There are times when you should give someone another chance and times to end it for good. Should I give him a second chance? Here’s how to decide.
Sometimes you break up with someone only to realize that it was definitely the wrong choice. It happens. Most of the time, you probably shouldn’t get back together because it usually won’t work out. However, there are some exceptions you can make. So should I give him a second chance?
If you’re asking yourself that question a lot, there’s no clear yes or no answer. There’s so much that went into your breakup so there needs to be a lot that goes into the decision to give him a second chance, too.
Some relationships end for great reasons
Not all breakups are bad. Sometimes two people realize they’re not right for each other and they act accordingly by ending things. It’s a clean breakup that’s good for both parties but those types of breakups also make you question if it was the right choice.
The answer is yes. It was a good choice. When you break up for good, logical reasons and you do so mutually, it’s better all around. But since you did leave on good terms, it can make things even harder to accept and you might think that you made the wrong choice. Just know that if it was mutual and truly something you both wanted, it was for the best. [Read: 12 grim signs it’s finally time to end your relationship]
Should I give him a second chance?
On the other hand, sometimes you break up and you’re both a little distraught over it. It’s normal to be upset and doubt your breakup if it was a bad one. Once you cool down and get time apart, you start to realize how you truly feel.
But that doesn’t mean you should give your ex another chance, especially if they did something wrong. Here’s when you should and shouldn’t give him a second chance.
#1 It was all a misunderstanding. If the reason for your breakup was just a big misunderstanding, then yes you can definitely give him a second chance. Just don’t let him manipulate you into thinking it was a misunderstanding when you had it right the first time.
#2 The issue is fixable. There are a lot of times when people break up with their boyfriends because of certain things they’re doing. If it’s just an issue he has that you asked him to fix over and over again and he didn’t purely because he didn’t take you seriously, it is fixable.
However, you need to make him realize that it’s important to you. If you’re going to give him another chance, then the issue needs to be fully fixed. And remember that you can’t make someone change or “fix” who they are. You can only ask them to fix certain behaviours. [Read: Should you text your ex? Your guide to help you decide]
#3 They’ve apologized and mean it. If they messed up and hurt you in any way, they need to apologize for it. If it was so bad that it caused a breakup, then it’s really important to you. Perhaps he didn’t know or maybe he didn’t think it was that big of a deal.
Once he realizes the true issue, he needs to apologize. And an eye roll and mumbled “sorry” won’t cut it. He needs to mean it. Only then should you give him a second chance. [Read: How to know if it’s a genuine apology]
#4 The timing was just off. This only works if your relationship ended a long time ago. You both had different things going on and your life just didn’t work together. If it was purely a timing issue and you’re both at better places in your lives, then go ahead and give him a second chance. See if you can make it work this time if you still have real feelings for him.
#5 You truly want to get back together. This is completely up to you. Just make sure that he didn’t do any of the below things or anything that could’ve caused permanent damage. You can’t fix certain issues that cause breakups.
You need to be sure that you really want to be with him for real and it’s what you and only you want. The fact that he’s trying to get back together already shows his interest in reuniting. Separate yourself from him and do some deep thinking about what’s best for you. If it’s him, go for it. [Read: 10 ways to give love a second chance]
#1 Your reasons for separating aren’t fixable. Sometimes you break up with people because it just doesn’t work. If your values and your future are different than theirs, you can’t make it work. You’ll both end up realizing it down the road even if he doesn’t realize it now.
#2 They cheated on you. This is a non-negotiable. If someone cheats on you, they don’t deserve a second chance. Anyone who can disrespect you in this way doesn’t deserve you to forgive them, let alone allow them to be with you.
You’re worth more than that and you need to show them that. You can’t get back with someone who did the worst thing they could have. No second chances are to be given to cheaters. It’s not fair to you.
#3 They keep blaming you. If your ex is blaming you for all the problems and asking for a second chance, don’t give him one. He’s only trying to manipulate you into thinking it was your fault just so he can get back with you because he realized he messed up.
#4 They had a negative impact on your self-esteem. You may really love him and he may really love you but it’s possible he was not good for you. It happens. Some people don’t know how to treat others and if he made you feel really bad about yourself all the time, even if he didn’t mean to, you shouldn’t give him a second chance. He can do serious damage to your confidence that can be really difficult to repair.
#5 They treated you badly. Mistreatment should never be forgiven unless it was very small and they fixed the issue right away. But since you broke up, that means there was something worse going on.
If he wasn’t treating you like a partner and was being bad to you and disrespecting you, he doesn’t deserve a second chance. He had many chances to treat you right every single day. Don’t let him mistreat you again because he will.