we were together that he did not say how much he loves me and that will always make me think most especially in times when I am already about to tell him that I must leave him.

    Where to?

    It has almost been a year now since then and now I am trapped in this dark relationship. I know that I am wrong but I must admit that I love him very much and I need him with me but I can’t have him. Not even 50% of him. I may sound so selfish but I am finding the strength in me to pick up the pieces of my life.

  • March 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    I was approached by a married man. We were instantly attracted to each other. We kissed and it was amazing … But then he told me he was married. I told him we need to stop and I continued the evening as politely as possible. I started making a pass at me. This insulted me to my core. He tole he has never felt this way and his sorry. I told him he needs to leave. He said I can’t please don’t make me. I said fine then I will. He didn’t have my contact details, but found my email address and apologised to me for his behaviour. I said apology accepted but it ends here. He said please let me take you for coffee.. Are you kidding me? Girls!!! These guys are not honourable men! And you will be the one who gets hurt in the end .. I for one am a woman if integrity and will not be treated as second best! I want to be number one! I told him its I over … And so should all of you if you know what’s good for you. He handsome and your soulmate who will fuck you up in more ways than one! Tell these jerks to hit the road and don’t cheat yourself into believing that this will end up with a wedding ring on your finger …! Not going to happen girls …. Your lying to yourself !! Move on and stand proud of walking away like I did!

  • Kimberly
    March 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    Red ^^^^ I am in the same type of relationship . How can we talk?

  • James
    March 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    Kimberly get out now! Has your husband started divorce proceedings? Your husband is a loving man and might forgive you as he is a Christian man. Think about your children and what they have been through and will continue to go through if you do not stop seeing the MM. Think of his wife and children and how destroying their marriage will cause them immeasurable pain. Kimberly call your husband and just see if he is open to a discussion, the devestation of continuing down the path you are on will be irreversible.

  • Chris Ryder
    April 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    My ex girlfriend just left me and I’m pretty sure for her former boyfriend who is married. She’s 25 and he’s 45. They dated for a year before, and they broke it off because he would always say that he was going to leave his wife for my ex but never did. She is very beautiful, he is average at best. i treated her like a queen, he used her for sex and always were meeting at hotel rooms because none of her friends or family approved of what she was doing. It’s extremely frustrating and belittling for me to be in this situation. I’m close with some of her friends. Some have said that it wont last so don’t get too worried, but I don’t want to take her back afterwards anyways. Some of her other friends said with true sincerity “you are a great guy and honestly you could do so much better and deserve better”. I just wish this never happened as I love her so much and this hurts really bad. Are women really this naive? These stories of married men dating other females are almost carbon copied versions of eachother and all seem to have the same end result-pain for everyone involved.

  • scottysew@aol.com
    April 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been dating a Married man for about 4 month’s now, I Get his undivided attention, He calls me when available , He sends me Good morning messages, We talk about EVERYTHING The conversing is wonderful, He holds me as we lay, we stare into one another’s eyes, We met through my Female cousin whom he was in the Military with, He was a Sargent an she’s still a current solider of course They’ve known one another for 8 years they have a Brother and Sister bond, I Met him Mid February It was a Instant attraction as well chemistry, He opens doors, he’s sweet, charming, respectful, outgoing, optimistic, generous, spontaneous, HONEST and REAL, He’s future oriented, He’s a Businessman, a Committed man he’s NEVER really been in a relationship he’s a Father of 5 non of his children are out of wedlock, He was married to his first wife for 6 month’s and Currently Married to his second wife whom they’ve been married 10 years now, He was cheating on his first wife with his second wife, He actually loved her and was in love with her, But they divorced because she was socially Inactive an lacked Communication skills(People talked for her, she sent emails, text) He loves his second wife but isn’t in love with her, He had to grow to love her, She was married as when they we’re messing around an she got pregnant by him, She waited the whole thing out for him, She played her role until he married her an started changing, she thought she would be a stay at home wife, mom Etc. He said to her if he knew that was her mindset he wouldn’t have married her, This wife of his he has 4 of his children with + He raised her Eldest child whom isn’t biologically his but he’s his son spiritually and culturally, He say’s that once his children are older an can take care of themselves He’s gone, EVERYTHING He owns is His, Everything he has he’s gotten himself, That’s another thing I guess that set’s him off is that she’d rather be a Tale and Not a head( Boss, Entrepreneur) There’s 50 thing’s he dislikes about her and 50 thing’s he likes about her, Right now he’s a free man, He knows that he’s experiencing thing’s and Lust to see if with his wife is where he want’s to be, He’s learning to know whether it’s been him picking his own wife or The wife God Made for him to grow with, He’s admitted that he’s Infatuated with me like he was with his first wife, he enjoys my conversation, my happy spirit, my positivity, he loves the fact I’m very knowledgeable, Intelligent, I’m advanced in majority of areas, I’m respectable, honest, Enthusiastic about life, He challenges me, He makes me see life in a Realistic perspective, He makes me notice my In’s and Out’s, he knows when something’s wrong, we talk about Church, God, Business, School, Work, Relationships, Marriages, Growth and Life itself, He say’s ”I’m walks and days away from Womanhood(a Few year’s I’m 19) He say’s Let time happen, and Patience will pay off, We’ve made a pack to be Loyal to our friendship, I’m the only Woman he’s seeing he assured me, Yet knows what to say without trying, or spitting some lame game, he’s not Just a Man he’s a WHOLE MAN, He doesn’t like nor Play mind games, He hasn’t lied about one thing, Only time his wife is brought up is if I ask of her, It’s funny because you wouldn’t guessed he was married at all unless someone or he himself Told you, He recently said to me ”Your about to experience an Emotional drift, but be cool and Let time happen, Your lusting right now, Love discovers itself, It’s Natural an you don’t pick and choose who you love, It Just happens, You feel it in your bones” Emotions and feelings you can’t control and you shouldn’t bother them or you’ll screw with something like losing in the situation, It’s crazy because I’m having a emotional rush, I’m falling for him and I don’t want too, He brings out a side of me that I Never knew, I Feel him in my spirit when he’s away for too long, I miss him too much, I Dream of a future with him, My Happiness has hit an all time high randomly and suddenly, I Feel and get this Warm, Tender feeling, I become Elated every moment with him, My heart skips a beat when I see him, I glow an light up, But it hurt’s a little not being able to wake up next to him PERIOD, I speak to him before bed, and when We awake, whether it’s through a text or call, He makes Time for me, Apart of me want’s to distance myself, but I don’t want to feel the hurt or feel the feeling or Regret’s of ”WHAT IF” Yet the more distance I created, the more my heart yearns for him, I Don’t even know if I want to get out. All I know is that I am madly in love with him and he contributes a lot in my happiness, Logic, analytics, and reason have partially left, and hope, dreams, and tingling have taken over. I forgive him, myself and I Just want to see what’s to this we both ALWAYS Speak on how It’s a REASON We met, we’re not sure yet but while time moves we’re sure to find out, Yet I Wonder sometimes If I Wait…..

  • sarah
    April 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    I was seeing a married man for a little over 3 years. We started at the same job on the same day. We started going to training together. At first I didn’t think much of it because it wasn’t my intention to go to class with him. I later found d out that he intentionally application d for the same class as me. I wasn’t attracted to him in the beginning as he is old enough to be my dad but as time goes on he started showing up at my apartment after work just to get a hug. He started to pay a lot of attention to me. Getting jealous when I start talking to other guys. I was really enjoying all of the attention. We started becoming really close. We talk about everything but the conversation really centered around sex. Sex with him was great but that’s about all we do. We don’t talkon the phone after work just text. We can only text sometimes on the weekends. We were doing all of this while both of us are Ina committed relationship. He’s married while Ive been with my boyfriend of 6 years. My boyfriend eventually found out but he decided to stay and give my chances after chances. I finally broke it off this past Monday with the MM. I’m getting married in July but I know I’m going to need time to heal. I know better and I deserve better. I came I to this situation not expecting anything and I finally left the MM with nothing but a broken heart.

  • Mina
    April 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    Am 19yrs nd am dating a 35 year old married man….he ws my first everything….i knew he was married from the very beginning…bt I couldnt help it….it ws so easy to fall for him….he’s nt said anything about being in love with me…but I noe he cares about me…a lot…he loves his wife and his kids…and I dun wana b a home wrecker… I know he’s never gonna leave his wife for me…bt I jx can’t leave…I love him …with all of my heart….I have not really had a bf before and it saddens me that am the other woman in my first relationship…I know it will end one day….am just enjoying it while it last though….

  • Peter
    May 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    “One thing I cannot help but take note of and mention. The women admitting to sleeping with another woman’s husband share a commonality: they are quasi-literate. I wonder whether that is common.”

    I didn’t want to agree with this. After reading the rest of the comments, I don’t have much choice.

  • KC
    May 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    I put these in the same category as all temptations. Like over eating, we love the taste and ignore the empty calories. Like over drinking, we love the feeling and ignore the effect on our heart. Affairs with married men fall into the same ‘need to feel good any way possible’ category! It’s us when we’re copping out. It’s when we think a short-cut will bring long term reward. Like all temptations, they’re to be enjoyed only in moderation, when we know when to stop. The attention of a married man is to be enjoyed from afar, for a short time, to feel young and attractive and desirable… But never to touch, as we know that it isn’t real and what’s real follows a whole new set of rules – a set of rules we choose when we put our own dignity first. Affairs with married men upset us, they upset their wives (us one day!) and they upset innocent children. Importantly, they allow the man to be lazy… but sooner or later he’ll still need to face up to his marriage and where will we be then? Dumped! Think about it ladies. Don’t waste your life being number two by turning your life into a pathetic soap opera.

  • Tess
    May 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    Yes, he can be handsome, he can be caring, he can say he loves us, he can say his marriage isn’t a real one, he can say he never sleeps with his wife, he can say his wife doesn’t love him, he can open doors, pay for dinners, compliment us, guide us, make beautiful love to us, say he loves us and he never utters that to his wife, he can spend every weekend with us, promise us the earth ….. BUT……. wait, hold on… He is MARRIED ! Therefore, you can delete all of his words. He is not a God. He is a rat. Men must finish one thing before they begin another! If you accept a man who has done this to his wife, watch out, as one day he’ll do the same to you! You are complicit in his being unfaithful, which is the same as saying he can one day do the same to you. Your standards are low, he knows it and he does not respect you for it. This man is using you for the short term infatuation. Long term love will never be part of the deal.

  • julia2013
    May 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi, yes I used to be one of those women that thought how could someone date a married man she must have self esteem issues etc. Well sometimes unexpected things happen in your life and sometimes you can’t judge until you have been in the situation yourself. I do not believe all women that fall for a married man have lower self esteem or are poorly educated, or horrible women , sometimes your life can lack excitement and when someone makes you feel special unlike anyone else you want to hold on to that. I definately do not have poor self esteem i am attractive and i know i could find a bf tomorrow if i wanted too, i know im intelligent i have studied medicine, and i know I am overall a good person I do a lot of charity work and try to help people as much as possible. I was in love with someone who cheated on me with a woman twice my age and he lied constantly to me so when it ended i didnt want to let anyone close I stayed single for a few years had been working in this company for over a year with an older man who i always respected he was never sleazy and we just got along really well. He would tell me about his problems and i told him mine. One day he mentioned he had a silly dream that we were dancing we both laughed then i started having dreams about him just of us having coffee and enjoying each others company. I had never thought of him in that way he was always just a work collegue in my eyes who i thought was intelligent and sweet .. I would never have imagined i would fall for a married man but it did happen to me and the moment i realised actually happened almost 2 years into knowing him without anything sexual between us he took his glasses off and he just stared deeply into my eyes I felt such a deep connection to this man it wasnt even a sexual thing i just knew i wanted to be with him every day for the rest of my life. We started to enjoy each others company so much we would meet just for a coffee and we would call each other 20 times a day we became best of friends but we knew that we were both falling for each other. He has told me he is miserable in his relationship but after my experiences with my ex bf cheating on me and lying i dont have much trust in men as much as i want to believe him i am going to wait until it happens. I want him to make that choice not me and i want him to leave because he is unhappy not for it to feel like im ruining the relationship I want him to be happy more than anything and will support whatever he chooses but i think its essential to distance yourself block the call if need be and if he comes after you and sorts his stuff out then he loves you other than that he is just using you and thats not fair on anyone involded..I know I want to be with someone who shows me they love me not tells me.

  • chy
    June 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am with a MM, but the truth is i don’t want to leave. i don’t plan to, at least for now. though i eventually might have to. like Dudu said complete insanity, but i don’t want to leave. i love him.

  • so in love
    June 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    i am dating a married man. i met this man in a club 16 yrs ago we dated for a while. i found out he was married so i just walk away 11 yrs ago and moved out of state. but we always kept in touch with each other. he flew to where i was at to see me we had a night out and he went on his way and i went my. i move back and we started talking again this time we are much closer we have been dating now for 2 yrs, he take good care of me and he has given me a diamond me ring . i love him so much he text me every night and every morning he text me to tell me where he is at all time he has help me with my finicial. he has spoken about his wife very little that she is very nasty and messy and she carry a very terrible odor. we meet every 2 weeks and we spend the night together when we do. he always telling me . never to leave him.

  • kathy
    July 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    A married man is deeply interested in me, am a graduate and an adult. He is 28yrs older. I just discovered I like him. He’s rich and let’s face it girls, I want the money. Am having challenges and my boyfriend doesn’t av a job yet. My mm has been lavishing a lot on me. But he wants sex and am confused cos I av a boyfriend av been dating for two years and av never cheated in my life. Once, I suspected my boyfriend cheated. Now I don’t trust him. I feel I should also cheat, after he cheated and may still cheat. So why don’t I catch my fun? But am confused. I need advice before I make a mistake.

  • Anne
    September 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am in my 40′s, old enough to know better. I was approached by a man at a temp job I was working and I agreed to meet him for a lunch. He said at that time he was married. He and his wife have lived in different states for the last 10 years and maintain separate households but spend about 3 months of the year together. It was casual at first, just dinners and it was nice to be wined and dined by a man who could afford a decent restaurant. We got involved physically and at the time I didn’t realize how much something like that could really screw with my head. I’ve never dated anyone married and certainly didn’t seek it out. Anyway, spending Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day and my birthday by myself while his wife was in town was a harsh reality check. He contacted me after his wife left but I cut it off via email and that was that, 5 months ago. The problem is, I still think about him and I went down the rabbit hole after ending it and had horrible self-doubts and over ate and basically went catatonic for while. I didn’t realize that I was really dealing with more raw abandonment issues from an absentee father than from this breakup. The problem with some kinds of relationships is that they unearth baggage you’ve securely tucked away. Well, the hole of emotional abandonment is always there and will always be there. My own psyche formed a band-aid over that hole long ago, but there is nothing like dating someone who is very loving and attentive for a time but then disappears to be in his ‘real’ relationship. That will make you face all your issues, I assure you. It’s been very harsh and I feel like it’s taken me the last 5 months to process my enormous hurt feelings and pain that was not necessarily caused by this man, but he was a magnifying glass to the underlying issues I already had with trusting a man or having my primary male relationship (father) disappear when I was 2. That two year old pre-verbal child only feels a primal ache. An ache, a hole, that exists at a primal level as it was formed before the language ability or the conceptual knowledge or life experience to experience that other than anything but a primetive abandonment that threatened my survival. This story of abandonment played itself out with this married man in the aftermath of breaking it off from him. I knew it wasn’t any good to go on but frankly going on would have been less painful than it was to end it and have to face the baggage. I think some of the posts above reflect that same natural desire to delay that pain but that chicken is going to come home to roost some day and you might as well end it and figure out how and why that type of relationship was so appealing to you in the first place. Don’t blame yourself, don’t blame the guy, use it as an opportunity to explore whatever underlying issue might be there so you don’t make the same mistake again.

  • reshma
    September 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    I want suggestion i am also dating married man from last 4 yrs right now i am 22 yrs old and he is 35 yrs old he never said he will leave his wife for him but using me for sex fr last 4 yrs i enjoy sex with him because i love him now from last a month he is avoiding my call . he promised me he will never left me so why this?

  • Ron
    September 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi everyone,

    I am in my late 20′s and in a relationship with a married man of 5 years now. He is everything to me and we love each other so much. I met him when I was working as a receptionist, he was a visitor to my place of work. When he walked in on that faithful day, I knew he was just right for me even before he approached. We shared everything we have together.

    He lives abroad with his wife and children and comes home often:at least three times a year and we spend more than a month together before leaving. Though he spends festive periods with his family abroad.

    He has been my source of strength, support (financially and emotionally), a friend, lover and a shoulder to cry on. We do have the occasional love fight and we settle it. He calls me virtually everyday. We exchange text message and Instant Messages almost every time. We even agreed on having a kid or two together. Though he never said he wants to divorce his and I wasn’t expecting that either. I just want to be around him and know that we will have a bond forever.

    Recently his wife has been suspecting things happening between us, she has seen my pictures, knows my mobile number, my name and even my email. I am getting worried because I don’t want to see my man getting hurt. Neither do I want to see his wife hurt; I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.

    Just yesterday, his wife called me on phone saying all sorts of things to me, I never replied and this morning, she sent me a text message calling me all sort of names. I am hurt right now, so is my man and his wife.

    I don’t know what to do because I am really confused. Please don’t judge me. What I need is an advice. And if you’ve been in my shoes, you will understand me better. Its not easy walking out of a long-time relationship.

  • Crystal
    September 25, 2013 | Permalink |

    I didnt care that he was married. I had unprotected sex with him even though I knew he was married and had a family of six children. I cant stand his ass now or his wife.

  • danielle
    October 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been reading through all these stories about people having affairs with married men, and I am a single women, I have never been married and I have never been with a married man…ever. That is my personal choice. Some of your excuses and explanations for the way you’re living your lives simply blows my mind. Are you people for real…are you serious? Some of your interpretations of why your doing it, or feeding into his sob story, or even allowing yourself to even consider dating this man as a grown-up mature option is incredible to me. What in your brain makes it easy for you to make the transition from what you know is right to what you seriously know to be wrong? I’ve had married men use their “I’m not happy with my wife” speech, and I actually said something like, “How very sad for you, maybe you should see someone about that” , and I turned and walked away. I do not have the time or patience for that…at all. Sorry, I just don’t. I have better things to do with my life, stop trying to involve me in your mess. If your not satisfied with your life, just move on, stop wasting my time with your nonsense. I’ve got my own problems, deal with yours like I a man. Theses men still love their wives, if they didn’t they would’ve just left them already, they are looking for someone who are just as lost and lonely as they are. Instead of trying to work things out with their wives, because there is a communication problem between them. He’s just feeling unloved and under-appreciated, for one reason or other He doesn’t want you to replace her, he just wants you to make him feel important again. Most time it’s because he wants his wife to notice, so she’ll get mad and she’ll remember that she still loves him and she’ll fight to win his affection back. He doesn’t love you, that’s not the point, he still loves wife, or the other reason he won’t leave her is because he does hate her, and if he does leave her, she’ll take him to the cleaners financially. Either way, you’re not too good to take second place, you’re just too good to waste your love on someone with deep emotional issues. It’s a waste of your precious time.Take it somewhere, please, thank you very much.

  • Jocelyn
    October 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been involved with a married man never in my life I thought I would do that I always said its bad karma blah blah but I fell for one he told me he was in a “open marriage ” bullshit I believed him at first but my plan wasn’t to be with him then he would take me out one thing lead to an other an I ended up loving him he would tell me he loved me he needed me on his life that give him time he can’t leave her cause they have kids I ended finding out he didn’t have kids with her she had a kid from a other marriage an that there kids get along bull shit he would stop talking to me an told me case his busy with work lies I ended finanlly I was better than that if u with a married man LEAVE NOW! He won’t leave his wife everything that his telling u is bullshit u don’t deserve to be the other women

  • Kimblee
    October 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi I am 37 yrs old now meet him when I was 27 yrs old and in another relationship, which was going left. Yes I am shamed to say I have been with a married man, but separated man for 11 yrs now. I now fell as if I need to end it because I know or feel something that just not going to be to me. He live in his own house and so does she (wife). She knows who I am but never meet her. But I didn’t cause the separation it happen before I became involved with him. I know it’s wrong and he has children involved that is why now I need to do what is right. And you can not judge until u are n that situation yourself. I feel he does love him but this situation can’t happen anymore.

    I can say my mom and dad some what did the same thing in between there divorce or separation. My dad still see his girlfriend/ other woman now but never married her. I don’t want to be like that. And I have told him to I have wasted a lot of time with this so called relationship. Will I ever get married or have children at my age now, I don’t think so.. I feel he doesn’t really understand the situation we are in and how it affect everyone that know. My family of course do not approve and is very disappointed but I am not worried how others feel just how I am going to talk with him and tell him how I feel and go from there and see what is really going to be official or not and I can move on.

    I have invested way more then what I wanted to in this relationship financially, emotionally and time. I have never meet his children or mother which passed 2 yrs ago and that would have been wrong anyway ,right. I am angry at myself and been so self involved with him I have lost myself I feel. I just want say for those that have have started to get involved DONT DO IT ITS NOT WORTH IT.

  • Gabriel
    October 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    Amazing blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your theme. Many thanks

  • always#3
    October 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m married involved with a married man and its an addiction. My affair lives right next door and its been going on for two years. His kids love me and think the world of me and my kids feel the same. On any given day I can go sit on the porch with his wife and have a conversation and he can do the same with my husband. So yes I get the family gatherings, the birthdays, some of the holidays but as a neighbor and semi friend. Its not all its cracked up to be. I see him talk to friends on the phone and text them but it seems like I only get snippets of convos in our front yard. I’ll text and he might answer and he might not. He knows it bugs me. He will do most anything for me. But he’s also made the comment that he knows I’ll bend over backwards for him too. Sometimes I want to march over and tell his wife and make it end because neither one of us are strongenough to do it on our own. I never thought an aaffairwould be so much work The thing is iIccare for him and love him but he knows I’m not leaving my husband and I know he isn’t leaving his wife. I know he cares but that’s about all. He doesn’t seem to get that I don’t want to feel like a piece of ass, if he cares he should make sure I never feel like that!

  • choco
    November 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    I was in a r/ship with a married man since I was seventeen(17) till nineteen(19)..it ended really bad, I lived with guilt and hurts,I didn’t feel as good as my other frnds who had young bf’s did. his wife knew me and called so often begging me 2 leave me cos I was causing them real problems….
    As soon as I realised my self and ended the foolishness,he threatened me,even begged me 2 come back but I thought about my future and the harm he’s causing me..it took me a long time 2 recover. Soon I feel in love with another single man..we’ve been together goin on 2 years and I’ve never felt peace like this….pls ladies leave married men and get ur man who’ll love and respect you..

  • cheffee
    November 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    I been dating a mm for15yr i he pays all my bills i go on vaction with him we do holidays and dinners , i know his coworker and friend like i said he is married i ask him not to leave his wife cause if he did i wouldnt want him ..He beg me to stay 15yrs ago i said u must going take care of me he said yes and im makin sure he do what he said i live along so we dont have to go to the hotel i know its going end bad but when he tried to cheat on me i have to let him know u beg me to stay now u trying to cheat on me see im not ur wife so i dont play that crap shyt im not in denial i made sure he video use makin love with my cell phone, he told me if anything happen to him he want me to be takin care of so im the beneficary on a insurance policy, he pay for my schooling ,got me a car,o with the insurance policy i have it and he give me the money for it everything is in my name so he cant take nuthin im not with my family but u still with ur so this how its going be u want to play lets play im not going out with just a broken heart and let someone manipulate,lie,cheat,and think he going have his cake and eat it to well i got a different route i will have a broken heart but i have a few thing i got out of it. i know it wrong i never want to get married b married i like it just the way it is!i want him to go home he do that i dont care if i want go out i can but if i want him to spend time he does,he has a family and he also a grown man he know whvat he is doing ,i dont want break up his arrangement at home he workc2 job so he can take care of both me and his family ……hey a lot of u mite not like what im doing it fine u aint the one who can judge me!! I preparing my self for when that day come.My friends say just leave him along dont answer ur phone when he call but aint that what he want or a easy way of letting go if i just walk away that mean he can do somebody else the same way and think it ok im make sure he know it not riteto play on female emotion somebody can get seriously hurt but if blackmail u will make u think twice about do it a again then so be it …..hopefully ur wife will take u back after all that well i just think she is in denial or just dont care dont know !!how u not say or see some type of way that ur husband is cheating15 yr

  • Laura Oglesby
    December 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    I had a rousing affair with a married man. I set it up as a lark between relationships. Married men are perfect. I can do what I want and pretend to always be pining for our time together in a chattanooga hotel. My probl was I fell pretty hard for the married guy & lost interest in pursuing other men for a while. It was on/off. I always knew he was married but when he told me & tried to break up, I flipped. I was angry. I know it’s irrational but I was mad even though I knew the whole time, his wife found out. What a bitch. She told everyone in my family. Don’t date married men. It nearly ruined my life. I was do distracted I almost lost my job. He did lose his. His wife hates me. Apparently he told her some if my gifts to him were from his boss and she sent thank you notes. I feel wretched about it all. All of it. There are kids (his) involved. I’m in my mid 30s and wasted time in this very very very stupid way.

  • Vickie
    December 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    Laura O
    These things always come out. Always. I’m glad you recognize it’s wrong to do what you did. I’m sure it isn’t easy. Sounds like you know the couple. R did you know her b4 affair? Did you pick him out because you knew there were problems? IF you’re going to date a married man, he better be legally separated, waiting for his divorce to come through and open, if you have to sneak around, it’s not dating. Your not together, you’re not a couple. It’s nothing more than sneaky pleasure seeking and it’s temporary at best,

  • Kay
    December 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    Me- in relationship- other also in relationship. We meet- crazy attraction- sex, etc etc. i cannot lie for more than 1 month or so- my feelings had been very distacted for about 3 months prior to me doing anything about it- so maybe i was deceptive for more like 4 months- i knew i was crazy about this person- and hoped it would pass or i would get rejected- but no- we both dove in. Like i say- i was confronted and crumbled- i could not lie- i loved my current partner so much- but we were companions and hadnt slept together in about 4 years. We were great companions though- loving anf warm- just no real deep sexual draw. This new person – wow! Electricity- and still is after 5 months- several x a week -dates and great sex.
    Long story longer-i moved out and am dealing with sorrow and guilt over ending my safe and companionship oriented life- but the one i am seeing is still in their relationship. They have nearly 20 years together. But have no sexual interest and have some discord – squabble etc. however- now that i am “single” i still have sadness about my ex. I still have unfinished business- and like many say- it is lonely. One time an overnight- cannot call, text unless know it is safe. Emails can lead to misunderstanding, there is drama and challenge that you dont get in a clear and open relationship- and i think it is beginning to wear on me. The muted feelings- the coming and going and wondering. The empty saturday and sunday mornings. Etc – i hate to pull an ultimatum- but i think i may have to say – i cant see you until you are free to see me – like a normal person. Open and free. Not hiding and losing friends. – thanks for listening!

  • Ava Ophelia
    January 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have been in a 2 year relationship with a married man. Does it bother me that he is married? No it doesn’t! Why do you ask? We have an understanding that I have nothing to lose and he does. We have the understanding that I’m not in the relationship just for sex! If you’re dating me (married or single) then you date me in the same way you would if you were looking to form a meaningful relationship. The issue with the women who are always hurt, crying, and questioning their position of their married men’s lives is that you fail to realize that he does have a family. You knew the risks prior to entering the relationship. Now to those who were lied to, once you found out you should have called it quits. My married man is honest with me and I keep nothing from him. If he feels as if he is going to be unavailable for a few days, he will let me know. During those times I plan a girls trip, or I simply enjoy MY ME TIME ALONE! Read a good book, find a great movie to watch, or whatever it is that you like to indulge in. Do not base ALL of your happiness around someone who is not available to you 24/7. We do not talk about his wife unless it’s absolutely necessary. I know she knows about me, because of the length of time that we spend together. If she didn’t like the situation then I’m sure she would have threatened to leave him by now. I have never requested that he leave her either. That is absurd. They never leave. He has told me several times that if I choose to date another man, he will leave me alone and be fair. Why? Because he loves me enough to know that I deserve better. I make my own decisions. I know what is best for me. When I decide to end the relationship, I’ll miss him. For now I’m enjoying the fruits of this union.

  • Lizette Janus
    January 22, 2014 | Permalink |

    As for the comment by someone that most women who date married men are uneducated or dumb. Wrong! Yes, I got caught up in a love affair with a married man that has endured almost a decade and in many ways, its has been beautiful, yet bittersweet. We fell in love deeply over a long period of time. It happens. Our intelligence is what bonded us in the first place. We both have PhDs and are scientists. Neither of us meant for it to happen, but it did. It has been difficult at times, but I was never so naïve as to expect him to leave his family nor do I want him to do that for me. I do believe that he loves me, but I am aware that he also loves his wife, although her behavior is what drove him into my arms. Do I deserve better? Maybe, but I have not found better out there. He is an exceptional and beautiful man in so many ways and apparently his wife forget that. I have my own life and he has his own life and we also share a life. It’s simple and complex at the same time. I’m not expecting anybody to understand it or condone it. To coin a phrase, “it is what it is”. Yes, he has the best of both worlds and is indeed a lucky man. I left him once because he was married and now I am back with him and not going anywhere this time.

  • Olive
    February 16, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have been dating a married man for 4 months now, we are so connected on almost every level and crazy for each other. After 2 months of dating I realized that something was wrong, he has been making all kinds of excuses not showing me where he lives and never introduced me to any of his friends. I demanded explanation and honesty, he then told me he has been married for almost two years, but has been staying in two bedrooms with his wife after 4 months of marriage, they don’t have children and he also does not wear his wedding ring. He asked me to give him 6 months to finish his marriage.

    I was madly in love with him by then, and struggled for nearly a month before I finally decided to leave him. I told him his wife sounds like a very nice woman from his love story, and asked him to go back to his wife and fix his marriage, I don’t want to be the reason that he leaves his wife. Things then made a very interesting turn. After I broke up with him, he didn’t call me for 6 days. Then on the 7th day, he showed up at my door and told me he already filed for divorce! His wife read our emails on his laptop and also saw my pictures in our hiking trip without his knowledge. His wife said I am a beautiful woman and we belong to each other. It would be selfish for her to keep him when the marriage is already dead. Although she is a professional herself, he makes more than double of her income. But she decided not asking for alimony. He said he is very lucky to have two very good and understanding women to love him!

  • Nicole
    March 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’m married and dating a married man for 8 years. He admits that he uses lies of omission so I don’t get upset and according to him it does not change our relationship. It’s a long distance relationship. His wife is addicted to FB and every time they do something together, she’ll put it on FB. For example, he’ll tell me he’s at a conference, while she’s on FB writing about their golf date, etc. if I tell him what I discovered on FB, and I did a long time ago, he tells me I’m a stalker.
    But, what’s worse, liar or stalker. So I too use lies of omission on a constant basis. I love him very much, but these lies of omission are so annoying, and I know his behavior will never change.

  • Samnatha
    March 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    i have started dating a married man. He is my colleague and my trainer too. its been a month only since i joined the company and it all started off. I know this is soon going to end. I am 22 and he is 33, his wife lives abroad so its kinda long distance relationship thing between them . But he is soon going to move too. He keeps on saying that he is crazy about me and i keep making him realize that i know this is temporary and i am indifferent with this fact. Though i am not very not much into him till now but i am scared if i get. He keeps on touching me everywhere and honestly i like it too, but i know this is wrong. Now he wants me to have sex with him, i have agreed upon it but somewhere in my mind i want to say no to it..This feeling is freaking helpless……

  • Sammy
    March 22, 2014 | Permalink |

    I fell madly in love with my MM…he did as well…we felt as if we were both struck by lightning, and it was the most romantic experience I’d ever had…I waited a month, and went to Florida for he weekend to be with him…we made love over and over..it was perfect. Then the change…he grew distant in the course of 2 days,,he admitted to m that he was “emotinally unprepared” for the progression o our relationship…he felt guilty and that he was doing things in the “wrong order”.. My soul, not only my heart was crushed. He wants to still talk, text every day…

  • annony
    April 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am not sure if im heading into one…but i know this MM….we dated 17 years ago…lost touch..found each other…and its like we never missed a beat…we’re like older versions of our former selves…the attraction is there still….we met for dinner…it was a perfect evening…all we could do was shake our heads…and say its unfair….we don’t talk about anything else…but he wants to see more of me…i never call him…he calls me….i am trying very hard to avoid him…to avoid this…its difficult because i still have feelings for him…and him me…i hate complicated matters…so i will continue to ignore him…as much as could…just be a friend over the phone to him…as best i can….without getting in too deep…i hope this works…but i don’t know…i mean…we knew each other…we dated each other…we were childhood sweethearts…i messed up and he walked away….its like we have unfinished business…this is just messed up…truly…i was young and foolish…and seeing him….made me speechless….nothing has happened…i won;t let it…i hope

  • Feriha
    April 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am involved in a married man from like a year now! He is the director of the school I worked in! he has spent money on me ….given me gifts ! but its always tht we meet in guest houses and have sex 2-3 times ! even when I don’t want to and I am sick he forces me to give him a bj. I am tired and I am realizing he just wants sex ! he told me he couldn’t leave his wife but would marry me….but I don’t think so! he just wants pleasure nothing else. he has a daughter . I know his wife too and the horrible thing I came to know after my affair is that he had a love Marraige with his wife as they were classmates >_<
    I feel awful ! When I think of everything all together I feel so disgusting….what have I done ;( I lost my virginity on him ! How was I such a fool….

  • Alex
    April 26, 2014 | Permalink |

    HI! I am a married man, that tried with couple therapy and personal to recover our marriage. I found a beautiful cute princess and we got attracted from the first moment, we texted much we talked much and had incredible conversations full of content and culture, she considered me her mentor (I am older), she did not have the problem of me being married as she told me she was very open minded, but from the beginning I explained that we had problems. She told me that she was in for any type of relationship. After 2 times being in bed she woke up one morning feeling guilty about hurting my wife, even without knowing how close was my separation (I am in the process of moving out to an apt). She tells me that she loves me but that she wants the best for me and that perhaps I should talk to my wife, that this last couple of days have been terrible for her and that it has been hard to take this decision but she wants to live with honesty and truth in her life and that she needs to think of her. I wrote an email explaining the exact situation and have wrote other facts to have in mind in her decision and to please think again with all the additional info. I do not know what can I do to have a second chance on our relationship, although the relationship is pretty young I feel like she backed up just a couple of days before taking that feeling of guilty by what was going to happen. I don´t know what to do please someone recommend to me how can I promote a second thought.
    thanks

  • Sarah
    June 6, 2014 | Permalink |

    Maybe you should have gotten a divorce FIRST prior heading into any relationship. It’s still cheating! Because as much as you’d hate to it hear it. You’re still MARRIED. I don’t understand the mentality of these home wreckers and cheaters. Do you not have any morals???? You don’t just jump into anothers arms without taking care of your baggage. You can’t have your cake and eat it and expect sympathy. You lost that privilege when you used a weak of an excuse as to why you’re heading for a divorce. Here is my advice, can’t keep your junk in your pants. Then don’t get married! You and all these supposedly “Married” dogs forgot what a commitment really is. What about your vows? There are just promises that are easily broken correct? You people disgust me. Re-evalute your life and take a good hard look at yourself and tell me you don’t feel a bit of disgust towards yourself. Shame on you all!! I am only 20 years old and I know this is bad, yet you People that have more life experience can’t even comprehend what a marriage commitment is. Just sad!

  • folaju
    June 21, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have been dating a mm for 3yrs now,he has 2kids,he introduced me to his brothers and friends,we were supposed to see on monday,he stood me up,I was bitter and hrt broken,I left d mall,I called,he didnt pick,only for me to get home and he sent a txt dat why didnt I l tell him before leaving,I sent a text that I called him and even sent him a text but he didnt reply.he has refused to pick my calls in d past 5 days and no sms from him,am already going crazy ,am depressed and I have a high bp now,he is 40 and am 32,pls I need help to get over him

  • VV
    June 22, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am in love with married man ,is almost 2 yrs now , I call him anytime ,he always there for me and my family , he take a good care of me ,i see him everyday , we go out together and travel together on vacations, he got 2 kids and I have a one daughter ,he is not a biological together and he bond so much with my daughter. He always talk about our future, how he want us end up happy with a family , kids , house etc. truly speaking I want to end this relationship before I get hurt , I see no future because he is married, worse part my family do not know he is married, and I think I am stuck with him because he is helping me with everything and i am madly in love with him. I really don’t know how to end this because i love him so much

  • Vdd
    July 29, 2014 | Permalink |

    I may have so many of you beat. I have been seeing this MM (off and on) for 13 to 14 years now. Not months but years. I approached him; at work, some years ago. I fell for him and I thought he fell for me too. He will never leave his wife (family) for me or anyone; so I have heard him say to me before. The sex is outstanding. The man himself is awesome. He is strong, positive, caring, and more but he does belong to someone else. And the reality is that he will never belong to me. I have told him goodbye before and he has pushed me away before; but, in some way, he and I were back again. I feel like crap. I have three children of my own and he has two with his wife. I was pregnant twice; with his children and he begged and begged for me not to have them. He told me that his marriage would be over if I did. Stupid me did not have them. It seems that I have more respect for his marriage then respect for myself. I care about him a lot but I know that I have wasted so much of my life on a wish or dream that I know will never come true for me.

  • Janelle
    September 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    First off, women who become involved with MM are not uneducated, unattractive, and I feel most do not suffer from low self-esteem. Sometimes things just happen and a woman can unexpectedly find herself in a situation with a MM. I think it’s just a good idea to not judge women who find themselves in these situations because you don’t know the situation that presented nor their reasons for doing so.

    Second, probably more times than not, the “side chick” gets the best of the MM, and I think this is a major sore spot for MW. I know that’s not something MW want to hear, but it’s the truth. And, I understand and empathize with a MW feelings about the deception of the extra-marital affair, but it’s the MM doing the deceiving, not the woman.

  • Tom
    September 16, 2014 | Permalink |

    I had an affair with a much younger woman, who I met at work, of course. I was 51 she was 28. I was married, for 20 years, to an alcoholic with all the usual issues; my lover had a complicated childhood relationship with her parents ( daddy issues? Sure). I was in a senior management position that she indirectly supported. It started purely sexual. And the sex was fantastic, for both of us. Really. It became emotional. I wasn’t willing to leave my wife as I was deeply concerned for her emotional welfare as she had threatened suicide before. Our adult children’s do extended family were/are extremely important to me. My lover got tired of waiting and always being second place and although we didn’t have a clear conversation about it, she took a job in another state which, at the time, I supported because I know it’s the right and natural thing for her to do. Now she has met an age-appropriate single man and is aiming toward marriage and kids ( which I can not have). I am heartbroken. I feel like the love of my life is gone and I know, intellectually, it’s the right the right thing for her. But the pain is real and seemingly endless. Just a word of warning to all the 50-something alphas out there: it ain’t worth it. The pain is real, you’re wasting her precious time, and if you have any integrity at all you’ll end it before it begins. Karma’ same bitch man. It ain’t free.

  • Dimple
    September 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’m dating a married man for about 3 weeks, I already loved him. But after reading all the conversations above, I felt guilty. Im so scared now, dont know what to do, he married for 7yrs and had a 2 daughters aged 2 and 7. Pls advice me what I must need to do, im confused now. Im single aged 23 and his already 42.

  • Elsie
    September 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    Am in love with my mm and am too week to back out. Am losing my mind.

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