Living with your parents when you’re already able to work has its own social stigma. But what’s it like to date the guy who still comes home to mommy?
You meet a hot guy at a bar. He’s attractive, and he has that carefree demeanor that you thought was only possible in romantic comedies. After a couple of drinks and some great conversation, you decide to come over to his place to get the ball rolling. You notice that he lives in a pretty big house, so you congratulate yourself on finding a guy who’s stable. But once he unlocks the front door, he whispers to you…
“We have to be quiet, my parents might wake up.”
Uh oh. You’re hooking up with a guy who lives with mommy and daddy.
Now don’t get me wrong, living with your parents isn’t that big of a deal. But you may start to wonder why he’s living with them, when he’s at the age where living independently is more common. Does he have issues? Do his parents have issues? Is he living the good life by freeloading off his parents? Is this a case of arrested development?
And most importantly, is it really that big of a deal?
What’s it like to date a guy who lives with his parents?
For those of you who have never dated a guy who still lives with his parents, here’s all you need to know.
#1 The best things in life are free. You get it, you totally do. You know why your boyfriend is living in his childhood bedroom. It’s free. In fact, everything is free. There’s no rent. He doesn’t have to buy groceries and cook his food. His mother will even wash his clothes and collect his dirty laundry. She says it’s economical that way. But we know it’s because mothers cannot resist their children.
And why do you enjoy seeing your boy get pampered by his mom? Well, the money that he gets to save goes to your “gift” money. Who wouldn’t want that?
#2 Meet the family. It’s every girlfriend’s dream. Getting introduced to the family means something serious is going on with the relationship. But, not you. You already met his family, because there will always be that time when his parents will suddenly come home unexpectedly. We’re just hoping you have all your clothes on when they do.
Well, you actually are one of the lucky ones, because not every girl gets to be introduced to the parents of their significant others. Think of this as an advantage rather than something shameful. After all, one of the end goals of all girls is to meet the family of their boyfriends. You just got there earlier than everybody else. [Read: 9 things you can do to get his parents to like you]
#3 Getting to know you. The term “getting to know your boyfriend” is being taken to a whole new level. You don’t just get to know him as he is now, you get to know his child version. Chances are, if he is still staying in his childhood home, there might still be remnants of who he was when he was still the little baby in the house… Just like he is now.
He might still have some of his favorite toys, even the soft ones, somewhere under that huge pile of dirty clothes. Posters of his favorite bands, movies, or comic books are also all over his room. This will be a trip down memory lane for you and him. A chance not every girlfriend gets to have.
#4 Family ties. How does he treat his younger siblings? Is he bullying them? How about his older siblings or his parents? Do you see fear, respect, or nonchalance? The way he treats his family will most likely be the way he will treat you.
If you get to see your guy surrounded by family and he acts like a jerk around them, then that’s your cue to get out of there. But if you see that he is a sensible, family-oriented guy, then you know you’re in good hands. [Read: 9 signs he’s husband material]
#5 You can take the lead when he finally moves out. Eventually, your guy may realize that he’ll need to move out of his parents’ home. When that time comes, and you’re still around, you can hope that you at least have a say when it comes to picking out the best apartment for him. You can even convince him to live close to your place, so that you can spend all the more time together.
The cons of dating a guy who lives with his parents
Along with the pros are, of course, the cons. You may have seen these cons coming a mile away, but let’s go through them anyway.
#1 Privacy restrictions. For one thing, anything that you do that requires an R rating will need to be done within the confines of his bedroom. You’re lucky if he’s got his own bathroom, but what if you badly need to pee mid-make out session, and you don’t want to risk running into his dad when you’ve got your hair and clothes all in disarray?
#2 Interruptus. There will be times when, in the heat of the moment, your guy’s mom will suddenly knock on the door to announce that dinner is ready. Of course, you’ll need to be there. But who would want to give up on potentially great sex to go downstairs and have dinner and small talk with the family?
#3 Paper-thin walls. No loud noises during sex. No loud music. All conversations have a volume limit for fear that your guy’s parents might hear any unsavory details. Even when you’re frustrated and arguing, you can’t make a scene because you’re in his parents’ house.
#4 Obligations. He may be a freeloader, but he’ll need to fulfill some obligations from time to time. And there will be some obligations that his mom won’t mind saying out loud, even when you’re there. So what you once thought would be a relaxing bonding moment with your guy will turn out to be you sitting around, while he has to do some chores or errands.
#5 Come one, come all. It’s not like you are being stingy, but you only have budget for two people. So what are you going to do when your boyfriend decides that he wants to order in and he has three other siblings in the living room, and his parents out in the garden? You definitely need to offer them some of the pizza you had delivered. The family lets you eat their food, so you definitely cannot hide away in your boyfriend’s room and munch on those goodies.
Dating a guy who lives with his parents can be both, a blessing and a nightmare. It depends on how you will be reacting to it. If you love the guy enough, then you will try to see the beauty in it. If not, time to drop the couch surfer, otherwise, you may find yourself couch surfing with him in the future.
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Daydreaming of pristine white sand beaches and attempting to beat her 40 books read in a year record, she is a preschool teacher by day and a writer by night. N...