Is it acceptable for your boyfriend to stay in touch with his ex girlfriend? What should you do if your boyfriend speaks to his ex often? Find out here. By Layla Quinn
Almost all the time, exes have a way of squirming into a new relationship and messing it up.
Now we can’t really tell if it’s intentional or not.
But if you’re in a new relationship with a guy, big chances are, he’ll have an ex who’s now a good friend.
Well, unless she dumped him first or found someone better.
If you’re dating a guy who’s still in touch with his ex, it’s time to get wary.
And if you’re dating a guy who has long conversations with his ex every other day, you’re better off walking out on him.
Does your boyfriend speak to his ex?
Are you upset with your boyfriend for staying in touch with his ex girlfriend? Now don’t assume you’re being hard on him.
You have every right to get annoyed if your man’s spending hours over the phone with his ex.
As much as your boyfriend may convince you otherwise, there’s just no reason why exes have to stay friends or keep in touch with each other often.
They broke up because of their incompatibilities, so what’s the point in staying friends anymore?
Perhaps, your boyfriend or his ex is having second thoughts about their break up. Or now that the guy’s all serious with you, his ex has started to realize just how special and wonderful he really is. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, but exes being friends is never good news for the other partner.
Almost all the time, exes stay friends only when they see secret benefits to stay as friends. [Read: Can you be friends with an ex after a break up?]
What’s his excuse for keeping in touch with her?
There’s no clean excuse for exes to be friends, unless they’re still bound by kids or are working together in the same place. Or unless they’re still using each other as friends with benefits now and then.
Have you ever asked your boyfriend about why he even stays in touch with his ex girlfriend? Does he say he values her as a friend or does he like her for the person she is? No, there are no excuses. If he thinks she’s so great, why on earth would he have broken up with her? Truth be told, your boyfriend is in your arms now, but he may still have a soft spot for his ex.
Wouldn’t you feel attached to your ex too if you spoke over the phone every other day? And now that you’re dating someone else and are off limits, your ex may start to like you a lot more too.
Would he ever cheat on you with his ex girlfriend?
This is the biggest worry that most girls have to deal with when their boyfriend stays in touch with an ex. After all, they’ve already shared a physical relationship. All they need is a tiny spark to take the plunge into an affair.
If your boyfriend’s very friendly with his ex, yes, he may have an affair with her. Both of them are already sexually attracted to each other and have had sex already. And now that he’s unavailable and in your arms, his ex girlfriend may find him a lot more appealing. [Read: How to make a guy jealous and get his attention]
Does he ever say that he doesn’t want to keep in touch with his ex, but his ex girlfriend is the one who calls all the time? He’s obviously lying to you. Does he ever say she still needs him for emotional support? He obviously has some physical things in mind.
If your boyfriend wants to stay friends with his ex even when you tell him that it bothers you, it’s obvious that he wants the cake and wants to eat it too.
Is it ever okay to keep in touch with an ex?
If your boyfriend and his ex have shared a relationship where the love and excitement slowly frizzled away, or if they’re completely platonic towards each other, it may be acceptable.
If your boyfriend thinks nothing of his ex, he should have no problems meeting his ex with you in his arms. Meet his ex a few times and see if you like the person. If you can’t sense any awkwardness in the air, perhaps they’ve turned into good friends after all. [Read: The right way to become friends with an ex]
10 warning signs if there’s something going on
Do you ever feel like something’s not right about the way your boyfriend behaves around his ex? Here are 10 warning signs to help you know if there’s something fishy going on between your boyfriend and his ex.
#1 He doesn’t like it when you read texts from his ex on his cell phone. At times, he even deletes the texts as soon as he reads them.
#2 He walks out of the room when he gets a call from her. Does your boyfriend become fiercely protective about his space when she calls him? Does he expect you to give him his quiet space until he finishes the conversation?
#3 He behaves very awkwardly when he’s around you and bumps into her or gets her phone call. If they are just friends, there shouldn’t be any awkwardness, should there?
#4 You’ve heard that his ex badmouths you. But your boyfriend doesn’t express his opinion to you even when you confront him. Or at times, he may even take his ex’s side or protect her by saying his ex’s feelings towards you are instinctive or neutral.
#5 His friends still speak about his ex like she’s got feelings for him. And they pull your boyfriend’s leg with his ex now and then, like there’s something you don’t know about his ex.
#6 He meets her now and then. But he never invites you along. And at times, he may not tell you about it until the last minute, or he may even pretend like he just bumped into her and decided to have lunch together.
#7 Your man gets angry when you tell him that you don’t like him speaking to his ex. And he doesn’t like it at all when you ask him questions about the kind of relationship he shares with his ex or what he talks about with her. He says you’re interrogating him when you ask questions about her.
#8 His ex girlfriend tries to take his attention away from you when you’re around them. She behaves more like his girlfriend and tries to behave in an overly friendly manner with him. [Read: Does your boyfriend have a very flirty gal pal?]
#9 He’s lied to you about meeting her or speaking to her. Has your boyfriend ever lied to you about meeting his ex or have you ever caught him talking to her or spending time with her?
#10 He says he doesn’t want to keep in touch, but she needs him. This is the biggest lie you could ever hear. If he dislikes her, he could always walk away. The fact that he behaves like she needs him makes it obvious that he needs her too. If your boyfriend can’t avoid his ex, he definitely has unfinished business with her, whatever it may be. [Read: Sure signs he's dating someone else along with you]
What you should do about it?
Sometimes, it’s okay for two ex lovers to be friends. But good friends? That’s definitely not okay. Use the 10 warning signs above to see if your boyfriend and his ex’s relationship is something that could threaten your future together. And do something about it.
#1 If it really bothers you, tell him about it. If you’ve taken time to get comfortable with their relationship, but still have a hard time coming to terms with the confusing love triangle, tell your boyfriend that you’re not comfortable with the close proximity he shares with his ex.
#2 Be wary. If you have a doubt, it usually means something’s not right. A woman’s instinct can go into overdrive at times, but almost always, it reveals the truth. Do you feel like your boyfriend and his ex are doing something behind your back? Big chances are, they probably are. [Read: How to know if he's cheating on you with another woman behind your back]
#3 Try to get along. A boyfriend and ex relationship is complex. Perhaps, there are genuine reasons for their closeness. Try to understand their relationship with an open mind and see if you can get along.
#4 Give him an ultimatum. It’s you or his ex. If nothing else works out, ask him to make a choice between you and his ex. If he truly cares about you, he’ll definitely leave his ex for you. Even if he hesitates one moment, he definitely has feelings for his ex. [Read: Stages of love in a man's mind and how they fall in love]
#5 Decide about the relationship. Now all said and done, it’s still you that has to make the final decision. Your boyfriend speaks to his ex and hangs out with her now and then. Can you trust a guy like that? Don’t you think your boyfriend’s being selfish and unconcerned about your feelings? [Read: Is he really the one for you?]
Even if he decides to leave his ex for good, do you still want to be with such a guy? Make up your mind once and for all and decide about the relationship with your boyfriend and the direction its heading.
Speaking to an ex and hanging out with her often is never ever good, though there can be a few rare exceptions. So does your boyfriend speak to his ex often? Do something about it, especially if it bothers you!
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