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Am I a Lesbian? 20 Clues to Know the Truth Without Asking Around

am i a lesbian

No one sign defines whether you are a lesbian. If you are asking the question, am I a lesbian, the answer lies in your heart.

If we all want to be honest, there are times when we find ourselves attracted to people of the same sex. Sometimes a bit confusing, deep inside we hope that it is just a personality thing and that two people have a special chemistry that elicits the same attractive feelings without it meaning anything about our sexuality or sexual orientation.

If it happens more than just once, or once in a while, however, you might have to stop and ask yourself, am I a lesbian?

Of course, the times have absolutely changed. In my day, no one came out of the closet until they were well out of high school, and often not until we met back up at the ten-year reunion.

In fact, the ten-year reunion seemed to be a mixture of those who were married, successful, and most of all, gay. Thank God things have changed and we are all much more accepting about people’s differences.

Signs you might be a lesbian – In the closet or out

Accepting the fact that you like people of the same sex is not an easy thing. Sometimes you have the feeling for as long as you remember, but you suppress it. But for others, you are a late bloomer and so confused about the entire gender, guy/girl thing that you don’t give it much thought.

Then, one day you wake up, look around, and you haven’t ever really found yourself attracted to a boy, or worse yet, you find yourself primarily attracted to the same sex. [Read: Is she a lesbian? 6 clear signs to know for sure]

The signs that answer the question, am I a lesbian, are not always clear. Some people are lesbians. Some people find themselves sexually attracted to both sexes, while some even like objects. The reasons that people fall in love with other people is still a mystery to even the most prestigious scientists, with homosexuality being an even bigger mystery.

There is no magic litmus test to answering the question, am I a lesbian? In totality, if you aren’t sure, then it is probably about adding up various signs and going with what your heart, instead of what your head tells you.

Here are some answers to the question, am I a lesbian?

#1 Your best friends tend to be a little more affectionate than the average bear. Some girls are just more touchy-feely than others. We know them, don’t we? They are the ones who flirt with both sexes.

It is okay to have some flirty friends, but if all you have are the kind that provides you physical intimacy, then you might want to think about what attracts you to them. [Read: Am I lesbian or bisexual? How to understand your true desires]

#2 You have a tendency to be very possessive of a girl you are attracted to. We all have a problem when our bestie starts hanging out with the pyramid chick who ruins the groove. But, if you find yourself so possessive that you are positively pissed about their relationship and will do anything to end it, then you should probably check yourself and your true feelings for your “friend.”

#3 You fantasize about women. It isn’t that fantasizing about another woman at times makes you gay… that makes you human. But, if you are only aroused when you think about women sexually, then it might be a sign that you are gay. Some things turn us all on, but if you find that you have one preference only, then that might be telling you something. [Read: A straight girl’s views on the seduction of lesbian porn]

#4 You don’t find guys or their male parts, enticing. Okay, so guys’ parts aren’t always as sensual and beautiful. But, if you don’t find anything sexy about a man, then that might be a red flag.

#5 Your family is very against being homosexual. Sometimes we suppress our feelings because we know that the people in our lives wouldn’t be understanding or accepting of the way that we feel.

If you have a deeply religious, or anti-gay family, then you may be keeping your feelings hidden out of reprisal without even knowing it. [Read: 9 sure ways to tell if you’re really bi-curious]

#6 You have felt different for as long as you can remember. Typically, when someone is a homosexual, they have feelings that are different from others their age, especially during puberty. If you have always felt different from other girls about boys and your attraction to them, then that might be your inner voice telling you something you should listen to.

#7 You get girl crushes that seem to be more intense, and then they return. All girls get crushes on other girls at times in relationships. It is totally normal to have a “womance” once in a while.

If, however, you find yourself perpetually shifting from one crush to another without any guys in the middle, then it might be time to consider it is more than just a friend thing, and it is a sexual one.

#8 You have experimented so many times that it is no longer technically “experimentation.” Experimenting with homosexuality is not only something that some people find exciting, it is not that abnormal.

If your experimentation has become your norm, then it is safe to say that the experiment has ended, and you have found the results of your laboratory test. [Read: What it means to have a lesbian fantasy as a straight woman]

#9 You have a part on a woman that just makes your heart go pitter-patter. If you find that you are butt, a boob, or foot lover, and fixated on a special body part attached to the female gender, then it might be time to stop asking the question, am I a lesbian. Finding the female body attractive is TOTALLY normal, we are sexy, but if you are fixated on something sexual about a woman, then it may be a bigger sign.

#10 You have a “type.” If blondes drive you wild and make your heart soar, then it might be something more than just a “thing.” Having a type of friend that you like hanging out with like someone who is snarky or sarcastic makes sense.

Liking girls because they are tall, blond, and beautiful, isn’t really about a friendship, because there is a physical attraction, not an emotional one, driving it.

#11 You would rather spend your time getting to know a girl friend than a guy. If you would rather spend your time belly up to a bar getting to know the girl who is next to you, than the guy who just bought you a drink *assuming he is hot*, then you might want to take a look and see if it is an isolated incident or if there is something more behind it. [Read: 15 ridiculous lesbian myths that you probably still believe]

#12 At the end of the night, you seem to be the only one who hasn’t hooked up. Okay, so you aren’t a slut, and you think that your friends are way too promiscuous. Part of growing up is having some encounters of the physical kind.

You don’t have to have a long list of one night stands on your bed post, but if you find that you haven’t ever just let yourself loose with a guy and thrown caution to the wind, then there may be some sexual tension missing and a reason why.

#13 With the exception of a couple one night stands, you find guys not all that awesome. In the other respect, if you find that you have nothing but notches on your bed post and can’t wait for the one night stand to exit in the morning, then you might be conquering guys to prove that you can, and that you aren’t gay. Sometimes it is what we do the most where we find most about who we are.

#14 You feel uncomfortable talking to girls because you don’t feel on the same page. If you find yourself sitting back from a group of girls because you are afraid to let something out that feels secretive about your sexuality, then you might want to think about why you are so afraid of what people think and why you think anyone would judge you either way. [Read: How do lesbians have sex? 10 truths about girl on girl sex]

#15 When your friends get all giddy about guys you don’t get it. If you haven’t ever had that feeling about a first crush with a guy or puppy love with one, but you have a girl, then that might be a sign.

Some people are just more immature, so not falling in love yet doesn’t make you gay. Not even wanting to or having an interest in men might mean something more.

#16 You try to convince yourself out of the thought that you might be gay. If you have a feeling you are gay and keep trying to talk yourself out of it, then stop trying to talk yourself out of it and see where it takes you.

#17 People have continually questioned your sexuality. If you have a lot of people questioning your sexuality, then maybe they see something you don’t. It may be time to have a real heart to heart to find out why they have the opinion they do. They might be able to explain things about you that you aren’t ready to see or recognize. [Read: The best of both worlds? How to date a bisexual woman]

#18 You get tingly when you have a girl crush and want it to go farther. Having a girl crush is normal, wanting to continually act on it, reach over and grab them, or kiss their lips, is not the actions of someone who doesn’t have lesbian tendencies.

#19 You prefer girl on girl porn only. It isn’t that you can’t get turned on when you watch lesbian porn, hey, sometimes sex is sex. But, if you find that the only way you get turned on is when watching girls on girls, then it might be a signal. [Read: All the reasons why lesbian porn is way hotter than straight porn]

#20 You know in your heart that something isn’t right. If you are reading this and asking the question, am I a lesbian, then that might be the biggest sign. Constantly searching for answers outside of your own feelings sometimes means that you aren’t ready to accept what you already know in your heart.

One crush or experimental incident with another girl doesn’t make you a lesbian. In fact, if there is a woman out there who says they have never been attracted to another female, they would be lying. The truth is that women have a sensuality and sexuality that is attractive to both genders. [Read: How to know if you are gay – all the signs you can’t ignore]

The key to answering the question, am I a lesbian, is being open to what your heart tells you, and involves not being afraid to find the true answer no matter what it does. If while looking over the list almost all the items described you, it might help you answer your question.

We are who we are; we love who we love. Chemistry is a wondrous and miraculous thing. If you are a lesbian, then stop denying who you are and worrying about what people will think.

[Read: Lesbian love – What’s it’s really like to date a woman]

In the end, the only person who can answer the question, am I a lesbian, is you. If you find love, whether it is lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual love, you are better off than most.

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Julie Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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