He’s Not That into You: 20 Signs It’s Time to Accept the Truth
The last thing you want to tell a friend you love is that he’s not that into you, but being dishonest is way more hurtful in the long run!
When some guy doesn’t text us back or show up at the bar when he says he would, who do you call? No, not Ghostbusters. The person you call is going to be the friend who convinces you that it isn’t your fault. They won’t tell you that he’s not that into you, but they will tell you a good story about how he got held up at work or is playing hard to get.
Or, even how you are so awesome that he is intimidated by you. Although so much better to hear than the truth, if a guy is messing with you, you don’t need someone telling you a fairy tale. You need someone who is going to tell you the truth.
Even if the truth is that he’s not that into you, you need to hear it from a trusted companion. Here is the thing about the phrase, “he’s not that into you,” it hurts. Hell, it hurts like someone has hit you in the shins.
But whether he is or he isn’t, you need to hear it. Why? Well, because a little honesty is good for you. And, because whether he is into you or not, your behavior in response to his bad behavior should be similar.
20 things to do if he’s not that into you
The way to combat hurt is by playing it cool. If he doesn’t like you, then you don’t want to chase him around like an idiot. If he really does like you, then you need to teach him early on that he can’t just treat you any old way that he wants. [Read: Dammit, why doesn’t he like me back? 20 real reasons why]
The only way to respond to someone who is acting like he’s not that into you is by acting as if the feeling is mutual.
#1 Cut contact. Often when someone is treating us badly, we overlook it and continue to allow the behavior. But instead of leaving communication open to him, just in case he decides to come around, cut all ties to him, with him, and about him. If he realizes that you aren’t sitting and waiting on him, he may recognize that you are more awesome than he is worthy of.
#2 Unfriend him and stop “following” him. The first step to deal with someone when he is acting like he’s not that into you is to stop following him and “following” him. That means you have to make sure he can’t see what you are doing via social media by kicking him off all of your social media accounts.
That includes Facebook, SnapChat, Twitter, or any other way he can insert himself into your world to find out what you have been up to or to see what he’s missing. [Read: Why do men like a chase? And how to use this in your favor]
#3 Change your Facebook status. Right before you unfriend him, make sure to update your relationship status. Two seconds before you cut him from your account, make sure to let him know that you are moving on by changing your relationship status, so he sees you aren’t going to pine for him anymore.
#4 Block his number. If you simply can’t control yourself even when he treats you awfully, all it takes is a late-night booty call to have you running back. So then you need to help yourself by blocking his number.
The worst part about getting over someone is that once you make the resolve to cut them loose, when they contact you, it screws the whole thing up. Make sure to take his number off allowable contacts so that he doesn’t have the opportunity to steal your thunder, your nerve, or your independence. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]
#5 Start dating someone else. You owe him nothing. If he isn’t treating you the way that you need to be treated, then you need to move on and find someone who will. The best revenge is finding someone who knows how awesome you are.
You can’t convince someone you are worthwhile if you don’t feel it. Start over and find the love of your life who thinks you are as incredible as you can be.
#6 Don’t go to the same old places. I know, it is so tempting to accidentally run into him and show him all that he has been missing, but that is a HUGE mistake. If he took you for granted once, he would do it again.
Some guys just think they are more special than they are, or that they are worth more than someone as fantastic as you. Make sure to make yourself unavailable. The old “oops” won’t work; it only makes you look weak. [Read: 14 things to keep in mind when you bump into your ex]
#7 Stop talking about him. Ugh, if your friends have to hear about this guy one more time, you might look around the room to find them all trying to hang themselves. Stop mulling over what to do.
You know in your heart what is right, even if you don’t want to admit it. No matter how many times you play the scenario over in your mind, it isn’t going to change. Face it – he’s not that into you.
#8 Don’t take his calls. If you see his number come up and you haven’t taken the steps to block it, don’t answer it or text back. The only way that you can make yourself desirable is to show him that you have a life outside of him and don’t need him to make yourself happy.
If you want to return his call later, that is on you. But, if you pick it up immediately, you are saying you are ready to be abused and don’t mind playing the fool. [Read: Signs he’s not playing hard to get – He’s just playing you!]
#9 Take a different way home or the road less traveled. Okay, who among us hasn’t learned the traveling pattern of the guy we are in love with. If you are considering taking the old route to accidentally run into him, don’t. The only way to accept that he’s not that into you and move on is to stop trying to find ways to see him.
#10 Convince yourself it is over. You can tell yourself a really good story about anything if you want to. You can tell yourself that he is playing hard to get, or that he doesn’t want to come on too strong, or you can be realistic and tell yourself the truth.
If it walks like a duck, it is a duck. It is time to stop trying to convince yourself that you don’t know what you know. Remember, he’s not that into you. [Read: How to play a player – 12 ways to return the favor like a boss]
#11 Talk to the friend who is a realist. Seek out the pessimistic piper who will be happy to tell you that he’s not into you. You know the friend; she is more than happy to tell you your faults or how people don’t like you.
Normally, it can be a hit to the self-esteem, but when he isn’t into you, you need the help of someone who will tell you the truth to get over him. [Read: How to stop thinking about someone you still like]
#12 Go out with your partner in crime. Nothing will help you move on and realize that he is not into you more than leaning on your partner in crime. Sure, it hurts that he doesn’t think you are the diggity like you think he is, but there is someone else out there that will dig your chili. You just have to be in your element with your partner in crime to find him.
#13 Return his things… via USPS. Don’t make an excuse to return his things so that you get to see him. Take all his stuff, down to the very last thing, put it in a box, and tape it all up. To top it off, put a computer-generated label on it, and drop it at the post office. If he is not that into you, you need to show him you aren’t that into him either. [Read: 10 signs you’re lovesick and 10 ways to get out of it]
#14 Better yourself. Instead of worrying that he isn’t that into you, be into yourself. Take the time while healing to workout, get to know yourself, and put some real time and effort into making you the best you.
If he isn’t into you, then you will find someone who is, if you have the confidence and commitment to show the world how amazing you can be.
#15 Make a commitment to move on. Don’t be swayed by him saying one thing and then doing another anymore. If he acts one minute like you aren’t worth it, and another like you are the light of his life, then he isn’t into you, and he also isn’t worth it. Make a commitment to decide you are way too incredible to put up with that.
#16 Stop talking to his friends and family. You can’t work your way back into someone’s heart by being important to the people who are important to him. Cut him out and cut his family and friends out. That is the only way you are going to get over him. [Read: How to get over a boyfriend you just can’t forget]
#17 Let everyone in your world know it is over. It isn’t just his friends and family that need to know it is over, it is your crew too. As embarrassing as it is to admit that he isn’t into you, you aren’t doing yourself any favors by pretending your relationship is anything more than it is.
#18 Make a list of all the yuck. If he’s not that into you, then let’s remember why you’re not into him. And if you want to feel less yucky about him not being that into you, then you have to make a list of all the things you didn’t like about him.
Don’t beat yourself up that you weren’t the one for him, make a list of all the reasons that he wasn’t the one for you either. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them]
#19 Eliminate him from everything. If he isn’t that into you, then you need to eliminate him from everything. That means the five-year plan, your plans of moving in together, all if it. You need to be realistic no matter what he said to your face or promised in your late-night pillow talk. If he isn’t into you, then you need to let it all go and rewrite your history without him.
#20 Don’t take him back without a ring. If he has acted like he isn’t into you, then you can’t take him back without a commitment. Don’t be pulled back into his wiles. Before you take him back into your life and bed, you need to have something concrete like a ring.
Words are not binding; you need some sort of real commitment to prove that you are something to him before you waste another moment on someone who treats you like he isn’t that into you.
Stop making excuses for a relationship that doesn’t make you happy or secure. If you have suspicions that he isn’t into you, then you have to go with your feelings. When a guy loves and cares for you, he should treat you as such.
If you have to question his love, then you have to move on until he is ready to be serious, make a commitment, and put a ring on your finger. Until then, just remember that he’s not that into you.