When you play mind games with a guy, did you ever think that maybe you’re giving him the wrong idea? That you’re pushing him away, not reeling him in?
I heard at one point that dating was like a cat and mouse game. That was when I was twelve years old. People evolve according to the trends that happen in society. This day and age, people want honesty more than the game of pursuit.
Even when it comes to hooking up, guys are more appreciative of women who know the set-up, as opposed to those who think that there might be a chance at a relationship. If you go about it the other way around, you will see that men are more likely to date you seriously, if you put the idea on the table before anything else happens.
Seeing as that didn’t work in the past because of men’s tendencies to lie their asses off, women have become reluctant to place their cards on the table before they are sure of what’s happening. From what I observed in the dating pool these days, men still like the chase. The difference is that they want to know that it’s happening instead of having to guess.
Girls are still programmed to put up a barrier, when they’re dating someone new. It’s a good plan, but you have to know when you’re putting up too many walls. It’s easier said than done, but there are ways to do that.
You can wait until a guy proves his worth, without making it seem like you’re uninterested. Be nice to them. Graciously accept their dates. Don’t lie to them just to prove a point. It’s not a big deal! You’re just being a good person and that’s enough for them.
Things women do that push guys away
There’s a preconceived notion that women tend to play games with men, just to see how much they can take. I’m here to tell you that it is definitely true. Don’t blame us for that, because men haven’t given us much of a reason to trust them. Still, it’s better to know what makes men think you’re not interested, so you can see for yourself how it affects your love life.
#1 Waiting for a specified amount of time before calling back or texting. If you think it makes you seem eager when you immediately reply to texts and calls, think again. Guys don’t even wonder why it took you a microsecond to reply. They are more concerned about whether you text them a hundred times a day or not at all.
#2 Not appreciating their effort. Most guys go all out when they first start seeing a girl. If you seem bored or disinterested on a date, they’ll think that you’re not at all impressed. I know some of you like to act like this, just so they won’t see that you’re completely captivated. But stop holding back. If you like the restaurant, show it. If you love the flowers, say thank you. Just be appreciative. [Read: 11 ways to know if you’re dating a real gentleman]
#3 Not complimenting them. It’s not necessary to compliment someone when you first meet them, but sometimes, guys assume that they’re not good enough for you, because you haven’t mentioned anything good about them. They usually tell you things that they think will impress you, but acting unimpressed just makes them think that nothing they do will satisfy you.
#4 Being self-centered. If you keep talking about yourself or show obvious signs of selfishness, a guy will think that you’re more concerned about your well-being than your date. They could decide that it’s not worth liking someone who won’t like anyone else but themselves.
#5 Not paying attention to them. Ignoring a guy never ends well. They’re very proud and would never admit to being needy. When they see that you’re not paying attention, just to make it seem like you’re aloof, they will find other women who will appreciate their presence.
#6 Rejecting dates just to make guys think you’re busy. We used to think that it makes us feel like we’re holding the power position when we control when our dates happen. When I asked many guys about this, they said that most men immediately assume that you’re rejecting them and not the date, when you decline a date. After three rejections, almost all will decide that you’re not worth it anymore.
#7 One-word answers. This passive-aggressive approach only works, and sometimes it doesn’t, with people who are in committed relationships. Guys who have girlfriends know better. Single guys who have nothing to lose? They won’t even bother to follow up on that, because they can just talk to another girl who’s interested in having a conversation. [Read: 11 honest reasons he hasn’t called you back]
#8 Always leaving the conversation to say hi to other people. Yes, you’re popular. Yes, you have a lot of friends. But your date won’t see it that way. They’ll just think that you’re more interested in the people around you than you are in him.
#9 Telling them that you want to see how things go first. I know this sounds legit, but guys who actually ask you to go out on a regular basis probably want more than just sex. If you imply that you don’t want to see each other exclusively just to keep him at a distance, someone else will swoop down and take him because he is technically free to do whatever the hell he wants. [Read: 10 ways to read mixed signals and turn it into love]
#10 Going home early. If you don’t have an emergency, but you still choose to leave a date before it’s supposed to end – like after dessert or coffee – a guy will immediately assume that the date didn’t go well. You may be trying to put up an air of control over the situation, but killing off a good vibe during a date doesn’t really go well with men.
If you really like a guy, there are other ways to make sure that their intentions are admirable. You can be honest with them, and tell them that you’re looking for something serious. Once they know that, you won’t have to worry about making yourself look less eager in front of them. [Read: 10 guys you should quit dating if you want real love]
The things mentioned above aren’t even what motivate men to pursue you. They say they like the chase, but the truth is they like that the woman they’re dating is independent and sure of herself.
They will see you the way you see yourself. If you’re insecure, they will pick up on that. If you’re confident about yourself, they will see it clearly and appreciate you for the beautiful person that you are.
Stop playing games because the only one who loses is you. Don’t just be honest with men. Be honest with yourself. Look at everything you’ve accomplished as well as the things you need to work on. Be the best woman that you can be so you won’t have to worry about how men see you.
Try to avoid doing these things to the guys that you really like. You’ll see the difference in the way they treat you, and it won’t be because you manipulated them into doing it. Remember that if a guy really likes you, they won’t care whether you’re being coy or not – they just want to know that you like them back.
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Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...