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Why Do Men Like a Chase?

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Understanding the rules of a romantic chase is crucial in a dating game between the sexes. So why do men like a chase? Or do they? Find out here. By the Super Kitty

why do men like a chase

For a long time, women have always been told to play hard to get.

And for just as long, men have known that women like to be chased.

But in recent years, most women have completely misunderstood the chase.

Many women wonder why they’re making a guy chase them even when they’re actually totally in love with the guy themselves.

Most women have been told that men like a chase. But then again, why do men like a chase?

To excel in the game of dating, you really need to understand the whys before you blindly follow something that’s been passed from one woman’s ear to another.

So why do men like a chase?

Now it’s clear from the title of this feature that men like a chase, but why is that?

There are a lot of reasons where a good chase can help you and we’ll get to all of that here.

But you have to keep this in your mind no matter what. If you don’t want to make a man chase you because you’re already madly in love with him, then skip the chase.

Do what your heart tells you, because I wouldn’t want you to lose a great boyfriend material because you made him run around in circles for far too long.

What I’m going to tell you here are the benefits of a chase, and how it can actually help you and better the prospective relationship. And the really good part, in this feature I’ll tell you how to make the chase work in your favor and make the guy fall so madly in love with you, it’ll hurt him to even let you go.

So are you ready for a real chase?

Men think they hate a chase, but they really don’t!

Ever heard men complaining that they hate the chase and they just can’t stand a woman who plays hard to get? Well, they probably don’t realize it themselves, but all guys love a good chase. Chasing a wonderful woman who knows how to make a guy chase her is every guy’s dream. And I’ll tell you how to be that special woman here.

Men like chasing women for two primary reasons, for their ego and to actually understand if they want the girl. But the real reason behind why a woman plays hard to get and makes the men chase her is entirely different.

Why men chase – Men like the chase for their ego

Men are competitive, they always have been. They know that a great girl gets all the attention in the world.

Every great guy wants to go out with a great girl. So when a lot of great guys try to woo her and date her, she obviously has a lot of options. The great girl then evaluates the odds and sees which guy likes her a lot more than the others, and also tests her compatibility at the same time. So what guys call a chase isn’t really a chase, it’s the girl’s way of weighing the odds and picking one who seems more determined and willing to prove his love for her.

So when a great guy finally emerges as a winner, he’d obviously know he’s better than all the other guys. Now that’s a huge boner in his ego, and he feels like he’s just won a big prize. But if you don’t have a lot of options in hand, don’t throw the poor fella around just because someone told you so! If a man sees competition, he automatically flips the ego chase switch on, so don’t try to force a chase for the wrong reasons.

[Read: How to increase your sex appeal]

Why men chase – It helps them realize how important the girl is

Men fall in love in stages. The first thing they do is make the girl fall in love with them before they even consider whether they should fall back in love with her. All they care at first is about getting the girl to like them. This is the tricky part of a man’s mind that you really need to understand. [Read: The seven stages of love for men]

If you’re too easy to get, he may wonder if he deserves someone better. But if you do end up kissing him on the first date or even having sex with him, just don’t worry about it. The chase only helps you evaluate a dating potential. If you’re certain that both of you like each other already, just take the plunge!

The intensity of the chase

You may try to make a man chase you around for a few weeks, but if he doesn’t really like you or think you’re to-die-for, he may just get bored and walk away halfway through the chase. And you’d look like an idiot when you turn around with a flirty smile and see that the guy’s long gone.

The intensity of a man’s chase depends on how madly in love he is with you. If you really do like a guy who’s pursuing you, then take it easy on him. But if you’re unsure if you like a guy back or wondering if he’s just trying to get into your pants, play hard to get and see if he sticks around.

Should women play hard to get?

In a general scenario, women should definitely play hard to get. It makes a guy value the relationship more and helps him understand your worth. And if he values the relationship, he’ll think less about cheating on you or walking out, and spend more time on pleasing you. [Read: The right way to meet the one]

How to make the chase work for you?

If you want to have a successful relationship with a dating potential, don’t commit to him, at least at the beginning. Don’t tell him that you’re falling for him or that you miss him. When he realizes that he’s made a deep impression on you, he’ll start taking it easy and call the shots instead of trying to woo you.

To give him a chase that he’ll enjoy, every now and then, give him a happy moment out of the blue that’ll give him a boost of renewed vigor to pursue you with more intensity. A happy text out of the blue or a kiss when he least expects it are great starters to let him know that you appreciate his wooing and are slowly starting to fall for him too.

Don’t pursue him back if he lets go of you after a while. Most guys assume that a chase is a game played by the book when it really isn’t. Once a guy knows the girl is interested in him and was only playing hard to get, he’ll start throwing his weight around her.

If a guy genuinely likes you and isn’t trying to get into your pants, he definitely wouldn’t be thinking of turning the tables of the chase just when he’s about to get the girl. [Read: Different ways to end a date]

The successful chase strategy for women

If a guy is really interested in dating you for who you are and not to win you as a prize to satiate his ego or to get into your pants, he will definitely try his best to win your heart. [Read: How to get to know someone on a date]

When you ignore a guy or treat him badly, it isn’t called a chase. It’s a stupid ploy that never works. Respect the man who pursues you and be nice to him. Thank him and appreciate what he does for you. He’ll like you even more.

The Super Kitty Chase

If you want to have a successful chase, go out with him and date him with all the excitement and enthusiasm you have in your heart. Let him even know that you’re happy to spend time with him.

Always remember to always stop one step short of what he wants. But give him a glimmer of hope that’s one step higher than the last time the both of you went out. Don’t get it? If you’ve clasped his hand on the first date, allow him to hold your palm on the second. If you’ve exchanged a little peck on the lips on the third date, share a bit more on the next date. It doesn’t matter if you’ve started with just a smile, every now and then, share just a bit more even if you’ve not been on a date with him just yet. It’ll let him know that the relationship is evolving slowly, and it’ll help him realize that you’re starting to like him a lot too. [Read: How to know if you are in love]

If you’re younger and still aren’t ready for kisses and nights in bed, take it slower. If you’ve hugged each other, allow him to hold your hand for a few seconds. If you’ve clasped hands for a few seconds, hold it a bit longer. If you’ve held hands, give him a small kiss on the cheek. But always remember to take it to the next little level only if he does something special for you.

This may not be your typical definition of a chase, but in fact, this is the only way to play the game of a chase between men and women. By taking it slowly, you’re ensuring that the guy you’re dating isn’t just trying to get into your pants. At the same time, by slowing down the progress, you’re slowly giving each of you a chance to completely fall in love with each other without rushing through the steps and letting sexual attraction and lust cloud your judgment.

Sex always has a way of complicating things, so unless you’ve ended up having sex on the first couple of dates, keep your mind clear of everything but love, sexual chemistry and the happiness you feel when it’s just the both of you.

[Read: Signs he’s into you]

Why the Super Kitty Chase will always work in your favor

Several studies has shown that a relationship that has a longer courting time where two people like each other but haven’t taken the plunge into a romantic relationship yet has a better chance of lasting for a very long time.

By playing hard to get, and yet letting him feel the satisfaction of having progressed on every date that he’s planned for you, you’re ensuring that the attraction isn’t just sexual in nature, and you’re making him fall slowly in love with you instead of just looking for ways to impress you.

Don’t blindly play the chasing game and assume chasing a guy away works because someone said so. Understand why something works and think about it, because that’s the only way to really understand why we do what we do, especially when it comes to relationships where second chances are so difficult to come by.

[Read: Is he really the one for you?]

Try this chase the next time you’re dating a new guy. Both of you will really understand where the relationship is heading. And you’ll realize that it always works in your favor. So why do men like a chase? Well, now you know, don’t you?


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Have your say!
  • Daniella Her
    May 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    this is a terrible article. it does not get to the point at all.

  • G-bomb
    June 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    I disagree with the previous comment. This is very good information. I also think that there’s a lot of veracity to the statement “But in recent years, most women have completely misunderstood the chase.”

    What I didn’t really “get” was the part about the “Super Kitty Chase”. Why is it called that? What does it mean? Who’s the cat here? Please flesh that out more so that I can understand it.

  • John
    July 29, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m a guy and I don’t know how I got to this article, but after reading it, all I can say is that I truly hate the chase. As soon as I see a woman who wants me to chase her, I just move on. Why? because there is plenty of fish in the sea and that does not mean I target the easy ones. It just means I’m not really willing to chase anybody. I guess that’s why I’m still single at 35 after having all the other things in life (nice house, nice car, nice job, nice body, etc).
    -Unconventional Guy.

  • Millie
    July 29, 2012 | Permalink |

    John you are probably just in it to score the hot women why not try the cute ones instead..Sex isnt everything!!

  • Lydia R.
    August 3, 2012 | Permalink |

    i hate when you just want to be friends with a guy that likes you, but they just can’t get it and think your trying to play hard to get. i guess being mysterious on some level is good, but guys don’t eally get stuff that isn’t said outright.

  • Guitar Guy
    August 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    Well, here’s a guy who truly, honestly hates the chase.

    Women already require us to be mind readers, we need to just somehow know whether they are interested or not. Then they play uninterested… so I just give up because I don’t want to be the clingy guy they always complain about.

  • Creative Guy
    August 11, 2012 | Permalink |

    I also hate the chase. When a woman doesn’t make it clear if she is interested or not, she is playing games and not being honest. How am I supposed to tell the difference between a woman who is playing hard to a get vs a woman who just sees me a friend? It’s a waste if time. Like others said, if a woman doesn’t demonstrate she is interested, I move on.

  • d.rex
    August 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    This is paragraph after paragraph of the biggest load of crap I ever read. Who believes this BS?

    Why do men love going to strip clubs? Is it because the women in there make men chase them?

    No, men don’t want to date strippers… Men want to marry them!!!

    Men do not like the “chase.” I don’t ask women out any more. When they talk to me, I just ignore them, because I’m very weary of the pointless “chase” that inevitably follows. It’s not worth the wasted time, effort, & money when I have more constructive things I can be doing before I die.

  • Jordan
    August 27, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am a guy… I am not a pervert or player… Whoever wrote this is setting you up for failure… If you make me chase you and your Yoni is not the best I have ever had I will, I guarantee, that I will move on to the next woman… you will lose for making me play games… Women outnumber men 3 to 1 food for thought…

  • ching zurita
    August 28, 2012 | Permalink |

    Just want to know what will be your comment on this statement: Will you continue seeing or dating somebody even if you know there is no hope to be together?

  • Henry
    August 31, 2012 | Permalink |

    Chasing girls doesn’t make me want them more, it just shows me they are selfish, entitled and spoiled. Humans hunt animals in past to eat them for food. Its during this time that most marriages were setup by the village. The village elder will assign the man his wife.

  • James
    September 1, 2012 | Permalink |

    All men subconsciously love a good chase! Relationships become so dull without it.

  • M
    September 2, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m also a guy that HATES the chase. Game chasing is for little GIRLS not grown up LADIES!! I hate it when women want guys to do this and that, try and read their minds act as though she’s not interested but she is and guys are somehow just supposed to automatically pick up on that. NO!!!! Women need to show that they are interested with a pretty obvious SIGN, quit the game playin after especially after college and like age 26-to mid 30′s, grow up, act like ladies (not little GIRLS). If women don’t clearly show some kind of interest I think most men are like s*rew that we will just move on. I agree with Henry’s comment: “it just shows they are selfish, (think they are ) entitled and spoiled”.

  • bright_guy22
    September 10, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am a guy and I hate the chase. Since I am one of many males making that point, it shows how wrong the article is. It was obviously written by a girl who craves attention. I hate attention whores. The tactics in this article would lead me to believe the girl carrying them out is either nuts or ugly on the inside (not honest). No thanks.

  • Clevur guy
    September 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am astonished how many men say they hate the chase. I am 37 divorced and dating for the last few years. I like the chase. I used to hate it until I understood what it was. I don’t want girls who are easy and throw themselves at me, and there have been a few. They are okay, but they aren’t usually secure in themselves, and that comes off as unattractive to me. I would be the same to them if I followed them around like a puppy. Pretty pathetic right?. If either side is clingy or needy it just won’t work out — Not to a healthy outcome anyway. Both parties need to have confidence and self-esteem for the chase to work and result in a good relationship, and that takes practice, patience and understanding of what’s really going on. This article is pretty spot on. Read it again with an open mind, and ask yourself where you’re at.

  • Suzanne
    September 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    I agree with most comments, the chase is playing games, it’s juvenile stuff. It does not mean one has to be clingy or needy to demonstrate to a guy you are interested. The chase may be great FUN if you want to date several people or are not really serious about getting into a grown up relationship based on honest, straight forward communication. Sure if you’re divorced of the last few months ( 12-24 months) your whole view of dating, chasing will be different to those who have been single all their life, who have experienced endless mind games. As a relationship coach, I always advise women NOT to play hard to get, be straight with a guy, after all it’s what women want, but complain about when they don’t get it. Just because you’re straight forward does not equal ” needy or clingy” it’s means you’re emotionally mature enough not waste your time or the man’s.

  • A girls thoughts.
    September 18, 2012 | Permalink |

    I think the article is being misread by the gentleman readers. It sounds to me like it’s not suggesting so much of a chase at all, rather a give and take and give – slowly. I thought it was going to say how biologically men want to go after the prettiest, best, etc. I thought it interesting it didn’t. I get the reference to ego if there were many interested men. I also think that we “work for” what we want or value ie perhaps the girl of your eye. But it also sayse to the girl- don’t play games with a guy you truly like and to also give a little and a little more so he knows you do like him. Again, I saw it as a guideline to allowing things to progress slowly. I do not interpret as the guys above saying – “I hate a chase and girls being dishonest, etc”. I understand disliking that. And to that I get a feel the guy and girl never developed a relationship (friendship, respect, etc).

    To me, reading the message within the article, I interpreted it as offering much more wholesome suggestions and a way to slowly develop, “reward” and encourage a healthy and slowly GROWING relationship.

  • A Guy's Thoughts
    September 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    I found this while looking for tips to chase a woman I’m in love with and who loves me back but has hinted at a chase being required to win her over and show I’m the genuine article.

    I found it insightful and pretty much confirmed a lot of what I subconsciously knew. The only minor complaint I have is that my situation is an online, overseas thing between adults in their 30s who have been hurt too many times in the past to want to go through more heartache and needing to see if what we see in each other is gonna last and be full of love.

    The guys above complaining they hate the chase and prefer women who don’t make them chase them seem immature and only after sex, which is the one thing most mature women don’t want, not as the sole thing they receive from a guy.

  • Dream
    October 3, 2012 | Permalink |

    Everyone is going to interpret this article differently and I find the varying opinions interesting. Based on my experiences and where I am in my life, when it comes to relationships, what you see is what you get. I don’t have time to create chase games for some guy and I don’t think it’s what the writer was going for. At least that’s not my interpretation. I think the message should convey: a.)don’t be needy and clingy. b.) keep your passions, hobbies, and your own life active (don’t change your life around for a guy, you’ll lose yourself and resent him later) c.) stay true to yourself and take it slow. Don’t rush it!

  • October 17, 2012 | Permalink |

    Oh Pleeeease men……I am a sweet beautiful woman…..I was raised with four older Italian goodlookingou brothers…..let me tell you something…..you men totally love the chase….I do not care what you are saying here…..because you words never match really whats going on in your brain…..you are more excited, stimulated and ready to conquer a woman who just isnt sure if you are the right guy for her….give me a break men are hunters……why do most men love to hunt……its a sport….why cause you get to bring home the prize and show it off…”hey look at me look what I got” Sorry men, subconsiously…..even if you can not realize it…..men totally are more excited and thrilled and are designed to chase the women of their desires…it makes for much better sex. Lets face it its always better if the man wants you a little more….so
    our grandmothers taught us. Listen….you may not admit it to yourself….but in the end…really look back and which girls stand out in your mind….the doormat girls…or the girls who let you know somehow you were lucky to be winning “THIS” prize.

  • franko says
    October 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    well i do have to say that i am one of so many men out there that hates to chase women that play so many head games. and since i been married at one time, it is very hard to find love again for me. i am in my late fifties, and i do expect to meet a woman more in my age group. i am a straight, down to earth, caring and loving man that knows how to treat a woman very well. i hate going out as it is, but it is certainly better than staying home by myself. that is why i will go out every single night, since i have no one to stay home to anymore. i wish that i could find the right woman this time around, since i have made a very poor choice the first time.

  • October 31, 2012 | Permalink |

    To all of you men out there:

    A lot of women out there only want to be loved, and if you guys would just stop complaining about how much you hate chasing us, you’d realize that!!! I mean seriously, we all enjoy a partial chase now and then, but if you hate us girls who don’t know that we’re playing hard to get, ar least give us fair warning!! So that way we don’t get our hearts crushed! Geez…. And amen to what Lydia R. and A girls thoughts said.

  • kmc
    November 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    now to simplify things the ‘chase’ is taking things slow, and taking things slow means to play a little hard to get and yet you must be decided weather you want the guy or not that will help you to know when to stop playn hard. Fair article.

  • anonymous0070
    November 27, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m a guy, and I don’t chase. In fact, I haven’t chased since I got out of high school, where such sophomoric games are best left behind.
    If I have to ask you out, If I have to make all the overtures, if I have to pay for everything, if I have to put out all my time, money, and effort all the time and have to face the fear of rejection all the damn time, then I shouldn’t have to waste my time, effort, and hard-earned money just to play some silly game where you get to decide if I’m “worth it”.
    I’d much rather put that time, effort, money, and emotional investment into something (or someone) that pays off, like a real woman that doesn’t play childish games.

  • Chris
    December 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    We do NOT like a chase! This is completely completely wrong!

  • Will
    December 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    The whole “people value things more if they work for them” premise is flawed.

    Here’s an example. Say you have 2 Ipads put in front of you. They are both exactly the same in every way. You have the choice to take either one of them home with you to keep. The conditions are:

    1. You can take one of them home with no questions asked. Just pick it up and leave. No effort.

    2. The other you can have if you jog for 1 mile.

    Which one are going to “value” more? Why? They are both exactly the same. Personally, I’d take the one that took no effort. If I work hard for something that ends up not being worth it, I feel cheated. It’s like if you buy something from the store one day and then find out that they’re selling it for 50% off the next day.

    The same goes with dating. If I “chase” a woman who turns out to be incompatible with me, I feel like I’ve wasted my time. However, if I have a whirlwind, chase free, non game playing romance with a woman who turns out to be the love of my life, then I feel like I hit the jackpot.

  • Abdelrahman
    December 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    This article is actually so right in a way that scares me, I’am a guy and i used to think that i hate chasing women but with this particular person i just met at work i found myself enjoying it.

    But yea i had to make sure the girl liked me back and then it was game on :) its like i am not making myself, i find myself doing it subconsciously but what made me do this is that somehow i had this strong feeling from her that its mutually, i think this is the one for me guys wish me luck ;)

  • Boonk
    December 17, 2012 | Permalink |

    Women don’t want to get their hearts broken by a cad who’s just looking to lay. So they want to sit back and send subtle signals as to how they are feeling about the guy. The socially skilled guys pick up on the signals and proceed with confidence.

    To chase – the cute girl who is emotionally stable, has great relationships with family members, is absolutely gorgeous and shares common interests or passions with you.

    NOT to chase – the stripper who texts you at 2 am looking for a hook up because she grew up in a broken home and deep down inside knows that sex is her greatest value.

    I can be frustrated or I can be excited… some girls make me feel all range of emotions.

    Ultimately I believe in “the chase” because it means that girls are less likely to throw their bodies on any random guy that comes around. The aggressive women are less attractive or broken face it.

    The catches are worth pursuing — and that is a man’s job. Hence the theme of this article.

  • Kayla
    January 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    For all you guys who say they don’t like a chase realistically if a girl is super into you right away and doesn’t even give you any reason to think other wise you do get bored and you look for someone who is a little more intriguing you don’t understand that what you hate is girls who don’t know how to play the chase right you need them to think your interested but not quite know until the right time the problem is most of the time people are just kinda born with this knowledge is not something you can teach in a general way cause every guy is different and will have to be treated so this is a general article you can’t say this works for every guy more so players than anything else but every guy likes a girl tht keeps them thinking an that’s what you need to do ladies

  • dave
    January 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    Super Kitty – Looks like guys do NOT like a “chase”. How wonderful it sound for men have to “earn” their way into the sack. What do the women have to earn? Nothing? And men cannot be the prize? What a wonderful double standard!

  • Danny B.
    January 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    OK, then, to all the men and women saying guys love a chase, how can you tell the difference between if a girl’s playing hard to get or simply not interested?

  • Shine
    January 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    The point of this article is to highlight that taking things slowly will evolve into a strong relationship between two people, while ensuring the the other person understands you’re a great catch and are worth someone great!

  • Eric
    February 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    This is too perfect. I went to a party a couple months ago where I met my current girlfriend. A couple mutual friends at the party told me as I was leaving that this one girl really liked me. I asked, “So, why hasn’t she asked me out or for my number?” Usual excuses, “You’re the guy”, “You’re supposed to chase her” etc etc… Long story short, I went home with a different girl, the girl that came up and asked me out to dinner.

    She’s been my sweety for a couple months now,

  • Oopsies.
    February 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    Oops. I told the guy I started dating I missed him. Oops. How do I undo that lol? Oops. Think I chased him away :( Now I am sad. He doesn’t seem excited by me anymore. Even if I don’t text him and hold of he doesn’t seem to want me. Damn it. lol. O well.

  • Nicki
    February 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    So many guys are taking this out of context. A woman who likes to be chased (myself included) feel that if a man is truly into her, he’ll put in some effort. Personally, I’m so sick and tired of men saying they want a relationship when all they’re looking for is to get into a girl’s pants. Actions speak louder than words and we women know that if a guy is just after sex, he’s going to go for the easy women. In order to weed you real men out from you players, we want to see how much work you’re willing to put into dating us before we let you in on the little secret that we’re crazy about you. Too many men take advantage of a woman’s feelings for him. Men, you’re saying “why would I put in all that effort into a woman who doesn’t turn out to be worth it”… that’s a chance you have to take. If you’re not willing to take a chance, then you don’t want to date…period…that’s what dating is for both men and women. How do you know whether a woman is playing hard to get or is just simply not interested?? It’s not that difficult. There are subtle hints that us women give off that say “I’m very interested in you but I want to take it slow and guard my heart in case you’re not the man for me”. It’s also a way for us to give you some time to figure out whether YOU are interested too! It’s not about playing games, it’s about taking things slow and letting them NATURALLY progress.

  • Anna
    February 25, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am at this stage right now in a relationship, and I dont consider it a chase. I want to make sure this person is right for me, before all the sex stuff clouds my judgement. There are girls who like to manipulate, but there are also girls that want to take it slow and get to know someone. By my nature I am independent and I do have lots going on that Im not going to give up, especially for someone I dont really know yet. Besides guys need their space too and probably appreciate it, although they may very well be fantasizing about having sex with you all the time. I know I appreciate guys who keeps themselves busy, as long as they still make me feel like my time is valuable to them. Some women are playing games, others have just learned from past experiences. Trust and respect are the foundation of a great relationship…. and although great sex is important… its not going to get you very far if that is the only thing there.

  • Julia
    March 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    I enjoy reading this article and it is a guide line about the chase. Guys loves a chase who are they kidding, I am going through that right now with online dating.

  • Simples.
    March 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    Urgh I hate this. I’m a girl, if I like a guy I tell him if i don’t, I tell him. If I’m not sure if a guy is interested I tell him how I feel and then wait for a response.. if there is one then yay if there isn’t then there are plenty more fish in the sea. I’ve been reading articles like this for a couple of hours now just out of pure curiosity! But they’re all about playing games why can’t men/women just be straight with each other?

    One I read earlier I thought was brilliant.. 37 signs he’s into you. If I sat there on a first date and tried to check all of these off on a mental check list I would a. be distracted from the conversation b. seem as if i wasn’t interested and c. overthink everything!! What if he only ticked 19 boxes? what does that mean? CRAZY!! People just need to relax, be open and honest.. job done :)

  • Peter
    March 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    This article is obvious that was written by a woman.
    A thousand words to describe something about relationships.

    You must understand that men are very SIMPLE creatures.

    They see.
    They like.
    They want.
    Period.

    If a woman plays hard to get, chances are that guy will go after another woman, and if she also plays hard to get then he will go after another and so on.
    That’s why guys must ask a 100 girls out before they can get lucky with the 101st girl.

    Another thing you must know about a man:
    ? man is NEVER interested in just one girl and is going only after her.
    A man is ALWAYS interested in two or three or even more girls at the same time.
    He will try to talk to each one of them and ask all of them to go out.
    Of course the girl doesn’t know that he is after another girl as well.
    If a girl plays hard to get, then he can cross her off the list and he will chose the first girl that will agree to go out with him.

    Women love to be chased and in the end to reject the man.
    Well this may be shocking to you but men don’t want to be rejected.
    If you play hard to get, you give the message that you are NOT interested in him, so why would he bothered with a girl that will likely reject him.

    And if you do believe that men like women to play hard to get, ask yourself,
    why prostitutes will never go out of business?
    Because men LOVE women who are NOT hard to get.

    Men are simple. They see. They like. They want. If they can’t have, then they will move on to the next one they see.

  • John
    March 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    Gender equality.
    Let girls chase guys, after all we have gender equality, right?

  • Julia
    March 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    Oh my goodness… I think there is definatley a HUGE misunderstanding with how ‘chase’ and ‘hard to get’ are being defined here.

    Lets take an informal poll: Ok men – how many of you want a woman who makes the first move, walk over to you first, ask you out first AND from that point on calls you and make plans for future dates and pretty much is directing the relationship going forawrd – setting up dates and doing the calling? How long would that relationship last… about a nanosecond!

    The idea of pursuing or ‘chasing’ a woman really gives the man alot of control in the relationship. Just like the ability to say ‘no’ to a mans advances gives a woman a balanced amount of control.

    Perhaps some of the guys commenting here are getting tripped up over the ‘is she interested?’ question. Isn’t that the hardest part for a guy, the potential for rejection; something the women don’t necessarily face because we wait for the man to make the first move.

    Once you get past the question ‘is she interested? THAT’S when the chasing kicks in, and as a woman it’s alot of fun having a guy that you’re attracted to and who is attracted to you, pursue you. Your heart beats faster when HE calls YOU and when HE makes the first move.

    The part that alot of women miss is the smiling, being appreciative of the guys efforts and saying thank you; showing the guy that you ARE interested and enjoy his company.

    Having the guy pursue (chase) the woman is really the only way a lasting relationship works – nature has hard-wired men and women this way.

  • Julia
    March 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    For Oopsies – don’t get down on yourself.
    Put on your best outfit and brightest smile and go out and make new friends.
    Smile at every man you meet.
    Not all of them will be prince charming, but one of them may be and the best way to meet him is looking fabulous with a big smile!

  • Chantal
    April 2, 2013 | Permalink |

    This is so enlightening and I wish I had read it earlier! I think what the author means can also be described as ‘taking it slow’, and not just ‘the chase’.

  • Boys boys boys
    April 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    To Peter…

    Men in your description sure do only deserve prostitutes/whores who have already been messed up by so many other men and women and by their own corrupted life. Ya’ll just the left overs that have completely no values/self-respect for yourself and others. That’s the reason why ya just so easy to get. Any man/woman who have values and self-respect knows their self-worth and knows they are worth fighting for. All-in-all, it’s not a surprise why more men denies liking the chase. There’s just simply more jerks out there than there are gentleman. If you guys hate the chase and all these mind games so much, might as well stop trying to woo women just to get into their pants and then disappear the following morning. If you can’t keep up with the chase, you definitely don’t deserve anything better and aren’t worth our time anyways. Good thing that trashy things still come with a price and you will still need to work for it to get laid.

  • Claire
    April 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    To Peter, who doesn’t like to be rejected

    Quote, “why prostitutes will never go out of business? Because men LOVE women who are NOT hard to get.”, unquote. Why don’t most men marry prostitutes?

  • Urusigh
    April 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    So much good and bad mixed together! Well, it’s interesting anyway.

    First off, let’s not confuse terms here. “The Chase”? Men HATE. If all you are doing is tripping his competitive reflex then he isn’t caring about you at all, he’s just enjoying crushing his rivals. That’s it. You’re not the real objective at that point, you’re just the ref. Making yourself into the arm-candy version of a sports trophy isn’t going to get you a long-term or loving relationship because he is just going to play that exact same game for the next “trophy” that comes along. Understood? Men want to be considered superior to their rivals, yes, but men of quality want to be judged on their quality, not how well we jump through hoops. Playing “hard to get” is LYING! You can’t hide how you really feel at the start of a relationship and then get pissed that your man hides what he really feels later on. Some men are more willing to put up with female dishonesty than others (accepting it merely as something unavoidable), but damn few of us like it.

    Game design 101: Players hate unclear objectives, lack of meaningful choices (which requires having some idea in advance what the requirements/risks/rewards are), and lack of clear results in response to actions taken. Some players like challenging games, some like easy ones, but nobody likes a game where the difficulty derives primarily from unreliable controls or unclear interface. Without a clear relationship understanding of what we can do, how to do it, and what the results will be if we do it right/wrong, it isn’t a test of ourselves at all. So, there’s no ego boost to be had even in victory.

    What the article mostly advises (as “a new way” for the chase) is actually not a chase at all, it’s slow escalation. That’s fine and even desirable. There’s a huge difference between matching your paces to run alongside each other and one person constantly dancing in and out of reach. Nothing wrong with taking the time to make sure both people are at the same point before moving to the next step together.

    So ladies, please, don’t “play hard to get” OR “play easy”. Just be honest with where you are and what you actually want. For the love of all that is holy, don’t just assume that a guy who wants to move fast is only out for sex. Some men fall harder and faster than others and all men want sex. Making him jump through hoops isn’t going to tell you the difference between a man who only wants sex and a man who wants a life-long deeply meaningful relationship (which includes physical intimacy). Both of those guys have only so much time and money to invest in finding a woman who meets his needs, so they both learn to move on quickly if the woman doesn’t make clear her requirements and reward his effort appropriately.

    @Julia: “Lets take an informal poll: Ok men – how many of you want a woman who makes the first move, walk over to you first, ask you out first AND from that point on calls you and make plans for future dates and pretty much is directing the relationship going forward – setting up dates and doing the calling? How long would that relationship last?”

    Care to let the men actually answer your question? I do. So do more guys I’ve known than I could still count. Most of my male friends have said they would at least like to try it and see what it would be like. Other relationship sites I read are full of men asking where to find such women or how to get women to do this at least some of the time. Many of the guys have said quite seriously that they would say “Yes” to a woman who made the approach even if she wasn’t the kind he normally approaches himself. The biggest ego boost to a man isn’t that his woman is HOT, it’s that she’s happy to be with him. A man may be willing to crawl across broken glass to be with a woman he loves, but a woman who lays the broken glass herself and then demands he slice himself up on it doesn’t deserve him. There’s no “control” at all for the man in “the chase”. He flails about in the dark and she rewards him or he flails about in the dark and she dumps him, or he moves on to woman until he finds a woman who is honest and chooses him for him.

    If the woman means what she says, says what she means, and doesn’t play games, than that isn’t “playing hard to get”. If she is smiling, being appreciative of his efforts, saying thank you, showing her interest and obviously enjoying his company.. that isn’t “The Chase”, it’s a functional relationship (assuming that her appreciation isn’t deceptively disconnected from exactly what he did to deserve it). Don’t surprise him with a kiss or smile “for no reason” when he least expects it. Smile or kiss him when he deserves it and tell him what he did that made you WANT to do that for him. Pavlovian training works (and men love it).

    “The Chase” (as men typically use the term anyway) is defined by the fact that the goalposts keep moving, that the situation is framed as him constantly having to “prove” himself to her and yet she never has any obligation to demonstrate value to him or contribute equal effort or value to the relationship. That she gets exactly what she wants (and often even more), but he always gets “one step short of what he wants” at best. Is it any wonder that we hate it? Women refuse to play that game, why would we enjoy it? It’s inherently unfair and no basis for a real relationship. Really, it’s just a power game where the man is always the petitioner to a higher authority, not a partner or equal. To any man with some self-respect, it comes across as toxic insecurity and proof that the woman is attempting to fake value because she doesn’t believe that men who see and know her for who she really is will ever want her.

    No, “The Chase” and the “Bitch shield” both only benefit the jerks and players, because those are the only men who care more about the competition than the prize. When a man wants a good cup, he buys an actual cup, not a trophy cup. The women who play these games the most are the same ones always complaining that they can’t find good men or “all men are jerks just out for sex” (because good men rarely keep chasing such insecure women, their own need to play games proves they aren’t worth the winning). If you don’t want their results, don’t copy their behavior.

  • Peter
    May 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    A woman wrote this article claiming that she knows what men really like and then there are some girls that also claim the same thing :”Men love the chase”

    Well girls, you have no idea what you are talking about.

    If you think that “men love the chase” ask yourself this
    ‘What profession will never be out of business???’

    that’s right.
    Prostitutes will never be out of business because men HATE THE CHASE.

    So stop wondering why men go with prostitutes.
    Personally I don’t go with prostitutes but I do get it why so many men prefer paying a professional than chasing a girl that is playing hard to get.

    Also the writer wrote that “men fall in love in stages” That is SO WRONG.
    Women do fall in love in stages so she is confused and she thinks that the same thing goes for men.

    Men fall in love the moment they see something they like. Period.

    Men are very simple creatures. They see. They like. They want.
    Women on the other hand are complicated. They have to play mind games even if they like the guy.

    Perhaps the RIGHT kind of chase by the RIGHT kind of women is working with the RIGHT kind of men.
    But advice like that makes any kind of woman to misunderstand the meaning of chase and having any kind of guy running in circles.

    95% of the cases, when a woman is playing hard to get, she is doing it all wrong.
    They think that they are doing it right but all they do is driving the guy away

    And how about feminism and equality in genders???
    I thought nowadays women are equal to men.
    Why women don’t try chase men for a change, so that you will realize chasing really means.

    I respect women who are sure of themselves and know what they want.
    No some attention whores who want men to run after them.
    I personally don’t go with prostitutes, but they are more respectufull that the average girl who is acting like she is the only woman in the world.

    Claire quote “why most men don’t marry prostitutes” unquote.
    That question shows that most women have no idea how a man is thinking.
    Having a girlfriend, sex, relationship and marrying are different things for men.
    Women confuse sex, relationship and marriage but men don’t.

    The prostitute will now want cuddles and “oh don’t you want to hear about my day”

  • Peter
    May 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    @ boys boys boys

    men my description??
    you have no idea, you can judge someone from a post of the internet, that only shows how wrong you are.

    Men my description are ALL men. Women will never understand men, because you think that they think your way.

    You are talking about ‘self-worth”, of course I agree with “self-worth” but playing hard to get is not “self-woth”. PERIOD.

    The tactics in this article is not about playing hard to get. It’s about moving slowly and progressively which is fine and very attractive IF IT’S DONE THE RIGHT WAY.

    99% of the women misunderstand the “self-worth” and taking things slowly which is good, with the “playing hard to get” which is horrible.

    Of course a woman should take things slowly with a man she likes, that’s very nice.
    But you women instead of taking things slowly and progressively you send mixed signals or acting crazy.
    Smilling one day and then dissapearing for days even weeks with no apparent reason, just to “play hard to get”. And then appearing again out of the blue, smiling again and being flirty.

    Men who have “self-worth” don’t bother with girls who acting that weird.
    You girls who play “hard to get” and moving things progressively are the left overs and you have to deal with the men who are damaged in their lifes by girls who mistreaded them

  • Peter
    May 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    Once to make it clear because you women misunderstand everything.

    This article is not about “chasing” and “playing hard to get”
    The title is wrong.
    This is article is about taking things slowly and progressively which is very charming.

    Playing hard to get is not appreciatted by any man who has “self worth”.

    You must realize that “taking things slowly” and “playing hard to get” are two completely things.

    Women can distinguish the difference between these two things.

    So if you keep on playing hard to get, you will only have the players coming onto you.

  • Peter
    May 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    Sorry, in the previous post I meant to write “Women can not distinguish the difference between these two things.”

  • Peter
    May 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    And one more question to see how wrong this whole things.

    How about the truly nice guys who happen to be shy ?

    You women have no idea how hard is for a shy decent guy to approach a girl.
    It takes a lot of courage but you have no idea because women never have to do the work of approaching a man.

    When you are playing hard to get to a shy guy you immediately destroy his self respect.
    Its already hard to for him talking in the first place but when the girls shows a sign of rejection as a part of the plan “playing hard to get” you make him run away.

    Do girls care about that? do girls care about the emotions of the guy?
    Not really, all they want is to be chased, if that particular guy doesn’t run after the girl, there will be a 100 guys who are willing to run after her.

  • Peter
    May 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    In “Sons of Anarchy”, Gema said this, which I had never realized before

    “Women don’t want love. Men want love. What women want is to be wanted”

  • SandyA
    May 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    I totally remember that episode ….it was so cool…. although I don’t think she actually said that women don’t want love….

  • Julia
    May 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    Urusigh,
    Thank you for your comment and responding to my poll question!
    My point with that statement is not to say men don’t like to be approached – no doubt it’s a great situation for a guy to have a woman make the moves. My point is – if you like daisies and it’s a petunia that comes over. taps you on the shoulder and basically pursues you – how long until you want to really go out and find yourself a daisy? If the objective as you said above is “a long-term or loving relationship” then the best way for that to happen is for the daisy guy to start with a daisy – right? The problem is we women don’t know which of us is your daisy – but you do. Men defiantely have their ‘type’ of woman – and I think that’s great. I want the man I’m with to be totally attracted to me – and for me presonally I know that’s true if he approaches me first.

  • Julia
    May 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    Danny B.,
    “OK, then, to all the men and women saying guys love a chase, how can you tell the difference between if a girl’s playing hard to get or simply not interested?”

    That’s is an excellent question. If you work up the nerve to ask a girl out, and after one or even few dates your not sure – how can you from the start tell if she is not interested or playing hard to get?
    I don’t know how comfortable you’ll be with this answer – but my personal opinion is to ask some hard questions right from the start – even on the first date. You might want to rephrase this or add to it, but things like – what are her short and long term goals, what does she think of relstionships (in general), what does she think of you (if I were a guy I would ask that exact question ‘what do you think of me?’ – don’t assume anything just because she’s there, even if you feel like your putting her on the spot – it’s good for you to see her reaction- it will tell you ALOT). Put all the answers together – and it should tell you what you need to know. This also sends a message that you aren’t/won’t play games. I don’t know how comfortable most guys are asking these questions early on – but the responses you get should help you make some decisions.

  • Vir Verus
    May 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    This “Chase” you speak of is not, perhaps, enjoyed, but it is necessary. Don’t come on too strong, else the man will be overwhelmed. It is not about the ego, as I have said many times, but practicality. Will a man be more glad to have you if you simply give in to him, or if he has to work for your affection? If a man despises the chase, he is simply looking for sexual relations, or he is weak-willed and undedicated. Either way, he has the mind of a teenager, and requires growing up before relationships with women. I would recommend avoiding such “men”.

  • Another Chase-resenting Male
    May 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    I was going to make a lengthy, detailed response to why this is a pile of bull, but Urusigh
    s done a finer job of it than I could have.

    Also, for women who presume to tell men what men themselves do or do not like is a clear indicator of immaturity, and to regrettably be a tad rude, unintelligence. I don’t think I need to be told what my stance on the matter is by someone else, thanks. Just because you know men who do seem to enjoy it, that doesn’t mean every single one of us does.

    Unsurprisingly, it also also almost always these presumptuous women who initiate these chases.

    It’s a pity there’s so many articles like these that encourage women to send their guys on ‘the chase’, because the women think the guy enjoys it. You are pushing any self-respecting guy away, and vastly narrowing down your choice of men.

  • Another Chase-resenting Male
    May 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    “If a man despises the chase, he is simply looking for sexual relations, or he is weak-willed and undedicated.”

    @ Vir Verus

    I don’t know what sort of men you’ve had experiences with, but just going off your comment I think it’s fair to say that the problem may lie a bit more with you.

  • Dave
    May 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    I had a great time chasing a chick at an event last weekend. Her spin on the chase was awesome, because she went into a sort of handicap mode, where I was chasing, but the tackle was clearly in sight. Not some blind chase that offers no positive energy. That would be no fun.

  • Meg
    June 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    In my opinion, this article sounds like women are trying to train men, as if they were dogs. Make a man chase you but give him a prize if he does something you approve of.

  • Narnia
    June 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    Exactly! @Meg.

    And that’s why I guess these things always work on guys.

    Even the entire multibillion dollar gaming industry works the same way. They tease guys with little missions and teasers in their multiplayer games, and guys grovel on their feet for more. And these guys end up getting addicted to games and spending hours and days on them without a break!

    I guess video game companies understood why men love a chase, and use them so effectively to sell stuff to them. Now all that’s left is for us to use the same tactics! ;-)

  • rrr
    June 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    I don’t think any article is in position to tell me what I’m supposed to like and what I’m not.

    I do not enjoy the chase in particular. I’m a simple-minded person and see women as human beings capable of making their decisions too. A woman can either like me or nor. If she does, great, let’s spend some time together. If not, no hard feelings, let’s move on and find somebody else. Where exactly does that mystical concept of “chase” fit into this?

  • zman
    June 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    When it comes right down to it,Men do not LIKE the chase much in the same way the vast majority of women don’t like BADBOYS. Men don’t want to admit their attraction for a woman who values herself enough to fight for her share of control, and as a defense they profess to hate the game and surely their lazy ego does hate it, but somewhere beyond ego if they are honest they love a woman who gives then a run for there heart!!

  • Simmy
    June 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    I will tell you something from many years of experience young girls. If a man does not chase you, he will not be motivated to defend your children and provide for them.

    The beginning stages of attraction are fabulous when you find one of those energetic men who fight for you. If you find yourself with someone to lazy or ego entitled to chase you, recognise it or else you will chase them and that will eat at your self esteem and you get stuck in this vicious cycle of being the clingy insecure woman.

    Trust me. I’m female and I’ve been where you are. Being a woman of value is not being rude or unappreciative…be response, smile, say thank you, let him spend time with you but if he is not thinking of you before the day he wants to see you, then he will not be a good provider and husband. The bad boys are that. Bad for your self esteem and make your prospects of finding a good guy hard.

    To the gentlemen who said the ratio of women to men are 3:1, I’m not sure where you have gotten your statistics from but the truth is nature has an uncanny way of making the stats more like 50:50 (give or take each year)…where there is more women is in our elders (read ready to step into their grave) as women outlive men so if we look at those statistics then really there are more men in the dating years then women so actually we have our pick. If however, you want to wait until you’re over 80 and you are one of those men live longer than most women then you will have your pick but I dont a man who doesn’t chase a woman would live that long.

    To the men who recognise the dance of attraction….let the fun begin. I wish you well in obtaining that high value woman….

  • Gonzame7
    August 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    If a man tells you: you know the game play by the rules. What does that mean.

  • Onigetoc
    August 31, 2013 | Permalink |

    The probleme with that is i know a lot of guys who are what i call “profesional hunter” they are pro at that game and can fool all the girls they want. In the past, i had a bar and see all these guys and often the baddest one play This chase game to only sleep with girls and the respectfull, honest and shy guys like me see all these mens take out these girls and lefft nothing for us. This is not a complaint but what i saw a lot in the past.

  • Lynn
    September 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    The guys who claim they don’t like the chase are either fooling themselves or trying to fool woman readers. The more women who are educated on their worth and value, the harder their jobs are.

    And to the guy who posted that story about going home with the girl who asked him out to dinner, big deal. Get back to us when you’ve proposed and made her truly yours. (Or will you wait for her to do that too?)

  • Tyler S.
    September 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    I don’t mind putting effort into a relationship as long as my significant other puts effort back into it. If it seem all one sided then I’ll move on, if she seems like she’s not interested in talking to me (and she seems to be busy every time I try to talk to her)then I’ll tell her to talk to me whenever she’s not busy and stop talking to her until she puts in effort. I’m not asking her to jump into bed with me immediately and I’m not only in it for the sex. However, if a woman seems disinterested then I’ll assume she’s disinterested. I don’t play games. I expect the person I’m dating to be open and honest (note this does not equal clingy and needy). She doesn’t have to jump into my arms or anything or be all over me or anything. I just expect that she’ll show she’s interested and be honest about it. Women’s signs of interest are usually unseen by a lot of guys anyways. I don’t know why a woman would ink showing signs of disinterest would be a good idea.

  • The Truth
    September 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    why can’t women chase us men for a change?

  • Andrew
    December 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    @John, still single 35, what do you mean? as in you have never dated or just been single for too long?

  • Jamesinlondon
    January 15, 2014 | Permalink |

    Ok as a guy and somewhat insecure when I was younger. I hated the chase. I’m a great looking, well built ex-pat living in London and I make very good money.
    I hated the chase because I really wasn’t interested in a relationship.

    So here I am, researching the chase. I met a young woman from Portugal, brilliant, funny, amazing really, and she is beautiful.
    Now that is a very conservative country. The chase is not a game, they do not sleep around, they don’t move in together before marriage. I could go on.
    She comes from a place where this is the rule not the exception.

    So far, this article has been spot on from my experience and I DO want her more and more and it is incremental. If I didn’t like her so profoundly, or value as much as I do. I’d not have chased her for four months.
    At this point, it’s been such an exhilarating experience chasing her. If it didn’t work out it wouldn’t matter.
    Honestly the sad sacks who whine about the chase. Grow some balls, get confidence and go for it instead complaining on a website. Live man, live!
    After reading your posts, the reason why girls need themselves to be chased is to weed out you guys haha

  • Jamesinlondon
    January 15, 2014 | Permalink |

    This is crazy lolol. I read a few more replies since posting. I am usually the one being chased. Why? Because I take care of my body, my grooming, and I try to exceed in everything I do.

    I can always get a woman. Perhaps this article wasn’t written for your sector of the market.

    The article should spell out it assumes the men put forth an effort beyond turning odd their plsystation.
    Where I’m at in London. Everyone is beautiful, they all take care of themselves and present and work on their appearance,
    My time in the states was shocked at the obesity, poor hygiene, self centeredness. None of which attracts a mate

    If you are 35, own your own home, and have a nice car. Dude,it’s you! Lol, why does every girl think u r a dbag? It really is just you and your personality

    I smile and laugh and that is why I’m attractive to mostmwomen. This girl gave me laugh lines, that’s why I chased her. No girl has made me smile so much in my life…

    When you meet this type of girl. And sadly you may have and not realized it. But if you do meet your “Ana”.
    You would realize a few months is nothing and chasing a perfect girl is way better than chasing nothing.
    I’ll stick with chasing the perfect girl rather than bitching about putting in an effort to show a girl you think she is special. Duhhhh

  • Zack Schmidt
    February 3, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am 5’4″ and I am perpetually friend zoned by every single woman I have ever been attracted to and approached. If they were playing hard to get, I just don’t get it. I’m 32 and been alone the vast majority of my life and it sucks. I wish a woman would just give into my overt advances and see me for the man I am and everything I bring to the table, but they don’t, and I don’t know that many single women, either.

    It’s incredibly frustrating.

  • x
    March 10, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’m a woman and I can see that many men don’t like the chase. I also hate games. But like many women here, I believe, I grew up with the idea that women should hold something back etc. I also found when I was at university that the guys there didn’t seem to like girls who were clear or natural with them. If romantic feelings were involved at all and a girl tried to express herself clearly with the man as though he were one of her other friends, he would take offense and disappear. This might be one of the reasons women are afraid to deal directly with men; they might still believe based on how they were raised and some unpleasant experiences with immature, selfish men, that they are supposed to communicate indirectly. Therefore, I cant speak for all women, but if some women drop hints, they may not be doing this out of selfishness or wanting to be chased, but since articles such as this, tonnes of other advice, and their own experiences have taught them that this is how they need to behave if they don’t want to lose the guy they like.

    I remember how after growing up in the West having so many bad experiences with university guys since I just acted myself with them and didn’t know how to play games, I became afraid to express myself naturally, therefore, I had a huge misunderstanding with my first real boyfriend in Asia when I thought I wasn’t supposed to express my true thoughts with him even though I wanted to; this made him think that I no longer liked him since he was used to women communicating naturally with him.

    So what I mean is, many women hate games too; we’d like to just be able to behave naturally with men we liked. But we are taught to behave this way out of self protection since we are taught both by people advising us and by the men around us that expressing ourselves directly will scare the men off and thus be our own faults, and not that many of these men are themselves immature and only wanting an excuse to escape from something that could become more serious.

    Also, like someone else here, I have always hated it when men believe all women are playing games and continue to pursue women who have very clearly and repeatedly told them that they only want friendship and nothing romantic, or that they don’t even want friendship either. I hate their dishonestly when we tell them we only want friendship and they then strongly deny having had any romantic interest at all and say they only want friendship as well. This is definitely a game whose purpose is manipulation, confusion and control. And yes, it is totally selfish and spoilt and comes of millennia of thinking they themselves as men are entitled and that our own feelings don’t count. If a woman says clearly that she is not interest, then kindly take it at that. She doesn’t even need to say it strongly or attach any other info to that statement. And don’t blame women’s games for this so-called misunderstanding which in most cases is not a misunderstanding at all on the man’s part. Women’s games were only devised, historically, as a way for women to protect themselves from selfish, immature men who only wanted to have fun with them and took too long to become attached or sure about what they wanted, or to express THEIR OWN TRUE INTENTIONS, and who thought women only existed to boost their egos.

  • GGirl
    March 10, 2014 | Permalink |

    Fuck these comments from guys whining about the chase. What a pile of bullshit. And to think young, impressionable females will be reading them, possibly taking them seriously. Bullocks!

    Ladies, OF COURSE men prefer a woman that isn’t easy to get–it makes them feel that much cooler once they’ve gotten their “prize.” I can tell you from YEARS AND YEARS of experience that the men that were really interested in me for the long-term were the ones I didn’t give the time of day to. Hell, ever wonder why guys you truly have no interest in pursue you? YOU’RE A CHALLENGE.
    I used to do it these whiny guys’s way–I’d be the first to call every other time, I’d pop out of my way to see them, I’d usually be the one making plans & figuring out conversation topics all the time. Got me nowhere and with a bruised ego. I decided to try a different tack with my next love interest. Enter Pete, a hot firefighter who usually ignored most girls. He was too good-looking and knew it. I wanted him anyway. I ended up acting like he didn’t exist, but with a casual smile now and again. He was intrigued that I didn’t gawk and get all nervous around him like every other girl. Long story short, he pursued me for about a year, and people told me stuff like, “he’s really taken with you!” He eventually asked me out, and I declined lol (I had a lot going on at the time). He ended up getting a girlfriend and married her just this past October.

    Anyway, ever since ol’ Pete, I’ve used this tactic on guys I really want and it never fails. In all fairness to the whiny guys here, I think what they mean is they’re turned off by games and falseness. Plus they feel like its more work and time. Do you guys think we really LIKE wasting time? We need to get laid too, and we have our emotional needs that we are excited to satisfy ASAP with you gentlemen. But because you guys are so damn flighty sometimes, we gotta slow our roll. Please though, this is not applicable to all guys/situations.

    However, I can guarantee that the more eager a girl is, the more turned off the guy is. They like the hunt, the chase, PERIOD. I’ve seen it countless times with me, my friends, and other stories.

    The trick is not letting them know its a chase scenario you’re setting up. Now THAT would be a good article.

  • alissa
    April 6, 2014 | Permalink |

    funny, all you guys droning on about hating “the chase” I MYSELF, UNEQUIVOCALLY, DO NOT PLAY GAMES. and for some reason guys do not like this. I not only tell hten I do not play games but I don’t engage. when the last guy was super interested in me and acted head over heels for me then pulled a disappearing act after I reciprocated interest I did not hound him, nor did I chase him. etc. I’m sure he fully expected me to go after him and be like WTF? we had such a great thing and blah blah he gave me the usual song and dance about he can’t give me what I want (I never said what I wanted lol) and he wasn’t stable and he’s sorry for being involved with me before he “knew what he wanted” total bs and games and I’m not engaging. yeah I was kinda pissed I really liked him but I told him alright your loss, good luck to you. story of my life. due to the fact I don’t play games or “hard to get” a guy seems to get bored with me and plays”hot and cold” sometimes they even end up with a bitch who did play games so as much as guys like to prattle on about women liking a%%holes, men like b*tches
    read the book “WHY MEN LOVE B*TCHES” sad but true. I’m fine and content not being a bitch, playing games, etc. If I like you I’ll be upfront and tell you, I may even make the first move and I don’t have a problem with it. I go after what I want. guys are the ones who shy away and act weird. You say you don’t like playing hard to get but deep down it seems like you do.

  • Tina
    April 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am a woman and I don’t like to be chased if I want you in my life I will ask you to be in my life! I like to be the one that chases the guys which is what I am doing right now because he turned the tables he’s making me chase him and I am enjoying this game thoroughly

  • Missy
    April 18, 2014 | Permalink |

    Help, I met a guy at a meeting and i know hes my soul mate, i screwed up by showing him I liked him too much and now he’s backing off. He was showing interest but now he’s not texting me, etc. how can I get him back? To top it off 1 live 1000 miles away from him.

  • Summer86
    May 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    HAHAHA! I’m laughing at all these men who say that they HATE to chase. Listen up guys, you may hate it but you do it anyway and you only really respect and value the women who make you do it. Trust me, as a woman who has dated her fair share of men I can assure you that the men who I show interest in become aloof and the men who think they need to chase me become crazy about me. You might think you want it easy but you don’t. Men are very hypocritical. They will say they want it easy but when they get it easy they devalue you as a woman and instead chase the girl who is not giving in. EVERY MAN does this. So to all you guys who say you give up on a girl who makes you chase…you’re lying…you don’t. You’re sitting there thinking about her even more than you did before and when she finally respond you are at her every beckon call. And the girls who like you alot and don’t make you chase….you find some small reason to not be interested you call her clingy or easy and you get bored and loose interest. Ladies, don’t listen to these guys….we all know from experience that guys may not like to chase but they need to chase in order to appreciate you more.

  • Kasey
    June 5, 2014 | Permalink |

    How about some real info as well here. Studies, actual studies, not just a handful personal stories, show that playing hard to get (vs honesty, caution, or simply not being easy) lowers how much a guy likes a girl, even if it makes him want her more. So think that through, what does that make the girl? Just a prize to be won before moving on to the next one.
    And whoever up there said if you don’t play hard to get you just get the players is backwards. If you’re playing games, well why are they called players? They enjoy the women who play games because they study how to get the Prize fast and move on to the next game, and trust me they get GOOD at it. What playing games does is chase off the good guys who have the self respect to walk away from high school b.s.

  • hung onen
    June 5, 2014 | Permalink |

    When a dog chases a car does he want the car? No. He just wants to see if he can run after it. Boys like to chase too. Real men want honesty. By asking a woman out it takes a lot of nerve, so that alone is enough of a challenge. Only idiot ladies are whacked enough to know what a man wants lol.

  • Kasey
    June 8, 2014 | Permalink |

    Most women don’t realize how tough it can be for a guy to approach a woman with romantic interest. It’s an inbuilt safety mechanism evolved back when people lived in smaller communities. Approach the wrong woman and you could actually get killed, slow or fast depending on who you upset. Also you could wind up the laughingstock of all the single women in the tribe if you do it wrong and again you don’t get to reproduce and pass on the careless gene.EVERY guy has this to some degree, some it’s minor or they’ve made it minor through experience, for others it can be damn near crippling. So ladies if a guy does approach you with interest that’s your first sign he has some bravery.

  • Ray
    June 16, 2014 | Permalink |

    There is a big difference in how I perceive the word “chase” and words like “lead” “escalate” and “taking initiative”. I don’t feel respected or masculine when I chase. I feel like a clown . I don’t feel respected by the chase game. I feel insulted. I don’t want to the power struggle. Yes I respect resistance from women. But resistance is not a game it is natural. I am all for natural resistance. Chasing is manipulating a person. Chasing is a conditional requirement to conditional love. I don’t think anyone wants to persue someone who has subcomunicated the conditionality of there friendship. I don’t expect women to meet men half way. I expect to do all the all the work while being vulnerable.(yeah I know that is a wimpy word) I feel like the “chase me game” requires me to order extra vulnerability on margin. And it don’t think that is a thing a classy woman give us that dilemma. I think it’s cruel,egomaniacal, disrespectful and anti emotional(sociopathic)and immature.

  • Paul
    July 27, 2014 | Permalink |

    Sorry but I totally disagree with this article. I can’t stand the chase it is a total turn off. It is hard enough playing a game that is rigged again’t you if you are a man. Men are expected to ask a woman and out get rejected a bunch of times till he gets a yes plus men are expected to pay the tab 95-100% of the time and you want a man to chase you too lol. No wonder there are so many men turning into woman hating psychopaths. What do you really have to offer a man other than sex? Unless a man wants to get married and have a family all you have to offer is love and sex. I can get love from a puppy/kitten/pet and sex from a hooker and it might wind up a lot cheaper and more fulfilling in the long run. It is the 21st century women are not the status symbol they once were and there is not as much pressure today to settle down and have a family. So ladies don’t you dare play minds games and expect a man to chase you and/or kiss you backside because only may-be 1 in 20 guys like the hunt and chase, with the rest of us it will backfire and you may blow a shot at a great boyfriend or even a future husband and life long companion.

  • Jonathan
    July 28, 2014 | Permalink |

    The chase is retarded… Super Kitty so are you. This is the 21 st century.We are accused of egos of all the nerve. My father met my mom he said I will marry you the Same Night And he did. I met My girlfriend I asked if she like to date.
    Men do not like to Stalk boys do.
    If a guy follows you around you have him arrested.
    The is insipid and If I wrote a Article mirror of this and Said when Girl says No She Means Yes!
    Ever stupid Bimbo here defending this Sexist Joke would be Fuming.
    Grow up Ladies.
    This Is not 1940
    If a Lady tells me No I assume she is dating , Gay (it dose Happen) or has a Medical reason, I am not her type.Ether way her Business her Loss.
    End of Story.

  • Joshua
    August 8, 2014 | Permalink |

    It is oblivious that most men that commented can’t read but that’s ok I guess I can’t spell . It would be nice if you can’t read you shouldn’t post your comment this article seams to be about making a relationship and not just a sexual one basically take it slower so you can get to know each other.

  • Jack
    August 8, 2014 | Permalink |

    Lydia, the whole problem with dating is that it is shrouded in ambiguity and mystery. Men can’t read your signals of just wanting to be friends because often women who play hard to get show the same signals of passive disinterest. Besides that, making a man chase is the dumbest move ever. Most men hate games, especially games they could lose. That would damage his ego. Besides that, an intelligent man doesn’t want to ever chase because he could fall into the traps set by an attention whore. An attention whore thrives off of attention and gives nothing in return for it. No man wants to waste his time on some ambiguous woman who might just be using him for a quick ego boost.

  • chad
    October 26, 2014 | Permalink |

    Total BS… I can’t wrap my mind around “the chase,” why waste time? If you like a guy just be straight forward. You don’t have to sleep with him straight away. Be up front about everything, communication is the most important part of a relationship.

  • Lies...
    November 17, 2014 | Permalink |

    The chase really isn’t that bad if you don’t keep us chasing just for the hell of it. I think this is just human behavior though. I’ve been chased and I’ve chased as well. If you like something too much, it’ll run away from you, if you don’t play like you do, they’ll wonder what’s up and try to get you if they liked you at all. It’s when you keep messing with a someone’s mind, you keep them chasing, that it begins to hurt, it does fuck with the ego, we have feelings too, and they can get crushed if you make us chase TOO much. We need a little encouragement, some progression to keep us going. If it stalemates, there’s no reason to continue, it gets to a point that it’s no longer worth it.

  • Lili
    December 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    I didn´t read everything, I just couldn´t keep reading. I totally disagree with most of things.
    I am a woman and I almost hate beeing chased by guys I´m not interested in. I don´t get it why some guys keep chasing me when obviously I show no interest at all to them. When I really fancy a guy, I can´t help myself responding to someone I truely like, so no needs for him to chase me for years. I can confirm that guys tend to lose their interest if the woman is “too easy” but I´m not willing to change. I think nature made us hard to resist when we like someone or something. I think it´s so sad to see how men don´t get that women who are hard to get don´t like them and I think because of crappy mentalities like the one on this article most men end up dating women who didn´t fancy them and probably will never lear to fall in love with them, sometimes they´re not even nice women in any way. But I refuse totally to change my attitude because of the stupidness of many men and people around. If a man with who I´ve been “easy” concluded that I am an “easy woman” instead of valuing the intensity of attraction, most of times even reciprocal attraction and conexion, then it´s his lost for beeing stupid, and I wish him good luck with the hell of beeing with a woman who can´t love hime. Because me who have been easy to him is incredibly hard to the ones I´m not interested in. People are simply most of times shallow to get out from the mentality and stupid ideas they´ve been taught since their childhood.

  • Lynn
    December 20, 2014 | Permalink |

    Forget the term “chase”, which implies a game and playing coy. Relationships are work, period. If you’re involved or are pursuing a relationship (men and women) but not you’re working at it or for it then honestly, you’re just settling. Men say they hate the chase because what they really hate is being lied to, used, played with and hurt. Women feel the same way.

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