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Why Men Love a Damsel in Distress

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There’s something about a helpless girl that men can’t resist. But why is that and how can you use this? Find out why men love a damsel in distress. By Ron Roberson

men love damsel in distress | men like damsel in distress

Most women hate a damsel in distress.

Men on the other hand, can’t help falling for damsels in distress.

For men, it’s just inevitable.

Every time a man sees a pretty lass who needs help, a slob of a man turns into a chivalrous knight in shining armor.

Well, at least until he’s made enough of an impression to make her fall for him.

While much of the courting game of dating and falling in love depends on mutual attraction, there’s another secret force that most men and women don’t think about – the evaluation of desirability.

Do you really like a guy or does he really like you?

How badly do you want to go out with this person?

Answering these questions to yourself will help you understand and evaluate someone you meet as a potential date.

Why men love a damsel in distress

While courting, women like to be treated with care and respect. Men like to be treated like men.

When either sex experiences these emotions while spending time with a particular member of the opposite sex, they end up inevitably desiring the person even if there isn’t any mutual attraction to begin with.

Understand this little truth and the whole case of the damsel in distress will start to make sense to anyone.

Damsels in distress make a man feel like a real man

Throughout evolution, men have always been the protectors. Recent decades may have subdued a man and his protective streak, but his urge to be the defender and the protector of all things good still gives him a rush like no other. Why else do you think men love playing gory video games where they play the lead character? It makes them feel good. When a man sees a woman who needs help, he instinctively feels the urge to help her.

Damsels are easily approachable

Men approach women almost all the time in the dating field. When a man finds a situation where a woman needs help, he understands two things. One, he instinctively wants to help her. And secondly, she’s going to be easily approachable and perhaps even grateful for his help. And all men love women who are easily approachable.

[Read: Why men like the chase]

A man’s ego swells when he helps a girl

When a man helps a woman, shows off his brute strength to her and gets thanked for it, he feels good about the whole thing. He feels more powerful and happy, knowing that he was able to impress a woman with his abilities. And when a man feels good about himself, he’ll obviously like the damsel in distress who helped him feel better about himself.

Men stay longer in a relationship when they feel like men

Men like to wear the pants in the relationship. And even if they don’t wear the pants, they want to feel like they do. With their epic egos and innate trait to protect, they want to feel like they are the driving force of the relationship.

When a man is in a relationship with a woman who behaves like she needs his protection and help, he’s always on guard when he’s with her. He instinctively becomes protective and feels more like a man. [Read: How men think about relationships]

Being in a relationship with a woman who wants him and needs him is every man’s fantasy. He feels like a man, he puts on his best behavior, and everyone wins.

But at the same time, there’s a thin line between needing a man and being needy. Get this wrong, and you could do more damage to the relationship than good.

HOW TO BE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS WHO’S NOT NEEDY

It’s easy to be the woman that you are, and yet make your man feel like a real man. Just use these tips, and you’ll definitely make him appreciate you and feel great about himself. [Read: How to flirt with a guy the easy way]

Remember that men love an independent woman. But they feel terrible about themselves when their woman doesn’t need them at all. You may be perfectly capable of handling everything in your life, but ask a man for a manly helping hand now and then and he’ll feel good about it.

Ask him to help you in a man’s job

Are you having trouble carrying something heavy? Do you need help fixing a car, or perhaps a door hinge? Or are you feeling nervous to walk down the street after dusk? Ask a man for help.

A man likes helping a woman when he feels like he’s doing a superior job. Make him assume there’s no way you could ever have made it through without his help and his ego will swell. He’ll definitely feel more like a man around you. And yes, he’ll like you for it.

Thank him and don’t forget that flirty smile

While men absolutely love helping a woman in need, they are put off by women who can’t be grateful for it. If you ask a guy to help you, but don’t really show your appreciation, he may just avoid helping you or may even ignore you. No one likes being taken for granted, especially a man.

Always thank a man and compliment him when he helps you. Complimenting a man with a flirty smile and a twinkle in your eyes will definitely make his heart skip a beat. And he’ll be more than happy to help you out again.

Show off your independence

If you’re dating a guy, don’t play the damsel in distress all the time. Ask him for some manly help when he’s around. But when he isn’t with you, don’t call him over and ask him to help you out unless you really do need his help. By letting him know that you’re completely capable of running your own life effortlessly without his help, he’d respect you more. A man always loves an independent woman who doesn’t really need him, but wants him. [Read: How to think like a man and impress him]

Drawing the line

Ask him for his help and assistance with the manly jobs, but do it only occasionally. He may love a damsel in distress, but he definitely doesn’t need an overdose of machismo. If he sees you carrying something heavy with difficulty and immediately jumps up to help you, he’s still happy with the damsel in distress in you.

But if he doesn’t budge to help you, he’s either a slob or you’ve been asking him too many favors recently. Asking a man too many favors can disgruntle him. So always remember the thin line. [Read: How to seduce a man who's not yours]

Play the damsel in distress and make him feel like a man, and he’ll love you for it. Play needy and make him feel like your slave, and he’ll hate you for it.

[Read: What men like in women more than anything else]

And now that you know why men love a damsel in distress, go on and make some guy’s day. You’ll get the manly help you need, and he’ll feel a lot better about himself. And somewhere along the way, he’ll start to fall in love with you too!


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Have your say!
  • Richard
    June 6, 2012 | Permalink |

    For almost as long as I can remember, I’ve always been attracted to girls who behave like girls, you know, the kind that smiles and laughs, and behaves in a manner that’s more fragile than guys. But these days, many girls have turned into real feminists who believe a woman should be considered just as strong as men.

    Now I’m a guy who’s all for equality of the sexes, and I’ve always believed that. But I just think both sexes are good at a few things and bad at a few things. For men, it’s brute strength. For women, their strength is creativity and dexterity.

    Why can’t we stop trying to change the way we were all created and just live our roles to perfection instead of trying to reverse roles. Guys always like helping girls because they like protecting them.

    And it’s a big fact that guys are more drawn to girls who ask for help. It’s almost immediate really. If an attractive girl asks a guy for help, he’ll almost always like her immediately, especially if she smiles a lot and is warm towards the guy.

  • Tanskii
    August 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m sorry but being a feminist is much more complex than what you are insinuating. I love the fact that my boyfriend is a gentleman, stronger and makes me feel safe, but I am opposed to the patriarchal society and massive injustices women face.

    There has been change in attitudes and perspectives and you just have to come to terms with this. It doesn’t make a woman less of a feminist to like being looked after, but then women shouldn’t be passive creatures in order to be seen as attractive.

  • Jesse D.
    September 19, 2012 | Permalink |

    Wow, this is dead on. This is great advice for females. You see folks there’s something called the YIN and YANG…one has certain traits, with a bit of the other’s traits, and the other has certain traits, with a small bit of the other’s traits, that balance the each other out. So it’s the same in relationships…I, a man with a large number of masculine qualities (direct, honest, confident) and a small amount of feminine traits (sensitive, vibrant, and a good listener), MELT when I see a girl play with her hair, giggle, talk like a baby around me, and ask for random hugs. I in turn, feel big, strong, and protective (NOT NEEDY, CONTROLLING, OR INSECURE) You see, the feminine energy feeds the masculine energy?

    So people can talk about the man being big and bad and controlling acting like a neanderthal when trying to act like a dominant (AGAIN NOT INSECURE or a meathead) man in a healthy relationship, but in reality the women is really in control. She’s feeding the man’s energy with her feminine acts.

  • Stacy
    October 13, 2012 | Permalink |

    What do you do if it’s a guy working in a bank? And the only time you see him is when you’re there at the bank? Does asking him for help with bank related stuff count & help the guy want you?

  • Temperance
    December 11, 2012 | Permalink |

    I agree with Tanskii. For me, being strong doesn’t mean I could beat up someone who tries to attack me, but that I can take care of myself. I don’t need a guy to make money, own a home, or be respected in society.

    The role if guys has changed as well. I find it extremely attractive when a guy can do his own laundry and cook for himself. If the female chooses to cook and clean in a relationship, that’s fine, but she shouldn’t be expected to because of her gender.

    Women are no longer scared and submissive housewives that only raise kids, and men are no longer emotionless money makers that come home from work, kick their feet up, and are served like royalty. That’s the difference. Flipping ones hair and flirting is irrelevant.

  • confused
    January 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    Where does that put women who are not materialistic or needy but NEED our men? I have always HAD to take care of things for myself and children because I couldn’t depend on the men. I don’t know how to be a damsel in distress but wish I could :(

    Ive never had a man I could depend on or who was able to “help” me. Financially. I can’t wait until I can be the helpmeet I’m designs to be and not do everything myself and be misunderstood with my “independent” attitude :(

  • Amy
    April 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    I can relate pretty much to this. I am an independent woman who has her own life and can take great care of herself but I am also a loving affectionate girlfriend and I am dependent every now and then on my man for some little help and support and he just simply loves that about me! He told me that I make him feel deeply loved and cared, at the same time he wants to offer the same to me because he knows I want and need him :) .

  • Maya
    May 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    I really like this boy in my tutor group at school and we flirt all the time, here is my problem
    i really want to ask him out but am worried if i mess it up everyone in my tutor group will think i am a weird despo
    is there a way i can get him to ask me out in just a few sentences or actions????

  • Kathryn
    May 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    I thought some of this article was ok until I got to the “ask you to help him In a man’s job” bit. Any self respecting woman would not placate a man’s ego by rendering herself incapable in his eyes. Likewise, any self-respecting man wouldn’t need such a sorry attempt at an ego-boost in the first place.
    Real men don’t want to be falsely perceived at being superior to females. What they do want is to feel needed. Men are usually helpful and protective by nature, and generally don’t like feeling useless, so being with a woman who never asks for or accepts help can be harmful to their masculinity. But you’re talking about ego, not masculinity. Real men don’t help because they think women are weak. They help because they can and because they’re chivalrous by nature.

  • A Guy
    May 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    You know, I find this quite accurate. That swelling feeling of pride at being able to aid a woman is great; Especially when one is attracted to said woman, and wants to be appreciated. It is a great feeling to know you were of some help to the object of your affection – for a true man, it’s not about ego, it’s about chivalry.

  • Carmel
    August 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    ” for a true man, it’s not about ego, it’s about chivalry.”–A GUY
    @A GUY, if it were about ‘chivalry’, men would hold doors open for women these days, if it’s ‘not about ego’, like you said. No, most men let the door slam in our faces because …it’s not about chivalry, you want women to have nothing while you have everything & everything is set on your terms. If you are the only one with the money, the home, the career, the this, the that, then you are the one who is setting all the terms & making all the rules. As long as the woman has no leg to stand on she will be beholden to you. That is your fantasy-to be the king, and probably have women as servants and bed wenches, catering to your every need. That is the male fantasy you speak of, but of course it sounds better when you say “I just want to be needed”.
    Don’t you men think we know this routine? And then there a many men who start to abuse the woman once he has all the money, and of course the woman will stay because she has no money to leave. I have been in that situation so I had to learn the hard way. Once I relinquished my own security so that he could feel “needed”, I got abused. I won’t do it again and I advise other women to think “carefully” before putting so much trust in these males. Keep your jobs so you can keep your own money coming in. You don’t want to be caught in trouble & have no money. It’s horrible. No man is worth that. Keep your money.

  • James
    September 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am not surprised by Tanskii. You can tell she is the product of the complex modern feminism. She would not be someone guys would be drawn to instinctively if using the male protective instinct as criteria.

  • Denny
    October 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    Wow Carmel. You need to heal up before you start handing out irrelevant, angry, and frankly downright wrong advice.

    A GUY was right – for real men it’s about chivalry: being a good person who stands up for his values and doesn’t back down in the face of adversity. It’s about being the protector – taking the blows that life can deal so that a loved one doesn’t have to, and still being able to wear a genuine smile and hold our heads up high. Men with an inflated ego can still chivalrous, but if you carelessly bruise or damage that ego then they’re not all that inclined to be chivalrous to you. Men with a more balanced approach and a normal ego can take a few licks from you and still be chivalrous. Get it?

    I don’t know what kind of “men” you’ve been around, but I always hold the door open, for my lady and others as well – nobody needs it, really, but I like to. In fact, when I’m dating, if the girl doesn’t let me hold the door open or gets that “irritated feminist” vibe from it, like I’m somehow belittling her or degrading her by showing a little chivarly – the date’s over, frankly.

    A good man doesn’t abuse anyone, period. And good men can still have big and/or easily bruised egos (it’s the same thing) – it stems from our insecurities, really. Good men can still have insecurities. We’re human. What we want from our women is to help us get rid of those insecurities (make us feel like a man!), instead of exposing them.

  • Denny
    October 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    And I also want to chime in on the talk about needing your men vs. being needy.

    How much your man can take without feeling like you are being “needy” is probably the measure of a man you should use. He won’t use that, or really be conscious of that line even, but you should be.

    If you need/want more from your man, and he’s reached the point where he’s irritated because you’re being “needy”, he’s not man enough for you. Maybe you really do need a lot from a man than the average woman – that might be the case, but don’t settle. It’ll only leave you disappointed and constantly feeling like you need more in the relationship. You’ll always be trying to fool yourself into thinking you’re content. It won’t work. You’ll be unhappy, and he’ll subconsciously pick up on the problem, too, and it will bother him, because he’s being exposed as not being man enough, which is an insecurity every man has.

    Don’t settle. If you’re being “needy” – it’s not you, it’s him. Find a man who can handle you.

  • Anastassia
    November 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    I totally agree with the article. Those girls that get angered by it are lying to themselves. In some ways women are weaker and much more vulnrable than men which any decent man knows. And also any good man knows that this is why he should help and protect the woman. I for one find absolutely NOTHING wrong with that – in fact its very attractive. Just as it is attractive to any strong and chivalrous man if a woman can show her soft fragile side to him. If somebody then uses the womans fragility against her in order to abuse and control her then that shows you he is in fact a very weak individual and not a decent human being at all. Yes things should be equal but its not equal when women act like big burly men – in fact its quite chauvenistic of those women towards other women when they (wrongly) assume that women and men are entirely equal. Would they have a pregnant woman run around with a rifle in war? Would they have a heavily menstruating woman operate heavy machinery?! No! Men are built to be protectors and theu are biologically built to help us and we should be damn happy about it and encourage it otherwise we wiuld live in constant pain and agony.

  • Lola
    March 29, 2014 | Permalink |

    Boy, does this article throw a few red flags. All this talk about chivalry and good manners, but with two immediate stipulations:

    1) the object of male chivalry must be physically attractive
    2) the object of male chivalry must be appropriately grateful

    Now, if I go to Wikipedia for the word “chivalry”, the definition comes as follows:

    “The Knight’s Code of Chivalry was a moral and honorable system that stated all knights should protect others who can not protect themselves, such as widows, children, and elders.”

    Now, as far as I understand this system relied on the internal feeling of “NEEDING TO DO THE RIGHT THING” and “BEING JUST”. In no way has it implied that the knights required being entertained by an eye candy or having their ego stroked by the lavish declarations of gratitude for simply doing what they believed to be the right thing to do. It was all about the INTERNAL motivation, not the immediate external rewards.

    Now, it seems that in the modern age people have completely twisted and perverted this moral code. If you are helping out a pretty woman in need in the hopes of, frankly speaking, potentially getting sexual favours (or even simple ego stroking) as a way of her gratitude, you are NOT in any way being chivalrous. You are being manipulative and egotistical, trying to obtain the immediate rewards for your actions. You are NOT doing what is right for the sake of doing what is right. Stop abusing the world “chivalry”!

    Just be honest and use the words “courting rituals” or, even more precisely, “mating games” to describe your actions. Getting rid of self-delusions will set you free.

    And if I haven’t convinced you yet? Here is the simple test to solve it:

    - You are driving late at night in the middle of November. It is really cold and raining heavily. It is an abandoned type of road. Suddenly, you see two groups of hitchhikers ahead. They are as following:

    a) on the right, there is a Pamela Anderson’s (21-year-old )look-alike, dressed in Prada, pouting her bright pink lips and flicking her long blond hair off her face, with a cute little pink umbrella to protect her from the rain
    b) on the left, there are two shabbily-dressed elderly, foreign-looking women, with two heavy suitcases and a little boy who keeps coughing and wiping at his nose with his sleeve because he is all wet, dripping and obviously is catching a cold from this weather.

    Now, provided that you can only fit in one pair, answer honestly to yourself: which one of them will end up in your car?

    If you picked answer A, guess what, you just discarded the “widows, children and elderly”. You, sir, are NO knight!!!

    (And please do not even start me on the whole “women are so much weaker than men” topic. I have known quite a few female soldiers, including several of my close relatives, and they often were more successful at the military career than many of the male team members they started out with. The only reason we do not see more female success in military is because, due to the diminished capacity for the testosterone, women do not ENJOY the violence as much as men often do, certainly not because they are weak or less capable.
    And for those of you who immediately jump up and say that not all men like violence – yes, the majority of them do. Most men enter a fight simply because they enjoy the process of fighting. Most women enter a fight only because they only have one goal – to win.)

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