Secret Love – Does He Want a Secret Relationship?

secret love

Are you in a relationship where your new partner wants a secret relationship? Secret love can seem exciting, but what’s really the reason behind it?

You may have recently met a great guy who seems perfect in every way imaginable.

But then, he drops a suspicious bomb.

He wants a secret relationship, at least for a while.

You’re confused, after all, isn’t love meant to be revealed to the whole world so everyone can know that both of you are a couple?

He may have his own reasons for wanting to keep the relationship a secret, but is anything ever justifiable or is it just suspicious?

The truth about secret love

Secret romances may seem exciting, but in reality, they may prove to be fatal in most relationships.

Such scenarios only look good in soap operas and mystical fables.

In most cases, secret love is a product of unfounded fear and sometimes, even sheer cheating.

So what could possibly be the reasons behind why someone wants to share the fruits of their love yet not let the nature of this relationship be out in the open?

Here’s a definitive guide on what could be beneath the saucy secret.

Why does he want to keep the relationship a secret?

If you’re in a relationship that fits into one of these bills, leave the table-for-two even if the steaks and sausages are sizzling and too darn irresistible.

You do know there’s something called single dining, don’t you? You’re better off being single than hooking up with a guy who is into secret love.

He’s just out of a broken relationship

Everyone moves on when a relationship spells “it’s over”. It hurts and it leaves you drained, gloomy and mostly, bitter. If he’s yet to overcome the traumatic effect of a broken relationship, the chances are he would want to keep the relationship a secret because he’s not yet ready for any commitment. Trust is hard to gain so it’s important that you gain this with him before you actually fall in love with him.

He is a cheat

He would articulate everything sugar-coated and agree with whatever you say. All is great, that is until you decide to introduce him to your parents or friends. He always has an excuse ready to throw at you and he’s just not interested to meet “your” people. He would always hesitate to take you to public places and will always insist on going to a sheltered and secluded place.

He doesn’t want to take you to his place and would not like it if you snooped into his cell phone. With so much to hide, is this secret love even worth it?

He is still with his ex

Men who aren’t quite finished with their former flame would unquestionably crave to hide their relationship. The idea that he can have the cake and eat it too is tempting. He may be feeling jittery to let go of you, as he himself isn’t sure about what his odds are with his on-off relationship with his ex. [Read: In love with two people]

He is a psycho

He doesn’t have any rational reasons behind why he wants to keep his relationship a secret. He only knows he wants it to be a secret romance. You’re a closet girlfriend in his eyes, and his kinky fetish of secret love could give you more reasons to get confused than feel happy. If your love life gets all closed up like a cupboard, you should move on. [Read: Signs of an insecure relationship]

He is married

Married men will do anything to keep their extramarital relationship covert. He would not answer your call when he’s at home and even if he does answer the phone, he’d probably hang up in a hurry after speaking in a conspiratorially low voice. He is most likely to be found at his work place and would always insist on going out of town for a trip with you. Secrets are his forte and it is risky going into a partnership with someone like this. [Read: How to end an affair]

[Story: I dated a married man]

He is not sure of his feelings for you

You may be shouting from the rooftops, confessing your undying love for him. But he doesn’t want to shout, let alone speak about your secret love. The simple truth is that he’s not sure of his feelings for you. Give him time and even after that, if he’s unable to do it, it’s advised that you end all relations with him. The longer you stay in that relationship, the more pain and insecurity you’ll experience.

The good side: Keeping the relationship a secret with good intentions

Every relationship is different and not all the people who want to keep their relationship a secret are villains or vamps. Sometimes, it becomes essential to hide a relationship from your immediate world. Here are some of the reasons why you should keep a relationship hidden for good.

He is your colleague

When you’re scorching bed sheets with your work colleague, it may not be a wise decision to bring it out in the open at the workplace, unless you are pretty sure of your relationship and want to go ahead with it. Revelations about your office love may spell the end to your professionalism, as many organizations do not entertain co-workers’ romance.

After a recent break-up

Breaking up with a loved one is a painful experience and if your new man has broken up recently, it becomes a part of your own relationship. Your new man may have been deeply in love with his ex, and may have gotten into the relationship with you without really realizing it. He may find it awkward to introduce you to his friends or family, in fear of being seen as someone who moved on from a long relationship in no time.

Have a conversation with him and find out if you’re a spontaneous rebound or a hope for true love. If he’s still confused even after a few dates, you’re on shaky grounds.

[Read: The good side of rebound relationships]

Secret love and hidden relationships

There may be other genuine reasons for you or your new partner to keep the relationship a secret. While it may seem flattering at first, the sway of excitement could soon turn into insecurity. Always consider the long term effect of being in such a secret relationship. [Read: What to do when you like someone else?]

The fact is, in secret love, you eventually reach a point where either the relationship must come to the fore or it must end. Shakespeare once said “all the world’s a stage and all the men and women are merely players”. Avoid acting out your own Romeo and Juliet scenario in real life, because the drama is not real but the inflicting pain is.

[Read: How to end a relationship]

Does your partner want a secret relationship? Accept the lure of secret love only if you genuinely believe your lover. If you ever get a hint of doubt, walk away or have him clear the air on your secret love status.

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10 thoughts on “Secret Love – Does He Want a Secret Relationship?”

  1. Trees Rotteveel says:

    I am in a secret relationship.I never thought that would happen with me. I love that man so much.

  2. Stuart says:

    Hi i am looking a secret relation I am a man 28 years old I looking women xxxx

  3. Sasha says:

    I am in a secret relationship. We’re both married. But here is the thing both of our spouses at different times have indirectly told us that we could find someone else. They just did not want the details, marriage counseling, nor divorces. There is no spouse-bashing allowed when we hang out, we are not looking to seek revenge, we just seek companionship. It seems that sometimes these type of relationships work for a select few. Even if society views it as taboo. And really whose business is it? We know we are risking a lot…but….

  4. KM says:

    Mine is also a secret relationship. We’re both separated from our first spouses, both with kids. We took it very slow at first deciding if we would be committed to each other before either started to broach the dating subject with our kids. His kids weren’t ready for him to move on though and with the eldest son (20) already off the rails the younger son (16) started heading that way too after reading some of our text messages to each other. So we cooled it for a little while but couldn’t resist being together. So, now the relationship is secret until he can manage to have all his kids able to understand that he deserves a relationship too and that their mother will not be the one he loves. (He has 4 kids aged 21, 19, 17 and 14)

  5. TR says:

    I’m also in a secret relationship. It’s because I dated his brother for 8 years. His brother ended things with me, so, I have no guilt. And I did not cheat. But, we’re still afraid that it will destroy his family if it comes out right now. That, and the age difference is keeping us secret right now. I’m 34 and he’s 49.

  6. Jane says:

    Workplace affair (both attached at time) both left our partners … still kept it a secret. 5 years later and promises were made to make it open, to make it legit and he actually put a ring on my finger “just wait” “it’s not the right time” and countless variations of that but… all lies. He told me after the 2 year wait he had changed his mind … he didn’t wish to marry me.
    In total it has been 10 years and it’s still a secret but the new secret is on him … I am finally moving on … I’m just playing the part to escape workplace tension. As Kelly Clarkson puts it “I’m already gone”
    I don’t recommend a secret relationship … but if it can’t be avoided (it is love after all!) put down ground rules and if you wish it to be open eventually insist on a time restraint a deadline … and don’t waver bargain or negotiate after its set. Don’t be me …

  7. Maxine says:

    I am in a secret long distant relationship because my boyfriend is just 21 and I am 38 we been together 8 months but he is worried about his parents knowing as they are keeping up with Jones type and because he thinks his friends will make fun of him although he did tell two of his closest mates recently am hoping astime goes on he won’t even see an issue as we get on so well

  8. Mikey says:

    my woman wants a relationship with me, and im not exactly happy about it, but her reasons are that she want us to be private because of how difficult our relationship is, yet she wants to “date a cover up” in order to hide us, but i’m unable to cope, so do i stay and try to work through it or leave her and try to move on, the big problem is that she is the love of my life and we argue so much about this issue

  9. ss says:

    I’m in a secret relationship simply because his mother hates me. She had her eyes set on a few different girls, and I’m no where near as pretty, talented, or successful as thdm. So we’ve been in a secret relationship for two years and I completely hate it.

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