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Does Your Boyfriend Talk to His Ex All the Time?

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Is it acceptable for your boyfriend to stay in touch with his ex girlfriend? What should you do if your boyfriend talks to his ex often? Find out here. By Layla Quinn

boyfriend speaks to his ex

Almost all the time, exes have a way of squirming into a new relationship and messing it up.

Now we can’t really tell if it’s intentional or not.

But if you’re in a new relationship with a guy, big chances are, he’ll have an ex who’s now a good friend.

Well, unless she dumped him first or found someone better.

If you’re dating a guy who’s still in touch with his ex, it’s time to get wary.

And if you’re dating a guy who has long conversations with his ex every other day, you’re better off walking out on him.

[Read: 15 signs you’re in a rebound relationship]

Does your boyfriend talk to his ex?

Are you upset with your boyfriend for staying in touch with his ex girlfriend? Now don’t assume you’re being hard on him.

You have every right to get annoyed if your man’s spending hours over the phone with his ex.

As much as your boyfriend may convince you otherwise, there’s just no reason why exes have to stay friends or keep in touch with each other often.

They broke up because of their incompatibilities, so what’s the point in staying friends anymore?

Perhaps, your boyfriend or his ex is having second thoughts about their break up. Or now that the guy’s all serious with you, his ex has started to realize just how special and wonderful he really is. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, but exes being friends is never good news for the other partner.

Almost all the time, exes stay friends only when they see secret benefits to stay as friends. [Read: Can you be friends with an ex after a break up?]

What’s his excuse for keeping in touch with her?

There’s no clean excuse for exes to be friends, unless they’re still bound by kids or are working together in the same place. Or unless they’re still using each other as friends with benefits now and then.

Have you ever asked your boyfriend about why he even stays in touch with his ex girlfriend? Does he say he values her as a friend or does he like her for the person she is? No, there are no excuses. If he thinks she’s so great, why on earth would he have broken up with her? Truth be told, your boyfriend is in your arms now, but he may still have a soft spot for his ex.

Wouldn’t you feel attached to your ex too if you spoke over the phone every other day? And now that you’re dating someone else and are off limits, your ex may start to like you a lot more too.

Would he ever cheat on you with his ex girlfriend?

This is the biggest worry that most girls have to deal with when their boyfriend stays in touch with an ex. After all, they’ve already shared a physical relationship. All they need is a tiny spark to take the plunge into an affair.

If your boyfriend’s very friendly with his ex, yes, he may have an affair with her. Both of them are already sexually attracted to each other and have had sex already. And now that he’s unavailable and in your arms, his ex girlfriend may find him a lot more appealing. [Read: How to make a guy jealous and get his attention]

Does he ever say that he doesn’t want to keep in touch with his ex, but his ex girlfriend is the one who calls all the time? He’s obviously lying to you. Does he ever say she still needs him for emotional support? He obviously has some physical things in mind.

If your boyfriend wants to stay friends with his ex even when you tell him that it bothers you, it’s obvious that he wants the cake and wants to eat it too.

Is it ever okay to keep in touch with an ex?

If your boyfriend and his ex have shared a relationship where the love and excitement slowly frizzled away, or if they’re completely platonic towards each other, it may be acceptable.

If your boyfriend thinks nothing of his ex, he should have no problems meeting his ex with you in his arms. Meet his ex a few times and see if you like the person. If you can’t sense any awkwardness in the air, perhaps they’ve turned into good friends after all. [Read: The right way to become friends with an ex]

10 warning signs if there’s something going on

Do you ever feel like something’s not right about the way your boyfriend behaves around his ex? Here are 10 warning signs to help you know if there’s something fishy going on between your boyfriend and his ex.

#1 He doesn’t like it when you read texts from his ex on his cell phone. At times, he even deletes the texts as soon as he reads them.

#2 He walks out of the room when he gets a call from her. Does your boyfriend become fiercely protective about his space when she calls him? Does he expect you to give him his quiet space until he finishes the conversation?

#3 He behaves very awkwardly when he’s around you and bumps into her or gets her phone call. If they are just friends, there shouldn’t be any awkwardness, should there?

#4 You’ve heard that his ex badmouths you. But your boyfriend doesn’t express his opinion to you even when you confront him. Or at times, he may even take his ex’s side or protect her by saying his ex’s feelings towards you are instinctive or neutral.

#5 His friends still speak about his ex like she’s got feelings for him. And they pull your boyfriend’s leg with his ex now and then, like there’s something you don’t know about his ex.

#6 He meets her now and then. But he never invites you along. And at times, he may not tell you about it until the last minute, or he may even pretend like he just bumped into her and decided to have lunch together.

#7 Your man gets angry when you tell him that you don’t like him talking to his ex. And he doesn’t like it at all when you ask him questions about the kind of relationship he shares with his ex or what he talks about with her. He says you’re interrogating him when you ask questions about her.

#8 His ex girlfriend tries to take his attention away from you when you’re around them. She behaves more like his girlfriend and tries to behave in an overly friendly manner with him. [Read: Does your boyfriend have a very flirty gal pal?]

#9 He’s lied to you about meeting her or speaking with her. Has your boyfriend ever lied to you about meeting his ex or have you ever caught him talking to her or spending time with her?

#10 He says he doesn’t want to keep in touch, but she needs him. This is the biggest lie you could ever hear. If he dislikes her, he could always walk away. The fact that he behaves like she needs him makes it obvious that he needs her too. If your boyfriend can’t avoid his ex, he definitely has unfinished business with her, whatever it may be. [Read: Sure signs he’s dating someone else along with you]

What you should do about it?

Sometimes, it’s okay for two ex lovers to be friends. But good friends? That’s definitely not okay. Use the 10 warning signs above to see if your boyfriend and his ex’s relationship is something that could threaten your future together. And do something about it.

#1 If it really bothers you, tell him about it. If you’ve taken time to get comfortable with their relationship, but still have a hard time coming to terms with the confusing love triangle, tell your boyfriend that you’re not comfortable with the close proximity he shares with his ex.

#2 Be wary. If you have a doubt, it usually means something’s not right. A woman’s instinct can go into overdrive at times, but almost always, it reveals the truth. Do you feel like your boyfriend and his ex are doing something behind your back? Big chances are, they probably are. [Read: How to know if he’s cheating on you with another woman behind your back]

#3 Try to get along. A boyfriend and ex relationship is complex. Perhaps, there are genuine reasons for their closeness. Try to understand their relationship with an open mind and see if you can get along.

#4 Give him an ultimatum. It’s you or his ex. If nothing else works out, ask him to make a choice between you and his ex. If he truly cares about you, he’ll definitely leave his ex for you. Even if he hesitates one moment, he definitely has feelings for his ex. [Read: Stages of love in a man’s mind and how they fall in love]

#5 Decide about the relationship. Now all said and done, it’s still you that has to make the final decision. Your boyfriend talks to his ex and hangs out with her now and then. Can you trust a guy like that? Don’t you think your boyfriend’s being selfish and unconcerned about your feelings? [Read: Is he really the one for you?]

Even if he decides to leave his ex for good, do you still want to be with such a guy? Make up your mind once and for all and decide about the relationship with your boyfriend and the direction its heading.

[Read: 16 ways to make your boyfriend want you more than ever]

Speaking to an ex and hanging out with her often is never ever good, though there can be a few rare exceptions. So does your boyfriend talk to his ex often? Do something about it, especially if it bothers you!


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Have your say!
  • Mia
    March 28, 2012 | Permalink |

    I can so relate to this article because my boyfriend is in constant touch with his ex, or should I say she calls him up and speaks to him at least once a week. They had an amicable breakup and are on friendly terms even now. I’ve confronted him and expressed my displeasure but he always seems to have a way with words, like I am his present and she’s just a old good friends and he cant just stop speaking to her. I’ve seen him cancel her calls, or make up faces and when their conversations go long, which makes me believe that he only values her friendship. I have access to his facebook and even there she acts clingy and needy.
    I hate being an insecure girlfriend but sometimes I cant help my self and doubt him, but again I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.

  • Crystal
    March 28, 2012 | Permalink |

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for about six months and it’s been great. He’s the best thing that’s happened t me in years. Whenever we are together he tells me I am his forever and that he loves me a lot. But of late we’ve been having some massive fights because he still talks to his ex’s. I am fine with keeping in touch with exes and I understand all that, but he doesn’t just talk, he flirts while she gets all touchy feely with him while he leads them all… I am left wondering if they are just friends or with benefits. I have stopped talking to him and am terribly confused.

    Dump him or trust him!!!

  • GAAAAAH!
    April 3, 2012 | Permalink |

    @ Crystal; dump him. Men are pretty black and white, if he is allowing them to touch him and is leading them on, he is willing to let it go further.

  • Janice
    May 23, 2012 | Permalink |

    Im with my man 4 years. We are in our late 40s. He left his wife in 1998 and never divorced. They have 3 grown sons. She has a livein man for 5 years. My bf and her talk alot on their cells when Im not around, also texting. Its been 14 years since they brokeup! He also makes the odd comment (once he cal led her and said YOU DIDNT GET MARRIED ON ME DID U, and another time he said WERE U HAVING SEX??….I was stunned. We have had fights and even brokeup our engagement due to her. I told her and him more than once to cutback on the calls. THey give each other advise al l the time. They dont have any friends thats why they contact- this is one reason……..it deeply hurts me. Im getting very angry again. I wanted to get married but I feel so angry and hurt over this. His mom died last month and I was at his dads with him- she as the first person called to come take them to hospital. I was told to stay behind!!(as I was not considered immediate family)…….Ive been with him 5 years now……….Ive been told they would divorce and nothing has happened……..

  • Erika
    June 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    My bf and I are in 8th grade and have been on and off for a while. But we have been going out for a while now and its going a lot better than before, at least I thought. For one, his mom very much dislikes me and we have never spoken a single word to each other. Because she doesn’t like me, she won’t let us hang out.

    His ex girlfriend’s dad is his dad’s best friend so they hang out ALL the time. I let it slide for a while but I have been talking to him about it very often and he gets super defensive about him and and his ex being friends. He was about to invite me to a party at his house and halfway through the sentence he said “never mind, she’ll be there”. As you could imagine, I was not happy.

    She’s always the first person to like ALL of his statuses on facebook and she comments on ALL of them. He knows I don’t like her, but he seems not to care at all and likes being friends and talking to her. I understand he will have to see her sometimes because their parents are friends, but I still feel like he has feelings for her. The last time we broke up, he told a bunch of people that he was going to ask out her again so when we got back together, I was a little wary. I can’t lose him again, but I don’t want to have to deal with this. I have no clue what I should do.

  • pamela
    May 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    this article is completely wrong.
    i dated my best friend for 5 years
    we broke up, because we were no longer romantically/ sexually compatible.
    he’s my best friend, and actually, yes, there ARE reasons for an man to be friends with his ex
    i know him better than anyone
    i can give him advice about his relationships, because i know when he’s being a jerk, or i can call him out on whatever.
    and the same goes for me, he can call me out for my things

    sometimes in a relationship, you need advice from someone who knows you completely, and a lover may not be in that place yet, or you may be trying to change and you need support from a friend to be like ‘yeah man! you can do it!’
    while there are situations where exes are not really friends, you can’t judge your relationhsip based on an online article.
    if you don’t trust the person you’re dating, you need to evaluate your relationship.

  • Windy
    June 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been dating a man for two years, we have been living together for about 16mos. I have known him for 17yrs. We started talking on fb when we were both single. He still talks to his exwife (that he has no children with). The text are always deleted before he gets home from work and she only calls him at work or when she knows I am not home (out of town). I have met her and tried really hard to be nice and friendly, however the continued phone calls (that he has told me about) she is all in our personal life and business and I don’t like it at all. She is the only reason we fight. If I mention my dislike for their contact, he defends her….”but they are just lucky to have had an amicable divorce”. This excuse is getting old, she is just plain nosey!

  • anj
    July 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    Sad but definitely everything here is true.I know my bf not over with his ex /bestfriend.keeps on telling me he cant choose between us because they were childhood friends one time he even accidentally sent a text message for her to me and thats what makes me think that i need to have some time alone to think things over

  • sally
    July 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend and I have been together a year now and he stays in contact with his ex of many years I guess they were also best friends . At about 8 months I got tired of hearing about her all the time yet he never mentioned me to her because its “his business” so I got her number and flat out told her he’s with someone now for her info. She never replied but called my boyfriend that next morning several times before he answered. She was estatic I could hear her but he said he would call her back. He dropped me off at work.. about an hour later she then texted to tell me she loved him more than anything on this planet and that things will never change between them. Told me she calls him to cry about hard times they had that obviously haunt her. Told me sometimes they meet up and have coffee go hiking etc. Then told me to treat him right and now I am her friend since I’m with him.. okay so after I get off work we talk. he tells me she will be a part of his life and that he’ll just say it straight out. Told me if I feel this was and am insecure about it we should go our seperate ways.. told me they don’t see eachother and that I have nothing to worry about….. he goes out of his way like an hour and a half drive to help her out?? Asks me to stay behind? This has happened twice now .. I just don’t know what to think anymore I need an outside non biased opinion its bending my mind and breaking my heart

  • Darlene
    August 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend is very good friends with one of his exes, but its not an issue. He disclosed early on that they were in a relationship, and that while they got along, there was just no sexual chemsitry. I’ve met and hung out with her before and there seems to be no funny business or sexual tension betwixt them. He talks occasionally to some of his exes on Facebook, but that too he has not hid from me and even discusses the few times they talk what they’re discussing. This kind of topic really depends on the type of person you’re dating. I briefly tried to stay friends with an ex who I’d very recently broken up with (but out of love with), and I was relieved/surprised that he didn’t go apesh*t about it. It did reveal though that he is trusting and not possessive, which in turn I just found more attractive.

    Honesty and open communication are everything in a relationship.

  • May
    November 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    I just had the weirdest relationship end. This guy I was dating starting telling me like 3 weeks into dating, that he felt he was falling in love. But I didn’t say it back and gently said I felt it might be too soon, as he had just gotten out of a relationship and I wasn’t going down the rebound path again. Been there and done that. I don’t want to be the armchair psychiatrist that helps to analyze “what went wrong” until he feels good enough about himself to be all by himself. Anyways, this guy has been divorced like 3 years. It was not a good divorce. She cheated on him, had lost a bunch of weight and split to go party and meet cool guys. He wanted to stay married and tried everything. but nothing worked. so they were LIVING together while she is doing whatever she wants and he’s paying for the house, the cars etc. Finally, he’s had it. He files for divorce. but didn’t really want to. fast forward to me. He got the divorce and entered into a relationship for a year. broke up with that chick then dated me. I’m definitely an upgrade (the 2nd ex caught the kitchen on fire, threatened to stab herself because “he was leaving” etc). So enter the ex-wife. They are communicating because her skank ass lost her job. She knows he will do anything for her. I was still not giving into the “I love you” crap to me, because he talks about the ex-wife non-stop. Even when I politely asked him, then told him ENOUGH please. When we first started dating, he also had said he didn’t want a relationship; just to date. I was cool with that, as I was there too. Once we had sex though, he got the clingy’s and next thing I knew, it was a relationship. Like I said, the ex loses her job. She calls him to cry about it, which I really didn’t mind. I too was in a marriage that lasted over 20 years. So it DOES take a while to break the bonds. Anyways, she admits that she was wrong with how she treated him and asked for forgiveness. His dream comes true! They are actually “talking” heart to heart. Which I finally dig out of him. So I thought this might give him closure. Because I’m feeling closer to him. But of course not. Things ended within 10 days with me when she asked him to talk about his new life. He told her he loved me, that he felt more happiness that ever before etc. The next day; VERY NEXT DAY, she calls to say that she still has feelings for him. He is tells me that he is now confused about me, about him, about her but needs to step away from me, to give this marriage (except it’s NOT a marriage-hasn’t been for 3 years) another fair shake. So i see him today after two weeks and ask how things are going and he said good. I asked if SHE feels the same way, and he THINKS she does. I feel nauseated. I was a rebound 3 years later. WTF.

  • becki
    April 3, 2014 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend and i have only been back together a month after a 7 year relationship. He and i both got with some one else, i have no contact with my ex but my boyfriend and his ex text each other from morning till night and also work together 2. I am not a jealous person but i dont feel as if its justnme and him on our relationship i feel as if she is involved also. I dont know what to do

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